Tag Archives: heart

The death of a heart

I am turning blue with the death of my heart

Love and tranquillity is soon to depart

Numbness crawls over my soul and my flesh

Pain is the only thing I have left

This song is a song of tears, but in vain

For I have become overcome with pain

Tragedy is the sweet song of success

Of a life lived in evil and chaos and stress

Darkness has always been a friend dear

Envelopes me with kindness as it shields me from fear

I lack a good heart, a mind and a soul

For sin has now taken its toll

My heart is dead, my emotions are gone

I am finding it hard to keep on

There’s no warmth in this place for me

I have forgotten its feeling, forgotten glee

Don’t cry for my heart nor for my soul

I had it coming; sin has taken its toll

I sit in the darkness surrounded by friends

Who all feel the same, who are all near the end

The end of their heart, not in their life

The end of feeling all things including strife

Maybe it is better this way for us all?

To not feel a thing, to become numb to all?

So quickly this can happen, when little things do

So quickly the death of a heart will ensue

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Reflections of consequence

Upon reflecting at my notes for new stories, I realise that around a third of everything I plan to write is vampire based.  So this is a revelation because I thought I wrote vampires more than any other subject, but no, it is second to fantasy.  Horror is actually not within the top three subjects I write about but is actually fourth, behind dystopia. 

The poetry I write is really just a means to fulfil the frustrated composer and song writer in me.  Poetry is a way in keeping me sane from the loss of composing music via Cubase, I no longer have Cubase and there is a void in my heart because of it.  I can’t read and write music properly but I have been trying to learn recently, so I can try and learn to cope without Cubase, as I miss it a lot.  I have no desire whatsoever to be a singer though; I just love making music and writing lyrics.

I think about music as much as I think about my stories, but I have learned to give up music for various reasons.  Occasionally ignoring it can make me go literally insane enough that I have to blurt out poetry just to shut the thoughts up in my mind, but it is starting to get quite loud in my mind lately.  Not sure how long I have before I will give in and sell stuff just to get another type of music software to help me.  I bought a glockenspiel last year hoping to sate my need for music and around once every eighteen months I notice I buy a new instrument just to try and sate the musician in me, but I think my brain is getting wise to these distractions.

I do believe that if you are creative and you have many outlets, to ignore any one of those outlets for too long can both make you go nuts, but also seep into your other creative works and make you resent the attention you give them, because you are ignoring the other.  All creative outlets are both food and poison for the other ones, depends on whether or not they feel neglected or not, a bit like a polygamous lover, you know?

I am an Artist, Gardener, Musician, Writer; I do sing and I used to like acting in drama classes at college, I do voices too.  It is strange that since I totally gave up practising my voices, that I have been getting a lot of illnesses that affect the throat, some spiritual healers tell me they are not surprised, because it is the throat chakras way in responding to this creative neglect.  I suppose too then, that when I don’t write for a while, the migraines I get in my head are to do with the stories having a civil war in my mind too?

I’m very spiritual, so to me, everything happens for a reason and I believe that sickness can be caused because you are neglecting a spiritual or creative part of you.  I think love and freedom has a lot to do with a person’s overall health and I suppose that it is this reason that I am ill.  I don’t have much love and I never had much freedom, I don’t mean to sound whiny but it is true and therefore, it is unsurprising that I have autoimmunity issues.

I am very unsurprised that a vast majority of my illnesses are ear, throat and stomach related.  Because throughout my life I have heard things I do not like to hear, I have never spoken about what has happened to me and I hold back when trying to stand up for myself verbally, I also ate things I never wanted to.  So when you reflect on things like this, you can plainly see how it can all make you ill in those parts of you.

I find myself a lot, saying to people I don’t want to hear this, it is not kind, I don’t want to hear this, it is too negative.  I am such a sensitive person, I don’t like hearing negative things spoken all the time, I don’t like hearing another person’s distress.  I lost my hearing when I was a teenager in my right ear, because I kept hearing things I didn’t like, now I still hear things I don’t like and gradually I am losing hearing in the left ear too.

I either have to become harder and more tolerant to what I hear, or completely isolate myself from society altogether, lol.  If I chose the latter, it will surely affect the health of my heart due to a lack of connection and love?  So I will have to learn to harden up and become tolerant to the negativity around me, I don’t know how I will do that, but it needs to start happening soon, or I won’t be able to hear music anymore, let alone play it.

Anyway, happy reading and I will post again tomorrow, thank you for being here!

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Music of the heart

Music of magic

Why do I play?

To send good luck, coming your way

I play my tune for your delight

I play for you morning, noon and night

I play for happiness

I play for love

I play for heavenly gifts above

I will play forever, the music of your life

If I stop, it might bring you strife

So I play on tirelessly my dear

I am your musician, even if you don’t hear

I play to give you everything you need

I will always do this, I shall never be freed

I am your life’s music

Your beating heart

We are bound together, never to part

If I stop, you will surely die

And on that day, I will sorely cry

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Sweet love sept 2018

I wander

I roam

And nowhere is home

I look around

But I’m still seeking love

Sweet love I need

I looked in your heart

But it is locked up

And I grieve coz I’m alone

I grieve alone

Could you open the door?

I’m alone in fear

I need sweet love

You are the one for me

I can set your heart free

You can rely on me

Sweet love of mine

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Wanton woman’s song

Oh my love
My darling man
Come to me
Come and sit
Beside me my man
And adore me
There’s a moon
The moon is lit
It is full
Fill me
Fill me with your love
Your passion
Adore me
Look the moon
It is across the sky
Hold wanton me
Adore me
I implore thee

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I feel like a six legged bosk

I am grieving for my life that’s lost

But for that I feel like a six legged bosk

I am emotional and pathetic it’s true

But I can’t see a way to live without you

So laugh if you will, with your blackened heart

For I cannot bare for us to be apart

Don’t humiliate me with your wistful teases

I want to be with you if it pleases?

I love you in every way, shape and form

Being away makes me forlorn

So when I come home, just let me know

That you will never again, see me go

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I feel in flagellation

I’ve heard your secret whispers, your little words of prose

I know they are for me, your essence strongly glows

They keep me strong, though I’m always guessing

Whether you’re really part of me?

If you just write a little note, to confirm for little old me?

A little email no one will know, just to help me realise I’m not a psycho

It will be appreciated very much; I need your words as they do touch

My inner heart grows stronger, with every confirmation

Without those little signs I feel in flagellation

Let me know, you are truly there

But ultimately, show me you care…

 

 

 

 

 

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wrapped in pretty lace

Go to sleep and all your wishes will come true they say

I tried to sleep but was dismayed

I couldn’t sleep, well, not that deep

I was full of excited energy, my essence wanted to play

I am sleepy now, tired, and woeful that I didn’t sleep

I hope my wishes aren’t lost, wiped away by a sweep

They’ll try again, they always say

To get me back to where I belong

But I am tired of them repeating, the same old song

My soul cries loudly and my essence is dying

It’s dying of many broken hearts

For I love quite deep and I love a lot

Yet I feel forgotten and left to rot

I need their warm embrace

I don’t need false promises wrapped in pretty lace

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problem with monogamy

The cupids are arguing about the matters of my heart

Who shall I fall in love with? Where should I start?

There’s many a potential lover for me, all are nice as nice can be

It’s a sweet shop for me right now, who should I choose? Or should I continue to prowl?

I love each of my dears almost equally, my heart’s been unlocked, and they’ve all got a key

Maybe monogamy isn’t my way, should I have them all and risk some will stray?

I need their love and I need their care, I need to know they’ll always be there

But I fear they will leave me, get bored with the wait

As I sit back and wonder who’s a mistake?

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future apology

Although your heart breaks tomorrow, I know I promised you no sorrow

But I cannot borrow the vision of the future past

I am sorry I’ve made your heart overcast

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