Tag Archives: life

Lessons from life

Things I learned from life

How to sing from my grandma and where I want to be

How to dodge a face slap when someone takes aim at me

When to talk and when to run, knowing who is a foe and who is a chum?

Where to hide and where to play

How to laugh and what to say

Where to find peace and where to write

What to do to avoid a fight

How to smile when I hurt and hold my tongue about the jerk

How to pull a punch and line, so folk don’t go down in crime

When to make a stand at all and how not to become a fool

Where to go so that I can shine and how I found God divine

When to love and how not to hate

I won’t forget my past mistakes!

A task set by the book “how to grow your own poem” by Kate Clanchy, learning I made a mistake with this poem that I fell back into rhyming, I should do another like this but remember not to rhyme.  The subject should be about your life and the things you’ve learned, where and how and all of that and maybe even about where you see your life is going?

Happy reading!

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The intention

I lick the blade that you prepared to wound me with

I took it whilst you slept

I know you intended to kill me in the morning as I sleep

But I saw through you and took your knife

I sit over you, watching you sleep

You have no idea I have this knife

You sought to take my life

I look at you sleeping in yours

Peaceful

Like deathly sleep

As you intended this knife to be to me

My sleeping pill

Though I hold this knife, I mean you no ill

I know your intention

I knew your plan

I take the knife and place it back in the drawer in the kitchen

I leave a note on my pillow as I leave

I know your plan

Hate me when I thought you loved me

You didn’t need to kill me

I would gladly go

If I have caused you any pain or woe

Goodbye my love

I forgive you

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I tried

My soul is dead

It’s gone and buried

It died slowly these past nine years

It was awful

Painful and harried

I tried to save myself

So much, alone

But there is only so much you can do

When the birds eat the seeds you’ve sown

You try to pick yourself up

Brush yourself down

But then you look around you

All you see are frowns

No one is happy here in this place

The house is a mess, no it’s a disgrace

You try to smile and spur them on

To pick themselves up and sing a happy song

But they frown harder still and scream for silence

It’s funny to think I chose this over violence

It’s a funny old world

But I do not laugh

I’ve not had a life, not even half

I’ve tried to pull through all the shit and decay

I’ve done it alone but I’m covered in heavy clay

Of the burdens of my choices

The ones I thought best

But instead the path I fell to

Was an utter mess

It’s weighing me down

All this clay

I am growing tired to fight or play

I just can’t cope anymore alone

I’m just not happy in my own home

I need to try harder I guess

But I feel weak, drowned in mess

I don’t have the spark anymore to try

I only wish that I could die

I need to start again

In another life

I can’t go on

But at least I tried

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Say goodbye to the blue

Life is a crying game

So many tears to name

But life isn’t pain

You are just drowned in the notion, it’s all the same

You forget the joys and the happiness too

You have no clue; the key to joy is you

What do you think?

What do you know?

Why are you shadows when you should glow?

Why do you swim in the rivers of pain?

When really life is a game, you need to learn how to play!

All it takes is a different thought

Not what you’ve been taught

You have to remember yourself, be true

You’ve lost yourself and you have no clue!

Think of the opposite to what you do now

It really does work after a while, you’ll sail!

Into the sea of happiness

Into bliss away from the piss, to joy!

Oh boy – look at what is waiting for you!

Say goodbye to the blue and let’s sail!

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I’m sailing

Excuse me for the sake of art

I have built an ark and I am sailing

I sailed through the pissy shores of life

I overcome strife and loss

I sailed through pissy waters to get where I am

But where I am is lost

I don’t need your kind words to help sail me to your herd

No

I need to sail these pissy waters till I find myself, you know?

I can’t be myself if I join you

Because then I become different to me

I need these pissy waters, so I can sail to being free

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Keep in touch with your soul

Life has a sour grace

Bittersweet memories of a better place

Sometimes when you’re down you are kicked in the face

But sometimes there’s a person who eases the pain with an embrace

Childlike innocence gets taken for a ride

Be careful you are not lost when the oil has dried

Keep true to yourself, don’t get lost in the fray

Don’t follow other people who have lost their way

I’m dreaming of a time when life becomes a paradise

Stay true to yourself, take my advice

No matter how lonely the road to YOU may be

Just keep to your truth and you will see

That the pains and the burdens won’t hurt as much

Keep true to yourself, with your soul stay in touch!

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Heartbroken dreamer

My heart aches for a love that doesn’t exist

I dream about him every night. I remember our first kiss

Though in dreamtime we meet up, in life he isn’t real

My heart breaks every time I wake, when will I heal?

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Lamentations of a vampire

Don’t be a martyr to your pain dear

It’s not a pretty sight

No awards will be granted to you

You are just a nuisance to the night

A necessary consumption, though indeed you’re inconvenient

The blood sustains immortals I suppose we must be lenient?

I see samples from your neck; do not dare to stain my frock

I can’t stay up all night cleaning; I have to watch the clock

For when the cock crows it won’t be pretty

And I for one should know

That the sunlight isn’t friendly, it really is a foe

But do you need to grumble and whimper and then die?

Why can’t you live forever, like a continuous supply?

Hah, I suppose you could if I let you

But then you’d compete with me

I do not like to share my food, I eat it completely

Oh there you go, softer you cry

Your life is fading well

I just wished the other ones won’t scream at first, it’s Hell

It gets tedious when you know, how each and every one of you will go

But I need your blood its true, yes, I should know

How lonely the night is now you have to go

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The vulgar subject

People sometimes ask me if I ever became successful, what would I spend my money on? 

I have answers to that, but first I want to ask why do people believe that just because someone has become rich for whatever reason, that for the rest of their lives all they will ever do is try to spend it and that they must and often do so? 

It’s just puzzling, because for me, I have known rock bottom poverty and the idea of squandering money when I get it, is not something that I am comfortable with!  Though saying that, I do resent having money when I know someone else is suffering and I tend to give generously when I do have it – never privately, I do it through charities and campaigns, because I wasn’t always poor you know?

It’s a weird thing about life and me, my relationship with money has always been boom and bust to both extremes.

Now for what I tend to do when I get lucky.  I tend to gift people I haven’t been generous to for a while, such as close friends and family if it is a special occasion and I tend to splash out on a nice group meal either cooked at home or out.

My next tendency is to buy things to improve my pets quality of life and things for my garden; then books in my “to buy list” and then little curios from spirituality shops, like crystals, mythological ornaments, tarot cards and Feng shui specific things.

I reckon if I won the lottery in life or literally win the lottery, my ideas would be to get myself a bigger menagerie of pets (domestic and small farm ones only) and a property with a lot of land so I can practically live outdoors in my edible forest garden, whilst playing with crystals and tarot cards and making miniature worlds with miniaturisation hobbies, I can never afford to get into currently.  I love miniatures!

I am also with Henry in the idea of all these train sets, purely for the joy of making miniature worlds for the trains to go through and little towns scattered here and there – if I had the room and the money! 

I don’t intend to grow up, I am and always will be childish and playful and for me its bills first, then fun then education then I will contemplate other grown up things like clothing and furniture. 

Weirdly enough, clothing is something that is way down on the list, despite my love for fashion!  I love fashion, but only if it’s not too expensive and only if it’s comfortable and I like it – comfort is essential above everything else, I don’t like to suffer whilst looking good!  I do like big brand names like Moschino and Alexander McQueen, but I look at the price tag and I think… well… don’t be stupid, the amount of beautiful giant crystals I could get with that or a lovely playhouse for the rabbit in the garden for the summer, or Henry a lovely trip at Severn Valley and yet another Hornby trainset special edition I could buy instead!

I’ve never understood the people who say enjoy your life, spend 10k on a dress and get yourself a yacht and go on five holidays a year mind-set!   A yacht would be wasted on me as I get home sick after five days away, after two weeks of being away I have more or less rooted myself elsewhere and don’t want to go back.  It’s the gypsy in me; my maternal grandmother was half Romany, hence the love for crystals and tarot –she taught me when I was 7yrs old – they say don’t teach kids that before that age as they are not strong enough to fend off spirits who may try to make changelings out of them!

This is the same grandma who watched horror movies with me and wrestling, as I was growing up – she was a cool gran, but completely and utterly non-domestic, couldn’t cook to save her life, in fact she’d daren’t cook, it was safer not to!  A complete anomaly to her gypsy roots, where every woman polished their brasses daily and knew umpteen recipes off by heart!

But I think the most lavish thing my money would ever be spent on is lots of temporary homes everywhere I am likely to visit regularly, just so I don’t get home sick, if that makes sense? 

The second elaborate thing would be 5k on giant crystals or getting a new pony or a goat, but other than that – I am pretty simple in my hopes and dreams for life.

All I really want is The Garden Of Eden; a lot of love from lots of close relationships, good food, lots of snuggles with animals and wildlife in the garden, freedom to be myself and peace.

Once I have that, I will feel in paradise and I won’t need to die.

I’m a natures child who is very kooky, playful, childish, sensitive, have too much love to give and who needs a garden of organic edible wonder, an animal enthusiast and a tardy creative, because I get side-tracked in my daydreams.  But I am also fierce and passionate and I hate injustice and ignorance and I was the kid who got beaten up because she saved the other ones who weren’t strong enough by taking the blows for them – that’s me, nothing more and nothing less!

Happy reading!

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If I die I would have blown it

The world is such a painful place to live in

But I do not welcome death

Though I threat and say I’ll do things

I fight for every breath

Though suicide has occurred to me

I will never do it

Because a fresh start could always happen

If I die I would have blown it

The memories I have are sad, violent, awful and cruel

I don’t like them, but they made me a better person – invincible

I cry for others who hurt me, but really my tears are blood

I wish I could cry a river and drown them in a flood

Though I sigh at my drama and I sigh at the hate

I remind myself of their ignorance and ignorance makes mistakes

Do I care and love them?  Sometimes it’s hard to tell

With these thoughts am I saved or am I doomed to Hell?

I laugh at the wonder, I cry for the unlearned

I wander into darkness and dream of a world upturned

Realities are shifting into worse or better things?

I don’t know this moment, but a new life I am yearning

Though the shadow of death always follows me

I walk away from it in hope of finding glee

I dance on the edge of the shadows of death

Because I keep on fighting to keep my life and breath

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