Tag Archives: magic

Romance with death

So many things are taking up space in my mind over the past few days; I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything but emotional presence, which is strange because I usually try to avoid acknowledging my emotions as much as possible, or at least as minimal as possible.

I don’t really know much about meditation other than what I have learned in books and on YouTube.

I have never had a guided meditation – so I don’t really know if the meditation I did a few days ago called “Who am I”? Has anything to do with it, but it’s a strange coincidence if it hasn’t.

When I am not drifting off into trance-like stupors losing twenty minutes a time, I try to sit and focus on writing something for my blog or towards my stories or reading a book, only for me to be absorbed yet again in my emotions.

There is a voice at the back of my head telling me that I need to go through this process as it is healing me in preparation for something big coming into my life.

If I want to cry, do it – but I still try to hold back.

I never did get into the crying yoga I said I was interested in – I kind of know deep down it is something I need… but I still hold back.

I often try not to be emotionally present so it is all new to me.  I try to shut away my emotions into a coffin, put it into a wardrobe and throw the wardrobe into a lake tied up with ropes and rocks so I don’t remember them… until a drought comes at least.

Not that I fly tip or anything, I am being metaphorical – some people can take things too seriously!

I think there are some readers out there that takes me too seriously too – sometimes when my depression kicks in and I make all these creative works of poetry, I sometimes sit back and laugh at how tragic I was for those moments and I feel stupid and slightly embarrassed by yet another emotional outburst. 

I think it is good for you to know that sometimes when I have got it all out creatively, I do laugh at myself – because of how pathetic I come across.  Some days though, I am quite serious and often think about death very seriously after writing such things… but a good third to near half of the time I find humour in my tragedy, like some kind of sad clown story.

I do see myself as a pitiful sad clown a lot of the time.  The kind of clown that will sit in the grey in dirty dusty clown clothes, with a black cone hat and grey pom poms on it, sitting miserably alone in their own grey tragedy – then suddenly opens the door of their house to jump off the cliff that’s waiting just beyond the threshold only he is saved by a rainbow bridge and whilst he is standing on that rainbow bridge he magically transforms into a colourful rainbow clown and laughs at his own sorrow and skips off down the curve of the rainbow to play with the faeries!

Well that’s how I visualise myself anyway.

Dark sense of humour at times!

But you have to admit though, the depths I go, the sarcasm at times, the irony etc. – I see myself as ironic, my humour is definitely ironic and I know because I have been told multiple times that my humour is lame – but you’ve got to admit, sometimes it’s funny?

Was never meant to be, but boy I can get too deep at times cant I? Its almost like a romance with death and despair!

Well, if I didn’t laugh I’d cry and which one is better eh?

I’m trying so hard not to be a Sylvia Plath, not going down her route.

However, my depression is very real.  Have no doubt about that.

Thank you for reading… 

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My authenticity as an author

What is my authentic self as an author?

What are my passions and experiences which seem to flow into my work effortlessly?

Basically, what makes this author, this author?

It’s not unknown if you have been following me for some time now that vampires are a huge passion of mine and that once they were all absorbing and my main if not ultimate focus?

They are still in my mind but is now swept away into a corner and regarded with a sense of guilty pleasure nowadays, which is a shame. 

But other than my vampires who am I as an author?

I like anthropomorphic animals (human like animals) and animation movies which have animals as main characters or heroes; to me I can’t get enough of movies like that!  I love reading books on the perspectives of animals, such as The Animals of Farthing Wood, Fluke, Charlotte’s Web, that sort of thing.

Being shamanic off and on throughout my life, I regard myself as having an unusually deep understanding for both nature and animals and anything primal really and yes, that does make me a Walt Disney fan.

I am a deeply spiritual person too with very philosophical ideas – this can be seen in some of my work but not all of it.

I do believe in miracles and magic, I believe in soul connections and spirits, so this belief of mine goes into my work a lot.

My work can be very profound and intense; it’s what I’ve seen in past reviews on my blog, in emails and from other people who were fortunate enough to get snippets from me in private.  Because I tend to throw in my philosophical thoughts, my spiritual education and I forget that sometimes for some people, they’re not ready for that kind of depth yet.  It’s a part of me, it’s a part of who I am and mostly I don’t realise I do it.

That’s my magic, that’s unique to me and when you follow your authentic path in your own writing, you will discover things about yourself you never knew too, it’s a kind of therapy a kind of gas-lighting oneself.

I love dragons and monsters, I like seeing them as misunderstood creatures, creatures that aren’t bad at all and in fact could be rather helpful but have their boundaries and they expect respect.

I like characters that are inventive and quirky, a little strange, maybe forgetful and definitely misunderstood by societies they live in, because they reflect who I am.  I am proud to say I am an air-head with little understanding of logic, that has an interest in science though not a brain to really fully grasp it and a memory of sieve – put all of this into a pot steaming with spirituality, creativity and free love and you’ve got me… a messy soup.

I am a mixture of Caractacus Potts from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Carl from Van Helsing 2004, Miss Bat from Worst Witch, Miss Trelawney from Harry Potter, Lucille Ball, Wendy Froud, Bjork and Bob Ross!  You get the message… I’m a mess!

I love writing lengthy descriptions of natural scenes and observations including as many if not all of the five senses all at once.

I have a deep sense of decay of both mind and matter, I understand the damaging effects of humanity on the Earth and I write plenty of dystopic sceneries in some of my stories.  I love the idea of nature taking back the world, after humans sought to destroy it! 

I love characters like Poison Ivy, Pocahuntas and The Lorax for this.

I have a deep sense of survival in me, from both being raised semi-feral in a North London garden with a violent family and because I have a Girl Guides attitude of “Be prepared” and a deeply seated understand of impermanence – that you can often see survival as a theme in a lot of my stories.

This is why I love characters such as Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games, the TV series The Tribe, Rambo and so forth. 

Because I have experienced severe mental health issues over the years and lived with several people who have far worse issues than I do (I have never needed to be medicated for example, like they have) I can fully understand what it means to live in an asylum and how the public treats people who have a history of that environment.  I also understand and have witnessed several times people literally descending into madness to the point of both murder and suicide.  Yes I have seen a person killed in front of me that is something I’ve kept to myself until now.

I have also witnessed several people trying to take their own lives, dying of a stroke right before my eyes and other horrible things.

Experiences which are hard to write, but can’t be wrote properly unless you’ve truly experienced it.  I am not saying try to experience that sort of thing, goodness no!  But you can understand how an author’s authentic self can further their writing by putting in their life experiences into it!

Characters such as Jack Torrance from the shining, John Kramer from Jigsaw, Janet Frame from Angels at my table are reflective of very similar people I have known as well as several characters from the movie The Crow.  I’ve known very edgy, scary people who don’t hide the aspect of who they truly are to anybody!  A few of these people have been put into isolation by the authorities but there are others that have evaded this somehow!

In my experience it is the weak ones that get caught and dealt with, the really nasty buggers never are!

Injustice is another thing that crops up in my stories from time to time based on this.

I am afraid to say some readers may find some of my darker materials frustrating as justice are rarely served in a fair way; I tend to take people to a very primal place.

Some of my characters are kooky, childish and fun, but should really be responsible as they are adults but they struggle with that reality – therefore I like characters such as Mr and Mrs Luxury from the blue bird, God from Dogma, Brennan and Dale from Step Brothers and Sarah Sanderson from Hocus Pocus. 

I have a passion for characters with big egos and sarcastic humour so I am often drawn to personalities which are played by actors such as Alan Rickman, Tim Curry, Glen Close and Robert Downey Jr.  Those characters seem to be fighting against the odds with a pack of brainless lucky heroes who are out to ruin their plans or gas-light them in some way in my stories.

Comedy is becoming more prominent in my stories as time is going by as I am no longer hiding my sense of humour from the world; this is a transition that is not welcoming from Paul.  He prefers my more serious stuff, but that’s not being authentic to myself!

There is even comedy in my darker stories and horror these days, lightly thrown in.

I was given an article to mull over by Paul the other week about how dark humour is an early sign of dementia; I am not paying any attention to that!

Societal changes and upheaval are a theme in several of my stories, hence my love for dystopia.

I dislike romance, so that is at a minimum – but there are some saucy scenes now and again in my adult works, in fact I have been known to write full on erotica in a past blog as short stories, but I deleted them after a while and that blog – I also did it here for a short time too, in the early years of my blog as I was told I was too graphic and should really have it as a subscribers content.

That is something I am thinking about doing actually, subscribers short stories of both my erotic works and vampires, as well as a subscriber incentive of giving 50% off the purchase of poetry anthology E-books I am planning to publish by the end of summer.

I love certain sports and you can see which I am into by the books I write, I love wrestling and combat sports in general so there are plenty of fight scenes in my stories as well as ancient warfare.  I am very keen in ancient warfare history and gaming.  I know a lot of the terminologies and so there is little research needed for me when I write those scenes because it’s a passion of mine.

I am not afraid of killing off characters but I am not a maniacal character serial killer like George R.R Martin, but not far off it either! 

Death sells as good as sex in my opinion.

I like hard-core no nonsense and dominant characters that don’t like a lot of fuss, so there is at least one in every story.  My favourite character is a wild hermit woman from the Dragon project I am writing; a sort of mix of Miss Trunchball meets Nanny McPhee and Tarzan!  Again, crazily based on people I’ve known, as I have said before… I’ve known some strange people in my time and exaggeration can go a long way, especially when story writing!

So you see a lot of my ideas wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for life experience and a knack for exaggeration for entertainment value.

Though I keep my non-fiction as honest as possible, I can use that experience and exaggerate it for fiction!

This is how we writers do things; it’s how we give you the books we write.

Or those who have actually given their work to an agent to get published, that is!

I’m not far off to be honest.

I won’t give you a deadline or update until I send my work to an agent, but for now – let’s just say, I think it’s going to be sooner than you think – a lot sooner!

So there you have it – my experiences, my passions and my work and why it is uniquely mine and why you will struggle to try and copy it!  You are not me and even if you were to go off and research the character references and include the subjects I’ve mentioned in this blog – you won’t ever reflect me, but only I can be purely me and only you can be purely you!

Thanks for reading!

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Being an authentic author

Great literature comes from the heart.  A great writer put their heart, their soul and their experience onto the paper.  They write what they love and are passionate about and they ensure to put as much emotion into their piece as they could possibly muster!

People want to read amazing literature, people want to write it too; but some people seem to think that they can’t trust themselves, their passions, their ideas because they have a low self-esteem and value for what they believe they are worth – so these sorts of people tend to be what I call “the idea stealers” and then they wonder why they aren’t as successful as Joe Blogs down the road and to me it’s purely a matter of just being you.  You weren’t being genuinely yourself when you are writing and that’s why you aren’t as good as someone who has their own path, their own ideas and put their heartfelt passions into a word format, like a book.

You’d be surprised at how many people would read a book about a character that is passionate about stamp collecting, if the author has the same passion – because the spirit of the author leaks onto the page and makes it feel genuine and fresh regardless of the subject matters general popularity in society.

I’ve read books with such a boring synopsis but were riveting reads, because I believe the author had done that – put their spirit into the pages of that book, by being themselves!  After researching the authors I find out that they do have similar lives to their characters and that’s why they are a success – even fantasy authors, though magic isn’t real, the power of belief and imagination is so strong in them as a person, they can trick you into believe it is!

Trend chasers do not tend to be very successful authors or at least not authors with readership longevity.

Don’t chase trends, don’t think that one author is doing really well on her blog or her sales that you must try and copy the frame of her work as your own in order to succeed as you think that’s a trend – you are not harming that other author, but you are harming yourself and your authenticity.  If there is nothing more that can sell better than talent it is a person’s authenticity – their brand. 

You being your authentic self is your brand.  Can you really keep up the pretence for the rest of your life that you love fairy romances when you by your very nature is a conservative person who doesn’t believe in magic and dreams coming true and love at first sight?

There is a time when it will become a grind for you and your mental health will suffer.  I have seen this happens to many authors over the time I’ve been online and befriended a few.

They tend to crash and burn out and give up.

The catalyst is usually the time when they choose a prompt and they are led by that prompt and the stealing of multiple ideas of other authors which reflect similar subjects of the prompt.  This is a thing, I’ve seen it time and time again and I actually have friends who are the writers of these prompts and they’ve cheekily used some of my ideas in their prompts to prompt other writers to write.

This has caused a surge over the years of certain subjects swamping the publishing industry with the same old subject and similar storylines, which gets old for author agents very quickly and it is why many book trends come and go erratically fast!

Trend chasers exhaust the idea pot because they are frightened of their own authenticity.

They feel that others will judge them as harshly as they judge themselves and that is not the case at all.

I am not sitting here being all high and mighty, I have succumb to this kind of pressure myself and I have sat down and seen the industry exhausted by vampires, so I have chased the other trends, witches or werewolves or demons and I wasn’t as happy as I was when I was writing my vampires and it is clearly seen in my works.

The heart isn’t there.

So where is my heart?

Where is my authentic self?

That’s another post…

For now, I want you to ask yourself the same question.

Thanks for reading!

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My themes & project AD

Here are the main themes I love to write about and I know it has been published in another post before, but I thought it would be good to have it as a post all on its lonesome as a sort of reference post.

My first favourite theme to write about are vampires and their perspective on life and existence, their lifestyle, the drama that goes on in their societies etc.

My secondary favourite literary choice is stereotypical fantasy stories based on dragons, battle and magic! 

My third one is anthropomorphic animals or seeing things from an animal’s perspective and explaining their lives through adventure or almost journalistic storytelling. 

My fourth favourite theme are anything pertaining to childhood wonder, Christmas and Easter stories, Santa, The Easter Bunny, nursery rhyme worlds, toys coming to life, that sort of thing.

My fifth favourite theme to write is stories about inventors and gadget creators in a post-apocalyptic world or perhaps even a steampunk world!

My sixth choices are giants or little people and how they see the world around them and what their stories are. 

My seventh favourite theme is stories about descent into madness or haunting memories or even haunted places, ghosts of both the mind and the ethereal.

The eighth theme is anything with regards to circus performers, carnivals, fairgrounds, fortune tellers and clowns.

The ninth favourite theme to write about is stereotypical war between gods and the underworld and the battle of control over mortality and or power, I especially like gas lighting stories or stories from a twisted perspective.

The tenth theme is stories about magical water/sea creatures or sea life, such as pirates, mermaids, kelpies and sea monsters or travellers of the sea.

Many of my stories will contain at least one of the above in order to keep me interested in writing them, sometimes they may have more than one theme going on for example; my project AD has five of the above themes in it.

There is a small vampire scene in it, with anthropomorphic animals in a post-apocalyptic, steampunk world that experiences a huge gaslight to their existence and in one characters case a descent into madness and a fight for reality and a real battle as well – along with this there are inventors of gadgets and a new way of life for everyone involved in the story!

It’s a project I am really excited about and this particular project has saved my creative life – because without it I very nearly gave up writing altogether.  It is rare for me to have more than two themes in any story, so when I get one that has this many themes in it – it really gets my heart singing!

Thanks for reading!

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Land of the mortal blue

In my garden I play with the blackberry dragons

They sing songs to me

In my garden I swim with the mermaids of my pond

They sing songs to me

They sing “we know you’re not free, we will keep you company”

They know what life is like for me

A prisoner of mortality

The fairies too they sing their songs

They say we will protect you from the wrongs

The satyr too, sings a song

About justice and freedom and truth

Drink from the fountain of youth and you’ll be free

Come and dance with me

Says he

And I do

And I am released from the deep blue

And I am free again

And now I’ll mend

Because I am forever young and happy

True

Now I am a part of you

My fantasy land

And I feel grand

Because I have left the land

The land of mortal blue

And I’ve learned that all the magic is true

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Fixing this heart

I am feeling lonely, I am feeling blue

I am a crying because of you

You told me you loved me, then you went away

You stole my heart, that fateful day

Now I am in sorrow and now I am in pain

Wondering if I will ever see my heart again?

I don’t care for you after what you’ve done

Because someone who loves me, would not have gone

I am crying only for my heart to heal

So that it’s stronger from another steal

Maybe you’ve killed it, only time will tell

Until then I will weave a spell

To set my heart a mending

To make my heart strong

To clear away bad energy and the wrong

So I can feel again and happy be

So I can love again, someone who deserves me

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Fantasy 1

First thought about this project in 2014 because something mysterious happened in the house, which made me wonder what happened to something I had lost. 

I had a bad chest infection at this time and I was in bed a lot over several weeks – so I had a lot of time to think about silly things in regards to this particular mystery.

It lead to this project being slowly produced, this project has become a mini-series of books over the time, though as usual, they aren’t published yet, because I haven’t approached anyone since 2003 about any book!

This book may in fact be one of the first ten I approach publishers with as it is something I revisit a lot.

It is something I have worked with my son Henry with too, he has had a lot of input in this idea and so it is another mother and son collaboration really.  We tend to think of a lot of stories about giants and robots in particular when we think together.

What you may find in this story;

Humans oblivious to magic around them

Little people

Tribal warfare

Quirky characters

Toilet humour

A mystery to be solved

Reality shifts

This story has mostly been influenced by my favourite childhood movies and TV shows rather than books, I am sorry to say.  Though there has been some books out there which has influenced some of these ideas too!

These have been the following…

The borrowers TV series

Gulliver’s travels animated version of 1939

The Indian in the cupboard

Mousetrap movie starring Chris Evans

Terry Pratchett’s the carpet people

The chronicles of Narnia movie 2005

Stargate the movie and TV series

This novel is really quite short for me, I would say a fantasy novella more than an actual novel and there are sequels already partly finished.

This is one of my favourite projects to work on, so it is likely to be one of the first ten to send out to publishers.

Once again, in Paul’s opinion the humour is childish and corny.

Thanks for reading!

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Dragon 1 update

What is in this story?

Long lost relative rediscovered

Found family

Witches

Dragons

Comedy

Battle scenes

Camping

Giants

Pirates

Main character Male in late 30s

Coming of age young girl learning her place in a strange world

Portal world

Magic lost

Set in Britain & Alternate reality

Betrayal

Treachery

Fire elemental magic

Travelling quest

Huge didn’t see it coming plot twist

What works by other people inspired this project of mine?

The movie Reign of fire

The movie magical legends of the leprechauns

The book A monster calls by Patrick Ness

The pirates of the Caribbean movie series

The lord of the rings trilogy

Worst witch TV series and books by Jill Murphy

The character Sirius Black in Harry Potter’s prisoner of Azkaban (this has not given away the plot twist)

Maleficent starring Angelina Jolie

The Discworld series by Terry Pratchett

And several Ransom Riggs novels

This story started in my head in 2003 and is currently paused in its eighth draft because I have preferred to work towards my project Anthropomorphic Dystopian 1 instead.  Once Anthropomorphic Dystopian 1 is finished, I will continue to complete draft eight of this project, with the hope to be sending it out to the world around three months later; or rather, after it has stewed again.

This book may have a part two or three, but I am unclear as of yet – however, it has an open ending, that will not leave you feeling dissatisfied, but may have you asking lots of questions – don’t hate me for it, please!

Happy Reading!

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Why tardy?

The name of this website is called TardyCreative for many reasons, one being I am renowned for being very tardy about updating social media posts and this blog – but why?

Mostly as you all can guess (or at least those that have followed me for a while now), that one of the main reasons is ill-health, now I am not just talking sniffles and worries here, I am talking full on bedbound and housebound style sickness!  The kind where I get the influenza that knocks you off your feet type of illness, but I get it for twenty weeks of the year on average – yes, that’s my average, not just small sniffles, full blown knock out!  What’s funny about all of this is that by and large I am considered hardier than most with things, definitely hardier regarding pain than most others, to the extent a doctor was concerned that I had a problem with pain receptors, but I don’t.

Another reason for my tardiness is that I am easily distracted, I have what Paul thinks is undiagnosed ADD and ADHD.  I have issues concentrating for prolonged periods and do things in fifteen minute spurts, outside of this and I wander off mentally and can get tired easily.

I can hold many conversations at once, in fact I thrive doing that, but hold me on a subject for too long without a break and I get stressed and sleepy!  Sleepy is funny because normally outside of being forced to concentrate for longer than I can, I actually have problems sleeping because I am generally quite a hypoactive person, health provided.

I am easily distracted by windows and animals, plants, TV, and ideas.  I can be sitting down watching my favourite unmissable TV show when an advert for Warcraft comes up and I am researching the latest of the game or the movies on my phone and the next thing I know is I have missed fifteen minutes of my show!

I write my stories and overhear a conversation between Paul and Henry about ancient Britain and I pause to answer questions or research things we’re unsure about.

I have never been able to focus for long; this is why when I work on my creative pursuits, it is essential I have more than one thing going on.  Because when I get distracted it breaks my roll and when my roll is broken on one thing, it is hard to get back on it the same day!

I often get flustered with too much stimulus, I was settling down to bed last night and watching YoutTube to calm me down, some art tutorials, when an advert gave me the idea for a new story and art project and I ended up writing by hand for an hour longer than I wanted to and didn’t get to finish the art video I wanted to watch! 

I was then distracted halfway in writing my notes because Henry’s gastric flu is still quite bad and he had another bout of sickness at 3:30am when I was trying so hard to wrap things up for me to go to sleep!

When Henry’s little bout finished, I tried to continue my notes, but I put them aside and just as I thought about turning the TV off finally to go to sleep, I started thinking about fairy art projects and picked the note books up again.

The thing is, it isn’t just my creativity I am tardy with, I am like this in all areas of my life and I am often met with aggressive impatience by others, who hate my dithery behaviour!

I am easily lured by anything that sparks an interest in me, which is why shopping is a nightmare for people who are on tight schedules, because I am worse than a child in a candy store if I walk past something that is vaguely anything I like!

The problem is, despite being sick, my mind wanders off so much that I do not realise how much I am actually exhausting my body with my antics, until I literally pass out!  I used to faint a lot, be warned, why don’t I do so as much anymore?  Because Paul is incredibly strict when he sees me wandering or being too physical beyond my bodies capabilities, people who don’t understand my situation can think he is off for how he seemingly dominates and talks to me, but it is necessary, he knows that I will pass out if he doesn’t do or say something harsh!

Why I am like this?  I don’t know!

But it is me in every single sense of the word.

I am just that, I am tardy because I can’t help it; I am tardy because I am too interested in everything and want to do everything at once all of the time!

If I had a magic wand, I would find a spell to split myself up in thousands of different bodies and do everything that distracts me, so I can at least be more dedicated to them, than I currently am!  But then again… would I be?

Thanks for reading, I will try and post again soon!  Stimulus willing!

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