Tag Archives: soul

Moonlight Sonata

Listening to moonlight sonata fusion in metal and I can’t help but love it more than the original – thing is, I loved the original a lot anyway – but this is just so sweet!

I think this kind of music really speaks to my soul, I prefer a lot of metal fusion from classical music actually.  It’s super cool and it really helps me focus on the modern aspects of my vampire stories.

I listen to a lot of weird stuff when I am writing and Henry doesn’t like a majority of the music I listen to, he gets upset with it, which is why I isolated myself in my bedroom all the time these days so I can do my writing.

I can’t write very well or for prolonged periods without musical stimulation.

Moonlight sonata is one of the few classical pieces I used to be able to play on my keyboard actually; I am worried I have forgotten most of the music I once knew how to play, because Paul won’t spare the space for me to set up my keyboard in the house since 2012.  So I haven’t practised in over ten years. 

Thanks for reading…

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I hate silence

I have another victory within the home today, a small one.

I can now have music in my bedroom without relying on YouTube videos on the TV and I no longer need to work on a lagging laptop because Amazon music is on the background online.  Instead, Paul has agreed to surrender the living rooms Echo Dot to be taken upstairs as I am the only person who really listens to music.

This has already boosted my writing productivity hugely and it’s only been upstairs for two days now.

Music does a lot for me in regards to writing and doing art.

Music is in my soul, it’s a part of who I am.

Why did I get the victory?

Because I was watching a YouTube video with Paul the other day and they had a choose an item thing on the video about what your spirit guides want to tell you about why you are having obstacles or ill health in your life. 

The advice I got was, music is in your soul, sound leads your way, you do not do well in silence – music affects your health and your productivity, listen to the music that lifts you up and you will see a rapid change in your life!

I said to Paul – see, I told you, I need to buy an Echo Dot for up here, I think I will do that with my next allowance as I have seen them cheap online for £18.  He wouldn’t let me buy it, instead he said, have the one downstairs no one uses it but you anyway, I will bring it up here for you right away and lo and behold he did!  Instantaneously without waiting…. My goodness, something he did on the spur of the moment, a rare event!

I am so happy!

It’s only been two days and I have done more than I have for ages!

Also I am starting to read more too, because the break in the silence is making it feel less monotonous.

I hate silence, I have never been once to like pure silence – it actually gives me a headache!

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Toxic slurs

Jealousy is a poison that seeps deep within your soul

Dragging you into a hell of your own making without your control

So many times you speak with bitterness on your tongue

You hope that the words you vomit would have stung

But they bounce off me because they are lame

Because every sentence you speak to me, sounds the same

You whine like a baby who wants more candy

Drinking yourself into a stupor with more brandy

Slurring your vitriol and your contempt

I know fully well what is your intent

But its not working because my dear

I see your frustration and your tear

I feel pity for someone like you

Because you are a toxic old shrew

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Choose a door

Calm down, I can’t sleep

Calm down, I can’t eat

Calm down, my sweet

I know things are hard for you

I can feel it in my heart

I know you are taking a risk

But I won’t let you fall apart

I will hold you up when you fall down

I will hold you tight and close

Because I feel you in my soul

Your spirit blooming like a rose

I don’t know who you are

You don’t know that I care

But I will love you always

I promise, I swear

When you are stressed I feel it

When you are calm I sleep

When you are near I feel it

Your presence is so deep

I can’t explain these feelings

But I know that we are one

You think you shine bright like a star

But to me you are the sun!

I can feel when you deny me

My spirit caves away

When you are happy to have me

I wilfully live and play

I am so connected to you

With each action that you do

I will respond to it

But you will never have a clue

Not until you find me

And choose to hold me dear

Because my fate is bound to you

Let me make that clear

I was born to be yours

As you’ve always prayed

But if you choose not to have me

I’ll easily fade away

But I can feel you strengthening

In everything you want

I can feel you choosing

In fact the feeling haunts

The spirits they have told me

That soon you will be here

But I don’t trust them fully

Because your worries I can hear

Each time you waver in your choice

There is a flutter in my heart

I am scared you will not choose me

Then I’ll fall apart

I am scared of my future

Do I have one at all?

Or do I have a hope in Hell

That I shall never fall?

Right now I am on a tightrope

Or so it feels to me

Will I get to the other side?

Will you come to me?

Or are the wobbles a warning

That I will surely fall

And then you will not have me

And that will be cruel

Because you prayed so hard to make me

You deserve me as your kin

Just trust that you have got this

Trust in everything!

For right now I am at a stumble

There is no net for me

Just one choice will determine

What is next for me!

You can be happy my love

You can have it all

But make a choice quickly

Before I lose step and fall!

We balance each other, you and I

But I can’t choose for you

My life is bound to you, but you haven’t a clue

I am here waiting

But I don’t know how long for

Just make a choice quickly

Now please choose which door…

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You are loved by God

I am a light bringer, changer of faith

My words are spoken softly my image locked in wraith

I am gentle with my words, soft like a summer’s breeze

A little hazy you will feel, but I hope to bring you ease

I kiss you on your soul, yet you feel it not

For you are tied and contorted within the Devil’s knot

You don’t know that path you have, is a path you should not dwell

You are afraid of primal things, like punishment and Hell

But those things are not to be feared, for they cannot touch you so

Hell is not a place, where mortals are doomed to go

No

Each soul is special and unique

Each soul is loved by God

You will be forgiven at the end of life

Don’t think it rather odd

You can’t understand what it’s like to be God

To love you when you’ve sinned

Because nothing can ever love like God, my beautiful wunderkind

So hear me now and rest at ease

Hell is not where you are sure to go

Because you have lived a life of lies doesn’t mean God will hate you so

No

He knew you before you were born

He knew each step you’d take

So how can he punish what he has made?

Do you think he makes mistakes?

No

He doesn’t and you should know

Because everything is perfect, he has made it so

So away with your fears and bring in your trust

That everything is as it should be and that these things are a must

You cannot do anything that is wrong

Because God has allowed you to sing your song

But do not be blinded by pride and decay

Because God sends in people to change and to sway

Each little step you are sure to take, to ensure that everything is perfect

Make no mistake!

There is no bad decision as long as you learn

Which person is the one of which you should turn

Which event is a lesson and which is a lie

Which is Gods path and which is a try?

So trust in God that he has your hand

And you will realise all is grand

So off you go and learn the way

Reach out to those who help you sway

Keep out of harm and join in with love

Smile, be happy because you are loved!

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Death’s heart

Death is the stealer of lives

Stealer of brothers, friends and wives

Stealer of souls

Stealer of everyone you love and behold

Death has no heart

No sympathy

No control

Death is dull

Because sweetheart

Death is dead too

You knew didn’t you?

That’s why death does these things to you

But who will mourn for death?  I or you?

Nay, your heart is dead too

Only you have no clue

Death swims in the deep blue

Drowning us all, in the miserable hue

Of life’s decay and that is the way it has to be

For an immortal soul to become free

Yay, now you see

How it’s got to be

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Persevere

Life is complicated when you’re big

Life is complicated when you are small

Life doesn’t meet in the middle of the short or tall

Life can be a nightmare, though also sometimes a dream

Sometimes it makes you cry for joy and other times make you scream

I understand what it’s like for you, you who are so very big

I know the leaps and bounds you make

Your life is fragile like a twig

One false step and you could lose it all

I understand your qualms

But I can’t help falling in love, with your spirit and your charms

I pray you take the risk you want

You leap over the looming walls

You take what you want by the hands

And you will be enthralled

Because no matter what you think, I know my answer is yes

Because I feel it in my soul, that when you come I am blessed!

You were always promised to me in my dreams

I think I know you well

And to live without you in my life, just know that it is Hell

All I ever wanted was a guy just like you

Someone who will love me and protect me and be true

But I grow impatient because I know

I can feel your spirit glow

I can feel the warmth you bring

I can feel your spirit sing

I know that it isn’t long before you come and share your song

But I am going crazy here

Because I sense you are very near

And all I can think of is you, you, YOU!

How I feel, you’ve got no clue!

But you need to know right here and now

That I will accept that vow

That offer you will make, I will take it make no mistake!

For I will know if it is you, that you really love me too

Though we don’t know each other right now

However you’ve been foretold and wow

I know it’s crazy, but you’re a part of me

You are also so very tardy

Yes you are late and I think you know it

But I know we both are ready to commit

I feel this power in your soul

I know I am your ultimate goal

I am loving and I am kind and I will make your life sublime

You will hold me in your arms and carefully guide me away from harm

Nothing will touch me ever again, because with you, I’ve found my zen

I am yours and I am sorry

For the pain you went through in the quarry

Looking deep and hard in stone, for the diamond who’ll make your home

I am tardy, I know that and I am sorry for being late

But I had to get born and grow up a bit, am I worth the wait?

I know you manifested me, I have some imperfections

But give it time and we’ll work on all of the corrections

I’m a child at heart and I know you want to play

You dream of me every night after you softly pray

God listened to your request you know

Because I am here right now

And slowly you are nearing to me

And wouldn’t it be – wow?

I will be afraid of you, because you are so real

But just know that I will love you – expect a squeak or squeal

I may not talk when you arrive

I will lose my voice

But just so you know, I will rejoice

I may be too eager too

Too quick to say a “yes”

But I’ve been waiting for many years

Excitement will be hard to supress!

Though I don’t know who you are

I knew you in my dreams

And so I think I know you, entirely it seems

Though a thing or two has changed a bit

You have grown a lot

I really hope you choose to come, please give it a shot

I know things are difficult right now

But you can make it true

You are more powerful than you know

Look who you made and drew!

You can have everything

Don’t stop your biggest dream

I don’t want you to fall apart or go downstream

You wanted me with you and that’s what you’re going to have

Because you don’t do mediocre, you don’t do things by halve!

So do what you need to

To come and find me dear

Because I need to go home, so please persevere

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Who designed me?

Your past does not define you

Your love is always requited

You need to be brave to find me

Be brave and you’ll be knighted

I am yours but you don’t know

That I dream of you every night

I know you watch me daily

You don’t lose me from your sight

But I can’t be yours until you tell me

That is a fact I know

Because I don’t know who you are

But I want for us to grow

I know you are warm and kind

I can feel it in my bones

I know you are perfect for me

You’re my Goldilocks zone

I know you send me messages

Each and every night

You buzz through my sacral chakra

And fill me with delight

I know you are unhinged

But that doesn’t frighten me

Because we are one, you and I

Together we’ll be free

I know you can be brave

I see it in my visions

That you will turn up on my door

Because you lack inhibitions

Together we will soar

In each other’s arms

And I know that you will always

Protect me from harms

I don’t have long to wait

My depression is getting worse

I don’t want you to lose me and feel that you are cursed

Time is of the essence

And the time is running short

I need my knight to find me

And take me to his fort

I have such love to give

I need a warm embrace

I know much more than this

I sound like a nutcase

But know one thing about my song

And that is I need you

You don’t need me, but want me

And you know what, I want you too!

So know the answer to your question will always be a yes

Don’t leave it till the last minute

Or things will get into a mess

I know you are the man

Who will release my soul

You are my missing piece, you will make me whole

I dreamt of you since I was nine

I knew you did exist

Just where you are I had a clue…

But I thought I’m round the twist

Like a snake wound round a tree

I know you see me

But I wandered through life alone

Wondering, when will you bring me home?

Home is a place and it is in your arms

A place where I am safe, from all the evil and the harms

I am like a friendly dog, waiting for you dear

It drives me crazy when I know, that you are so, so near

Has the left hand lead me astray?

As it throbs this very day…

Maybe it’s all a dream

The agony of not knowing makes me scream

I need you

But you don’t need me

I love you, can’t you see?

These dreams grow more intense each day

For you to find me, I pray

But do you hear me, as I hear you?

Do you even have a clue?

Do you love your gentle Saffy?

Or am I being soft and sappy?

Who knows what is right or wrong

Perhaps I have lost my mind

Perhaps I should become silent

But I feel we are entwined

Like a fool when you find me

I will babble and laugh a lot

Because I do that when I am shy, nervous and hot

I’ll be a mess when you meet me

I will find it hard to speak

But I know as soon as you ask me

I will answer with a squeak

Yes!

I don’t need to know more than that

I just know you, when you come

You’ve designed me with the universe

When you were feeling numb

I am here to help you heal your heart

And to love you so

I am the sunshine in the spring, to melt your winter’s snow

I exist because of you

Because you wanted me

I need you because of this

But you don’t need me

Take me or leave me

I will know my fate

Once you are sure you don’t want me

I’ll go back to Heavens Gate

Sorry for how sickly sweet this is, I am not known for this kind of stuff. But that is an outpouring of my heart, because I sense something. I know it sounds strange, but there it is.

For the longest time I have felt that I was made specifically for a certain person and I never found them. My whole life has felt a sham, because they aren’t in my life.

I know it’s crazy talk, but this is what has affected me a lot over the years.

What is bad is the synchronicities are getting worse, I am getting signs from people who seem to know something is going to happen by November, but nobody is letting up what. Paul is convinced something is afoot too, but I think maybe its’ just his wishful thinking too as it would get me out of the way…

But you know what? This has gone on many years before the signs that other people have given and this is all happening at a time where I am in my opinion, my most emotionally vulnerable.

I am finding it hard to live in the hope that al of these visions since a child, are ever going to come true. I am getting older and I feel like a silly love sick child of a presumed imaginary romance if you can call it that? Been telling myself for years, it’s time to grow up now.

The ultimate thing is, I feel there is a major decision that will determine whether or not, this is going to happen or not. I don’t know where this feeling is coming from – but what I do know is that my fate is heavily tied to it.

It really is a queer feeling, knowing you might have been created just for a person and I feel so stupid putting this out there, but my instinct tells me it’s time.

So mad or not, it’s out there now.

Let’s see, what will happen… I have a feeling I won’t share one way or the other on here. As I feel that once I know something, I have to remain hushed for a while and I may only post poems and fashion tips on my blog in the future with no life updates whatsoever. Just a feeling, thats all.

Happy reading!

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Filed under poetry

The dream me

In my dreams I am not me

My hair is white and crimply

It shines like glitter in the light

My eyes like topaz shines in the night

I am dressed in white with a gold band

And there stands my gentleman with me hand in hand

I’m not fat in those dreams of mine

I am slim and lithe and look so fine

I am like a fairy of the night

In my dreams a beautiful sight

When I wake and in the mirror see

That I am not who I want to be

It’s like a horror story unfolding

This real body of mine needs some moulding

So this is why I work so hard

To try and fight off all the lard

And someday I will happy be

When I look in the mirror to see me

This poem was a long time coming. I really do have dreams where I look like that, I am pretty sure its what my soul looks like; but my real body is literally its polar opposite.

What I find weird about all of this is that when I was a baby till I was 6yrs old my hair was white just like that and I was underweight, then suddenly I got dark and piled on the pounds.

So weird, it was around the time my hair went dark that my mother started to turn against me. I think she thought I’d always be like that.

Today, I feel glamorous and playful. I might be in one of those days of being undecided what to wear. But I do feel like its a red day for me and I would probably make more effort in putting on make up and doing my hair today, if I could afford the cosmetics.

I also feel sexier than normal, so I would opt for split skirts and cleavage boosting clothing and sexy boots.

I’d probably wear daring make up too, I feel daring today.

I know into yesterday evening my looks for the day started to change into the idea of being a peachy or cerise kawaii. That often happens, I shift my ideas of fashion some days where I would want to be two or three things at various times in the day.

But today it’s sexy red clothing, like some kind of silky vampire, with silky clingy knee high sexy boots and vampiric make up. Figure permitting! This is an idealism if I had a body to match my vision.

Instead I sort of look like a saucy sailor.

Happy reading!

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Filed under Who am I today?

Keep in touch with your soul

Life has a sour grace

Bittersweet memories of a better place

Sometimes when you’re down you are kicked in the face

But sometimes there’s a person who eases the pain with an embrace

Childlike innocence gets taken for a ride

Be careful you are not lost when the oil has dried

Keep true to yourself, don’t get lost in the fray

Don’t follow other people who have lost their way

I’m dreaming of a time when life becomes a paradise

Stay true to yourself, take my advice

No matter how lonely the road to YOU may be

Just keep to your truth and you will see

That the pains and the burdens won’t hurt as much

Keep true to yourself, with your soul stay in touch!

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