Tag Archives: judgement

My dreams are truth

Dreams fade into nothing as I wake

I hate waking up to this reality its fake

I am who I am in the dream world

But here when I wake, I am lost and twirled

I can’t be me when I am awake

To be so would be a mistake

People rant and jeer at me

Who do you think you are Queen Bee?

The dreams are my reality true

I can be whoever I want without judgement from you

Dream time is the only truth

Here in the awoken world is untruth

I can’t wake until I sleep again

So I can be me and mend

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I cry for you

Life is hard for many

It is made worse by some

Everyone wants peace on Earth

Everyone wants some…

Love and understanding

Acceptance, friendship, peace

Everyone wants the judgement of them to cease

Why is it so hard to learn to love others so?

Why can’t you stop your judgements and learn to let them go?

Why is it so important?

To demand that others change?

When it’s not your life at all, not everyone’s the same!

Why is it those who shout the loudest about life and love and light, who are the ones who shout out hatred and brings to others plight?

It’s a weird sort of tragedy that they do not see

The evil that is in them, because they hate you and me

They try to control us with venom about Hell and pain and more

But they don’t realise their evil words leaves us sore and raw

It’s a kind of irony; they don’t practise what they preach

They are spreading love and kindness, yet they beat us when they teach

It’s a sorry world when they rule us, it’s sorrier when they don’t learn

That every time they beat us, God’s stomach sits and churns

What can he do with his children?

Who sit and think this way?

What can he do about the evil, when they think their words are a good relay?

The more that converts to the words of hate and lies

The more God sits back and hear the innocent cries

It must pain God to see who is right and who is wrong

This is a difficult endeavour, to end this rhyme and song

Because no one will listen

No one really cares

Because everyone has a way of thought, a life to which they swear

But hopefully someday

The world will see a change

Where hypocrisy has ended and people start to care

I’m unhappy here

In a world that’s hard to be

A complete individual, a person that’s truly me

I hide behind a mask

Because I am scared of hate

But hate comes hardest from the lovers, the ones who love to hate

I’m sorry if I hurt you

With my tears and cries

But I have never asked you, to go into a corner and die

Because I am bisexual, because I don’t worship Christ

Because you fear I will burn in Hell if I don’t take your advice

You can’t see this is cruel, you can’t hear your evil words

Because you believe you’re right, to me you sound absurd!

We all find God in our own way, who are you to judge?

I believe God loves us all and doesn’t hold a grudge!

Because if he hates me for who I am – then why did he make me so?

It’s a question I have always asked and nobody really knows

But in the bible God has said he knew us before we were born

So doesn’t that say a lot… why are we as a society so torn?

I can’t answer it, but right now I am sad and deeply forlorn

Because you can’t love me, like a sibling would

Because you judge me so

Don’t you consider you are hurting God as well as me, no?

You pray for me, that I don’t go to Hell

I pray for you as well

Because I see you are blind in your hate for me

I cry deeply in this tragedy

Because hate is evil and you don’t see…

I do believe in God

Do you believe me?

I don’t gaslight, I share my love

I share my tears and woe

I truly do cry for you and the things you do, please know

I cry every night, because you really care

But you still don’t see the evil that you share

My life is very lonely

But with God I have a friend

For he doesn’t judge me as I am what he did intend

I can’t say any more than that

But I do love you despite the spat

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A wry smile to judgemental people

How many stories did you choose not to write because you felt you weren’t original enough, because you have found something similar during writing your story?

I wager it happens almost on a constant basis and you feel you can’t win, you can’t be original and guess what… you’re partly right… you can’t!

But then again no one can, all stories, movies etc are from borrowed ideas, the thing is, they were not written by you, in the exact way you want to write it, so in a roundabout way, it is original.

There have been hundreds of stories I gave up over the years because I felt defeated over their content, it was like the world was taunting me with “it’s already been done you fraud”. 

But if you read a lot of non-fiction, particularly biographies of other writers and even book and film reviews etc, you will find that you are not alone and you are not a fraud.  Around 2015 I nearly gave up writing altogether, because I had a hundred ideas and all of them were taking several times over in some way or another.

Even Harry Potter has been done multiple times and there are two similar stories where the main character is called Harry Potter!  A very low budget 1980s horror movie called Troll had a main character called Harry Potter who didn’t realise that his neighbour was a witch battling an evil wizard who kidnapped and possessed his sister in the basement after turning into a troll.

Even if you want to be so unique writing fantasy, the chances are, your unique conglomerate of a name may have already been done somewhere, either as fiction or a foreign cultural mythos.  I was caught with this a few years ago, I thought I had a wonderfully unique name for two characters in my fantasy story, Shannara and Melissandra… two of the biggest fantasy works out there had already used those names and I didn’t know until a friend asked me who I was trying to kid!

I thought nobody would be silly enough to write about man-eating rabbits and guess what they have and from what I read in Danse Macabre by Stephen King it was a jolly good horror movie as well!  Then, I felt the world was testing me again, because a year after my idea the movie “Curse of the were-rabbit” came out, but thankfully it was nothing like the thing I wanted to write (which for your information I decided against).

I also felt like a fraud when I wanted to put pen to paper to write a story where all the childhood heroes, Santa, Easter Bunny etc would team up together in another world because something happened to the children on Earth – but again I gave up that idea because of a movie which came out that was similar – a movie by the way that I love and is a family favourite nowadays!

I had this idea of a post-apocalyptic world where the only survivors lived on a permanently mobile train to survive because leaving the train was too dangerous… Hello snowpiercer!  I worked on this novel for five years whilst I was learning the science behind the stuff I wanted to do in this book – after seeing the movie I had a three year sulk, the book may still get written but it definitely won’t be because of climate change now!

The main heartbreaks happen when you realise that you don’t know your subject well enough that this and that has happened before – vampires my dears, my vampires have been done so much before the world has become bored and complacent over them – that is heart wrenching, but when you discover you worked hard for three decades on something and find a big corporation older than you have done half of your ideas, you get to feel like you shouldn’t bother anymore!

I got to the point about a year ago where even a novel title would get my heart racing for all the wrong reasons, because oh my god, it is another thing that is going to prove to me I am wasting my time as a writer!

I force myself to read and watch reviews of similar things lately and even read or watch them, just to make sure if I am panicking for no reason… Paul assures me my ideas are similar but so far removed that it won’t be considered a copycat.  I am still nervous nonetheless.

I am also nervous about the fact that around a third of my books I consider comedy, not all of them, just around a third and that some of my ideas may come across as cameos of works that have already been done by other people and may be received with criticism, because they think I am being critical of them!  Yes, I know I am a worry wart, but it is something to consider!

The thing about me is that I like comedy, but I also like to be considered serious in other works.  I don’t know how to balance that out if I were to become a published and known author.

I have thought about making it uniquely refined by choosing two pseudonyms, one which concentrates on family comedic fantasy and the other which is for my darker and more serious themes in horror and dystopian fiction.

But as the world grows ever more sensitive to the content of fiction, it also raises concerns in whether or not I might actually be too taboo for my readers?  I worry about the state of the world in that people are developing such horrific sensitivities about bad things in life, that they want to hide it all, thus making it go further underground and making it lost to history so that history will eventually and inevitably repeat itself, because it is just too god awful to be shown and be remembered!

Rape, suicide, racism etc are really awful things and I do nothing to glamorise it, but because I write it, it doesn’t mean I enjoy or partake in those things, it just shows my experiences in life and that this is life in all its cold and horrifying ways!  Why hide it?  Why criticise it to the extent it can’t be written anymore?  Most of my novels are not set in contemporary times; they are set in the past or the distant post-apocalyptic future.  You want realism and yet you can’t stomach it?

Grow a thicker skin for the sake of your children, because they need to know this stuff goes on eventually, so they don’t repeat the horrors of the past!

For me, writers block doesn’t exist – what throws me off writing is all the judgemental ass-hats out there who think that uniqueness comes ten a penny, when in actuality, it doesn’t exist!  What throws me off, is trying to please the masses by making my writing so passive and politically correct, you won’t want to read it because it’s too damned boring and unrealistic!  We can’t all skip around in daisy fields, kissing strangers and pretending we’re all care bears my dears, if we did that, you’d say we’re all a load of pot heads!

I have offended so many people with this post, no doubt you’re going to sweep me under the carpet and forget me and unsubscribe because I hit a nerve or I caused some kind of trigger in you… but hey, that’s life, trying to go around all the time pleasing everyone will send you mad and I am not even going to try anymore!

I am what I am and I write what I write, like it or dump it!

But know that regardless of what you choose to do right now, I love you, because we’re all cousins and you stood up for what you believed in by unsubscribing from this awfully mislead and evil person!

Happy reading!

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Presumption

 

Smile at the judges

Do not make presumptions please

All stories differ

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Has judgement come?

I remember a time where animals and birds were abundant

I remember frogs and toads swimming in small pools of water

I remember clean water

I remember birds flying in the sky and trees green and full of life

I remember

I remember

They have all gone now because of man

Because of the terror wars that struck

I knew it when it began that it would do nothing for man

But man just didn’t give a fuck

This world is empty now

It is rare to see life

People who survived that age, knows now what strife really is

Why did we do it, I always quiz

There was excitement this morning when I woke

I saw the heavy rain fall

And amongst the long straw like grass I heard the low sound of a croak

A frog was peeping out of a dead oak

My, how my energy changed

Is this a sign?

Has nature arranged an amendment?

I hope so, because that means I’ve passed the judgement

And soon it will all be over

And paradise will come

And I will be even more, struck dumb

For those who don’t understand this poem; this poem is written by my future self, if an apocalypse has ever happened and if I would ever receive a reprieve.  So this poem is purely futuristic and fictional.

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