Tag Archives: pain

Loveless Hell

Though it’s grey and dark

My heart still beats

Slow with apathy

Slow with pain

I question will I love again?

Or is my heart still doomed?

I sit amongst the gloom

Soaked with tears

I’ve sat in this position for years

Wondering will my heart beat with the throes of spring

Or will it forever sting?

My tears have burned scars into my face

Will I ever be in a happy place?

Time will tell

Till then I am in a loveless Hell

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Hand to Earth

The daffodils are deafening in the spring

The blackbirds sing their chorus on the wing

The trees strum their roots in time

Whilst the bumblebee hums their rhyme

Though you hear it not, mortal men and foe

For you are away from nature and cause it woe

You drown the fishes in your decay

You choke the air as you ride away

You do not see what you have done

You only blame the heat of the sun

You can’t feel responsible for all this pain

You only think of what you gain

What gold lines your pockets well

What will make your stomach swell

And though you have what you feel is good

You haven’t really thought and stood

Beside nature hand to Earth

And realise all that it is worth

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Anchoress

My tears will oust the flames of Hell

For all those people who there dwell

I’m an anchoress for all you see

My tears will heal and set you free

My love burns fiercer than the fire

My love is pure and without desire

I will heal your aching hearts

The power of God is off the charts

For I know one thing is true

I know every one of you

And here my tears will wash away your pain

So that you are free again

And into heaven you will fly

This is why I pray and cry

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I regret the scrawls

I’m lost in pain

Drowned in thoughts

Twisted in knots

My heart churns like a sick stomach

Going insane with the loneliness

Swirling in a spell of bad blood

Spitting poisons and toxins till they flood

Because I had a dream

The dream scared me

Told me I can’t be free of being used

Cast away like an old shoe

Nobody can love someone like me

Because I’m ugly, can’t I see?

I’m stupid, immature and broken

Even worse, I’m stupid because I’ve spoken

About my fears though they might be wrong

But I can’t wait till I belong

With someone who loves me true and through

Someone to swim with me in the blue

Or better yet pick me up in a yacht

And sail off with me like a shot

I try to think of better things

But fears like that just ring and ring

Inside my head day and night

It makes me dribble words when I write

Lots of drivel on my blog

Creating a depressing catalogue

Of all my thoughts, hopes and fears

Things I will regret down the years

But I do try to calm myself

And put my feelings on a shelf

But the burden grows intense with weight

So writing this alleviates

Though it’s hard to stomach I know that

I am sorry for all the inner combat

I haven’t slept last night not much at all

Just sat up and regret the scrawls

But I need to get these things out there

Because those dreams did really scare!

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Never let me go

I’m a jewel that shines real bright

If my conditions are really right

If you love me and cherish me too

You can see all the different things I’ll do

I love deep and I give my all

But that doesn’t mean that I’m a fool

I love hard and I care a lot

I don’t like love that’s cold then hot

I need to be the precious one

In your life and heart

Although I let you play at times

I know we’ll never part

Not if you love me true and through

That’s all I really want from you

To be your baby kind and sweet

To be your favourite kind of treat

To know that each and every day

I am yours in every single way

I won’t betray you

So don’t betray me

I am still open

So trust in me

I am not a short term girl

I am a precious sort of pearl

A rare find in this world of ours

I could sit and talk for hours

About what I am and what you mean to me

As long as you remain keen of me

You can play with others too

But just remember who is who

That you will always come home to me

Talk with freedom and honesty

I’ll obey you most of the time

But what is the purpose of my rhyme?

To let you know that I do care

That my earlier poem did quite scare

But I want you to know something right now

That as long as you make a solemn vow

To love me and keep me for all your days

I will honour you in all your ways

But treat me bad and break my heart

Be sure, that vengeance will be stark

Because I’m tired of the pain

Of loving again and again

Only to love in vain

And be alone once again

Giving love to tricksters who do not care

To be hurt again I could not bear

So many times I’ve been broken

Used again like a temporary token

Don’t I deserve to love and keep?

Do I deserve to cry and weep?

Feeding pride and ego too

For people who keep me in the blue

Why can’t I love someone?

Who will cherish me in return?

Someone who will shield me from the sun

So that I will never burn!

The love I give is deep and tense

For I do give my all

Anything you want my love

Just give me a call

But don’t cast me aside at all

Adore me all you can

Because I need husband

That is a protective sort of man

His pride and joy that would be me

Though submissive I’ll be free

Because I would know he loves me much

I will be tender with my touch

Because he loves me so

Because he will never let me go!

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Who?

Who broke humanity with their pride?

Who fed us poisoned apples with lies?

Who keeps within the shadows dark?

Who waits till humanity has torn itself apart?

Who was thrown from the heavens for their disgrace?

Who scratches and tears at the human face?

Who is the one who causes illness and pain?

Do you need to be reminded again?

Who broke the dolls of God on Earth?

Who destroyed our home and hearth?

Who cares not for light and love?

Who is punished by God above?

Think well and hard on who this is

Because many of you won’t know

You think you do but you are wrong

About the one who brings us woe!

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We’re faulty

The ocean is a bowl full of the tears of God

It’s proof of why it’s so salty

He cries at all our sins and pains

He cries because we’re faulty

A perfectionist is our sweet God

He loves us all so deeply

Yet we look upon the Lord our God and worship him so cheaply

In our own time, maybe a minute or so

Or only turn to him when we’re in woe

Never praising the better things, but always cursing at him when it stings

Never understanding he is there for us

Whether good or bad he forgives and trusts

Never believing he is on our side

It’s hard to see blessings when you’re blurry eyed and in pride

Just take a moment and think and see

Is he at fault or is it we?

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Why I smile when I am sad

Shame is a feeling I am familiar with

Anger is a feeling I have lived with

Envy is a feeling I still experience and share with shame

As with pride it is the same

I know all too well the crying game

As sadness rips my heart again

And bitterness takes control of me

Whilst I look at others in their glee as they glance and then look down on me

I have seen the cunning face of those people who will disgrace

My name my status my love and care, they enjoy it I swear, I swear

But they don’t know the love I have

The forgiveness I give when they’re bad

The joy I have when they say they are sorry

But not many do so it is a quarry

That many do not like to go and so they continue spreading woe

Because they can’t stand to be so deep

They’d rather forget and stay asleep

To the pain they cause and the harm and shame

They keep on repeating again and again

Some people learn and others don’t

Because it’s too hard so they won’t

But I have seen some better men

Who have changed their ways and turned to Zen

I have faith that not all is bad

This is why I smile when I am sad

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Jingle Jangle

Jingle jangle

My hearts entangled

You’ve squeezed my heart and it’s in pain

Jingle jangle

My heart is mangled

I can’t bare this pain

Again

Now what are you doing to me?

My heart deserves to be free

Now what are you doing to me?

My heart feels the squeeze

Now what are you doing to me?

Are you breaking me down to feel good, sweet clown?

Or are you afraid of losing me and being down…

I can’t get your hand away from my heart

Your squeeze in and it feels like a dart

Jingle jangle my heart is mangled in your hands tonight

Jingle jangle my heart is entangled in your hands tonight

I can’t bare this fight

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Because I’ve died

Is it enough to show the world at all?

That I’ve ascended but now I fall?

Into a chasm of pain

Being driven insane

Will I feel the same… again?

I might as well give up

Stop fighting

Because nothing is righting the way I need it go

Why can’t thing be just so?

Or is it me who won’t let go?

Oh no

I’ve tied, through the needles that bite

I’ve tried through the ashes that burned

I’ve tried through the icy waters

I’ve tried to turn

But things swing round back at me

Fighting me into tragedy

I have struggled with reality until I am through

I am done, I am tired and life’s won

This battle

What can I do?

But fight again, until the end

Until life has gone from me

Into the icy sea

And I have drowned in the pain

And I went insane

And I took my life

With a bloodied knife

And I’m not the same

Fighting spirit I was

I have given up… because…

I’ve died

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