Tag Archives: tarot

Art project for tarot

Over the next few days I am drawing up a plan for a relatively big art project, an art project I am hoping to put out into the market to sell; the project is creating my own deck of tarot cards!

It is something I have always wanted to do, but until recently I have had little confidence in both my ability to read the tarot without referencing to books and even less confidence in my artwork.

I am now a little bit better off where I can afford to replace art supplies again as I use them, so there are no more excuses in me not doing art anymore.

There is only one true thing against me and my art now that is doing the art in a stress free environment away from the icy cold.  My art table is used for other means most of the time and so it is a fight to get the space used for what it should be and I can’t move it to a warmer location because it is currently being used as a dining table in order to make room in the house.

The art table was also my jigsaw puzzle table, needless to say I haven’t touched a jigsaw in nearly three years and you’ve guessed why by now haven’t you?

So, being as my art table is being used, I have to try and consider doing art elsewhere… the only other option is to use my adjustable laptop table in the bedroom, but then that risks getting ink and paint on the bedclothes and the table rocks a lot whenever I tap on it, which could ruin the art consistently.

My other option would be to sit on the floor and place a dragon box between my legs whilst my Pooh board balances on the top of it and I cover the board with cling film so I don’t ruin the art of my Pooh board.

What is my Pooh board, you may ask? 

It’s a board with Pooh on it – Winnie-The-Pooh, I once had this board downstairs and Henry was around 3yrs old and drew a scribble on the board, or so Paul thought it was a scribble – I looked at it and I said – OMG IT’S AMAZING LOOK WHAT HE’S DRAWN PAUL!  Paul nodded and smirked and I said, can you see what he has drawn?  No, he said.  I said, look, there is a snout here see?  And an eye… to me this is the very head of Winnie-The-Pooh!  Oh yeah said Paul vaguely… I am still not sure he saw it.  But after a few months went by I decided I was going to thicken the outline with a sharpie, exact to the lines Henry made and then Paul saw it!

This board was shunted around the house without any real value or meaning, never to this day did I know why we kept it, but it became useful when I became sick around a year later – because it became my sandwich board!

Meaning, as I was too sick sometimes to leave the bedroom to eat, I would rest my plate usually sandwiches or a bowl of soup on the board whilst I sat in bed and I ate alone.  Over a time this board developed more and more pictures as in the boredom of being mostly bedbound I started to draw all kinds of various images/crap on it.

Some aspects of it positively scream street art or graffiti, other aspects old style cartoons and yes, some occult images too and affirmations.

Paul told me, one day, when I sell my book and people hear or even see this board, they’d want to buy it!  I should frame the board in a manner it can be framed double sided, so you can choose which side you want it on the wall.  I said nobody will be interested in my sandwich board!

He said nobody will see it as your sandwich board; they’ll see it as art – put it up online for sale and see what I mean! 

I AM NOT SELLING MY SANDWICH BOARD!

He told me if I died he would!

So yeah, that’s what I am doing over the next few days, planning the art I want to do for each tarot card, then it will take me one day per picture to create on average, maybe three depends on what medium I intend to use – I think I intend to use ink personally.  So there are usually 78 cards to a tarot deck, this means that the project should be finished around 90 to 100 days after I start the plans. 

So I am going to presume that it will take me two days a picture which gives me an estimated time frame of the finished product being around the 1st August to the end of August 2023.

This is achievable if my work is done at my usual pace of 3 to 7 hours per picture every two days.  Really the 1st August is 201 days away from now – and I only really need 156 days to do it, but I know I procrastinate and have sick days so I’ve made allowances for that and a couple of down and out failures and restarts as well as artistic lethargy! 

Thing is, I want to do more than one deck in the future, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves, shall we?

Let’s do one deck first and let’s see!

The art for the tarot will be used to sell prints, pins and stickers as well as a bunch of other items and I plan to sell them via square space.  I also plan to start a paid subscription service here on my blog where my users will get a huge discount voucher and a bunch of other stuff. 

Yes a paid subscription for extra material is coming up sometime in the future, not sure when I am trying to figure all the technical stuff out first and I am procrastinating because technology outside of games is just boring to me!

So yes, that’s what I am up to now.

Thanks for reading! 

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Puffin “clown of the sea”

A couple of months ago I have been mentioning how flamingos, ibises and peacocks are being seen almost everywhere I go and how those things signify certain areas of a person’s life – more recently, puffins, raccoons, geese and squirrels are becoming more noticeable.

Puffins signify a new long-term and strong partnership is about to occur, I am finding puffins in the weirdest of places recently and before this time puffins were not something I would regularly come across anywhere – they are relatively unknown creatures really.

It is also quite amusing to note that out of my many tarot decks, the pictures with puffins on very rarely turn up in readings, but they are turning up in almost every reading I am doing with them lately.

I thought nothing of it until I have started to see puffins on TV a lot more in the last few days and then people talking about them on Twitter, so I thought I had better look into what they as a spiritual animal could be trying to relay to me!

Puffins signify new relationships, strong family bonds, new family units, a coming together or a partnership – usually relationships which are very strong and long term or where you would have an intense bond with.

Alternatively puffins can also relate to spiritual or religious faith strengthening or again faithfulness in a relationship that is about to arrive in your life.

The puffin signifies that the person coming into your life will have a strong sense of family and a smashing sense of humour as puffins are known to be clowns of the sea.

They symbolise the strongest of love and devotion.  Often they symbolise a soul-mate union and people who have come across puffins before meeting their future husband or wife also say that it is as though they’ve always known the person or may have knew them in a previous life.

Puffins also signify a new beginning, usually always positive and happy and a new beginning which will stand the test of time!

An amazing creature with amazing symbolism!

The picture at the top of my post was painted by me few a few years ago and can be found on DeviantArt under my username FFGallery.

Thank for reading!

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Our ancestors are having tea!

So, you know I am spiritual right?  Well recently there has been some new spirits visiting me and they are visiting me because they are the ancestors of someone who is coming into my life and they have told me that they are determined to adopt me into their family!

So whether this person who is coming into my life knows they are doing this or not, I haven’t a clue – probably not, but his family seems determined to have me in the family! 

I have been meditating and speaking with my ancestors a lot recently too, because they have made their presence known to me and they have also told me that his ancestors are getting to know them too – like they are bonding because they believe things are imminent! 

So they are basically having tea and talks about us together! Apparently we have a similar life where we are multi-faith people, half Jewish and could turn back to the old family way together, which is exciting for them! Especially my granny Annie (great great grandmother), who was the last proper Jew in my family before Great Granny Rose married a catholic and gave birth to my maternal grandfather!

I still haven’t a clue what’s going on and the dreams are getting stronger with this guy now! 

These new spirits are very nice and friendly, there is a lot of feminine energy there and there is a woman in particular who is making it her mission to help me develop my psychic skills even stronger, which is why I seem to have developed a seemingly new and all absorbing hobby of tarot reading – it’s not a new hobby, I am just learning new ways in reading that I never knew before thanks to this lady! 

This lady has a very Eastern European accent; she has beautiful black wavy hair and a strong face, almost square shaped and long eyelashes.  Despite having an Eastern European accent, she dresses in very Middle Eastern or perhaps Indian style clothing, or at least they look almost like saris to me.  I quizzed her about it and she says she is part Iranian but many generations ago that probably the guy who is interested in me doesn’t even know he has Iranian in him!

I know the person who is coming into my life reads my blog – they’ve told me he does, recently a conversation with the ancestors have told me that they love reading me so much that they are addicted to my writings and learning anything they can about me.

They have also said he is excited to see my larger works as he has a lot of faith in my creativity and would like to eventually be a part of my life and brainstorm with me! 

Their situation is a difficult one and they are having a hard time transitioning into my life like they would like, for them, everything has to be perfect.

From what I understand from my conversation with the ancestors, their ancestors have been frequently communicating with my ancestors too as they are convinced we will be joining families quite soon!  So our ancestors are making themselves comfortable with each other it seems, in fact sometimes in my dreams I have had dreams of your ancestors moving in with mine and we are unpacking lots of boxes and making room for people! 

They have suggested that I should let you know now, that there is no fear of rejection because you and I are perfect for each other – we balance each other out, we are exactly what each other needs and we have similar pasts to each other, though one is more extreme than the other.

You are trying to keep me off guard by being elusive with your description, so I was warned you are trying to trick me so I won’t instantly realise who you are!  Because you’re shy! 

They also wanted me to state that I am not naturally an introvert, I am not someone who enjoys too much solitude but I am someone who is very prone to anxiety, such as nervous stomach – lol – but that’s purely because I have never been one who can tolerate too many surprises.  I was warned you are an impulsive person and so anxiety will perhaps be part of my life!

You see, they felt I needed to share that because you’ve voiced these concerns with them! 

But you shouldn’t worry, about the fact I won’t socialise – you shouldn’t worry about the fact I don’t want children, because I do!  There is only one thing that which worries me though, for some reason or another my ancestors say that I will travel a lot with you… that does worry me because I am not used to that kind of life.  I also don’t have a passport!  I have also been warned I will be physically exhausted for a while too, because you are a person who is constantly on their feet and I will have to be the same until I am used to it as apparently you will want to drag me everywhere with you! 

Also, don’t worry about being too suffocating with me – to be perfectly honest I’ve been so starved of love and attention for so long I think I need it!

I am not a demanding person either, I am quite easy-going and happy go lucky, I am not as gloomy as you seem to think I am… I am a playful and tender, understanding and I communicate a lot with people in my life, in fact people struggle to shut me up!

I annoy Paul with my constant questions about his opinion on anything and everything – he isn’t a very social person and I find it hard that he isn’t as talkative as I am and my family.

I can literally talk about anything in a very prolonged way if there is nothing else to talk about, so I never run out of things to say!

When I am nervous I tend to talk like my words are trying to catch a train and that can give some people a headache, I am terrible around introverts because I think I just make them feel tense!

When I find other people who are similar to me, introverts of society tend to keep away, lol!   As we tend to become fast talking foreigners for them!  Well this is how Paul describes me whenever I talk to my friend from the village Dee, she’s totally like me!

I am also very observant and I will break my observances at random into the conversation and most people miss the things I have seen and get confused because they are always slow to actually follow my finger at what I just pointed at!

So yeah… that’s me…

Oh and they wanted me to share that your hunches about certain people are totally right!

Also, they say you are not as shallow as I fear you might be… because in my dream time I am quite aware you are a bit of a… you are a vain person… but your ancestors say that you are vain but not shallow!

Hope they’re right!

Because this stresses me out!  I was planning to reach my goal weight by July/September and they keep telling me, well he will be here before then sweetie!

Also please stop giving people a hard time just because you are anxious about approaching me, the ancestors have said you are starting to get out of character a bit with your behaviour.  Calm down!

Relax, take a deep breath… I am not a bitch monster sweetie!

Oh and I have to let you know that I am definitely quite a passive person who goes with the flow and the only time I don’t go with the flow and become turbulent is if I think the person I love isn’t looking after themselves properly, then the maternal instinct of mine kicks in like a super mum and kicks your ass into gear!

You will eat properly, you will be healthy, you will eat this soup when you have a cold or this curry because I love you and you are not allowed to be ill!

That’s totally me!

Just don’t say no to me when I care!

You can say no to me any other time, other than when I am looking out for you!  LOL

You are going to be loved so there!

I have also been stressed out by how childish and wacky I am –as this guy seems quite a serious person sometimes in my dreams.  But apparently, no, he will thrive on it!

I hope so!

Just needed to get this out there, as the ancestors say he needs the boost, he needs these fears allayed!

No rejection here – passive, calm, communicative, playful, childish and don’t intend to grow up or old, creative, friendly, social, air-headed but also slightly nerdy (as in likes comics, Terry Pratchett and other fandoms) has a wacky sense of glamour and fashion!  But bohemian, nature’s child and dungaree wearer in casuals!  Always had a goal of 5 children and a hobby farm or a homestead kind of life whilst being an artist and writer!  I love animals and wildlife and nature – I am environmentally conscious and spiritual and believe in the powers of crystals!  I am also inclined in the future to return to my ancestral root of Judaism, I was never baptised and I have strong leanings there even if I don’t know much. 

My only negatives are, I don’t have any wanderlust, I easily get anxious stomach, I am deaf, weak immune system, can be a clingy attention seeker and quite submissive even to the wrong people sometimes, unless there is a very strong dominant character in my life who is protective enough to make me steer clear of others that way!  I talk too much about everything and I hate gossip and normal small talk!  I also hate being alone and doing anything at all alone!  In fact I clam up when I am alone, even in my own home – I do better in small groups of familiar people or crowds!  I am happiest when around a dog, if alone.

So there you go… me in a nutshell.

So… stop being like me… anxious…

Or we won’t get anywhere!

LOL

Thanks for reading!

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Universe is throwing things at me

In some dreams, quite abruptly and aggressively too!

But they are nice and useful things.

For the past three months I have been having a dream regularly, its main themes are quite repetitive and they are very odd and not like my usual dreams.

You all have read before about my dreams about neglected found babies turning into food right?  Well there has been another repeating dream which is less disturbing.

This dream is where I am often eating in the dining room of my parents’ house in North London but I can’t finish what I am eating because there is some kind of chore I need to do in their garden, usually putting pets back into their pens or hutches, bringing the dog in or feeding a pet.  But just as I open the door a huge earthquake or sometimes thunderstorm occurs and I am forced out into it, because the animals aren’t safe out there! 

Usually the animals were fine and I found that I didn’t need to do anything at all, because my parents were wrong that they were out of their enclosures or that they had nothing to eat or drink – sometimes I discover that the animals are severely neglected or have out bred their enclosures and I am worried what to do, it changes from dream to dream.

Sometimes in these dreams I am still in my parents’ house and garden, but I live there with Paul and Henry and I argue with Paul about the state of the animals and in the dreams with Paul sometimes those animals are killed by the flood of the storm or have run into a neighbours garden that has a vicious dog, or their enclosures have fallen into the garden pond somehow.

But the main thing that stands out from these dreams is the fact that when the storm stops suddenly, it brightens up into clear blue skies quickly and that sky melts away quickly too, the entire atmosphere has gone and we are exposed to seeing the universe right before our eyes.   Big planets, the moon, the stars, seen very clearly, some planets oscillate becoming bigger and smaller like they are being swung on pendulums and sometimes things fall from the universe into the garden.

When I look at those things they are usually maps, jewels, coins and letters, though sometimes it has been known to rain rabbits and guinea pigs..  The letters are always snatched away from me so I can’t read them, but when I read a map I sometimes find myself floating upwards and out of our world into space and I am given a choice in the map of where to go, where things will be less turbulent for me.

Sometimes I allow myself to go, other times I panic about going and suggest I need lots of safety measures like breathing equipment, a ship etc., all of which is provided by the universe as I fret about it, all being thrown down into that garden for me.

Sometimes when I choose to go in the safe way, near the end of my journey everything breaks away and I have a huge panic attack about not surviving, only for me to gently land in the middle of a hospital where a doctor asks me why I am wasting their time, as I am absolutely fine!

I am then lead out into a carpark by a kindly nurse who then leads me to a man sitting a very posh car, sometimes a limousine and I am always shocked by who it is.  I am always like… “Oh, it’s you” in an excited kind of way and its usually then I wake up, when they either wink or laugh.

Strange dreams, but apparently there are soon to be strange times…

My tarot cards have been telling me amazing things about how someone is coming into my life soon and how my entire world is going to be turned upside for the better – but when I dig in and ask for more information, they tell me it’s a huge secret, don’t pry, don’t worry, don’t ask – all you are allowed to know is it is a soul connection, you will both be on creative teams together and you will both succeed together in everything you set out to do and you will marry quickly… it’s all weird.

Thanks for reading!

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The Hanged Man

Like the fool

I ran with the dog at the edge of the cliff

Like the fool I stumble to the ground

I am like a silly clown

Because I do not hit the ground at all

A branch has broken my fall

I am like the hanged man now

Hanging on this bough

The sun has come to laugh at me

Laugh at me because I’m not free

Dangling on this bough

The moon has come with her fears

The fear that I shall fall on spears

Down below my wooden bough

Afraid I will fall somehow

The ten of swords look up at me

I look down on them in glee

For they cannot touch me see

And the star knows too and laughs

Tee hee

The hermit has found me dangling here

He has come to end moons fear

He has sent a rope to me

To free this hanged man from this tree

The chariot also helps with ease

To pull me up from the tree

And settled me by the cups three

So we all can drink a cup of tea

For a job well done

In saving me!

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Surrendering…

OK today is about surrendering to the fates and accepting whatever is supposed to come into my life and to stop being such a control freak about it – so, what do I do to start accepting that?  Simple, panic and go and read my tarot cards and speak with spirit guides too, with the simple question of…

What was I born to do?  What is my purpose?

You are to be thrusted into the unknown where you will reach the bottom of life and reach high to the top in new self-discoveries.  That explains a lot. 

You will constantly go into a re-training process. This will explain why reality seems indefinable to me, when I think I know something; something happens where I doubt it all over again and learn a new way in processing that information! 

Your goal is to save others in order to save your self and you may be tempted to give up before trying.  This explains something to me – I seem to befriend the lost and the lonely and then see them fly off into the horizon forgetting me once they’ve had their boost of ego from me.  I don’t mind, at least they seem happy now!  I’ve had a few people say I am like a life coach and motivator for them, some have even thanked me because before they found me they said they were going to commit suicide, a couple have outwardly said they owe their lives to me – which I replied thusly “don’t be so dramatic”. 

Depression will come when you ignore your creative talents.  True, but also it comes because I can’t write everything down all at once like my brain wants me to, at the pace of seven ideas at the same time!  The amount of times I have cried in frustration over this! 

You may not always be aware you are hurting others in the process, because your successes will hurt others, either through jealousy or because you are moving on.  Well, I haven’t seen any of that, so yes… I am unaware if I have hurt anyone in the process – sorry if it’s you! 

You can restore your sense of joy in bad times through meditation and astral travel – You will feel there is a huge lack of substance throughout your life.  Yes I do in fact. 

Your creative hobby will consume much of your life because this is a huge part of who you are meant to be, you are a creative spirit.

A man will come into your life and be prominent similar to a knight in shining armour that is vital to your development both emotionally and creatively.  So long as he isn’t a knight in shining armour in the traditional gooey romance novel typicality I am OK! 

You will need time alone for a long while to recuperate from what life throws at you and after this long period of loneliness you will be thrusted into a lot of social commitments you won’t be able to escape from, so enjoy the solitude whilst it lasts.  Oh boy, that’s started my anxious stomach problems!  I am no introvert; in fact I am an ENFJ-T personality type, so go figure! 

A musician will be important to you in your life.  I used to be in a rap/rock band at college – but other than that I don’t know any musicians on a close personal level yet! 

You will lack confidence in both your image and your abilities throughout most of your life; imposter syndrome affects you hugely, this is why there will be people coming into your life to give you that reassurance and to develop you into accepting yourself.  Along with this you will be hesitant to enjoy the good things in life, because you have experienced the bad for a long while beforehand that you are afraid that it won’t last.  This includes a hesitancy to enjoy your upcoming wealth and success to the fullest.  Actually this is why some of my exes are exes, they couldn’t get over the fact I was so hesitant about things – always scared things were about to fall flat on their faces and I found it hard to let my hair down and I had a huge guilt complex about a lot of things!  This is funny, because in other aspects of life, I am considered quite an optimistic person! 

So yeah regarding success and money I always have the attitude of, it’s not going to last – so why get excited about it?  One of my exes forbade me buying anything second hand as it was beneath him and I practically live in thrift/charity stores and car boot/garage sales – so, that’s one reason why he is an ex as I am not a snob! 

You will start a strong relationship quite late in your life, this relationship will be rock-solid and will be the catalyst for your life changing events, everything will be turned on its head for you; your life won’t ever be the same again and loneliness will start to become a challenge for you, because you will be surrounded by lots of people who will become extended family to you.  You will become part of a strong community someday; here you will be charismatic amongst them!  How late is late, because I want more kids?  Also, I hope this is true because I need a loving family!  Oh and I am not going to hide the fact that I am actually desperate for this!  I am not ashamed of wanting this! 

You will eventually master everything that life has got to offer but it will take you awhile to get there!  Everything?  Be real! 

When you are on the cusp of giving everything up, everything will come to you and you will be in childlike awe of how fast it comes into your life, you won’t have time to think and may be in a state of long-term exhaustion until you adjust to it!  Things will come to you that you didn’t ever dream of, it is like a wave of people just waltzes into your life and changes it all for the better and you will be in a state of pure shock!  It is something you won’t ever quite get over and something you will constantly question as being real.  And I am supposed to be excited about the fact I will be in long-term exhaustion? 

These people will make you stand out from the crowd whether you like it or not!  Hey who do they think they are?

You will find these people amongst the Bohemians of society; the person who is the catalyst of all of this is a bit of a friendly rogue that has pulled out all stops to help you in some way.  Who and why?

The more playful you are in your creativity the more you will earn from it, more conventional art forms will not pay as well for you, you are unique, celebrate it – don’t hide from it!  I have a problem with this, because I don’t believe anyone is unique, everything has been done before! 

You will practise a new talent and be restless about it!  This seems to be a theme, restlessness and tiredness – oh my future looks joyous, can’t wait… insert eye roll here* 

You will find a new life partner which will love you and have the deepest sense of spiritual connection you have ever known with anyone before!  This connection is very deep and psychic for the both of you!  This is a soulmate of the deepest kind!  Cool, OK – where are they? 

For a long time in your life you will experience disharmony in your home life and you will be in a constant state of tension and loneliness – you will find it hard to trust anybody or lean on anybody to support you, you can only depend on your self during these phases of your life.  But once this cycle has ended, it has ended for good and everything you’ve experienced in your personal relationships and home life will be turned on its head for the rest of your life!  Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel after all?  Should AI hold my breath about this or think it’s a load of old… you know!

You will eventually break free from all the bad stuff in life because of a cunning roguish person will manipulate you into believing a white lie that will ensnare you into a relationship with them that will change everything for you – but you will realise they had to do it this way because things are complicated for the both of you and you will forgive them!  Especially when you will learn they had risked so much to be with you!  Yikes, I am not all that great you know?  I mean, ew… look at me… no, please don’!

Wow… well, it would be nice to have most of the above anyway – I don’t like losing control socially, I don’t like the idea of permanent exhaustion and I definitely hate being pulled out of my comfort zones… but the rest seems nice.

At least I know one thing about me will never change as I can see if all this is to be true, I will live in a permanent state of anxiety – so I guess some kind of consistency is still available, even if it’s not the consistency I want! 

But the love, harmonious home and friends are much needed!

Long-term exhaustion… can I be anymore exhausted than I already am?  Please don’t take that as a challenge universe… please!

Thanks for reading!

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Writing & glowing

I am living in nothing but coincidences and synchronicities lately and its making me feel like I am losing my marbles!

I spoke with a friend last night about how I really should get back into writing my novel again because it’s been awhile since I picked up the pen or typed away at my laptop towards a substantial project outside of blogging; then I decided when I woke up today that I was going to write towards my project AD and I managed to get down approximately 1200 words.

Where does the synchronicity lie in that? 

Well, about an hour after I had done that writing I decided I would go on YouTube and watch a weekly reading from one of my favourite YouTubers and she said that this week I am working towards unblocking a big aspect of my life, I am moving forwards whereas before I had a long hiatus and that the cards indicated a lot of wands and page energy in the future, which means a lot of childish, playful and creative energy – and in the past aspect of the reading there was a lot of cups and swords in the reading, which indicated a lot of arguments and emotional turmoil.

This is one of the major reasons why I stopped writing for a while as there was a lot of emotional upset in the family and a lot of arguments and losses; also I have been under eating and under sleeping a lot lately.

On a good day I get five hours sleep without naps and I am eating 1300 calories – those are good days!  My average day looks a lot like 3 hours sleep with two 25 minute naps and 900 calories.

What concerns Paul is my body isn’t going into starvation mode anymore, I am constantly icy cold even with the heating on and I am still losing a steady two pounds a week.

Because of the lack of sleep, I haven’t exercised in nearly 10 days now and I have to say, it has bought back the depression big time!

When I do finally sleep, I wake up with a start because I have heard someone shout my name or shove the bed, only to find there is nothing there.  Or I have woken up because of a nightmare; I am often waking up startled!

I sometimes wonder if it’s because I am meditating a lot lately and not eating enough to stay grounded.  Other practitioners have thought this about me, but you know – I am not so sure, I’ve never eaten after meditation in the past and was fine back then.

Though I think Henry is developing clairvoyant abilities since starting puberty, because he claimed he saw me glowing gold when I was using reiki on his twisted ankle the other day!

He said he never believed in all my magic talk until he saw that and he said “Wow, you really are magical ma”!  I am proud; he actually saw the golden glow I was using to heal his ankle!

When I stopped healing his ankle he was disappointed the glowing stopped, he asked me try and do it again and I did and he saw me glow again.  He was fascinated!

Thanks for reading! 

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Tarot not divorcing me after all!

My new tarot cards decided it wanted to talk to me today; I tried again – sooner than the month I had planned to leave it for.

Less than a week really!

Well anyway, taking on the advice of a friend I interview the tarot cards again – for those who don’t know, the cards told me they wanted a divorce from me no sooner had I did it the first day they came!

I did reiki to the cards for a longer period and left them for four or five days and now they seem willing to work with me!

The new deck is called “Guardian of the night” by MJ Cullinane. 

I asked the questions again – the questions are…

Tell me about yourself and their reply was this; I can see past deceptions and illusions – I am responsible with my power!

What are your strengths as a pack? Good at protecting the heart – negative and positive love readings – communication issues – logic – cunning and educational matters.

What are your weaknesses as a pack?  Bad at mental health predictions – potentials and risks!

What will you teach me?  Quietening your mind, learning patience and how to multi-task!

What is the outcome for working with you as a pack?  It’s superficial!

Funnily enough, this isn’t my most assertive pack I own – my traditional Rider Waite cards I got from my grandma are very stern!

I shall post that at a different time!

Thanks for reading!

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Henry, dreams & things

Celebrating the fact that Henry has had two full days at school this week!

It’s becoming a rarity, but I hope it’s going to change a bit – Henry has come home a little bit anxious because a new supply teacher was rude and apparently mean to him and several other children; but Henry is a lot like his mum, in that sometimes in stressful situations we forget the words but remember the actions, if you get me?  So Henry can’t relay exactly what was said.

Thankfully nothing came of this meningitis presumption – I am so happy and relieved about that!

Henry is at his youth club tonight for three hours, so I have plenty of time to get to write something today, I am going to do it, though I had only three hours sleep last night and I have big dark circles around my eyes that make me look like I have been in a fist fight with a kangaroo!

I am having a lot of weird and heavy dreams at night in the past few weeks, even in short sleeping bursts like last night.

Two days ago I had a dream about three candles being lit that were a brownish colour, that had red and white wax melting inside of it, which was weird and on one of the three candles were two rings – like non gem wedding and eternity rings. 

There was a hooded red figure discussing what to do with the candles and they were slightly frustrated but still patient with me, because I kept moving the candles around and blowing the flames out and relighting etc. 

There were other people at the table, just one man and one other woman; they all had their own candles.  The man found me amusing somewhat and tried to advise me a little, but the woman looked at me in disdain and thought I was an idiot.

I remember taking the rings off one of the candles and I was told not to do that yet, be patient – so I put them back.

I was a little tensed and confused in the dream and felt like a naughty hyperactive child and ended up trying to sit on my hands or twiddle my thumbs whilst sitting there clueless about what’s happening – the other two, seemed to know what was what, but I didn’t.

I woke up and did a tarot and oracle reading about what the dream meant and like a fool I didn’t consider it had anything to do with a new relationship or marriage – but my cards dropped a marriage card, a ring card, a love card, as well as a diamond in my usual 3 card reading – these cards dropped on the 3 I had already chosen and I thought that this was weirdly significant and related to each other too spookily well.  The oracle cards I used have 200 cards and are the Tea Leaf fortune cards, so to get all the indicators for marriage or new relationship like that was just so random and weird to me!

The three cards I pulled out in the normal manner were the firecracker card, the handshake card and the broom card. 

The meaning of the above according to this oracle is;

Firecracker = Excitement

Handshake = A meeting with a stranger could be important.

Broom = New home, new attitude

The other fallen cards just speak for themselves, its weird how mindless I can be during dream time and interpreting things – I suppose it’s because it was a dark room lit by candlelight and the rings didn’t look like jewellery to me, they looked like metallic black, if you get my drift?  A little darker than hematite. 

Last night’s dream was weirder and extra spooky because of events that took place when I woke up.

I dreamt I was at a ballroom again, this is a common dream I have, it is in the same building and room where I have those sorts of dreams and it isn’t a real place I’ve ever been to or seen on TV.

Like usual in those dreams I seem to have a completely different family to my physical real family, they’ve been in and out of dreams for years – it’s almost like I slip into a parallel world when I sleep at night.

Anyway in that dream I was wearing a golden dress with a sun like piece of jewellery just above the navel, it was hooked onto the dress like a brooch. 

I was just standing around when a gentleman comes over – the usual dream guy in fact, though this time he is slightly different facially, not much, but slightly showing some facial hair like he is growing a beard and moustache but it’s the early stages.  He had red decoration on his chest and wore his black suit; though it was different it was far more formal than usual.

He took me to a balcony and we talked a bit, then he went to my dream parents and they exchanged to him some black scarf or wide set ribbons, unsure what they were really and they placed them upon a staff – I think it was a staff anyway.

Then he came to me and we spent time together and then the scarves were tied like bangles around my wrist, it wasn’t bondage.  But in the dream people who saw us when we went back into the ballroom started to become excited and throw confetti or something like that at us.

It felt very similar to a private 121 hand fasting experience, if you understand me?

A sort of mini pagan wedding that hadn’t been officiated properly yet – this was like the first stage, I understood in the dream.

As I am writing this there is a weird pressure on my third eye – very odd.

Anyway, when I woke up I found lots of small pieces of torn up paper around the bed and on the bed, like someone had thrown confetti on me in the night, in fact it’s why I woke up – I felt a piece hit me on the head, but no one in the house was a awake to have done it, I checked.

All I know is as I woke up, I heard a voice say – quick, she’s stirring!

I’m either losing my marbles or things are stranger than I thought about this world!

It’s weird because traditionally scarves and ribbons in weddings are usually red in certain cultures, but these were definitely black.  What is weird is the guy had something red on him, but not sure what.

This is one of the reasons I didn’t sleep well last night – because when I woke up and went to the bathroom the house started to wake up around twenty minutes later and I decided to stay awake until I got dozy and had a two hour nap in the late morning.

It’s really eating away at me all these strange things – but at least those last two dreams were more pleasant than other dreams I’ve had this past month.

I have had awful dreams before them – Warning content needed here…

There was a baby I found that looked weak and ill and I wrapped it up in a blanket to look after it, the baby spoke to me and told me how I could find his mother and so I took him to her and she was working at a food van.  When I passed the baby to her, she snapped at me and said, put him on the counter there, I will sort him out later.  When I put the baby onto the counter he turned into a huge burrito and the lady grabbed the burrito, cut it in half and offered it back to me, which I declined!

Another one was a true out and out nightmare, I was escaping from some sort of prison and I managed to get out with the help of the dream guy.  But he needed to act as decoy to get someone away from me, but unfortunately whilst he was away my mother crept up behind me and cut out of my kidneys and ate it raw in front of me. 

When I woke up my back hurt a lot.

Loads of other dreams similar to these, but there is a horrible dream that keeps repeating lately and that is my rabbit Ray, being turned out into the garden in a small tight hutch and it falls into a muddy pond drowning him or there is a flash flood that sweeps him away.

Don’t know why I am having a lot of disturbing dreams late; usually dream time is a sanctuary.

I am worried about my lack of sleep, my light sleeps when I do sleep and the fact that lately I am struggling to eat more than 900 calories a day.  I’ve had two days in the past two weeks where I ate around 1400 but it’s much less than that recently and consistently.

I am getting pain whenever I eat anything bigger than half a sandwich which makes me stop eating a full meal.  I don’t eat breakfast and rarely have lunch, I have one or two snacks in a day, with a quarter of a plate for dinner if it’s a good day.

Paul is more than a little worried about it.

Yesterday was a goodish day, I had a tuna bagel with mayonnaise and chives and I had a ham & cheese salad sandwich and a packet of crisps for the whole day.  Unfortunately that’s too much gluten for my body, so my abdomen is a little swollen today, but it’s not painful.

Sometimes my chest gets bad the next day after I have more than a little of gluten and sometimes depends on how much gluten I have, my abdomen will swell like I’m pregnant or something, weird. 

It’s much worse with soy and mustard, because with those two my spleen swells as well as my abdomen and there is intense pain!

Right so, an hour into writing this, I have warmed up enough to get back onto my project AD for the evening, I still have an hour and twenty minutes before they come home approximately.

Thanks for reading!

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Are you ok?

A spiritual friend I have called Izzy warned me that this could happen…

I was told that perhaps the tarot reading should be kept to myself, because it might undo the energies of the blessings coming my way, but I told Paul about what I wanted to do and he felt it is necessary to put it out there.

He said I simply have to.

As you know, I am reluctant to share much unless it goes through Paul first.

Because I am never sure if what I want to write for the blog is appropriate or not, as I am honest when I say, I have lived an isolated life.

But then something occurred to me when I was asleep last night that I should delete the post before it goes out, but I was so sleepy I didn’t wake up to do it immediately and forgot before it was posted. 

I don’t like the energy I am picking up, I have a major headache and I feel very despondent and depressed, but I don’t know where it’s coming from.  I still feel determined energy coming my way, but it is also cautious and afraid now – like they feel tricked.  That hurts actually. 

I am also concerned because for the past two to three days the back of my left hand has been very sore, like there are cuts or something on it, but there isn’t.

I have tried to sense where these energies are coming from and the only thing that comes to mind is something has happened to the guy who was going to come into my life.  Has he hurt his hand or something?

I know it is weird when I felt perfectly relaxed in the bath the other night but then I sensed someone was in a rage, but it wasn’t anybody in the house for a change.  I just find it really weird that I am taking on what feels like two peoples emotions, my own and probably theirs.

How can people who never met each other get that from each other, I don’t think I will ever understand…

Though the back of the hand might be poison ivy or something as I remember a flash dream a couple of nights back about poison ivy medicine… but never understood it. 

Never experienced poison ivy, so wouldn’t know.

Anyway, I felt I needed to put this out there and I didn’t consult Paul this time either – as I have a feeling, although he and I are over, I kind of get a sense he wants both me and Emilia and kind of wanted to put the spanner in the works for me.  Because Paul is really scared that nobody is going to look after me as good as he can.

Well, am I not worth it then?  Sorry but I can’t help but feel like even Paul thinks the idea of me finding a Mr. Right is nonsense.

Thanks for reading…

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