Tag Archives: problems

No dreamtime respite

I used to look forward to going into dream time because it was a respite from the harsh realities I have to live with; but in recent months, sometimes my dreams are worse than reality.

It seems as though everything in dream time is hyped up into showing me my worst fears or accentuating my deepest worries into something more sinister.

I used to have nightmares like this all the time right up until I was 19, then they faded until only last summer.

Usually the dreams would be symbolic to the problems I was facing in real life, these days, those very problems are very clear and prominent in dream time, and they are no longer hiding in the facades of monsters and giant aggressive animals like when I was a child.  They are for what they are, the people I have the problems with and with the exact concerns I have cropping up into my dream time every single night.

There doesn’t seem to be a safety place anymore, it is gone, dream time was my safe place and it’s betrayed me.

Only last night I dreamt that a person I have problems with in real life, was there, we moved house, but a worse neighbour was waiting for me at that new house, so we decided to move back to our old house.  So, it seemed in this dream that whenever we tried to go back to the less worse problem we would arrive at a cul-de-sac where worse problems and scenarios were turning up to ruin my plans.  Every movement made the whole thing worse at every turn.

Though we are planning to move house when the money to do so comes, we are still keeping the house in a trust for Henry my son.  Henry wants to keep this house in the family, because it has been a part of his father’s family for 64yrs and Henry loves his ancestry and is currently doing a big project at home about his family tree to show his school at the end of the year.  This project was not prompted by his school; this is just something Henry wants to do.

One thing is clear though, I no longer feel there is privacy or safety within my own home anymore; especially when the neighbour causing problems is leaving ladders out in the front garden overnight and won’t listen to Paul when he suggests that maybe not a safe thing to do?

What makes it a whole lot worse is I had insomnia before he became a problem, now I just fear to sleep at all now, hence why I do nothing anymore, no energy!

Leave a comment

Filed under Brain Drain

a victims wish

I’m not the same as you; I don’t watch soaps on TV

I’m not in agreement with you, when you use chemicals on spiders and bees

I am a different person, everyone is, and that’s true

So how can you judge me, just because I’m not like you?

Would you like it if I said, you’re better off dead, because you have blond hair?

Would you like it if I said, you’re bony and unnatural, no you wouldn’t that wouldn’t be fair

Would you ignore my harmful chants if I said that you looked gay?

Would you ever feel the same again, after the things I’d say?

So how can you judge me, for the way I am?

How can you past judgement to a stranger on the sand?

I don’t know you, nor you me

So why do you feel the need to always correct me for being me?

I am large and I wear glasses, I have a burden to bear

Why do you need to make life more difficult, by your comments and your stare?

Set aside your viper tongue and live at peace with all

Who are you to judge other people, on what they look like have some gall

It doesn’t make you look big around your friends you know

Because behind your back they say things about you, that you wouldn’t rather know

Just keep your poisoned tongue silent, look and love the world

Don’t judge the strangers on the street, or fate on you will whirl

You won’t always be perfect my dear, slim or unblemished – one day you’ll see what you’ve done

Punished by fate that your victims wished

2 Comments

Filed under poetry

whining boy

Don’t trouble me with your ailments

Don’t trouble me with your woes

Don’t trouble me with your troubles no more

For I am tempted to go

I don’t burden you with my problems

I don’t crush your every joy

I cannot sit here listening

To a whining boy

Leave a comment

Filed under poetry