Tag Archives: song

The speed of thought

I wish my brain could make my body work in the same pace as its imaginations; I’d be prolific, drowning in art work and stories and it would be amazing – but no, it is never going to happen!

I think about too much and so little actually gets physically manifested because my daydreams are lightning fast.

I really meant it when I have said in previous posts, I don’t suffer from artist or writers block, I suffer from artist and writers overload!

You have no idea that in every poem I write and post on the blog, there are three or more pieces of art that are not being produced to go with it, because I can’t paint that fast!

Every painting I have done in the past takes an average of three hours, but anywhere between ninety minutes and six maybe even seven hours a time!  That’s just one piece of art!

You have no idea how much I wish everything I think of would physically manifest, the exacting art ideas I have, the exact stories, the exact movies, the exact music and the exact songs – but I manage to physically manifest so little of it, because of lack of time and speed ability, in fact I don’t even believe I produce a whole 1%.

You have no idea how I am obsessed with my imagination and how it consumes my daily life to the extent that I often forget to live in reality!

Paul is both a blessing and a curse for this, because he will happily allow me to be consumed by it all, whilst feeding me and keeping me as comfortable as he can – but he doesn’t like to interfere with my daydreams AT ALL!  It scares me when he dies someday, it scares me because I am so consumed by it all that if he were to die tomorrow, I might die a few weeks later because I will forget to feed myself, I will forget to live and he doesn’t shake me out of it, like others have done in the past and I have told him – that could be dangerous, but he doesn’t take it seriously.

I wish he would, because I am quite serious – I would forget to live when he dies, especially when he dies, because the more I grieve or the more stressed I am, the more I lock myself away and go into what I call an “astral travelling adventure” where I am quite literally channelling through my body to write or paint, and often I don’t hear or feel anything in that state, once in it. 

It is hard to get into that state initially if there is discord around the house, but if I go into it before the arguments and ructions start, I can’t hear it… its weird and I doubt I am making sense to those who don’t experience the same as I do.

There are times when Paul wants to feed me, where he knows I can’t hear him or see him, no matter what he does, but he touches me and like a sleepwalker I am literally shocked back into reality and have a little panic attack and calm down and then he tells me that dinner is ready.

It really is like that for me.

Sometimes I thought I should cheat.  I should write my poems and then explain what the art should have been, but probably would never get done by me.  Just so I can show you more.  But then I thought; you wouldn’t understand what I am trying to achieve or understand why I would do that, so should I bother?

I’d really like to paint at least one poem a week, for my YouTube channel that will start at the end of the year.  I could paint a picture a day, anything up to seven pictures in time for the vlog, but that is probably all I could do.  I couldn’t do anymore art, if I did that without it affecting my stories and sleep time.

Paul likes the idea but also he is a realist and he believes that it would hugely affect how much writing I will produce.

He knows I love art more than writing, but he loves my writing more than my art.  He hasn’t experienced much of my music, so he has no opinion on that.

 I really do wish that I could physically produce all that I think about at the same speed as my thoughts.

Happy reading!

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Filed under About my work

Say goodbye to the blue

Life is a crying game

So many tears to name

But life isn’t pain

You are just drowned in the notion, it’s all the same

You forget the joys and the happiness too

You have no clue; the key to joy is you

What do you think?

What do you know?

Why are you shadows when you should glow?

Why do you swim in the rivers of pain?

When really life is a game, you need to learn how to play!

All it takes is a different thought

Not what you’ve been taught

You have to remember yourself, be true

You’ve lost yourself and you have no clue!

Think of the opposite to what you do now

It really does work after a while, you’ll sail!

Into the sea of happiness

Into bliss away from the piss, to joy!

Oh boy – look at what is waiting for you!

Say goodbye to the blue and let’s sail!

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Do I really glow?

I don’t sparkle like the stars

Yet they like to call me friend

I don’t shine bright like the stars

Though some say I pretend

I don’t see the light I am shining

Maybe I am blinded by the light?

Because as far as I can see, I am condensed in the night

I am a shadow hidden between the stars

They try to make me shine with them

But I feel like I’m from Mars

It’s a dream only pretend

I’d like to be some day like them

But for now in shadows I dwell

I don’t know why so many stars

Have fallen under a spell

I am not like them, but they say

You’ve never been any other way

But I don’t know

I don’t see it

Could I shine bright?

Can I be it?

A star so bright, it has blinded itself?

Oh I don’t know

Back to my shelf

I don’t know

Do I glow?

I don’t know

Which way to go…

Stay in the dark or go into the light

Become a star and shine so bright?

Or stay the way it’s always been

In the darkness and the dim?

Oh I don’t know

Do I really glow?

Can I really go…

Be with the stars?

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Gold digger I see you!

Ching ching through the bling

I see you don’t love me

But my things

I see you don’t want my love

Just want me to sing

So I can give you more bling bling

I am a puppet for your stadium

I am your profit, your delirium

Without me you have nought

Look at the presents I have bought

Gold digger I know where your heart is

As you are chugging down the fizz

This is quite amiss

Gee whiz

I won’t have it anymore. I’m through

I am going to get rid of you

Out my life and close the door

So you aint gonna be rich no more!

Whore!

This song is reminiscent of my college days, where I was lead vocalist and lyricist of a rap rock group; though this song didn’t exist back then, this came to me today (22nd August) when I was thinking a lot about my former music style and poetry.

But also I have experienced being used for money by my mother, an ex and I know someone in my life currently is clinging to the hope that I will someday become some kind of mega rich super star author – lol. But I know how it feels to be used and then lose it all, because you loved and trusted the wrong people! Believe me when I say, it’s hard to pull wool over these eyes! I don’t truly believe the DMs are from genuine sources, but if they are, my apologies. You must understand my point of view if you are genuine?

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I’m sailing

Excuse me for the sake of art

I have built an ark and I am sailing

I sailed through the pissy shores of life

I overcome strife and loss

I sailed through pissy waters to get where I am

But where I am is lost

I don’t need your kind words to help sail me to your herd

No

I need to sail these pissy waters till I find myself, you know?

I can’t be myself if I join you

Because then I become different to me

I need these pissy waters, so I can sail to being free

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Fixing this heart

I am feeling lonely, I am feeling blue

I am a crying because of you

You told me you loved me, then you went away

You stole my heart, that fateful day

Now I am in sorrow and now I am in pain

Wondering if I will ever see my heart again?

I don’t care for you after what you’ve done

Because someone who loves me, would not have gone

I am crying only for my heart to heal

So that it’s stronger from another steal

Maybe you’ve killed it, only time will tell

Until then I will weave a spell

To set my heart a mending

To make my heart strong

To clear away bad energy and the wrong

So I can feel again and happy be

So I can love again, someone who deserves me

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Show this butterfly the way

Can I be a butterfly

Flying in the wind

Can I be so colourful with my wings?

Can I find a place where my heart can sing?

Can I find joy, is it a thing?

I am open to a life

Where paradise sings

Show me where it is, so I can spread my wings

I am ready for my flight into the light

I am ready for it all

Let me stand tall

I am dreaming of a place that is better than this

Show me now, where that place is

I hope when I fly I will not fall

That I will find a place where I can grow tall

I need to love and I need to find peace

I need to find someone who doesn’t lie and tease

I need to find a place that I can call my own

A place where I am loved, a place I can call home

I need to find freedom, show me where it is

Because I am ready for a life filled with bliss!

So show me where to fly

Into the grey, pink or blue sky?

Point the way for me

Help to set me free

So I can be

Unadulteratedly me!

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Keep in touch with your soul

Life has a sour grace

Bittersweet memories of a better place

Sometimes when you’re down you are kicked in the face

But sometimes there’s a person who eases the pain with an embrace

Childlike innocence gets taken for a ride

Be careful you are not lost when the oil has dried

Keep true to yourself, don’t get lost in the fray

Don’t follow other people who have lost their way

I’m dreaming of a time when life becomes a paradise

Stay true to yourself, take my advice

No matter how lonely the road to YOU may be

Just keep to your truth and you will see

That the pains and the burdens won’t hurt as much

Keep true to yourself, with your soul stay in touch!

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Mr Sunshine

You was my sunshine, your smiles were big and bright

But then you went and played with fools and took away my light

Your happiness spreads like the flu

I really, really miss the old you

But you went and played with those fools and now I’m in the dark

I dream of a time when you come back

Find your path off that beaten track

And back into my arms where you belong

So there is a happy ending to my song

I need you now and I need you true

I am really lost without you

You’re my sunshine in the rain

How I wish you come back again

Oh Mr Sunshine how I need you

You haven’t  even got a clue hoo

How I need you in my life

Guess I see you in the afterlife

It’s a shame you was so bright

But now your smiles are like the night

I feel bad for you

Without the light what can I do?

Mr Sunshine you were my friend

Some would say my godsend

You bought me hope when I was down

You turned my smiles upside down

And then you went to play with fools

Right on after you left your school

You became a DJ and forgot your spirit

I tried to warn you, but you wouldn’t hear it

You kept on with the moon and crack

How I really want you back

But you are gone now and away from me

I really, really want to see

My Mr Sunshine again

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Song for the wolf maiden

You kissed the night to end your plight

But there you’re trapped as well

Shooting happiness and licking the moon

You might as well dwell in Hell

Your scars are very pretty

You got them when you was numb

When you saw yourself in the mirror

You felt that it was dumb

You regret everything

And everything stings

You have hope that angels will save you when they sing

You miss your mother

The one who flew away

Like a raven in the night

She took your heart away

But she watches you tonight

Though you have no clue

She is there as your guiding star

She will see you through

And wipe away your scars

She is the angel with the black wings

She will keep her vow

Though you don’t believe her

As you feel abandoned now

But she will lift you up

and out this world

Her promises are true to you

You’ll get home to the old world

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