Tag Archives: spirits

Cross of changes

This time last year I would struggle to see how my habits and day to day activities would have changed so much in such a short space of time – I would want to question, what’s happened to me?

I still do… but I think I know what’s happened…

Yes, it all goes back to my instinct that everything is going to change soon and I mean everything!

For me on a personal level, on all levels of personal life – not the world, this isn’t some kind of big major worldwide prophecy; no… it’s very personal to me.

I think this energy has spurred me on to fight for life a bit.

Though I do have setbacks, I am not as depressed as I used to be and I am not so absorbed in unhealthy things and trying to zone out as much as I was.  As I said, I do have setbacks; there are days where I wonder if I should bother to fight – but then this energy shows up and acts like some kind of motivational coach with me.

Don’t dare give up on the idea of “me” kind of energy!

Somebody is coming into my life soon, I can feel it – and I think they have a strong spiritual connection to me whoever they might be.  They don’t want me giving up on them, because by not focusing on changes in my life and by not fighting for my life, I would have given up on them!

Now this can all be in my head – I may very well be suffering from imaginary friend syndrome or something along those lines… but is it so bad for me, if it makes me get up in the morning, change my eating habits, exercise a little and make outlandish plans for myself and make me fierce about any adversary? 

If it’s a spirit tricking me, then are they really malevolent for doing so?

Except for the fact that this idealistic person not coming into my life after all and heart-breaking me a year down the line… the rest of it is pretty good, no?

So, what’s changed?

Whether for good or bad, I am not reading more than a couple of pages a day on average now.

I find it hard to sit around for longer than an hour without doing some small thing.

I am singing a lot and starting to dance a bit.

I am not playing games online for longer than an hour a day anymore.

I am talking to strangers more – OK, they are online, but I never used to bother so much until recently.

I am forcing myself to eat a high protein and Vitamin C diet.

I am trying to get 20 minutes of exercise every two days at minimum.

I am fighting to spend time and be more active in my son Henry’s life more, instead of giving up without a fight to whatever his dad wants!

I am no longer afraid of telling Paul exactly what I think about him and what’s going on in our situation in regards to the poverty, the house falling apart etc. – I am no longer accepting our life!

I am starting to get back my old high standards for myself and living in general – unfortunately there are too many obstacles but I am trying to smash them down wherever possible!

I haven’t stuck to my goals in regards to my writing, because I am too focused on my transition and because the environment is too chaotic at times.

I also decided that I am going to throw caution to the wind and practise reiki on my son to see if it helps his behaviour and it has!

Henry was diagnosed autistic last week and since I started to treat him exactly how I did my former clients and since doing reiki on him, he is a different person.  Henry and I have come to an agreement that many things we like to do or say together should be kept away from his dad, because his dad gets hot-headed about it all.

Henry likes to learn about culture and religion, particularly the Jewish aspect of our ancestry and he likes to ask questions about other religions such as Christianity and specific biblical figures such as Moses and Jesus.  But if Paul over hears us, the arguments that blow out of control is… I can’t describe it, sorry!

So Henry and I have agreed to be more private about it and talk about it when his dad is downstairs and we’re in his room together or he is in mine.

Henry clings to tradition; it’s his comfort blanket, as it is mine… I can understand that, but Paul can’t!

Henry was so excited about something he learned about Jesus today that he absent-mindedly rushed off to tell his dad – but was met with terse rejection and then Paul started ranting about his mess and stuff and Henry came back in tears to me, hugging me tightly because he doesn’t understand why his dad hates it all so much!

Because Henry was raised to dislike Jesus for being a terrorist etc – yet I put Henry straight and said on the contrary, he was a God fearing man who respected God and was even a rabbi – Henry was shocked that Jesus was Jewish and Henry admitted to me that he was always afraid of Jesus because he thought he was a bad guy.  I said, no – but what is wrong is that he is would turn in his grave if he knew people worshipped him instead of God!

Henry’s eyes literally lit up, he looked so enlightened and it was a lovely change in him, he looked genuinely joyous!

But this and other things we can’t talk about around Paul – professional wrestling, robot wars, and the history of politics and good family memories to a certain extent.

Unfortunately, it’s all the things that Henry loves and shuts himself away doing on his own for hours every night.

Henry is slowly learning there is a vast contrast between me and his dad and Henry asked me a couple of days ago – “why didn’t you even share and say these things to me before” and the answer was simple and true… because your dad wouldn’t like it!

Why am I choosing to go behind Paul’s back now?

Because Henry needs the balance, Henry feels attacked at all sides and when I don’t take any stance at all and just sit there – he looks at me imploring me for help or a response and when I just say… do as your dad says, he looks defeated and broken and that’s hard to stomach long term!  Especially when you feel that what your partner or ex-partner has just done, is wrong!

Henry’s biggest struggle in life is learning that his father will not give him a cultural identity.

Everybody needs some kind of cultural identity, even if they are mixed up like my family – it shows us where we are from and shapes who we are, take that away and you are left to wonder what you are… what do you stand for and all kinds of existential worries!

Something like that is hard on an adult, let alone a child, especially an autistic one that doesn’t even have the security blanket an autistic person needs of a regular schedule day to day.

Henry functions quite normally at school, because it is scheduled.  Since Henry was three years old, around the time I got sick – I have been fighting Paul to get dinner at 6pm sharp.  But dinner in this house can be anywhere between 4pm and 10pm, there is no regular meal time table here and its worse in the school holidays.

Since Henry’s diagnosis I have tried to instil in Paul, schedule is everything for an autistic child, please sort it out!

But it goes in one ear out the other.

It drives me crazy no having a schedule too, my stomach can’t stomach meal times that are all over the place!

You try giving a child a roast dinner an hour before he goes to bed!

I struggle sleeping if I eat too much before bed, but a child?

There are days where we have our dinner and we have our crepes for pudding and fifteen minutes later, it’s come on Henry, bed time!

After all these years and all the times I’ve told him – it’s got to change, it never has!

I am grateful I am getting better physically – that I am able to do a little around the house, not much – because my efforts aren’t respected, they are usually undone in a couple of hours by Paul.  But – I am trying to really fight to take back control over the house.

So I can stand on my own two feet and do so well enough that I can move out into my own home!

Paul is becoming rebellious lately because he knows what’s up; I haven’t hidden anything from him.

We had a good friendship which seems to be slowly turning toxic since he found that other lady – which no longer is in his life.  He has tried to make amends with me, tried to bump up a little affection by being more mindful about hugs goodnight and goodbye etc. – but I am rejecting them, because he originally rejected me.

I lived in this house dotingly knowing that I was never happy here, that the house was a disgrace, that the environment was uncomfortable, that he was financially lazy and insecure and that he didn’t have any inclination towards intimacy with me and he certainly never defended me from our neighbour.  I did so dotingly because it was my family and I made do… I don’t want to make do anymore, because I realised that I was more loyal to him than he was to me and that was a big slap in the face!

I can and will tolerate a lot from a person if I know that they love and want me – take that away from me and I won’t stay, I don’t like leaving people, but if I know I am unwanted or easily disposed of, it makes it hard for me to want to try and make do.

I really will tolerate so much from a person, if they remain consistent in letting me know how much they love, respect and want me!  Just those things, that’s all I require oh and don’t humiliate me or insult my intelligence. 

I can tolerate so much; I tolerate rude behaviour, wacky behaviour, selfish behaviour, jealousy, and control, loss of identity, being made to become a tireless servant and to a certain extent a little aggression.  But I can’t tolerate humiliation, being reminded I am disposable, people constantly correcting me, because they believe I am stupid or misinformed. 

As long as you want me, respect me, love me, never humiliate me or treat me like I am stupid – then we’re going to be OK! 

Because my very nature is easy-going, I go with the flow and I blend in with whatever people and environment I am around the most, I am a chameleon – I am happy to be like that.  I thrive on love and acceptance and I give so much back and I don’t complain – I may cheerfully joke around and be sarcastic about my guy’s malchauvinistic ways or ego or mock affronted about their laziness… but its all in jest, really I wouldn’t want things to be different.  I miss those kinds of relationships, which is why I used to be heavily involved in the BDSM lifestyle, I wanted a husband like that.

They love me, they keep me, they get everything – I make sure to give the world to them and more if I could!

Hopefully the guy would be a touchy feely kind of guy, hands on, obsessed slightly – because I like being touched and I touching too!  In normal relationships I am too clingy, I am too passive, I am too needy or odd because I want to do things for them all the time… does that make sense?  I know the only guys who appreciate the kind of woman I am, are those in the lifestyle who aren’t emotionally distant and healing from some obscure emotional wounds from their past.  The kind of dominants who know what they want and will get it out of me by hook or by crook!

I find the most painful thing about being in a relationship like that is being ignored for too long!  Or not being given a sense of duty or daily tasks to fulfil and it can be hard when things aren’t regularly appreciated in some way – when there is no reward, whether just verbal or otherwise.

Yes I know, I sound pathetic – but it’s just me and it’s what makes me tick!

I think that if these spiritual insights aren’t founded to be true within a few months’ time, but I manage to get fit enough to leave Paul… I may go back into the lifestyle, look for a dominant or a daddy figure and do that rather than be alone.

Thing is, most dominants don’t like women over 28yrs old, especially if she wants to have more children like I do!

So I may not get what I want from life soon enough.

But I am trying so hard to manifest this, you have no idea!

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment

Filed under Defining myself

Karmic Judgement

A blood which is what true generational witches refer to themselves as, not these new-fangled pagan revivalists; they can’t be a blood witch, because their magical blood is not from true ancient stock!

I am not being a Harry Potter purest here, it’s a matter of fact.

My family has had witchcraft in the blood for hundreds of years, my ancestors were the cousins of the Howe’s and Bishop’ of the Salem witch trials, we are also cousins of Crowley.

I have a proud heritage and I used to be an active witch, very active.

I am only active again when I need to help boost blessings for people, heal people or defend myself from idiots who think that they can bust me spiritually as well as physically and mentally!

A true blood witch always knows when someone has attempted to put a spell on them or their family, because they get flash visions.  Sometimes it surprises you who is doing things, because weirdly enough the people who flash into your mind are unknown to you – they are strangers who for some reason wishes to affect your life in some way – usually because of jealousy or getting even because you are associated in a friendly manner with someone they hate or love.

When you can sense that someone has done this to you, you know their intentions of what they want to do to you, it’s very clear in your flash vision.  What isn’t clear is the why… you have to delve for that either in astral projection or asking spirits guides or tarot cards.

This can happen to me quite regularly, there are a bunch of witches from my past who hate me for some reason or another and so I often get them doing things or trying.

But in the past four days I have sensed two spells on me… 1 is oddly loving… the other is quite evil, one from a man and one from a woman…

The one from the woman is evil, not only that but she is a coward as she paid someone to do it – someone very weak actually – all of this was seen in my vision, told to me by my very protective spirits.

According to spirits, she sees me as competition… never met her, don’t know her and don’t want to!

She’s taking up weight training by all accounts to compete with me and she is starting to try and wear clothing which she knows I apparently like too.

Her spell is to affect the quality of my looks, my teeth, in fact for me to lose them and my alopecia was getting better, but it’s some back a bit in the past couple of day and apparently it’s due to this woman!  Also, my skin has been getting acne its something I’ve never had a problem with even as a teen – my skin has always been good… so it all ties in I think… thankfully I haven’t lost any teeth as I stopped her spell flow ASAP.

What I found weird was, when I rebound the spell there was a huge electric shock through my hand and the noise it made actually made my son Henry turn around and ask what was that noise mama? So that spell was meant to be as vicious as you can get!

So, when this happens you imagine a protective barrier around you, golden, you say a chant to send the spell away from you, but it always goes back to the sender or intender, if the person didn’t do the spell themselves both the practitioner who she hired and herself will feel the effects of what they want to do to me but it would be a lot worse for them!

So your chant must be personal to you. My chant is handed down from generation to generation, I won’t give you the charm as it shouldn’t leave family ears.

But it would be something like this…

Round about the circles bound, evil sink into the ground, you tried to curse me and harm my life, it rebounds to you thrice!

You can’t play tennis with this sort of thing – the originator of this spiritual war risks losing her magical power for a while, not always but sometimes the spirits will block you from harming others, sometimes permanently!

If I didn’t send it back, I would become ill or whatever she intended.  So it’s a matter of self-defence!

Basically this person is going to be very ugly in about 3yrs time; it will happen slowly like a disease… it always does!  For some reason when someone is that vicious towards another witch, though the witch sends the badness away from her to protect herself and may do so with forgiveness and love for the idiot who tried to harm her – evil to that degree always turns into a karmic cancer!

There is nothing for the victim witch to do about that, it’s out of her hands… it’s in the hands of the cosmos! 

Know thy enemy is strong advice when you want to mess with magick… make sure she’s not a witch basically… well not a real one!

As for the person who did a loving spell to me… why?  I didn’t know you were interested in me until I saw that vision and oh my goodness… I know exactly who you are!

Talk to a woman first at least!

Do you know you could have made a dangerous obsession in a person if you try to put a love spell on someone you don’t even know likes you…?

Very dangerous… people have been driven mad to jealous murder because of people like you doing things like that!

Magick requires responsible thought and actions and should never be done in heightened emotional states!

I like you and it is a shame you are considering this!  Though maybe your magick might involve removing obstacles that you think are in your way?  Be careful if you choose to do that one too… you may inadvertently kill someone or ruin someone’s life! 

I was trained in witchcraft by my grandma from the age of 7yrs – I am a blood witch, it’s in my genetics, in my blood, I have been practising for 33yrs… honestly… don’t try to fuck me up spiritually – my spirit team are ferocious enough, without me having to rebound whatever shit you throw at me!

Yes, go ahead… think I am a crazy woman… go on…

Let’s see how crazy you think I am in 3yrs!

Lots of love and healing is coming your way, whether you deserve it or not… I am not the karmic judge!

Thanks for reading!

P.S what’s weird is my favourite oracle pack pulled out agrimony as the first card when I asked about problems occurring in my life today – agrimony is a plant that protects you from witchcraft and hexes.

Leave a comment

Filed under spirituality

From who would I flee?

The spirits have warned you

Slow down you will be too abrupt

But if you slow down I fear I’ll erupt

As you slow down, you might erupt too

And where that will take us I have no clue

But all that I know is fast or slow

I want you so much and my heart glows

But you heed whatever you feel you need

Whether you take the slow road or come to me at speed

I won’t reject you; I think I know you well

You’ve certainly manifested a very strong spell

I can’t deny you, because of who you are

My inventor, my King my bright shining star!

You will have me one day for sure

I cannot run from you, be secure

For why should I run from he who dreamt of me?

What will I be running from, from who would I flee?

Goodness knows what road I would take

If I turned on my heel, a huge mistake!

So I am here for you, waiting for the day

That you come and claim me and take me away…

Leave a comment

Filed under poetry

I’m single

My relationship status is “single” and I feel that I should let that be clear to everyone right now.

I would like a new relationship, but there is a lot of stuff I need to be clear on in my new relationship – so be prepared for the third degree if you’re interested because this time around I want things to be good – grounded, honest and open and I have a low tolerance to time wasters.

I don’t want you to please me with what you think I want to hear – I want honesty; if you can’t be open and honest about what you want and what you like in your own life then don’t even bother considering coming this direction!

I know that Paul is in no rush to see me leave yet, now he hasn’t got a replacement for me and he is trying to let me know he isn’t going to bother to look for anyone anymore, not even in our usual polygamous house ideas – but I won’t stay with him if I am disposable like that.  That came as a shock to me and I didn’t like it.

But Paul just wants people to know one thing about all this… he does see himself as a father care giver to me and he wants to ensure I am going to the best relationship possible.  If you can’t stomach talking to him to set his mind at ease that I have someone who’ll look after me, then perhaps you don’t have my best interests to heart eh?

You got to understand since 2013; Paul has not really been a fiancé to me, but more of a father figure and because my real dad is not available anymore, he has fully taken his place.

By the way, my spirits told me the first initial of the guy I am waiting for is R.

OK so private message me directly at TheTardyCreative@gmail.com

To contact Paul the email is PaullGamble@gmail.com

Thanks for reading! 

Leave a comment

Filed under About Me

To whom it may concern

OK, I am being weird again, sorry guys!

My spirits woke me up today with a huge fright – don’t know why I woke up suddenly but it felt like I was frighten awake by something, like I was dragged awake.

They told me when I was still drowsy in just waking up, that I need to put this message out there into the world.

They told me the person who wants to come into my life is struggling a lot at the moment with family matters and obstacles that are beyond my understanding at this moment in time.

The person is emotionally exhausted trying to balance things and formulate a plan to be in my life.

He feels he needs the support of friends and family in order to have the courage to tell me how they feel about me because he is anxious that he is going to cause a huge upheaval in his life only for me to reject him – I won’t.

Spirits also told me, he is trusting the wrong people, some one is backstabbing him and are not being completely honest to him about things.

He can only trust 2 women and 1 much older man apparently. The woman he has considered as a messenger is good, the older lady who is like a godmother and the older man.

This is very weird and interesting.

I honestly don’t know what I am talking about, but you will, apparently.

My spirits asked me if I am ready for my own life to be turned upside down too and to be taken out of my comfort zone in order to have the best possible relationship I can have for myself – a relationship which I will thrive in all areas of my life and heal from my past?

My answer is… Yes.

Because they’ve shown me the intensity of the love this guy will have about me, how protective they are going to be because they don’t want anybody hurting me anymore and he is going to try damned hard to make sure no one gets near me that way again.

They’ve shown me that I will be in a long-term state of anxiety when I am in his life because I am not used to certain things and they definitely said I would be outside of my comfort zone and potentially could be mingling with people who will be very aggressively judgemental about me – but this guy will soon put a stop to all that!

They say there is a major cultural adjustment too.

What I find weird is the name – it’s a very popular family name and all my spirits have told me is it’s the same as one of my older brothers.

I respect your privacy 100% and I will completely take your lead on matters regarding things.

I won’t reject you, because I never ignore my spirits, they believe you are the best for me – so I am waiting for you to make the first move! Simply because I don’t know who you are, duh!

They told me not to be afraid of your approach as it will be out of the ordinary.

I am terrified, but my spirits have told me that you are right about me… I am the master of adaptability, I have regenerated a lot over the years and overcame massive hurdles, I can do it again – especially with you as my guardian, protector, mentor and life partner.

For some reason it’s important to mention Elvis or connections to Elvis to you as that’s a sign you are waiting for. Coincidentally my aunt told me recently as I am losing weight I am looking a lot like Lisa Marie Presley, but I don’t see it! Was told to mention that.

Also to mention you lost some sleep last night and my hands really are that small.. confusing much… but ok… completely letting things out there I am not happy about – I AM GOING OUT ON A LIMB HERE!

Sorry about shouting that, getting more than a little weirded out by it all.

Also, about the heart chakra… stop that!

Oh my goodness it’s like this blog is becoming a descent into madness journal!

YES I ACCEPT YOU!

YES I AM TERRIFIED!

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!

BEWARE WHO YOU HAVE AS SO-CALLED HELPERS!

I LOVE YOU YOU NERVOUS UNCERTAIN BEAUTIFUL ENERGY OF A GUY!

Sorry, to shout – but I like, really need a hug and the kind of connection you are going to be to me. I know you are going to be difficult and bossy a little bit initially because you are insecure, I know you think I dawdle and could potentially waste my talent. I know you believe we’ve had a similar path. I know you really need someone who doesn’t shy away from your physical manifestations of love – I know you will always doubt how real all this is. Me too actually. But the spirits say, it’s a life long relationship, that’s meant to happen.

I am not in the habit of telling people they can’t have things, I am easy going, I am playful, I am not afraid to be weird at times. My confidence will grow when I am with you to be the person I was always meant to be, apparantly, I will become more bold and outrageous around you and you likewise in turn.

They say I am going to transform for the better around you and that you will feel like a kid again in every sense of the word – you will feel rejuvenated and healed, because of my strong maternal instinct of nurturing you and giving you the attention you need and deserve.

They say the worse part of the relationship will be my inability to accept how I can be, what goals I reach and what I can have – basically I have a limited resource and attainability mindset which will frustrate you no end. It’s apparantly the biggest battle we’ll have with each other. Me pushing against reaching higher and higher and you trying to make me reach the heights… you know?

Anyway – I kind of think I know what’s going on – but I am also unsure to trust it. Probably my limited mind-set again?

I don’t know why but the spirits show me that when I meet you, my stomach is going to be so upset, lol.

I suffer from nervous stomach and well, just expect to hear wear growls that’s all!

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment

Filed under cosmic ordering

Spirit & energy

It is vitally important to always make sure you have your own personal space in your home, so you have a chance to heal and a place to make a sanctuary; it is important to fiercely guard this space and for twelve years I had to fight to find mine and it was genuinely a battle.

It has only really been two months now, since this space has been truly mine in every sense of the word; a place that I can decorate and design to my will, a place where I can relax and sleep and even sometimes write on the quiet days.

This house has a lot of negative energy running through it, which is what you can expect when you have a polluted stream running right under your house and this stream is drying up.

I have never been happy in this house, because I felt this house made me sick and it wasn’t until two years into my ill-health that Paul told me about the stream under the house; had I of known before I moved in with him, I wouldn’t have moved in with him, not in this house.

Why?

Because living on water like that is not good for a witch, or so my family has told me as there are some ancestry from Salem, the Howe’s, my ancestors were the ones who got away.  Living on water can do two things to a proper blood born witch; make you sick because it affects your energy at a consistent pace and can affect your spell crafting abilities negatively whilst overloading your instinct for fortune telling and clairvoyance.  That is of course, if you are not a sea or a water based witch, those are different.  Yes my Chinese astrological element is water, but this is not a good place for me to live.  I can live by water, as long as I am not on top of it and as long as it is not constantly flowing beneath me.

This is a shame because I have always liked the idea of long holidays on barges and cruises, I know for a fact I used to love going rowing in the summer with my dad and cousins and I don’t suffer from seasickness.

I am a non-practising witch these days, I only do crystal healing, fortune readings, clairvoyant stuff and I still feed the faeries and the house spirits, hug trees and that sort of thing – but I don’t actively do spells anymore, as I believe it negatively affects the balance of the universe.  I do believe however in cosmic ordering and that the cosmos knows how to balance things better than we do, in my opinion, cosmic ordering or wish-craft is far superior to witchcraft.  It’s gentler, it’s balanced and it is not forcing anything and you build a relationship with the source that is deep and loving and protective and always knows best!

Since gaining my new space and doing my little cleansing rituals and a little bit of Feng Shui (only a little) I have noticed something about my particular space that I have never felt whilst living in this house and that is a lightness, a clean energy, a vibrancy developing here.

The other members of my household, Paul and Henry have noticed this energy too and try to spend more time in my space than their own, but I quickly rush them out after twenty minutes, because this is my space and I can’t lose it again.

I am relying a lot on crystal energy for this space.  I do a cleansing ritual every time someone comes into my space with anything negative; it’s become almost an obsession.  But you have no idea how quickly the energy darkens and becomes depressive if I am not consistently on top of it.

All I do is use my quartz crystal to make a protective star in the room, circle me thrice and if necessary open the window for half an hour.

This is my bedroom and it is not shared by anyone, this is my space and I love it.

My room has become known in the family as the rainbow room, because my crystals make about fifty little prisms all over the walls when they are poked to swing in the window and when those rainbows light up the room, the energy is so soothing and beautiful, I can’t get rid of anyone who comes in until they fade.

My clairvoyance and my instinctive abilities are increasing exponentially, where I am becoming unsurprised by events happening in my life now.  But I am also driven with excitement by something I can sense, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

All I know is my world is about to turn upside down and become completely unrecognisable soon, but I understand that it’s all positive and good and I will be ecstatically happy for a very long time after this event.  What this event might be?  I am unsure really, but it indicates a new person coming into my life that will just drastically change everything and heal me emotionally and help me become strong and vibrant again.

My spirits are sometimes mischievous but never harmful or toxic, whenever I ask who this person is? They laugh at me and told me, I will not be able to speak when I see them, I won’t believe it’s true and I may be tempted to run away from them when they approach me.

They also said that this person will be the best thing to ever happen in my life!

They told me that we will work together in a similar or same career, that together we will be a power couple that people will look at us as Emperor and Empress because our ideas coming together are so spectacular that the world will literally be in awe of us.  Which sounds exciting – I wondered if it is another writer or someone along those lines, Paul guesses I might fall in love with the agent I get.  Who knows?

They said that our creativity will be a huge legacy for literally generations to come!  We will not be forgotten, it’s that kind of big energy.

They also told me that my new prospective partner will be ecstatic because they knew their intuition was right about me, that they are happy that they can change into doing something they’ve been wanting to do a lot for the past few years, but circumstances have meant they had to go in another direction they weren’t as passionate in, but just generally liked a bit.

I was told he will love how playful I am, how changeable I am, how pliable I can be in most situations and ultimately he will see me as a very inspiring person and he will get on my case about not using my abilities to the best that I can.  He will be very pushy about my talents, all of them and I won’t be able to hide any from him or the world, he won’t allow it.

He will push me into the world and have a “have fun” attitude and will stick around waiting to push me back if I try to wander away from what I am supposed to be doing.

He sounds impossible, but supportive, cheeky and fun.

He will challenge me on every level to be the best that I can be for myself, he won’t let me belittle myself or make do, he will always make me strive to take better things.  Apparently there is a couple of things which will frustrate the both of us being together… for him, it is my idea of moderation and accepting less than I really want and my apparent, needless frugality.  He is apparently here to teach me how to grasp abundance, but according to my spirits, he is fighting a losing battle as I am just so naturally happy and grateful for whatever I have and I never overdo things for myself.

I overdo things for others, but it is hard for me to digest and accept doing it for myself.

He will also have a challenging time with my insecurities, but after as little as two years he would have the victory he was vying for regarding that!  This is what the spirits promised, I laughed as two years is too short a time for that!

But they are determined that he knows me more than I do!

As for my reaction to him, apparently he will know how to push all of my buttons for any reaction he desires and this will sometimes scare me, because he will challenge me a lot!  He will not do anything to harm me, or make me feel bad in anyway, but he will scare me by putting me into situations and teaching me how to cope with them and have fun, because in his opinion I have missed out a lot in life and he is determined I won’t miss out on anything else!

My lesson to him apparently is improving spiritual connection and emotional healing as well as filling the void.  Oh and apparently although he is known to be a little eccentric already by people who know him, apparently us being together will make him stand out as being even more outrageous, because we’ll do it as a couple together!  We are apparently two peas in a pod!

The spirits said we are the couple that get the most invites to places, simply because we liven things up with our presence and vibrancy.

To be perfectly honest, it has to be a dream and this can’t really happen for me.  Because in my opinion, I am past it; I am forty years old, I am not very attractive, I can’t see how all of this is going to happen in such a short space of time.  I have got myself into a homebody rut, so how am I going to meet this guy, huh?

Is he going to just turn up on my doorstep?  I don’t think so!

But OK… email me first?

Thanks for reading.

Leave a comment

Filed under About Me

Tight Spot

I beg to know who it is

That sees me every night

They talk to me everyday

With their second sight

I need to know who it is

That wished me into life

It pains me to be apart from them

It hurts me like a knife

They need to do so much

To prepare for me

But I am ready for them, whoever they may be

They tell me they’re not ready

They have lots of things to do

But who and where they are

I have little clues

But it can’t be he that I see

Because it’s very strange

I sometimes wonder if it’s real

Or if I am deranged

Because who I see is magnificent

A wonder true and through

Surely you are not this person?

Surely it’s not true?

My spirits have told me

I am on the right track

But I don’t believe them

I feel like a wack!

But if you are this person

Then I understand

That maybe you will never become my man

Because life is very difficult for you right now

You’re a big ship; it’s not an easy sail

But I want you to know

I am here for you

Whenever you are brave enough

Call me to you

But I feel dejected

As I always thought

You would someday come to me

Like I’ve always been taught

My spirits they have promised

That for you I was made

But perhaps from your own heart, you have strayed

You’ve forgotten yourself perhaps

Only time will tell

But until you come to me, I will live in Hell

I am unassuming, I don’t want a lot

Just lots of love and snuggles and a safety spot

I know I will be a burden

For I haven’t had much love

But it isn’t really fair for me to feel pushed and shoved

Because I can feel you every time you think of me

Because I am locked to you, I am not free

I feel every thought and question

I feel you so, so well

It’s like you manifested me in some weird spell

But I do know this

If you don’t want me

From this body, my spirit shall flee

Because I am not here for anyone else

This body is nothing without you, just a cell

So make up your mind

Am I coming home or not?

Because I am lost without you

I’m in a tight spot

2 Comments

Filed under poetry

1st reading p2

Here is part two of my tarot card and oracle readings for the month to come and R means that the card is in reverse.

These are the tarot decks and they are;

1 – Russell Grant’s Astro Tarot

R-CHARIOT – R-RABBIT – HEIROPHANT – R JUDGEMENT

  1. R CHARIOT

The card shows me there is indecision, hesitation or a slowing down of energies.  Because of what happened in my oracle decks, I take this as I am hesitant to make a decision because of emotional struggles and potentially trust issues.

  1. R RABBIT

This indicates that I will feel insubstantial to something; it is making me feel that what is happening, whatever it might be is implausible and not real, or a trick.

This cards position also shows me that I must not be sceptical, rude or abrupt to the person who is coming with an offer for something, as this person is a loving individual who means to help me and lift me up in some way.  They are also someone who feels there is a deep spiritual connection with me and the cards warn that they are just as fiery as I am and their willpower is stronger, so tread carefully! 

  1. HIEROPHANT

This card indicates a relationship where spiritual values are well-matched.  Someone is about to reveal a huge secret to me and give me plenty to think about.  They are going to be part of my major transformation and increased sense of overall wellbeing.

This person fully wants to adopt me into their life on all possible levels of existence, but ultimately they want to be my mentor for life and living well.  They could also increase my spiritual power.

  1. R JUDGEMENT

Something is going to make me restless.  I have definitely reached the end of a phase in my life and will have to say goodbye to some people.

There could be disappointment with a legal matter or legal papers or a small delay in them, which will ruin plans on the short term. 

This card also indicates an offer for a change of abode/home. 

Personally I think that for this to happen in just 4 weeks, is just too fast, but there you go.

  • – THE TRADITIONAL RIDER WAITE TAROT DECK

QUEEN OF CUPS – QUEEN OF WANDS – 7 PENTACLES – KING OF SWORDS I ALSO DROPPED THE 10 OF WANDS

  • QUEEN OF CUPS – under reversed chariot

This card shows me that there is definitely a new romantic relationship that could start in the next four weeks.  It is also indicating that there is nurturing energy around me too, someone who is kind, compassionate, empathic with me on most if not all levels.  This person is going to be supportive and heal my emotional wounds and help me learn to move on and have fun with life.

This person has very powerful, strong but gentle energy about them throughout this entire reading overall.

It’s going to be a very deep relationship that also indicates that eventually we will also be part of each other’s career somehow.  They are a creative person like me, perhaps we’ll collaborate?

There is a slowing down however, as there is reversed chariot energy above the queen of cups.  So we’re taking it slower than we’d like, because I think we both have a bit of nervous tension here and some kind of blockade to overcome?

  • QUEEN OF WANDS – under the reversed rabbit card

This card is a card of transformation again as well as indicating a new relationship or a strong fidelity coming my way.  So this card shows me there is a lot of determination and passion from this other person towards me, it’s almost like obsessive energy but it’s certainly not toxic energy, other cards have assured me that.

Despite an oracle card earlier indicating that this person is going to make the decision for me, but it is a decision they made out of love, not from a place of control – because they can see that I do not trust easily and they are so desperate to show me that they are different, and according to the reading overall, they really are!

You see the rabbit energy above the Queen of wands tells us, that I am insecure about how real their offer of a relationship with me is.  I am the one being cautious and frightened to go with my heart and instinct as I am scared of getting hurt or being tricked again.

  • THE SEVEN OF PENTACLES – under the hierophant

Is showing me that again, there is a relationship because I have become somebodies labour of love – they are determined and persevering to show me that they are different.  It’s really lovely to see how much work they are willing to put into trying to convince me they are OK, that they are genuine.  With the hierophant energy they are trying hard to mentor me to heal and to trust. 

They are so full of patience with me, that it’s actually very touching to read this…

It even shows they are willing to sacrifice a lot for themselves in order to convince me and show me another way, they are really investing a lot of themselves for my happiness and to help me heal and to be with me.

Other cards in the past showed me that this person will put a hold on their entire life, even their career if needs be, if it meant that they got me in their life. 

Seriously dude, whoever you are, you don’t need to be so drastic, OK?  I am sure we’ll figure something out!

  • KING OF SWORDS – under the reversed judgement

The King of swords indicates a struggle with figures in authority, particularly as it is underneath the reversed judgement card.  Someone in authority is holding something back from progressing as fast as I would like.  Their standards are high and strict and they could be blocking how fast my transformation is. 

I need to be stern about what is going on and show people I won’t be pushed away from something or someone, but I also see that I need someone else’s candid approach to make things work too, this is a third person I am seeing here – someone who holds the keys to legal documents or some kind of authority over me or this new person coming into my life.

  • TEN OF WANDS – under the Queen of cups

I see that there is a huge obstacle I have overcome in order for this new relationship to come about – the huge blockade will successfully have been removed but it isn’t without its blood sweat and tears for the both of us involved.

It strongly indicates that the block is coming from my new person’s career, but his friends will support him all the way and will help ease him out of a sticky situation.  Fascinating.

We both will definitely feel a little burnt out because of the struggle, it is definitely a stressful time.  But the hurdle has been got over and we are going to be OK it appears.

  • – KABBALISTIC TAROT

10 OF CUPS – R QUEEN OF SWORDS – R 3 OF WANDS – THE MAGICIAN

  • 10 of cups – under the Queen of wands

OK so this is a good reading but it feels unrealistic, I am not usually a pessimist but the readings I have been getting lately are outrageously outlandish!  It’s totally out there – it’s too good to be true, you know? 

The ten of cups is always a positive thing to have in your reading it means, abundance, it indicates legacy, it indicates wealth and prosperity it is not dissimilar to the wheel of fortune, there is definitely a lot of positive energy and happiness in this card. 

It is immediately underneath the Queen of wands and she is directly underneath the rabbit card – all of this indicates a wonderful relationship that will literally alter my reality in every single way shape and form.

I told you the energy I have been sensing lately is BIG! 

Happiness, homecomings, fulfilment, emotional stability, security, domestic harmony is all indicative of this card.  In just 4 weeks?  No way, I can’t see how!  But amazing if it’s true!

It’s the “you’re gonna have it all” card.  To be frank, I’m scared at how quick this is coming… I mean, like… WTF?

Deep spiritual connection, new relationship, feeling of being delusional that things are not real – then this card shows up?  No freaking way!

Gosh, who is this guy?

I am going to burst I can tell you and I am going to feel so stupid next month if I am doing another reading and there is nothing that happened, lol.

  • R QUEEN OF SWORDS – under the 7 of pentacles

I am very pessimistic with what the person coming into my life is all about, this card shows that I am judging them harshly and maybe lose my temper with them a bit because I feel that they are wrong about what they want from me.

But they are going to persevere because they really want this!  They are not going to give up on me and they won’t let me give up on life either!  There are going to be some harsh home truths coming my way or going their way, either or both.  

It’s going to be hard, because this person is going to use a trick to convince me and I will apparently fall for it.  But it’s not a nasty trick, because the cards above it indicate otherwise, but to onlookers what he will propose to me looks utterly toxic, but it’s what is necessary for him to do in order to show me that – hey – I am real and genuine with you and I am going to have you!

According to the reading as a whole, they are completely consumed by me and they are not letting me go anywhere, they are not taking no for an answer, because they can sense I really want this too!  And to be honest with you, I do!  I think…

They are going to lay my life on the table and make me look at it and then offer me something completely different, but I won’t believe them because I feel unworthy and that’s when they are going to shove it in my face apparently… harshly… then give me an ultimatum about it!

Phew, oh boy, some big energy from this guy!  It kind of makes me feel like saying… “Who do you think you are you beautiful lovely persistent asshole”?  Whilst also hugging him tight and not letting him go anywhere!

  • R 3 OF WANDS – under the King of swords!

So again, we have a delay because of authority, but also a delay could be caused by my insecurities with what is going on with my new person.  I or they have to learn to compromise and understand new things.

We both need to lay all of our problems on the table immediately to clear the air so we can help each other overcome all of our obstacles, so that the relationship can start smoothly.

Patience for all of us is called for, patience is the key – don’t be eager to rush ahead, because it could scare the weaker person away… the weaker person is me as the cards indicate that throughout.

There are also challenges at my partner’s work!  Who the heck has a job where their boss has a say on what goes on in their personal life?  All I can think of is that maybe this is indicative of a military establishment?  I can’t think of any other industry where someone would have to answer to their boss about new relationships… if you can please comment below!

  • THE MAGICIAN – under the 10 of wands

So OK, the hurdles we had to leap over in regards to starting our new relationship was definitely indicative of my persons career – but now the cards say that we are going to be OK because we will overcome it with our skills and trickery and desire and sheer willpower!   We are both powerful masters of manifestation, so he is a highly spiritual person, whoever he may be!

It’s definitely going to be a battle of the wills, most likely for him more than me as the cards indicate my willpower is much less than his, I am easy in defeat but he certainly isn’t giving up!

He is certainly going to make things happen and he is pulling out all of the resources to make sure he gets what he wants here!  There is no stopping this guy, I think I am in love with him before I’ve even met him – I love persistent little asshats with an huge ego who grabs life by the balls and don’t let anyone get them down, gosh I love this guy! 

Come to me daddy, come on! Lol

  • – THE WITCHES TAROT by Ellen Cannon Reed

R 6 OF WANDS – 10 OF WANDS – 5 OF SWORDS – R ACE OF CUPS – R SUN

  • R 6 OF WANDS – under the 10 of cups

Although the card it is under is great and very exciting, it also indicates that my confidence is at an all-time low or that maybe my new person may feel a little neglected because of my insecurities to relax around them.

I really do need to change my attitude and build my esteem or this relationship could turn bitter, if I am insecure for too long.

This reading totally indicates that I will be to blame if this relationship fails because of my insecurities and my inability to believe in myself.

I’ll drive this poor patient guy into exhaustion because I won’t understand why he likes me so much.  But like all fortune telling, tarot cards are here to show us what is what and how not to make bad things happen.  So I have a lot of self-reflection to do and I can’t sit back and say “I am not worthy” when he wants me so much, it isn’t fair.  He has worked hard to get to where he is in asking me for this relationship and probably will lose a lot too, over it. 

It’s almost like I feel he is too good to be true that I am talking him out of the relationship, because… why are you bothering with someone like me?  Look at me… you know.  I know I am insecure, but I can totally see why this card says this!

So I have to believe in this guy as much as he believes in me, it can’t all be one sided here!

The cards are more or less saying – it will be successful, IF I LET IT HAPPEN!  My insecurities and my self-value will determine if this happens or not! 

There is nothing else against us except for this authority figure that is controlling him and my own insecurities, if these things can be overcome, we will be flying!

  • 10 OF WANDS AGAIN – under the reversed Queen of swords

This energy is doubled as it was in the reading earlier!  Here is a reminder of what that said.

“I see that there is a huge obstacle I have overcome in order for this new relationship to come about – the huge blockade will successfully have been removed but it isn’t without its blood sweat and tears for the both of us involved.

It strongly indicates that the block is coming from my new person’s career, but his friends will support him all the way and will help ease him out of a sticky situation.  Fascinating.

We both will definitely feel a little burnt out because of the struggle, it is definitely a stressful time.  But the hurdle has been got over and we are going to be OK it appears.”  This is doubled in its energy here. 

But because this card is also under the reversed Queen of swords it also shows us that once again my insecurities are a huge factor in the success or failure of this relationship and my person is not the type to give up without a fight!

He is going to have me and I just have to love him for it, basically, because ultimately, all the cards and previous readings have indicated we’re perfect for each other, we are going to be so happy together, but it’s all down to my acceptance that I am worthy of all this!

My other readings in other fortune telling mediums and other tarot readings have shown me, this is a till death do us part relationship – so once we overcome the hurdles, we are each other’s last, long-term relationship!

  • 5 OF SWORDS – under the reversed 3 of wands

There is a huge conflict against a figure of authority again, there are major hostilities going on because of what my person wants and someone is getting in their way, big time! 

This shows, although they will win on this matter he will lose something equally important to him. 

This indicates that we are both victorious in what we want, but we are going to be left picking up the pieces of something that has been completely destroyed by this third person.  For my person, they literally have to start again from scratch. 

This makes me feel so bad for them!

What are they losing?  Looks like their career or something… its huge whatever it is!  The card indicates a friendship tied to a career.

But whatever it is, my person is glad to have done it because the inner conflict of not having what he wants the most would hurt him more, according to the cards – so for him, it was worth it in his eyes!

Yikes, I feel so awkward.

  • THE REVERSE ACE OF CUPS – under the magician

We will endure a long suffering to get to where we want to if this is a relationship reading, like it appears to be. 

There is insecurity in the relationship, it could also mean a breaking up or a parting of the ways, but that could just be between Paul and I, because as I have said before in other posts, we’re on the cusp of separation and this new person is definitely here to stay according to so much in this reading as well as others in the past.

The magician shows us that we do prevail, but it’s going to be sad, frustrating and there are going to be hostile people around us initially.

  • THE REVERSED SUN – under the reversed 6 of wands

Once again my pessimism gets into the way a little bit.  I am confused why this person likes me so much and it could put a block up for us both to start the relationship.

I understand that I do want him as much as he wants me, but for me, the cards show me I will think he is far too good for me and that why would he want someone who like me when there are better out there for him?

The cards show me this is some top quality guy, ticks all of my boxes in every single way, but I feel so insecure about myself because I have a low opinion on both my looks and my personal situation that I just can’t see, why he’d want someone like me! 

True if he is exactly like how I am reading him to be… in my opinion, why would he want a fat, 40yr old, who is deaf and one step away from society calling her trailer trash?

I mean, come on, I am a realist you know?  Things like this don’t happen to women like me!

The cards tell me, stop this attitude, because it’s real, get out of your head woman and just accept your fate!

Everything indicates this is destiny, yet all I can think about is… if he turns up and he is as great as these cards says he is, I am going to either faint run away or vomit!  I am a highly stressed individual with a constant nervous stomach!

  • – THE BEAUTIFUL CREATURES TAROT DECK

R 4 OF SWORDS – PARANORMAL – R CHARIOT – WHEEL OF FORTUNE – 8 OF CUPS AND R 10 OF CUPS

  • REVERSE 4 OF SWORDS – under the 10 of wands

It’s a restless time there is a lot to do, it’s going to be an emotional and bumpy ride and the stress can affect my health a little bit. 

There is a temporary blip in the new relationship, where I am given time to think things through after an ultimatum, they are going to give me time to adjust to what they are going to offer me in my life with them.  They won’t let me rush my decision either, they will find it hard to remove themselves from me in the short term, but they believe it is necessary to force some kind of reflection and absorb it all. 

They ultimate will be relentless in telling me that I am absolutely what they want and they will be very harsh with me about it, they don’t like how I feel about myself.

The temporary blip will rejuvenate me and it will ignite something big in the both of us.  This is totally going to improve matters and make things final, that we are going to have a relationship – as long as I am determined to be strong and think differently about myself and what it means for us both as a whole.

This card is not final – this card is indicative of what may happen if I allow my insecurities to take over.  So basically… do I really want to be put into a situation where I want them, but they removed themselves from me for a time, because I am having adjustment issues?

Hmm.  If they are as great as I think they are, then – no way do I want that.  So, I have to swallow my inverse pride and get on with it and jolly well be happy about it too!

  • PARANORMAL CURIOUSITY under the 5 of swords

A dire need to sort something major out in in my life.  This indicates that the supernatural will take over this problem and create a miracle for us so that we can manifest our aims.

This is in regards to dealing with the figure of authority who is trying to get in the way – this is right after the cards which said my person could lose a lot and have to start again somehow. 

Apparently someone is going to do something unethical and I am not to step on their toes about their beliefs regarding how to handle this matter. 

I am not allowed to know what it is that happens to make the changes necessary – the spirits have asked me not to pry into this.

  • R CHARIOT – under the reverse ace of cups

This cards energy is doubled as it has occurred twice in this reading in the same line – reverse chariot below the ace of cups which is below the magician, which is below the 10 of wands, which is below the queen of cups that is below the reversed chariot – so we have the reverse chariot at the beginning of the reading and we have the reverse chariot at the end of the reading in the same quadrant.

So there is a delay in whatever is about to occur, this is definitely indicative.

So there is definitely a lot of hostility about us being together and there is a lot of blockages and I have to trust my instincts that this guy is genuine and that he knows what he wants and it happens to be me!

No two ways about it.

It’s going to be hard and emotional and I have to get used to it, or lose it all, whilst he too, will lose it all because of me and I have to live with the guilt if I don’t!

As this energy shows me, some very negative stuff will be witness by me, if I choose to let my insecurities get the better of me and I will become sick very quickly as a result of this.  Something terrible will happen to the guy who wants me, if I am not going to be brave enough to accept what I want and that I am deserving of good things.

Something so bad could happen if I refuse him that I will never forgive myself and I will become bitter and broken hearted and very ill.

Basically, I know it sounds dramatic.  But it’s like we’re both going to die if we don’t get together… you know what I mean?

I mean crap…

Who are we Romeo and Juliet?

Sorry but… erm… ew… I don’t do romance… definitely not Shakespearian romance!

Gosh we’ve got to get a grip on ourselves!

  • WHEEL OF FORTUNE – under the reverse sun

Yeah ok this is indicative of fate, destiny, tremendous luck, good fortune and everything else that good! 

We are definitely going to have a good life together, it is all going to be brilliant, it is pre-ordained almost, so I suppose I have to swallow my inverse pride and get brave and stop humbling myself huh?

It makes me sound ungrateful and moody and pessimistic, but I know I am going to be so happy anyway… so I really don’t get what it is that is making me so insecure about the guy!

He is going to be either super-hot, rich or famous or knowing my luck all three and that’s why I can’t believe it and I am running away…

In fact it would probably explain a lot, but NAH it’s not like…. NAH….

Look it’s not like my biggest celeb crush of all time is going to knock on my door is it? 

Or is it?

Oh my gosh…

Well, you’ll never know if it is!  Lol, I have enough celebrities in my family to know how to keep things to myself for their privacy sake!

So, too bad for you if it is this…

OMG

Could be…

Nah!

Just probably super hot and kinda well off.

Was told to read the reverse sun again – OMG stop being so pessimistic!  HELP… no please don’t… but please do… I mean… I never wanted to be mega famous; I am scared of the paparazzi!  Especially after what they did to someone in my…  never mind… forget what I said!

  • EIGHT OF CUPS under the 4 of swords

“The Eight of Cups signifies time for change or transition, by means of walking away from something. Just like a caterpillar has to die before transforming into a beautiful butterfly, we all need to transform ourselves in our lives from time to time. This is the case especially after being tired of living what was the day to day, and embarking on a journey that will help one have a deeper understanding about life in general.” I have quoted this from Labyrinthos which has been helping me with the readings…

OMG I have been saying I am like a caterpillar and butterfly for ages now!

I am asked if the partner is good for me then why am I trying to make them abandon me?

They will walk away for a small time, but not first without giving me an ultimatum… again, it’s my fault with my insecurities.  I have got to just go with the flow and just do what my heart wants to and that is to scream YES OK in their face whilst dancing like a lunatic…

  • REVERSE TEN OF CUPS under the paranormal card

There is definitely a separation, but that’s definitely me and Paul… as we know we are on the road to that right now.

An external figure is trying to get in the way of my new relationship, we have established that already and we know it is something to do with his job – however, this card also indicates it could also be a relative of his.

Some arguments could be very public – erm I don’t like the sound of this.

But either way, we’re sticking together and apparently after a long while of stress and hostility from others, we will be OK.  More than OK in fact and according to the cards, people will relax about us quicker than we anticipate.

Unfortunately though, again, I feel guilty.  Because this guy is going to lose a lot – gosh I hope I am worth it, poor guy!

I really want to squeeze him tight right now as I feel real bad about it all.

But know this… I like the sound of you whoever you are!

Though quite frankly you terrify me and I have no idea why, yet!

Thank you for reading and thank you whoever you are for trying so hard!

Leave a comment

Filed under cosmic ordering

1st reading part 1

I like to do a once a month tarot and oracle reading on average.  I am not confident of my reading ability, though many people who I have read for in the past have indicated that I am very accurate and spooky.

I have decided to share the monthly readings online, because a spirit told me that someone is interested in the mysticism that’s in my life and wants to see more of it, they also indicated that our cards might be similar…  I wonder who that is?  Let me know if it’s you in the comments below!

My oracle reading for the next four weeks;

1 – Druid animal oracle by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm

EAGLE

This card indicates that I have a huge decision to make this month.

I may also make a powerful alliance with someone.

There will definitely be some kind of detachment from something or someone or rejuvenation because of one or both of the above.

I may have to have courage in whatever this card is indicating, the decision or the person or the situation.

2 – The Lovers Oracle pack

MANIFESTING MIRACLES

My dreams are soon to become a reality.

I have to trust my heart and continue to follow in its guidance.

3 – Chakra wisdom oracle cards by Tori Hartman

VICTIM

This card represents the Heart Chakra – so that chakra could be the most dominant this month particularly with the below meaning behind it;

I am going to be in denial of a situation that will occur to me

I am asked to make a major decision regarding my whole life

I will feel delusional about what is offered, I won’t believe the person, but apparently it’s not a trick as the other cards in this reading will show and indicate…

The offer is about both growth and empowerment, but other cards in the reading indicate it could be a new relationship too, where growth & empowerment will be important throughout that relationship

The card is VICTIM – but this indicates I could be the victim of my own inability to see that I am worthy of this potential offer or relationship!

4 – The Spirit of the Animals Oracle – I was only meant to draw one card from this pack but 3 fell when I had barely shuffled after asking my question and I read them all as I felt an instinct to do so! 

4.1 BEE – COMMUNITY

The bee indicates an increase in communication, community spirit or social matters in my life.

It is also a powerful manifestation card, meaning that something I have wanted a long time is coming to me. 

It is also a card meaning reward, gifts or an offer.

This is another reason why I believe it is a new relationship coming into my life and they are coming with an offer that will change my life.

4.2 GRIZZLY BEAR – POWER

The grizzly bear shows me that there is an increase in my personal power coming soon, or a person coming into my life that has a lot of personal power.

If it is a person coming into my life, this person is strong, powerful, protective and loving towards me. 

4.3 EAGLE – MASTERY

To have two eagles from two different packs indicates an increase in all the eagle energies of the reading, so it is intensified.

But this particular oracle deck suggests that this card for this reading mainly indicates letting go of the past.  This is yet another reading I have had a lot of in the past nine weeks about how my life is going to be turned literally upside down but for the better in every possible area of my life!

All previous readings I have had from the past few weeks indicated to me that November 2022, February 2023, July 2023 and September 2023 are all going to be major months in my life with big upheavals or events.  In a previous reading it indicates in July 2023 there will potentially be immigration, leaving my homeland not just the house but the whole country!  But I have no plans for that – yet… what’s changing?  Well another reading a few days ago showed me that July 30th could be a wedding date, now that’s super-fast, if this is a new relationship that’s happening!

5 – Tea Leaf Fortune Cards by Rae Hepburn

I dropped 2 from the first of two piles.  I read them both.

5.1 DRAGON

Beware of self-delusions.  This is another card which has indicated the above again… I have a hard time accepting when anything good happens to me, I am always expecting a trick behind it, you know?

5.2 CLUB

Someone will make a decision for me or will force me to make a decision or do something – again, a decision to react.

Pile 2 is next as this is a huge deck that needs to be split…

5.3 BUTTERFLY

A change for the better! 

Again over the past three months, I have got a lot of cards about how I am going through a major transformation.

I thought it would be interesting to let you know how these cards were arranged so far…

The bee had the dragon underneath it – which shows that the decision I have to make, I will probably not feel worthy of again, so this is definitely a major message here.

The grizzly bear had the club directly underneath that, which is kind of scary when you see a grizzly bear with a club in its hands!  Lol – but on a serious note, this is about power play, someone wants a decision and they might not be afraid to make it for me if I am too insecure or dithery about it.  Remember this person indicates a loving, strong and protective person.

The eagle has the butterfly underneath it, which shows us that I will be letting go of the past because of a major transformation happening in my life, the transformation is happening because of this major decision and potential alliance/relationship and I am required to have courage and move onto greener pastures.

So that’s what’s going to be happening in the next four weeks according to my oracle cards of the reading. 

The tarot decks will be done in part 2.

Thank you for reading!

Leave a comment

Filed under cosmic ordering

Who’s energy is this?

Having lived a life of semi-isolation pre-covid, because of life circumstances, I have not developed in a usual manner for other people in society.

My life has effectively been similar to that of a yogi.

Why do I say that? 

Because I have spent a lot of my life in social isolation because of one reason or another and I have always had reflective thoughts on everything that happens to me.  My memory is very good when things happen to me, because they seldom happen to me, if you get my drift?

Religion, philosophy and self-improvement has always been a way of life for me, indeed, it is a lifestyle of sorts.  I am always soul searching, I meditate often though not in the usual manner and I spend a lot of time inside of myself.

This has made me become described by many people as a sensitive and highly empathetic being.

I come from a very spiritual and somewhat occultist background with my grandmother’s gypsy and witch heritage, so I have learned to be open regarding everything and I have inherited my gypsy ancestral ability for clairvoyance.

Not only this but working with angels has always been a major part of my families indoctrination and so I have always worked with my spirit guides or guardian angels as it were on a very close one to one level to such a degree, I do not need to meditate to hear them, like most practitioners do.

Because of all of this, I have become a person to which friends rely on for messages.  Some friends of mine in the past and even my exes have become a little afraid of my abilities because it is my lifestyle.  I never push my beliefs on anyone, but people find it really hard when I am unsurprised by events that have happened in their lives.

Some are so afraid that they feel invaded and have left my life; others kind of try to abuse my ability and constantly try to get more answers to their questions to their lives.

Why am I sharing all of this?

Because I am finding myself socialising more online these days with new people and there are certain people I can feel want to say something “BIG” to me, but I sense they are afraid of rejection.  I think it is only one person; though I can sense seven who have similar intentions to this “main” energy I can feel.

I can tell there are seven new people who want to be a part of my life in a major way, in my opinion there is only the one that connects well to me and what’s so strange about it is, they haven’t made themselves known to me yet.  But my spirits have told me, they know everything that they can about me and it’s not just through my blog either!

This particular person who connects to me really well is definitely American, but there are four Americans amongst the seven.

This particular person is begging for a miracle because there are circumstances in his life, which indicate that they cannot do what a regular guy can do, he has a lot of responsibilities and he is afraid of getting me caught up in it all and becoming stressed.  He is deeply concerned for my mental health and stability.

He is afraid I will reject him, because he feels I am afraid of the challenges he brings with him.

He is afraid that I will feel emotionally neglected because he is a very busy, constantly on the go kind of guy and along with this, he is afraid he might physically exhaust me as well.

I sense a lot of people in his life know about me and is trying to support him through this awkward emotional time for him.

I feel he is afraid that I will not be impressed by him or that I may feel he is a narcissist in some way if he does what he instinctively feels he should, regarding me.

He is afraid that his lifestyle or certain associations within his lifestyle may emotionally harm me in some way.

He is also unsure how I cope with change and he really doesn’t want to stress me out with a huge upheaval, I definitely see him as very caring and nurturing.

He is also afraid that he might be overreacting about me, that maybe when things calm down a little in his life he may not think the way he does about me.  He worries that I have become discovered by him at a vulnerable time in his life – and it is a vulnerable time for him.

But what I can sense about this person is that we are so much in tune with each other.  We have the same needs almost and we are perfectly balanced in that, what he wants from me, I have the ability to be naturally that for him and vice versa – we really do not need to change much of ourselves to be part of each other’s lives.

I do feel that they have hugely underestimated my stamina and endurance, not physically, but emotionally.  Yes, I do feel physically their lifestyle will be very tiring for me for a while, but he has the ability to improve my stamina over time.  But emotionally, we’ll be OK, more than OK in fact.

He is very sensitive and he needs someone who can respect his boundaries and his choices and he is a very private and security oriented person.  Maybe he has been hurt a lot in the past or perhaps he is afraid of being taken advantage of or something along those lines…

I am really good at keeping things to myself, I dislike gossip and I am rather security conscious myself – though I do put myself out there a lot online, but depending on my circumstances I can tighten things up for the right person very quickly.

I can train dogs; dogs make me feel more secure… sorry for going off on a tangent there.

I feel our only issue, if we were to have a relationship with one another is that he will definitely find me a little too childish at times and selfish, but he will endeavour to kind of reign that out of me over a time.  He likes the playfulness and creativity in me, but the over excitement, the squeals and hyperactivity he will feel he has to step in and calm me down a bit.

He does feel that other people’s opinions mean a lot to him, he is very image conscious but he is not shallow, this much I can feel from him and he is living in frustration that people expect him to be shallow for some reason?

I sense his biggest desire with me is to help me experience a life of fun, freedom and happiness.  This is important to him; he wants me to be happy and less tight, it means a lot to him.

He is also afraid that I will reject him because he is a very physical person and somewhat clingy.  I don’t mind this actually because I have been attention starved most of my life, I am actually afraid I would slow his life down because of how demanding I can be with snuggles and mooching around them.  I know I am a very physical person too and I don’t mean sex, though I have to admit my tantric energy is rarely turned off!

Whoever this guy is, my only concerns are… can you cope with a hyperactive squirrel type woman?  Who is always in a snuggle mood, that is super creative and loves to brainstorm her ideas with you all the time.  Can you cope with the idea that she hates contraception for herself personally and wants a large family even though she’s forty?  If you don’t want kids, can you really keep your hands to yourself until you do? 

Do you like dogs?  I need a dog in my life… though I’m sympathetic to allergies.

I prefer suburban areas or areas that have a lot of nature around us, like big gardens and trees lining the streets, if nothing else and local parks…

I have a 12yr old son who will not be coming with me in my new life, as he has already chosen to stay with his father because of his 300yr ancestry in this village – will you think less of me for honouring his choices?

Do you like Mediterranean and Asian food as that’s my main diet? Because my ancestry is predominantly Italian with some Sephardic Jewish and Greek roots too.

Are you easily jealous?  This could be a problem as I am super friendly with the whole world, likely to hug everyone and be super nice and even a little flirty at times, but I am loyal to a fault!

Can you take the reins if necessary as I need a lot of direction and I get anxious when I am involved too much in a passive relationship… basically, do you have the patience with a person who is constantly asking “is this ok” “is that ok”? Or is that going to annoy you, because I know it has bothered many exes in the past.  I am also apologetic as I always feel like I am doing things wrong!

Do you have the patience to help me become the best that I can be as an individual? 

How are you with positive people who try to motivate you and help you?  Do you allow others to help you?  As I am always trying to help people and some people get moody about it, I only need to be told gently – I am OK thank you.

Do you like the outdoors?  I love it!

I don’t sunbathe; drink (unless it’s a special occasion & limit myself to 3) or smoke and I don’t do night life with the ladies, like most women do.  I am more of a lunch in town or an afternoon tea at home or at friends’ homes type.

How snobby are you?  I like thrift stores and markets and antiques.

I have a huge problem with spending loads of money on something I know I can get at a bargain price down the road of the same quality – this was something a couple of my rich exes couldn’t get over and they were snobby about where they got things, regardless of the price.  Which made no sense to me, you know look after the pennies and the pounds look after themselves and all that…

Besides I like needlecraft and thrift stores have some nice clothes to touch up and make your own designs with!

I don’t travel light and that is the understatement of the century!

My rabbit Ray means everything to me and if he can’t be part of your life, well… sniff* meanie!

I am a drama queen at times, especially if I feel emotionally neglected and I can sense this is the same for the person I am talking about here.  So that will be interesting… two queens in one home…

But I sense I am the submissive one in this energy.

I am really laying myself out there for an energy I don’t know is going to take the plunge with me… are you actually all energy and hot air with no real intention… or are you going to find your balls and talk to me?

Sorry to be blunt, but the suspense is killing me!

I can feel your energy so much it is distracting – when I try not to hone in on this energy I am seeing some weird signs everywhere that makes me refocus again.

222

444

Snake

Trees

11

Watches/pocket watches

Ibis

Flamingos

Peacocks

Dragonflies

Butterflies

Bubbles

Red with gold in blocks or tiles

Purple with teal usually seen with peacocks and shiny metallic blue and horses?

Crystals – jade in particular

Wheels

Crab

Aries signs

March for some weird reason is important, like 2023 March

A black and white cat

A ruby ring

Rose tinted glasses

Chakra alignments

The kabbalah

Adam & Eve references

Alpha and Omega references

It’s all just weird and I know it’s somehow connected to you… whoever you may be!

Why the blazes does my instinct tell me that when I meet you I am going to want to run away and scream and then come back to you like super calm and cool and like… yeah hi, how are you?

Nobody does that to me!

Who are you?

Really…

Whoever you are, in dream time we have a certain way of knowing if we’re the right people for each other. Its subtle, but we’ll know.

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment

Filed under About Me