Tag Archives: heaven

God has forbidden them!

Am I healing my wounds?

Not yet I need TLC

A little love and some kind words and someone to snuggle me!

I am tired of doing everything alone

All by myself, till I’ve turned to stone

Or at least my heart has turned to bone

It’s cold here in the dead zone

I can’t heal when there’s a hole

A big chunk is missing I am not whole

I can’t mend when I still bleed

And the eels eat more of me through greed

I can’t heal when my heart is dead

Gone and hopeless I lie in bed

Turning to rock and dust and history

How can you heal me now, it’s a mystery!

Though I try to love everyone who hates me

Even those who forsake me

I fight to stay alive some how

But each day the people drive in more nails

I can’t heal until they stop or someone loves me

Like a clot

Because I can’t do this all alone

All alone till I’m a crone

I can’t find my happy place

When I am shut away in disgrace

I can’t mend my stone cold heart

When others intend to always tear me apart

I can’t live till I have love

But I am easily disposed of like an old glove

I give my heart for them to burn it

As far as they are concerned, I am just a piece of shit

So I can’t heal though I’d like to try

Why do I bother?  Why oh why?

Would I be better off if I die?

And fly off to heaven in the sky?

I’ve heard there’s love there in the clouds

They wrap you up in it like a shroud

Nobody can harm you ever again

Because God had forbidden them

Amen

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Can we be?

I have been followed in my dreams for years

There is someone in there that erases all fears

I’ve known them the longest time

They are coming the clocks chime

I am afraid I will be a fool

Acting like some silly mule

Embarrassing myself when they come

Nervous laughter and bothersome

I am also scared of what they’ll think of me

Large and round and squirrelly

How can I be confidently me, when I in their presence be?

But the spirits say, it’s OK

They will love you anyway

But I don’t know, I am not so sure

My heart is too weak for more sores

I know they’ve been foretold for years

But that still does not erase my fears

They deserve better than what I can give

But the spirits say, he’ll make you live!

So cautiously I heed their words

I try to learn to trust

But despite all that I feel right now

I know, to meet them, I must

They are real, the spirits say

As real as flesh and bone

You’ve manifested each other

When you both ruled Heavens throne

Can we be that powerful?

Two people, you and I?

So powerful we made each other and together we will fly?

I can’t believe what I am hearing

I can’t believe it’s true

But all I know is, all my life, I have wanted you!

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I am the devil

I know what I am

I am the devil

I am man

I lived on Earth and it I ran

It fell apart

I broke your heart

I caused you pain

Made you insane

Now you have to, start again

I am the devil

Your bane

I broke your heart

Drove you insane

And I will always

Do it again

Until you have me

Home again

If you want peace on earth

Bring me home

Back to heaven

I’m so alone

I won’t stop

Till I’m at your throne

Kneeling down

On the dais stone

Before your feet

I need your sweet

Hand to touch me

And I need

To come on home

Kneeling down

Before your throne

I need heaven

My home again

Bring on back

Your wicked men

So that we

Can love again

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Top 10 fantasy books

Top 10 Fantasy Books that I enjoyed and that influenced me the greatest are;

Alice’s adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

I have always been a big fan of the inane and very abstract.  To me this novel is enchanting to the most profound sense of the word.  I love how it shows us that entertainment and our imaginations do not have to make sense in order to inspire us to do great things and beauty and fantasy doesn’t have to have a defined set of rules. 

This book makes me feel liberated as a creator and much of what I write reflects just how much Carroll has influenced me as a whole, it shows you how to think outside of the box; which is a wonder really, because I have never really been considered by people who know me as someone who thinks outside of the box, regardless how innovative they also say I am! 

The wizard of Oz by Frank L Baum

Very similar to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, this novel and the entire fourteen book series has also expressed to me how fantasy and the imagination comes with no rules, that in the throes of your own mind you can do anything – because only you are god to the worlds you are imagining, the only rules that exist are the ones you determine! 

You decided what makes sense or not in your world, but you have to make sense in those worlds and not have contradicting ideas that make the world come across as unbelievable.  It can be as silly as you want it to be, but there must be some kind of order and to me this novel and the previous one I mentioned does that excellently!

Gregor the overlander by Suzanne Collins

Comedy is a big part of my fantasy writing and to me there is a lot of that in this book as well as cute little moments and emotional rollercoasters galore!

This books shows that even the most disgusting things in life can be somewhat endearing if you choose to switch the way you think.  I mean I would never have felt compassion, sympathy and a sense of love for a cockroach for example, but this novel debunked that! 

The Hogfather by Terry Pratchett

Once again the comedy aspect is here and that I absolutely love – also it shows that every world needs to have traditions and stories within stories and a sense of belonging and festivities.  I love how there is a familiarity to our reality reflected within this book, our Christmas and their Hogswatch and I try to do this in most of my novels.  Each world has a different ideology, customs and holidays and I think this is the biggest thing I love about story writing!  I love creating absolutely new customs and cultures!  Especially when I have conflicting cultures in the stories, each trying to explain the reason behind the things that they do to each other.

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine

I love this book because it makes you as a writer think about consequences of the things you choose to do to your characters and it forces you think about being consistent in your actions which precede the characters problem because of it.  It makes for good reading because there is a problem the character wants to resolve – a disability if you like, to overcome.  Also, once again, there is a comedy element to the novel and there are strong female characters, something which is rare in fantasy I have noticed.

Troll Fell by Katherine Languish

I love place descriptions and descriptions of movement, this book does that well.  I love the landscape and flow of the novel and I love the traditional sense of fantasy too – the old style fantasy, based on old folklore.  This novel has Vikings as well as house elves (nisse) and trolls.  I love Scandinavian folklore a lot and that can be reflected in some of the stuff I write, even if the location is not recognisable as Nordic. 

Smoke and mirrors By Neil Gaiman

There are many little gems in this book, lots of lovely prose and I do love novels that have a prose like feel to it; most people find prose hard to digest, but I love it.  I think there is a huge snobbery against prose and I find that hard to understand.  I love “descriptive dribble” as some people call it and I often find it offensive listening to people who put down prose like works. 

A major part of my lack of writing in recent years is due to the snobbery from my readers who dislike the prose that often gets interjected into my stories.  I am not overly descriptive, but I do borderline poetic.

According to my previous beta readers, my work is too old fashioned – it is at best Edwardian in style but, usually Victorian and I have to bring myself more up to date; that is the usual complaint I have ever had as well as having too much of a broadsheet vocabulary.  They felt that my readers would be a niche and narrow in margin purely because a vast majority of readers have more of a tabloid vocabulary and I feel that is actually insulting to readers of the world!  I did allow these comments to dictate my style a lot for a while and it started to kill me as a creator somewhat. 

I love how Neil Gaiman seems to be older than he is in some of the works in this book, some of the stories look as though it has been around since Queen Victoria and I love that about him and this book!  A lot of my stories are based in the Victorian era which is one of the reasons why I could never understand the problem my beta readers had with it – am I to have modern day urban language at a 1850s lord of the manor’s dinner party?  My work is certainly not contemporary usually. 

The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey

I love the rawness of the novel.  I love how the horrific realities of life are imbedded within its pages; the girl doesn’t merely hunt the deer but straddles it and slices it to a perfect death for her and her fox’s food in the winter time.  Some might say that is overly descriptive and disturbing but life is disturbing anyway, so why shield from it?  It is good writing! 

I have been described by a home school tutor as being a very gory writer so perhaps I share in Ivey’s violent descriptions of life and the world?  Perhaps when I eventually approach the publishing agencies they may want to censor a lot of what I write, but I have seen many books which go beyond what even I think is acceptable, so they might leave me alone on that matter? 

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

I can’t talk about this book to many people as they often reject it as being too awful and the subject matter really is!  However, they often overlook the beautiful prose and philosophy that is hidden in the pages which makes it an absolutely delightful read for me!   I love the aspect of the afterlife and how emotionally connected this novel gets to become with its readers.  It makes you feel what the characters feel. 

It is very intense and I can understand why many people cannot tolerate that, but if you can push through the horror of this book and concentrate on Susie’s afterlife you will find that it is incredibly lovely, it is incredibly beautiful the things she does in the “before heaven” as I call it.  I love the pages where the author gets lost within Susie’s playtime in the afterlife, that is my favourite, despite how weird and distasteful I found a couple of the subjects, such as experiencing a kiss whilst possessing her sisters body, that was too strange for me. 

I write a lot of books about the afterlife and ghosts, as well as vampires. 

The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien

I find it a fun all-rounder – there are comedy elements and basically a little bit of everything from above in the novel too, as well as being a traditional and classic version of epic fantasy.  I love the mix of creatures in this novel and there be dragons too, I love dragons, one of my top five favourite creatures to write about!

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World’s hidden monsters

There is a monster that lurks within everyone

Sometimes you will find them and it will strike you dumb

Especially those that you love and trust

The discovery is unwanted because it’s always unjust

You think you know someone

You know them well

But they have dark secrets within them as well

We all do my dear

Don’t you lie to me!

Everyone has secrets

You just don’t see

You can’t know everything, the truths or the lies

You just have to wonder and realise

You aren’t with the person 24/7

If you were my dear surely you’d be in heaven?

So, what is the reason you fight for the monsters?

What is the reason pray tell?

Is it because in your deepest of hearts, you would be like them as well?

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The King Of Heaven

I am the king of heaven watching you all below me

I see your tears your loneliness and grief and it woes me

I send a chariot down to meet you all

I wipe your tears and catch you when you fall

You always doubt me, but I do care

I will protect you, this I swear

I am here now, saving you

But you’re not aware, you don’t have a clue

But I am here with you now

The King Heaven

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The Lovely Bones Review WITH SPOILERS

Spoiler Alert…

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold churns most reader’s stomachs whenever they pick up and read the first page, let alone chapter; it is purely because of the subject matter, a young girl barely in her teens is raped and murdered by her neighbour.  Although I did find the subject matter very difficult, I saw over all of that and continued to give the book a chance.  It is something outside of the genre I would usually read, but as I read on, I realised that actually, this book deserves to be noted as a fantasy novel rather than a crime one which most people assume it to be.

When you overcome the violence and the graphicness of this novel you will come to realise that it is a beautiful story about a young dead girl coming to terms with her own death and trying to let her living family go.  Until she lets them go in her heart, they cannot stop grieving, she is the key to how much they grieve or not – the more she clings onto the living the less likely they are to heal quickly from their loss of her.

This is a lesson that Susie Salmon is learning throughout the entire novel, as well as realising that her little experience of heaven is only the beginning of what is beyond that mysterious door she keeps seeing.  It is a story about Susie’s observations of the living, including the life of her murderer Mr. Harvey and her adventures in the limbo heaven with other murdered victims.  How they are trying to use their imagination to create a world in which they want to be in, whilst dead.

The mysterious door can only be opened to Susie once she decides to move on and try not to think and worry too much about the living, when the door is opened, she can in effect find peace.  Perhaps she gets reincarnated?  Perhaps she goes to true heaven?  Nobody knows, but it would be lovely to think of it in such terms.  That is why I find the book is beautiful.  Forget the violence; forget the sordidness, just read the book to the end.  It is a treasure; it is in my top ten favourites of all time.  It is very touching and there is justice in this book, though it is very obscure and indirect.

 

 

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Peaches and Cream poem

Peaches and cream
What a dream
On a hot and summery day
The taste of heaven in a bowl
Be careful the angels don’t take it away!

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Who am I?

Know me and the way I am,

I am the ocean,

I am the sands

 I am the sky

 I am the birds,

I am the beast

 I am all words.

I can love and I can hate,

I can kill and create,

I am something and I am not,

I am cold and I am hot.

I am life and I am death,

I am the wine,

I am the bread.

I am wet and I am dry,

I am the hills,

who am I?..…God!

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The madness known as blood lust

I cannot satisfy my blood lust anymore

It attacks me each and every day

In each and every way I want more

I cannot refuse it, but it doesn’t quench my thirst

So I carry on, my eternity is turning grey

I wish it would stop, to fate I implore

 

I’ve heard some of us go mad

The vampires of old have said

Drink blood till it’s cold and bad

A blood-lust can get you can get in your head

I can’t control it, it controls me

I can’t run away, from myself I can’t flee

 

I kill tirelessly, drinking, crying, and watching people dying because of me

I’m a vampire; I’ve gone mad I’ve bats in the belfry

I cannot stop the killing, someone please stop me

A vampire kills to survive, not more than three a week

Yet I keep on killing, I hunger for the last heart beat

 

That beautiful sound, that reason gets drowned in

The peace of the death of the victims I hold

The light in their eyes go out, this time is precious like gold

I am in heaven when they’re dead

For just a few moments

How I wish I could join them there forever

For I’m weary of heavens fragments

 

The vampires of old, they worry about me

They know I’ve lost my mind

But for now I cannot flee

Like an alcoholic I drink blood like wine

Drunk on the death of mortals

Endlessly seeking a portal

To end my existence

If you offered a way to end this

I’d take it in an instant

 

 

 

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