Tag Archives: nature

What do I do?

What do I like to do when I am not writing or doing art?  Strange to say, that creativity is such a big part of my life it is actually really hard for me not to be in creative mode in one way or another.

Outside of actually physically writing, I do think about things to write almost on a constant basis I am a chronic daydreamer!  I can’t hold conversations very much travelling in a car because I zone out to daydream and for me, it’s just as well because it is my coping mechanism for car travel sickness – hence why, I have never learned to drive.  I am actually going to try next summer to have my first ever driving lesson, but I don’t think I’ll have more than three before deciding that driving isn’t for me!

I like to talk about sceneries when travelling on trains, I love trains, but again I daydream a lot on trains.  Unless the conversation isn’t specifically towards the scenery I tend to zone out on people.

It’s easy for me to zone out completely and sometimes it takes a person shaking me by the shoulders to come back to reality again!

But outside of this one big daydream of mine, what do I do?

I like tending to the garden, but I am never without my creative quirks there either as I imagine faeries or trolls peeping out at me from behind bushes and dark corners and so forth.  Whenever I garden, I garden with nature and unseen forces in mind; I have to have fruits, herbs and vegetables every few feet, because it helps the fair folk, animals and birds.  It’s either my active imagination or my witchy roots and shamanic past that allows me to see things that others say aren’t there.  I have never decided which is true…

But whatever I grow in the garden to eat, I always ensure that at least a quarter of what I grow is never harvest as because I don’t want to be seen as greedy and because I feel that you should leave things for nature, to go to seed or for the fair folk.  Did you know in actual fact that ancient humans used to always farm and garden like this until humans developed more of the greed gene? 

I am not a tidy gardener, I am a cut and drop type and I have the healthiest soil for miles around because of it; I know that some diseases and weeds should not be cut and dropped and I am wise to those things and they go either in a bucket of water to rot down or they go into a bonfire at the end of the month.  I have a special area for the bad stuff.

I grow with companion planting in mind and bio warfare – I am completely 100% organic and chemical free, what I do is I learn about nature and what feeds on what and I try to mimic the natural balance in my garden by trying to encourage pest killers into a problematic area.  If I grow nasturtiums the nasturtiums tend to encourage caterpillars and they generally leave my cabbages and other things alone, if I have an influx of aphids on my peas I grow sweet peas that are inedible nearby and umbellifers such as dill, fennel and yarrow to attract ladybirds and lacewings which eat aphids, as well as calendulas… no calendulas don’t eat aphids, they attract the things that do!

I am loved by frogs and toads and it used to freak my mother out every summer about how they’d hop or crawl after me if I was near the pond, because I had nurtured them since tadpoles and they became tame enough to be touched (make sure your hands are wet before you touch them as your skin can burn theirs).

I try to ensure a lot of mini ponds around the garden or makeshift ponds in the forms of buckets and ponds half inserted into the ground for them, because they kill slugs and snails and also we have a family of five hedgehogs in our garden most of the time, we’re quite lucky because our garden is small really – but we have so much life here!

My back garden is only 30ft wide and 50ft long, my front garden is 20ft wide and 20ft long, so it really is quite small for what it gives us!  We get a lot of food out of it and there is plenty of nature here – we always get comments from people in our neighbourhood about how we’ve bewitched wildlife and stolen it from their gardens because they don’t get all the bees and butterflies we have and they’ve never seen hedgehogs or woodpeckers in their gardens!  I just simply smile, shrug and say – plant more, get rid of your horrendous decking and fake plastic lawn and grow wildflowers, and then they’ll come to you.  Most snobbily sneer at the idea and look disgusted at my suggestion, but there has been one or two who have listened and nature is spreading, as it does and as it wants to and as it should!

When not gardening, I am bonding with animals, either in the form of pets or those in my garden; I am known to be quite mad by some neighbours because I click at magpies to call them down from the trees and some eat out of my hand and give me presents of egg shell and the prettiest stones they can find!

My magpies are my biggest influence in my writing, they are the main characters of a particular book series I am writing and they are based entirely on magpies I have befriended in reality.

I know it sounds nuts, but my life has been saved by a crow I cared for when it got heat stroke, this crow has long since died, but its family remember me and watches out for me.  I am profoundly deaf with inner ear auto-immune disease, which means a lot of the time because of ear infections I can’t wear my hearing aids at all, so I become completely deaf regularly – but one day I didn’t hear a car coming after I thought the coast was clear, it was one of those young teenage drivers who were racing down the long road and they nearly ran me down, but my crow, the one I saved earlier that year swooped down knocking me off balance just as the car nearly hit me, making me fall out of the way of the hit!

This crow and its family gets upset if they don’t see me for more than three days at a time and will shout their caws loudly and fly around the house until I either open the window so they can see me or go outside for a few minutes just to let them know I am OK – Paul is fascinated by this, but to me it’s normal!  They quieten down once they see me!

See it’s hard to have a “normal life” when I live the life I do.  My life is certainly not normal for everyone out there (points to the world) but it is normal for our ancestors and tribal people.  I consider myself an ancient human trapped in modern times.

I find it hard to have a “normal life” and talk about “normal” things.  I think normal is very suggestible, different to everyone and it hurts me when people feel they have the right to judge someone like me!  Because, in reality, had humans maintained their tribal existence and had maintained living as nature intended, then based on that, my way of life would be considered normal and conservative… it would be strange, not to be like me!

Other than having my head in the clouds and playing with nature like some kind of Disney princess, I do like movies and I do like doing puzzles.  I love 1000 piece puzzles and have a big collection of them and I have a love for word games, scrabble and codebreakers, that sort of thing.

I love feeding people too, I love to cook and I am often accused of making people fat when they stay here for more than a week!  Most people have to go on diets after visiting me, because they grow an addiction to my food!

I make as much as possible from scratch, including various jams, chutneys and sauces.  I am not scared of making pastry and I often cook too much deliberately, just to freeze them for later.  That’s how a home cook can manage their life better, cook and freeze – it’s safe, probably a lot safer than bought produce.

It’s funny but I get comments from people about how unsafe it is to put my lasagne in the freezer if nobody eats it all, but then they go out and buy microwavable frozen lasagne meals… the irony is both sad and laughable.

I find it hard to make friends with regular people; it’s easy for me to make friends with witches and creative people though.  Unfortunately I live in an area that is famed for its culture, but most of the people who live around me are science based workers, unemployed or in catering.  For the creative folk I have to be in the centre of town or a village five miles south from here, that’s where the creative folk are.

Paul is a scientist, he is a little bit creative because he used to be a photographer and he did once become a lecturer for art history in a university; but he is really a doctor of geology and that’s what he has been most of his life.  So he fits in here in our village, because a lot of people who live around us are doctors or nurses.

But he admits, though he loves some of my work he doesn’t love it all and it is hard for him to be enthusiastic in partaking an active role in being creative with me and brainstorming with me or even encouraging me beyond his scientific “get on with it” kind of way.  He is rather picky about what he likes and what he doesn’t like.

It is hard for me, because I am the type of writer that when she writes her stuff for the day she wants to share it with the person she is living with, immediately, because I am a person who likes to brainstorm with others – I like to talk about what I have done, because I am emotionally shallow and needy.    I am easily knocked off my perch if I think someone is disinterested, this is the hardest thing about me being a writer, since moving in with Paul.

My mother on the other hand was very good at feigning interest to buck a person’s creative confidence up, but Paul doesn’t like to even pretend and I appreciate him for that – but it is also frustrating for me.

So, what do I do outside of writing?  Basically play with animals, do puzzles, gardening, fatten people up and just generally connect to my inner being and nature.  I think that’s entirely me… I do love music, I love art, I love practising on my various musical instruments, but when I do that – I tend to go back into creative play again, then write songs and compose music!

So that’s me!  A creative child of nature; surrounded by a multitude of other species; that is spiritually connected to her little world and loves to entertain people with food, story and poetry.

Hope you enjoyed an insight to my weird little life!

Thanks for reading! 

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Truth of a luddite

Where the blazes have you been woman?  I suppose that is something you all have been thinking since learning about my forays into technology?

Truth is, I rebelled against my much older brother for years as he demanded that I learn everything about technology and be a techno-head like him.  I pushed against the idea that technology really will drown the old world out and replace it to such an extent that money will eventually become extinct for cyber points instead etc.

We’re close to that kind of society now and it is a sobering thought, because as much as I pushed against it, I am being dragged in by the tidal wave of millions of people who are going in for all of that!

I really believed that more and more people will think like me, drag themselves away from the zombie mind-sets of technology and run for the hills to save the environment from the onslaught of iron, plastic and wires and being pounded by invisible waves of energy because they’ll see the damage it is doing.

I’m sad to say they haven’t and it’s been a long time.

Where have I been indeed?

The honest answer is curled up with a book in the corner of a room, until the bad neighbour came, I would venture into my garden growing everything organically and in permaculture style and trying my best to stick to traditional life.

But I want a writing career and I am not going to be that successful in it, without all the technological stuff. 

Though learning it is fun, I still learn it with pangs of guilt that I am not being true to myself – my nature – my environment and beliefs.

I just wished that technological advancement was more environmentally friendly, healthy and inclusive with nature; instead of drowning out the sounds of nature to the extent the birds are going deaf to each other because of human noise and infrasound.

I want to be trendy like other people, knowing all the new gadgetry off by heart and going with the flow, but I also crave the old ways – the self-sufficiency, the living at one with nature, not fighting with it for space and resources.

This is what I have been struggling with for nearly two decades and I am giving in, I am giving in like all the other millions of people around the world have – but I hope that I still hold true to some traditional ways in spite of this.

I’m not an Amish, but for years I have come close to being like one.  Gardening in traditional ways, no electrical tools, no poisons like pesticides and herbicides, walking barefoot in the garden, knee deep in soil and eating fruit straight from the bushes and trees without thought;  I don’t really want to change that much and I am likely not to.

But I like having a social media presence.

I know I am quiet, but I am one of these strange people in the world who don’t like to talk unless I have something to say or that I feel the words that come out of my mouth have to have some kind of meaning… I don’t like engaging in very negative conversations or gossip, so this makes me an anomaly to many.

I don’t follow people just because they’ve followed me, I have to like what they have to say, I have to connect somehow – if I don’t, I won’t follow, because I don’t believe in boosting a person’s ego and presence, unless there is something about them I like. 

Why?  Because I am old fashioned, I believe your connections represent who you are as a person and if I connect with the wrong kind of person, because I don’t really know who they are, then that could be damaging to me.

I think this is something that is wrong with social media; people don’t understand that association can affect your own reputation.  It might not be like that these days, but to me it still stands.

These are what have made me hold back with technology a bit.

But I am open to change; I am not that stubborn or stupid.

But I do have a big hang up on my looks, I believe I am hideous and I struggle on an emotional level to share photographs of myself.

But I have to get used to it.

It’s the way of the world now.

I am not happy in my own skin and I would appreciate some love as I have had way too much abuse and negativity in my life, that it’s darkened me as a person, my light is almost going out – I need to regain my spark.  It went years ago.

I am very apprehensive online and I make loads of mistakes when trying to chat with people, by sending posts before they’ve finished etc.

Thanks for reading!

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All I want is a garden

All I really want is to nurture nature’s garden

Growing pretty flowers, everywhere

All I really want, is to walk around this garden

Watching all the wildlife here and there

I want pretty roses, sunflower, pansies and posies

Scattered far and wide and I don’t care

I want a quiet life

I don’t want any strife

I just want my pretty garden, it’s in my prayer

I need my little Eden

Don’t call me a horrid heathen

I love helping nature everywhere!

I don’t ask for much in life

I just want peace, not strife

So send me to a garden – anywhere

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Mother nature reclaims

My dream is that nature, wins this horrid war

That mankind has raged upon it, because they want more and more

My dream is Mother Nature

Will have enough of it

She’ll raise an army of flowers

To smother the human shit

She’ll wake up the goblins

Deep down in the earth’s bowels

She’ll make them fight the humans

With a solemn vow

That they can’t treat her planet

The ways they’ve always have

Because mother nature

Has reclaimed her pad

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Gender pressures on children

People who write for children often presume that children are contemporary creatures and that anything retro they recoil from, I think that couldn’t be further from the truth – in fact, in my experience the children I have known and I have known a lot, especially as I used to work with children, they don’t really develop a sense of time and past until around the age of ten or eleven.

Children do have very prominent likes and dislikes that are very unique and different with each child, it is usually around the age of ten that they allow their peers and other influences dictate what they start to like and dislike, in other words, I believe around the age of ten they become more aware of other people and factors in life, they start to broaden their minds and often lose themselves in trying to be accepted by others.

My son has very narrow ideas about what he likes and dislikes and for the majority of people, they find him strange, but to me, I find him quite normal for a child.  My experiences with children show me that children generally are retrospective and like things from historical resources.  Some children gain the awareness of others earlier, some later, some keep true to themselves throughout their lives, but they are rare creatures.

Therefore some children become shy when you try to get to know what they really like, because adults and older peers think that it is either outdated or rather unusual, so they feel insecure in being honest with you about it.

For me, I remind Henry almost on a daily basis that everyone is individual and unique and therefore have different ideas about everything, that the only person you should ever please in your life in regards to what you enjoy, should be yourself!

Here is a little idea of what Henry loves and is motivated by, it might surprise you; Dolly Parton, Doris Day, Lady Gaga, Riverdance, steam engines, robots, wrestling of the 80s and 90s, British comedy of the 50s to the 90s, royal history of Europe, math and physics, cooking, baking, pink and fluffy things, tortoises and sea turtles (is an obsession, he cries whenever he sees them on TV), litter picking and sustainability, robot wars, cyberpunk art and lifestyle and current affairs. 

Henry also likes long hair with bangs for men or feather layer cuts.  He is also angry at the world for not accepting boys who wear pink and bright yellow, he is often shouting about why the fashion industry insists that boys must always wear black or blue or camouflage and denim, and he wants cotton suits and button up shirts and tailored clothing for everyday wear. 

He also wants to know why boys can’t wear perfume and use moisturiser and make up etc (I told him they can, but he raises his arms above his head, shrugs and says, but society says no)!

Henry was very upset once and had a meltdown when he won a prize at the school fete and was given a choice of two prizes, one was a rainbow unicorn soft toy or a cream rabbit, he chose the unicorn but the lady said, but you are a boy and the girl after you would want this and he got the rabbit – I agree with him that was totally unfair and against freedom of choice. 

Henry has a very hard time understanding why there are defined ideas about boys and girls and from what I understand he is not the only one at his school!  He best friends are a group of four lesbian and tomboy girls, they are very open about it even at the age of twelve and thirteen. 

At least half of the above are things he wouldn’t ever share with his peers for obvious reasons – he has given permission to talk about it here because he feels it could raise world awareness.

I had similar problems as a child, with the things that I liked – for example, they were mostly for boys and not little girls like me or were completely age inappropriate!

I loved dinosaurs, vampires, 1930s to 1950s fashion, monsters and bats and insects, comedy horror, Barbie, Lego, wrestling, gardening, writing, arm wrestling, marbles, woodlands and shelter building, helping dad with cement mixing and carpentry, roleplaying, super heroes like Batman and Superman, hard rock and metal music, glam rock, classical music, opera and medieval history, particularly ancient warfare and torture/dungeon procedures. 

I was considered an anomaly and my mother though she was a tomboy herself always tried to make me dress tomboyish but maintain feminine charm.  I never liked being forced to wear trousers because it was convenient for my mother to maintain my modesty that way!  If I had the choice my clothing would have been flowing skirts and dresses and I would literally look like a little gypsy running around as that was me, I was a nature’s child!

My mum wasn’t used to that as all my siblings were techno-heads who shut themselves away in their rooms and were obsessed with the latest gadgets and all I wanted to do was gardening, fort building and digging holes with the dogs, whilst scrumping from my neighbours overhanging our fence apple tree!

Yes the majority of the things I loved were boyish, but I wanted to be feminine nonetheless.

My niece is another example of how society shouldn’t try to define gender roles – my niece had an obsession with soccer and wanted to be a soccer player as her career, but society talked her out of it and told her to be a good catholic girl and calm down.

I just think that humanity has advanced so much in their diversity and acceptance of various things, but they are still supressing their children and it really shouldn’t be that way anymore!

So what if your son loves pink and rainbows and fluffy bunnies?  At least he isn’t interested in killing anyone and has a good sense of pride, justice and respect!

So what if your daughter loves soccer and dreams of being world champion at boxing whilst still maintaining the notion that, yeah, I want kids too!  Women aren’t as docile as you make out anyway!  Stop trying to pretend!

My son has mental health issues, he doesn’t want to exist anymore, because he feels the world will always have a problem with who he chooses to be, no matter what he does!

This post exists because I wanted to share with writers for children, that you shouldn’t think that kids are contemporary or actually want to conform with society ideas about what normal is. You should write for the kids you know, not what you think the general kid population might be like today!

A majority of the kids I personally know do cling to their devices, because it is the only thing that gives them attention, many of these kids explain that they feel refreshed when they find an adult who engages with them and their hobbies away from technology, but they are hard to find… please think about that!

Happy reading everyone!

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Don’t kiss nature goodbye

Running through the dewdrops of the grass

My legs are soaked right to my arse

I prance and wonder about the place

How can humans destroy it, it’s a disgrace

How man can be so selfish, to reap and never sow

To build up coffined cities where nature cannot grow

I sit and pity the capitalists who really haven’t got the gist

That to survive you need the grass even if it soaks your arse

That you need the trees and bumblebees

You need all nature so

Because if you destroy it, where else is there to go?

You will starve and you will die

And all you will utter and cry is… why?

Because you have let nature die

What will you do when you starve?

Drink your oil and eat gold bars?

It’s a thing you need to think

Because what you’re doing really stinks

It’s so thoughtless and dangerous too

I hope my words breakthrough to you

You can change this barren world

To make a better future world

Where things thrive, not just us

Stop the deserts and the dust

Learn to build around nature

Only then you can feel nurtured

You can do it, if you try

You need to learn to apply

Nature around you from ground to sky

Maybe then nature won’t be kissed goodbye

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My views on Mr Perfect (not the wrestler)

I have mentioned before and I will probably say it again, I am not like other women, I don’t go in for too many romance scenes and weak female roles in my stories.  Yes, there are some love scenes in a handful of my works, but generally it isn’t all googly eyes and sweet nothings, it is usually love in a deeper sense or some kind of strange dynamic and understanding between the two in question.

I have never been a romantic person and in my own relationships I tend to fall into a sexual relationship with those who I have a deep friendship and connection with, because we understand each other and accept each other.  I don’t go around chasing for the perfect man in the perfect scenario and drive myself crazy with how perfect everything must be!

I don’t believe in chemistry in the usual sense of the word, I believe in mutual respect and understanding and a close friendship where you can be completely open and honest with each other – if you don’t have that, I really don’t understand why people waste their time bothering with each other, because the relationship is likely to fail eventually without those things!

That’s just me I suppose, I know my ideas about relationships are not popular ones, especially as I am so open about being bisexual and involved in an open/polyandrous/polygamous relationship.

I have never been a person who chases trends and normality, I am very bohemian in my ways and I truly believe the spice of life is variety.  Yes, I know, I have said it before – my stories have taboo themes in them, now you are beginning to get the picture – but those scenes are reserved for my adult audience pseudonym.

I have this belief where nature never intended for any creature to be monogamous, so why do we cut ourselves up emotionally when we try to enforce an unnatural law onto ourselves?

It doesn’t make us any better than the other animals in the world – it just makes us more stressed out and unproductive – literally!

Life is too short to be picky and waiting around for Mr. Perfect, life is too boring not to take advantage of the fun that is out there!

In my experience the more open and honest you are about your most deepest desires in life and talk about them without shame, the more likely you are to find your tribe, which think like you, the more likely you are to find your peace and your true love.  Just because I am in an open relationship doesn’t mean I value any less the people I am involved in, it just means I do not burden them all the time with making them my one and only.  That can be stressful on your lover, to make them feel that they are the only one for you, it is a big responsibility to live up to and it can put a strain on your relationship in itself.  Best to spread yourself around a bit, as long as you are open about it to everyone you are in a relationship with… don’t want heartaches and jealousy do we?  Be open!

That’s my two cents on the matter.

Happy reading!

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Anthropomorphised animals

Since a child I have loved anything that anthropomorphised animals, I got into this after seriously becoming a mega fan of “The animals of Farthing Wood” TV series and being an avid collector of their magazine and other merchandise; it wasn’t until I was an adult that I discovered that “The animals of Farthing Wood” was actually and originally a novel. 

I think I was one of the first children in this country to fully understand the impact humanity has on the environment and the animal kingdom, because I remember being commended in one of my schools for a poem I did about pollution and its effects on animals when I was just seven (that’s 1989).  I was a child, who was raised in the suburbs of North London, but I was often shipped out to other relatives around the country who lived rurally and on farms, so being a natures child in every sense of the word, I saw the massive changes humanity did to the world.

Every other month as I grew up my heart broke time and time again as more and more of my favourite outdoor places became new housing estates or had a railway track inserted through it and the dead animals that lined the tracks were heart wrenchingly numerous.

As a mostly isolated child who was ignored unless needed, I was often made to play in the large gardens with the pets I had, usually dogs and a rabbit, but squirrels and various birds became very tame around me as I was growing up that they became extended outdoor living pets.  I grew to empathise more with animals than with people.

To me, the animals seem to speak to me and we had an understanding, I learned their habits as much as they learned mine and we respected each other and each other’s ways.  This is why I found it easy to fall into shamanism, because it wasn’t so much as I wanted to be a shaman, rather than, I flowed into it without realising and it wasn’t until a high school friend said to me she thinks I am a shaman because of my ways, that I accepted that maybe she was right and I am that. 

So I read some books on the subject and I was laughing at how basic the training was in it, been there, done that was my response to a lot of it.  It was just so natural to me, that it seemed ludicrous to think people need courses on these things – whereas if they weren’t so involved in being human and doing modern human things, they’d all be like this too – it’s natural.

I know as I was growing up, cousins and even my own mother would be frustrated at how the squirrels and the crows won’t go near them, when they wanted to pet them right then and there like I could… I would tell them, you need to do this and do that before they come to you, you need to respect them and do it like this because they see it as impolite if you don’t – “you’re mad” was often the response as they grumpily slump off back inside, hating nature for rejecting them!

“The Animals of Farthing Wood” were not the only inspirations however, there were many others such as “Blinky Bill”, various Disney movies, “Rude dog and the dweebs” and so much more! 

So animals in some way or another are a regular feature in my stories.

Happy reading!

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Gardening was a help

My depression was getting better and the suicidal thoughts were abating on a huge scale three years ago, because of gardening.  Last year my neighbour has got into a new relationship with a man who is creepy and weird and likes to harass and make me uncomfortable when in my garden to such an extent I haven’t touched or been in my garden to do anything since September 2020. 

The thing is, Paul says there is nothing we can do about a neighbour who is like that unless he becomes an actual physical threat, unless we record him on film doing things.  We don’t have the money to set up cameras with microphones to keep tabs on his behaviour so Paul more or less has a shrug it off attitude about it.  So I don’t garden anymore.

I miss it a lot and I wish we could move away, but Paul just can’t.  We can’t afford to for one thing and for another, this house is suffering from rising damp and the roof is broken in two parts.  We also have persistent black mould, which we have to constantly clean away.  The house is worth good money, but we have to knock 40k off it because of its condition, there are no houses in this area we could buy with what would be left for us, on the sale of this.  Well, not a house in which I could have a garden, there are houses but their gardens are literally 10ft by 10ft, they are basically courtyards of townhouse terraces.

It wouldn’t be so bad but this neighbour is also wilfully destructive, he will lean over the fence and literally cut anything he sees peeping up, whether it is leaning into his garden or not.  He has leant over the fence quite a lot on some cases and nearly fell into our garden to do so in order to cut branches of our pine and ash.  He has started to do something I don’t like as well, which is he is trying to reach over to get my blackberry and train it on a chicken wire netting he has placed on his fence, but Paul keeps going out to snip it just as he thinks he has a chance to get it.

He is a rotten man, there are other things but I won’t mention them.  He also accidentally on purpose stumbles off our shared garden path in the front garden to stomp all over my forget-me-nots, dahlias, lilies, nasturtiums and I have caught him trying to take tomatoes, strawberries and mint from the garden too.

He doesn’t like birds sitting on the fence; he will scare them away or spray them with hoses.  He knows we have two bird feeders and like birds in our garden, but he makes sure they don’t stay long!

My cousin taught me a saying once and I laughed at it, it really does apply to this man “that I can’t believe he was the sperm that won”!

Ugh

I miss gardening and I miss lounging in the garden for hours on end reading from April to October every year.

I really have a strong desire to create a food forest garden, but with a nature hating neighbour like that, it is not going to be easy.  Our gardens are 30ft wide and 50ft long in the back garden; he has decked three quarters of his garden and terraced it making the other bits just lawn. 

He is also an insect squisher.  It is hard for someone like me who loves nature and wants to protect it and rewild spaces with my silly hippy idealisms, to see that someone like that exists only to be destructive as it would seem. 

I am particularly sad that I am very passive and I am not known for being particularly assertive, for me to live with a man who is the same.  I feel there is no defence against such a rotter and I have heard him loudly proclaim in big raucous laughter to his brother and friends that we don’t care what he does to our garden and that makes me feel very hurt and angry and sad.

I asked Paul to get some kind of advice about this, but he seems to think it’s all hopeless, there is no one and nothing we can do against such a person.

So I don’t know what to do.

I hope he doesn’t stay there, but it looks like he might be there for a long haul.

Happy reading I suppose.

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Spider porn

My entire immune system is going through a major crash in the past few days as well as my internet connection!

Though I have done nothing but sit staring at a corner most of the day, it was quite interesting; I spent two whole hours staring at a spider in the window that has lived in my lemon tree for the past six weeks. 

It was quite interesting and a bit of an education, because she had two male visitors gently tapping her web in the hopes of becoming her mate.  I thought this odd because spider mating season is usually in the autumn, not early summer! 

Anyhow after two hours one of them, the biggest one, finally got approval and the other one went scuttling off down the radiator when he found out he was rejected.

Thinking that spiders will mate less than five minutes (as that is what I have seen on TV) I was surprised to see that it lasts around 45 minutes with this couple.  She also wasn’t very aggressive with him either, he got away unscathed and when he ran away she ran after him, they kept running backwards and forwards from each other a lot for another hour before he slipped and fell into the radiator and didn’t bother coming back.  He is still alive though, I checked. 

She on the other hand has settled back in her same old position in the web just 6 inches underneath the rim of my lemon tree pot acting as though nothing has happened.

Although I am scared of spiders because I am allergic to their bites, I love them.

Happy reading!

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