Because I am spending more time in bed due to my immune system having a major crash for the last week, nearly two weeks now, I have re-established my addiction to Codeword puzzles.
I seem to be completing them faster these days; I am starting to become a bit more of a word geek than I was before.
Also, I tried to get back into playing online word games such as word tornado and scrabble on my laptop in bed as I decided I could do things in bed on my laptop as at least I would be more productive than just watching YouTube videos on TV and reading books. But guess what? BT decided to update this areas exchanges so internet connection has been tetchy and almost non-existent, so I can’t do that or watch YouTube on TV without a disruption every 15 minutes.
I thought only last Thursday to do this, take the laptop upstairs, play word games and update my blog in bed as I don’t like how my illness dictates to me how much work I do, because I’d rather work downstairs on the desktop computer. Friday afternoon BT alerted us for the coming week that they will be updating everything and they apologise for any disturbances that they might cause during this time.
I would say “typical” but I am not that kind of person, because I know that certain thought patterns can affect your reality and make things happen. But I do take it as a sign that Paul is right about the universe trying to get me to rest, because it is hard for me to sit back and rest entirely. I have never been the kind of person who relishes in relaxing and living with Paul has been an education in that at least.
So, I am here, on my desktop again, only to update this blog and have my dinner before going back up. I am having a really bad day with my arthritis, inflammation, ear infection and migraine. I can barely eat because my IBD and IBS is bad too, in fact it is becoming a major concern for Paul and the doctors, because I am now eating in deficit, I am losing inches but not weight which is also confusing.
Since Christmas I have lost 3 and a half inches but no actual pounds, it is visible loss but not scalable other than measurements. I am not exactly changing my diet either, I just physically can’t eat a whole sandwich anymore, I am having what Paul terms as micro meals or not-so-posh-nouveau-cuisine, just to eat something. Thing is, I really need a tiny half tea plate of food around 5 times a day to be at the calories I need, but I only really get around 2 now.
My mother if she knew about this wouldn’t believe how little I am eating lately and it’s not by choice, it’s because of pain and the inability to keep things down. If I eat a whole sandwich, I will vomit some of it back and that’s not bulimia, it’s just my body rejecting it. I have a stupid amount of vitamin and mineral tablets I have to take daily because of this.
I joked to the doctor once about how I must be the only fat person they will know to die of malnutrition, in fact they shocked me with their reply; “it’s more common than you think”. He said.
Let’s put it this way, my mother used to serve me up 6 to 8 fish fingers with 2 or 3 fish cakes, 2 slices of bread, half a can of beans and half a plate of chips as a regular once a week meal. These days, she doesn’t feed me; she hasn’t seen me in years. But now if she still knew me she would be shocked that I could only be served 2 fish fingers, two slices of bread, 1 fish cake, 1 spoon of beans, 1 tong serving of chips and I won’t eat everything before my stomach plays up! This is a bad example of my regular food intake, because that is what I am eating today. Usually I have stir fry, salad, and veggie frittata (despite egg problem), casserole with veg, or chili (for some reason my stomach can cope with chili despite the disease, which is baffling to everyone).
Yesterday I had quinoa, with beef chili, loads of Mediterranean vegetables, yesterday’s meal was the biggest meal I ate without a problem all week, but I still only ate half of it, but at least it was around 800 calories.
Which was a big contrast to the day before that, as that dinner was 2 slices of vegan cheese on toast, onion, tomatoes, peppers, and a side of celery and carrot and that was it, I couldn’t eat anything else the whole day!
But this has been normal for almost 2yrs, just got worse around 3 months ago.
I’m permanently exhausted and in pain and I am bruising way too easily too.
In a nutshell, my life sucks.