Everyone has little quirks or things that are unique or unusual to them, some of mine are considered outdated or just plainly weird because of the rigmarole I go through to do things – my way!
One of the best little quirks I have is that I deliberately seek out people to write to as snail mail buddies, I have relatives which still write letters rather than talk to each other on the phone and I have an old school friend which still, to this day, sends me approximately three letters a year just to help keep tabs on each other and make each other feel less lonely.
Unfortunately because we were not sure about the “Heat or eat” crisis this year, Paul and I were both very reluctant to send Christmas cards out to people as that would normally cost us £15 to £20 in postage stamps, for our lot together. So we agreed on giving out five cards to the people who contact us the most, each. Unfortunately it meant that I wasn’t a good friend and didn’t keep my friend in mind – which worried her of course, as this would have been unusual behaviour for me.
She sent me a letter which arrived on the 28th December, asking if I was OK and she was scared that I had moved away without telling her my new address, as in my last letter, I had told her Paul and I are separating.
I got so wrapped up in my worries about Christmas and not sleeping and eating very well, I forgot to give cards to my chosen five people – we did agree that we could only do five people this year each, but I totally forgot mine.
You have no idea how badly I felt about that.
My friend and I share the same name, Tina. She is a friend I made in my last ever school, I was only in that school for eight months and she is much younger than I. I was fifteen and she was eleven at the time, we became friends because I helped her against a much older bully, a bully who was a year older than me. We also became friends because her brother was in the same class as me and she found that my brother’s mother in law lived in the same apartment block as she did – so we kind of never lost touch outside of the four years we did.
But we haven’t physically seen each other in nearly twenty years; we found each other online again at friends reunited around fifteen years ago and she was particularly delighted that I was into scrapbooking and crafts and snail mail – because she is too and we made an online pact to only contact each other this way to keep snail mail tradition alive!
During Covid our letters increased to once a month approximately and when her mother died of Covid it was nearly weekly, it was a comfort for her.
I used to be big on having pen pals on a specialist website until some people started to use it like an alternate way of dating or getting free stickers and craft supplies all the time, so I stopped.
There is nothing like getting a special letter from someone you like in the post, every now and again. It feels so much more personal and fun.
It makes me feel like a Victorian lady whenever I get a letter in the post and I start writing by hand my reply as soon as I can!
There are three relatives of mine who send me letters to update me on births, marriages and deaths within the family because I am well-known in the family for being the family genealogist and they are eager for me to update the tree – which is great, I love that! But they don’t always remember to pass on birthdays or give me the surnames of new spouses that are entering the family, which can be annoying!
Last two Christmases we haven’t been able to send cards to people, because of money issues, last year was difficult because Paul was sick with the shingles and couldn’t’ get out much and the year before that money was so tight our Christmas dinner was literally spaghetti on toast compliments from the local food bank, plus we all had the flu.
So there isn’t any wonder then that I only got two Christmas cards this year, the family knows my situation but they don’t seem forgiving of it.
Next year I don’t suppose I will get any except from Tina.
When I move out from Paul’s I will get a P.O box address, to prevent weak-minded relatives updating my parents where I have gone, as they are unreliable like that.
I have updated relatives about things in my life and it always gets back to my parents because they let me know it has!
I don’t mind if my dad knows, it’s my mother I worry about! The last thing I want is for her to come knocking on my door of my new home, when she thinks I am there alone – I am not going back to her, no matter what she tries to do!
The other quirk I have is when I want to start writing towards any of my stories.
I tend to warm my brain up with one to five poems, or play for thirty minutes strategy games online to warm my brain up, then I put the music on and look at picture stimulus of various scenes or fantasy creatures to get me in the mind-set and around an hour after all of this I am in the frame of mine to gently go into the trance like state I need for writing!
Seriously, I have to do it this way – it’s the only way, I need to induce a semi-trance or my work is at best amateur!
An hour’s warm up means that you can tell when I’ve tried to write in five to fifteen minute bursts, because the writing is awful in comparison to the hour long process!
The only alternate ways to get me in the mind-set for writing are, when I immediately wake up as I am still dozy – when I am tired and dozing off – when I’ve just had a great workout routine and the music is on – or right after sex!
To be blunt!
As soon as I have been broken out of this trance like state, if it is longer than thirty seconds, it can take twenty minutes to get back into it again – which is why I become like an angry Italian housewife defending her kitchen, when I write – which can confuse some people when I deliberately pull myself out of the trance to excitedly tell them my idea because it’s so cool – for me to then get back into the flow of writing!
Which is one of the reasons why my insomnia is so bad these days – I am writing when everyone is in bed because nobody respects my writing time anymore.
I am averaging my personal bedtime at 6:30am these days, which means I am hardly getting any sunlight! Although I’ve always been semi-nocturnal, this is not an ideal lifestyle to have as I am severely missing out on social opportunities and healthful habits such as exercise outdoors and getting fresh air!
I am literally living like a creative vampire right now!
I can survive on five hours sleep, but Paul is worried I am not sleeping enough so don’t bother waking me up at 12 noon anymore, I am literally left until Henry comes home from school till 3:30pm most days – hence why I am becoming less and less active online at my usual times.
Paul gets on Henry’s case about waking me up, it really is like Paul hates having me around the house – which is another reason why I am eager to try and learn things to get me self-employed enough that I can move out. But as I said before, I can only move out and live alone if I have a dog with me, because my nerves won’t hack it otherwise!
It’s really annoying because before I became sick I was a morning person, up and lively and ready for action at 6am out of the house for a long walk by 8am, exercising and doing chores and doing anything all of the time, until I literally dropped at an average of 11:30pm.
When I got sick Paul literally suffocated me in overprotection and was constantly arguing with me to sit down, take it easy, go back to bed, he gave me and still gives me no motivation to even try to better myself or fight whatever is ailing me!
His attitude is, you are sick, stay in bed and rest until you are better, don’t read, just sleep. I am sorry but I can’t sleep my life away and all of this is driving me crazy!
This life is driving me crazy!
I am so fucking bored right now!
Sorry, but I have to stop this post as its starting to get me upset again!
Thanks for reading and I apologise for the swearing!
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