Tag Archives: poem

Some people kill for suppositions

Some people know what it’s like to be so multicultural that they call you fake

Call you a wannabe, call you a snake

Some people know what it is like to live in different classes, but mostly being poor

Some people call you a fake and they close their doors to you

Some people know what it is like to be fat then thin, then fat again and thin again

Body changing constantly like the tides of the sea

Some people know what it is like to be me

Some people think I can’t possibly be, all these things, that make me, me

A half gypsy grandma with Greco Italian roots who is a quarter cast to boot

Married a half jew that was raised catholic, a cockney with a Welsh grandmother

Clutching rosaries and cursing the church, what a sight, how absurd?

But that was them my maternal side

I have nothing bad to hide

I love my family and they love me

But still society picks on me

Because I am fake, didn’t you know?

I can’t possibly be all the things I know

Even fake still my paternal side

My grandpa who watched the genocides

Whilst smoking pipes in his wheelchair, writing letters like he didn’t care

Calling himself a Christian and a lord some spit at him and some applaud

Is he German or Austrian? I never knew, but my grandma said he could be the two

But she knew he was Italian too, wearing black shirts and doing poo

She was ashamed of him, I am too

She was different, the opposite, with her Dutch roots and Irish eyes smiling, though her hair was dyed, worshipping Jesus and the saints like a good catholic woman

Swimming in the seas of war saving sailors, now that I applaud and dancing with the majorettes, a descendant of the oldest aristocratic family of Europe, the most loving person I could ever know

Teaching me how to speak and grow

Won’t tell me about grandad you know?

I can’t blame her really, can you?

Not if he wore blackshirts supporting poo

But you call me fake, don’t you?

So you don’t believe a word

Because all this mixture is too absurd

My grandma hid a fact from her husband and it was simply this

Her great grandpa was from Vietnam, I imagine he’d be really pissed!

Fascists think they are pure and true and yet they are very wrong

Everyone is related yet they say it’s wrong

I know what it’s like to not be believed

I get it everyday

This is why I don’t talk that much, because I have nothing else to say

I am who I am and I am a mix

But you call me liar, so I’m in a fix

Because I tell the truth, yet you say I lie

But I do not and it makes me cry

My mother skipped from faith to faith

Trying to find her feet

Kept doing this and that, making things hard for me

I decided long ago that the only faith that’s real

Is the old testament and nothing else

Because the new one was written to steal

Steal God’s people away from him

By other liars true

If you think about it, you will see that what I say is true

Most religions stem from the Jews

Isn’t it a funny thing?

How the Jews are the smallest culture

Yet the liar’s faith grows and sings?

Yes the prophets were all good men

But why pray to them so?

Pray to the source, which is God and all the bad things will go

I feel blessed in my life, since I started to pray to source

But you are angry to hear this, I understand of course

A culture that lasted centuries can get set within their ways

I cry for all the lost children

I cry and pray each day

That you will return to God and see what the deceiver has done

Playing cousin against cousin, watching the chaotic fun!

But that is something off my chest

I needed you to know

Because I love you no matter what

You are lost through all the woe

This poem was not meant to preach

But show you all my life

But things have a funny way to show

Who holds a candle and a knife?

I know what it’s like not to be loved

I know what it’s like to hurt

I know what it’s like to have a mother who pushes you away into the dirt

I know what it’s like to have a father who watches what she does

But sits afraid of losing her and sits with you in the mud

I know what its like to love and lose

I know what its like to be alone and bruised

I am tall but I am not strong

So many people have done me wrong

Yet I still love and care for them

Because I believe in Lord Hashem

He’d want me to look after them and show them another way

I know what it’s like not to be heard

But that’s Ok

I am sorry I got a bit carried away with this poem; this poem was the second task from the book “How to grow your own poem” by Kate Clanchy.

This was supposed to be my own version of “Some People” by Rita Ann Higgins.  https://www.lyrikline.org/sl/pesmi/some-people-5711  I must apologise in advance for the swearing that is quite strong in this poem.

But I really do know what it’s like to have such a mix heritage that almost everybody thinks I lie about it to impress them, but I really don’t.  It’s really hard not to talk about your family and their ways when your family has literally been your only life.

I really do feel for people who have got lost in lies.  But the thing is, I understand that the prophets etc that are included in religious rituals were good people too.  I understand that, but religion has deflected away from God so much because they prefer to pray through those prophets and then wonder why things aren’t as blessed as they should be. 

I honestly have known Christians who believe that Jesus is God, some of the more educated understand that he isn’t, but still they pray through him, not directly to God?  Can you imagine how God feels about that?  Especially as the supposed Messiah has not fulfilled their promise told in The Old Testament? 

Did you know when the true Messiah comes to Earth no one can doubt him, not even the tiniest bit?  That when he comes all will feel he is the genuine one and it will cause instant peace on Earth that lasts forever, then after people have seen the Messiah, God himself will come down from heaven and destroy heaven so that Earth becomes paradise?  The Torah says this.  It’s something to think about isn’t it?

It was Gods promise that he would do this.  Thing is, I am not jewish, my great grandmother was, but I was raised in three types of Christianity whenever my mother wanted the change – Anglican, Jehovah’s Witness and Catholic, I never knew what I was supposed to be growing up, that’s why I went and researched religion so much, to find out what the blazes the truth is!

I chose to be a non-participating Noahide until further notice, because I am confused. A Noahide is what Jews call a righteous gentile, a person who wasn’t raised in the Jewish faith properly and who believes in God and prays to him and sometimes they are converted fully into Judaism, some never are. I participate in private prayer to God, but I have not joined any communities yet.

Why? Because I find my relationship with God is a private one and I understand that this world is rife with hate and violence.

Studying every form of religion that stemmed from Judaism and then Judaism itself made things abundantly clear to me; it’s nonsense all these religious wars because everyone who stemmed from Judaism, should still be Jewish, not killing each other over what version of lies they love the best. 

Yes the deceiver is true and real, but I can’t help but think that billions of people can be wrong and duped. 

Even the Jews themselves have sort of lost their way a little, when the Sadducees and Pharisees started changing things, making the original seven laws of God into Ten and then all of a sudden six hundred and thirteen!  How did that happen?

Most Christians I know have no idea that Jesus was even a rabbi, they believe he was just a carpenter, but that is partly true, but also yes, he was a rabbi! 

Honestly I have been there and experienced all this myself and like you, I was astounded at what I found and I was deeply pained in the knowledge that all those who believe in the same God, still fight and kill each other, it’s utterly ludicrous!

A major part of my depression is knowing all of this and crying daily because I see cousin against cousin and for what?  For suppositions, that’s all!  Just mere suppositions!   

I became like my mother in my early adult years, skipping from faith to faith trying to find out why God ignores me and it wasn’t until I decided to connect with my spirit guides and ask them why he ignores me, that they told me one simple thing.

“Have you thought about talking directly to God without going through another entity, not even us, your guides”? 

To be perfectly honest – no I didn’t!

Because so often I was told that God is too busy to listen to all of us hence the angels and the prophets; but don’t you think that this disempowers him? 

Don’t you believe for one second that God has created all of this and he has the time to care for all of it, that he wouldn’t go beyond his own personal limits that he is limitless and will respond?

Because I believe he doesn’t take on more than he can chew personally.  I believe he has the time but the thing is, do you have the heart for it?  Do you have the inclination to respect his wishes from you and treat him with respect and talk to him respectfully like you would any monarch upon the earth?

Don’t talk to him like a beggar would, that’s disrespectful, humble yourself, but don’t beg.  Be mindful of his power, be mindful of his love and don’t try to abuse him in prayer.

You need to pray in a way where you ask him to teach you, ask him to show you things, so you can help yourself, because if there is one thing I have learned about God are that he despises laziness.  He made you in his image remember; would you dare to call God lazy?

He is there to help because he loves you, but he helps you only when you ask him to. 

He doesn’t give you things on a plate, you say “Oh I am so poor” give me some money please”.  No matter how polite you are, that is lazy prayer with no intention of helping yourself.

Instead say this; “Show me a way that I can raise my income without it being boring and affecting my health negatively”, he answers by dreams or synchronicities – signs.

If you are sick do not complain about it to him just ask him “Am I sick because here is something I haven’t learned yet?  Are you preventing something?  Are you trying to slow me down because you are worried that I may be reacting too fast I’d get into trouble?  Or are you trying to show me something else, please gives me signs why I am sick”.  He helps.

I have longstanding problems with my hearing and ear health, when I asked him to show me why this was, apparently in a dream I learned that it was because I was constantly telling people “I don’t want to hear about your problems, I don’t want to hear your criticisms” and I realised God was more or less granting me a wish.

Do you have leg problems or hip problems?  Have you ever flippantly said to other people you need to slow down?  Or you wished you could relax more?

Think about it.

I didn’t mean for this post to be preachy, but I am a water dog in Chinese astrology and I can’t help but flow to what I feel is right at the time… my apologies.

I better stop there.

Thanks for reading and much love to all of you!

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Filed under Defining myself, poetry

The fool tried

Slimy wet rose upon white bone was held within his hands

Freshly skinned skull staring back at him from his palms with hollowed eyes

The smell of victory abounds

The sounds of mortal screams echoed all around

He stood proud and tall and that wasn’t all

His victims heart had only just stopped – the fool

Fool to think he could do him down

That he could win the war

But he showed this fool he was wrong and his heart is now on the floor

Too many have suffered the same fate

But many believe they are strong

And now they lie in a deathly sleep

And their families mourn their song

A pile of skin by the killer’s feet is a sentiment of his fate

For one should not believe they can burn the devil’s gate

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My dreams are truth

Dreams fade into nothing as I wake

I hate waking up to this reality its fake

I am who I am in the dream world

But here when I wake, I am lost and twirled

I can’t be me when I am awake

To be so would be a mistake

People rant and jeer at me

Who do you think you are Queen Bee?

The dreams are my reality true

I can be whoever I want without judgement from you

Dream time is the only truth

Here in the awoken world is untruth

I can’t wake until I sleep again

So I can be me and mend

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The table exercise

I am going to share my poetry exercises from the book I am reading about how to improve my poetry or get into it, because I am not confident in what I do;

The book is called “How to grow your own poem” by Kate Clanchy and I borrowed the book from the local library.

There is a poem in the book called “The table” by Edip Cansever and I am supposed to write my own version of the poem.  Here is a link to the poem if you are interested?

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~rwtill/Poems/table.html

She comes home eager to share the events of the day

Chattering like there is no tomorrow

Putting her damp coat up on the rack and kicking off her shoes

Throwing her handbag down at the side of the couch

She takes her hair out of the neat bun and places her scrunchy and pins in a green bowl on the coffee table

Nobody cares about what she says, but she chatters on

An old lady got her walking stick stuck in a drain pipe today

Oh and I was told that Liam is having a party at the weekend and asked if I could go

Feet soggy in damp socks placed upon a footstool in front of the fire

Warmth sighing through her – release

Gerald was thinking about getting a cat too, can you imagine it?

Snuggling down deep into the couch

A hot mug of cocoa placed in her hands, stings but then sooths

Happily she sips the creamy sweet drink

Smiling to herself

I know they aren’t bothered by what I have to say

But I‘ve had a good day

Helped a stranger, made a friend, got all the work done in time for a change

She feels herself nodding into a snooze

Life is so draining here

Not like out there where I come home full of energy

She smiles to herself again

I suppose they can’t help it

Being stuck in all day

I wish they’d talk more about their day

Then thinking about the muppets song…

Now what was it?

Ah yes!  Cabin fever!

That’s probably what it is with them

They’ve been stuck inside so long they’ve forgotten about life outside!

Mum, why don’t you go out more?

It’s not right to be stuck in like this!

You are hardly talking anymore!

Putting the mug of cocoa down on a pile of magazine on the coffee table

She turns to look at her mum

Her mum is sleeping in the green armchair next to her

She never used to be like this

She used to be vibrant too

As you can see, the poem doesn’t rhyme like a lot of my poems do, but that’s the point, to broaden my poetical horizons.

I am not happy with the above; I would probably delete it and ignore it.  But then I wouldn’t grow, tell me what you think of it!

Happy reading! 

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Filed under About Me

I tried

My soul is dead

It’s gone and buried

It died slowly these past nine years

It was awful

Painful and harried

I tried to save myself

So much, alone

But there is only so much you can do

When the birds eat the seeds you’ve sown

You try to pick yourself up

Brush yourself down

But then you look around you

All you see are frowns

No one is happy here in this place

The house is a mess, no it’s a disgrace

You try to smile and spur them on

To pick themselves up and sing a happy song

But they frown harder still and scream for silence

It’s funny to think I chose this over violence

It’s a funny old world

But I do not laugh

I’ve not had a life, not even half

I’ve tried to pull through all the shit and decay

I’ve done it alone but I’m covered in heavy clay

Of the burdens of my choices

The ones I thought best

But instead the path I fell to

Was an utter mess

It’s weighing me down

All this clay

I am growing tired to fight or play

I just can’t cope anymore alone

I’m just not happy in my own home

I need to try harder I guess

But I feel weak, drowned in mess

I don’t have the spark anymore to try

I only wish that I could die

I need to start again

In another life

I can’t go on

But at least I tried

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Filed under About Me, poetry

I’m sailing

Excuse me for the sake of art

I have built an ark and I am sailing

I sailed through the pissy shores of life

I overcome strife and loss

I sailed through pissy waters to get where I am

But where I am is lost

I don’t need your kind words to help sail me to your herd

No

I need to sail these pissy waters till I find myself, you know?

I can’t be myself if I join you

Because then I become different to me

I need these pissy waters, so I can sail to being free

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My heart is like a butterfly

My heart is like a butterfly

It falls apart when touched

Kind words and simple gestures

Are just too much

I’m not used to kindness

I’m only used to fear

Friendship is new to me

I know that it sounds queer

Why are you so kind to me?

What is it that you want?

I can’t help feeling there is more to this

My past it still haunts

I cry when you are nice to me

I can’t hold back the tears

Because I am not use to this

Only ridicule and jeers

My heart is like a butterfly

It falls apart when touched

I can’t bear this kindness

Though I like it much

My heart is like a butterfly

Though I wished it wasn’t true

I’d love to know you better

And be a part of you

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Fixing this heart

I am feeling lonely, I am feeling blue

I am a crying because of you

You told me you loved me, then you went away

You stole my heart, that fateful day

Now I am in sorrow and now I am in pain

Wondering if I will ever see my heart again?

I don’t care for you after what you’ve done

Because someone who loves me, would not have gone

I am crying only for my heart to heal

So that it’s stronger from another steal

Maybe you’ve killed it, only time will tell

Until then I will weave a spell

To set my heart a mending

To make my heart strong

To clear away bad energy and the wrong

So I can feel again and happy be

So I can love again, someone who deserves me

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Filed under poetry

Looking for The Dream World

I’m looking for the dream world, a place where I can play

Whilst I am wide awake and living life that’s grey

I yearn for the dream world; I yearn for its truth

I’m searching for the dream world like a determined sleuth

I slither around corners, looking everywhere

I ride up and down funiculars, I will find it, I swear!

Tirelessly I rummage through boxes big and small

Through ottomans and cabinets, I have been through them all!

I am tired with my searching, my eyes are heavy now

I know that behind my eyes to the dream world I will sail

But that is not the point

My mission was quite clear

To find the dream world when awake, it has to be near

I will start again

Tomorrow when I wake

But right now I’m sleeping; do not wake me with a shake

I am happy in my dream world

Make no mistake

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Moon charms & tarot cards

Moon charms and tarot cards that’s what the night brings

Candles flickering in the night, spirits quietly sing

They sing a song of the future

They’ve a message to tell

That life is getting better; you are released from your personal hell

Moon charms and tarot cards, show you a different path

You don’t need to take this road, but if you do problems will half

The spirits advise you gently, they wish you well and good

They help you on your way to love

To be with them, you should

Moon charms and tarot cards are there to help you know

Which route is the best and which one is a no

Moon charms and tarot cards is the witches way

For moon charms and tarot cards can help you on your way

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Filed under poetry