Tag Archives: fun

Raven warrior day

Today I feel like a warrior, the raven warrior I used to be.

I feel like dressing up in my old black clothes and wearing my raven feathered necklace and rethinking about designing that raven feather cloak I have always wanted to make.

I miss my gothic make-up today; I used to be a Goth as a teenager and into my mid-twenties – a big contrast to the semi-kawaii style I like these days.

I was the Gothic Jock type at school, but also sort of nerdy – because I was an A & B grade student mostly and I was teased for it some of the time, though I never flaunted it and tried to conceal my grades wherever possible – because in my family, nobody got grades like that it is a sort of anomaly, a weird thing which I held close to my heart in shame.

My dad and his side of the family was the only people I felt comfortable knowing my grades, because on dad’s side of the family there are teachers and government workers, so education is important to them and it’s not a cause for shame there.

But today, I am the raven warrior again – or at least it’s the first time in years I feel like she’s been awakened again.

At least I do have some black clothes, though no make-up – at least I can sort of feel like my old self again, in part. 

A black lace cami, a long black skirt, a back flowing shrug, black socks though ruined by pink diamonds, but you can’t have everything in this place.  It’s a cheerful day, despite the kind of poetry I am producing and despite looking mournful – to me it’s a brighter day in my heart.

I wonder why the raven spirit in me is so strong today?

I used to be called Raven Mother by some people in the past – sometimes The Raven Warrior – sometimes The Vampire – sometimes the warrior goddess  and I tried to get people to call me Raven but they didn’t do it, because I guess they didn’t like my sense of humour in being known as The Raven Lunatic, haha.

Some people have no sense of fun – in fact most, don’t.

I had lots of interesting nicknames before I moved in with Paul and every ounce of my identity in all of them has gone, you wouldn’t recognise me now from what I used to be.

I may have been abused badly in my past and mostly isolated – but to be honest I did still socialise on my mother’s terms and I did so more often than I do now I live with Paul.  I may have been living day to day scared for my life with violence and unpredictable people and living day to day with loss after loss – but strangely enough, I was happier then than I am now.  I still don’t understand it.

Maybe I was happy because of how many people used to visit?  Maybe I was happier because I was a lot richer back then and never had to wait months between necessary non-food purchases?  Maybe I was happier because I had more personal freedom around the home, even though I had copious amounts of duties and chores to do between them?

I don’t know.

As I said, I am still puzzled by it.

How can someone be so happy in a situation where day to day they are not sure if they would be alive by the end of the day?

Food for thought I guess?

Yet when I was in that situation I was desperate to get away because I was under so much stress, I often had black outs because things got too much for me and I had to constantly make excuses to non-family people about why I can’t be normal, why I can’t just take their invitation on the spur of a moment etc – because there was often a violent backlash if I did.  Not from them or from me, but if my mother found out she’d go nuts and literally hunt the person down.

So the raven took her flight and said “Nevermore” to that situation and came to live with Paul.

Thanks for reading…

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Precious time

For the past few weeks my brain has been more than just a tad topsy-turvy. 

I have been suffering from insomnia for years but since around November my insomnia has got far worse, sleeping an average of just four hours a day and it really is day time sleeping too – often getting to sleep around 8am to wake up around noon.

It feels so alien and wrong to me, I have never been one who likes to sleep and I have never been one who accepts people who sleep-in; I am one of those people who generally have little respect for people who sleep in bed past 10am (even on a Sunday)and here I am, doing just that!  In fact, before I got sick, I was disgusted by people who couldn’t get out of bed by 8:30am!

But there you go, things change and not always for the better!

For me it is inconvenient to be asleep during the day because Henry is at school and whilst I am fighting with my insomnia and sleeping whilst he is at school it means I am practically getting nothing done at all for weeks now!

No reading, hardly much writing, no art yet, listening to music, not much meditation or conversation, not much of anything. 

When I am awake I am tired to the extent of feeling faint most of the time that all I am able to do is sit and stare and try to maintain consciousness.

So if the quality of the writing in my blog has been really bad lately, you now know why!

Last night was an exception for me considering these past few weeks, I managed to get to sleep by 2:30am and wake up around 10am, which is amazing considering what’s happened sleep wise for the past two months!

I’ve done more in these three hours today, than I have for the whole of last week!

If anybody out there knows me, they know that one thing I can’t stand more than sleepy heads, is people who waste their time by choosing to do nothing!

I have a huge intolerance for time wasting, unless it’s purely for relaxation, recuperation or fun!

I am easily frustrated by myself if I find I am not being productive in at least something – it doesn’t have to consistently be the same one thing, as long as I am being productive in something!  Such as cleaning, reading, honing a skill, writing, socialising, exercising, bonding with a pet, gardening or keeping my brain sharp with a strategy or puzzle game.  Anything which doesn’t contribute to some kind of betterment in the future, or productivity is a waste of time!  Unless as I have said, it is for fun or recuperation – this is where TV and music comes into play for me.

Because for me, the TV and music can be very productive, even though I might just be sitting and watching or sitting and listening, because not only am I relaxing and having fun, it adds to the stimulus for ideas to be creatively productive in the future or a form of research – this is something non creative people can never understand!

Though even watching TV these days is a task not worth fighting for as I can never watch anything in full without being disturbed or someone randomly coming over and turning the channel without asking if I am watching it and to fight to keep it on is not worth it and too much energy!  I live with selfish people who don’t care and are stronger minded than I am, so they walk all over me! 

The idea of sitting down and doing nothing in a brainless manner, even for relaxation has never really made sense to me; Paul does it all the time, he sits down sometimes for hours and I ask him what he is thinking about and it is always the same answer “nothing”, I don’t get it!

Even when I meditate I never go into that state of “no mind” so I suppose then by meditation standards I am doing it all wrong?  But I just can’t seem to grip the state of “no mind” relaxation.  For me, when I relax I suppose it’s a sort of astral travel?  I am wondering round in the throes of my mind in forests, having conversations with people, thinking deeply about anything and often find myself doing the things in my head that I would like to do physically if only!

When I was bedbound sick, you have no idea how crazy it made me just sitting in bed all day every day for so many years just existing as it appeared to me to just suffer!

I exist purely for germs, was my everyday thought – to give life to infectious little bugs as a host and nothing more.  As dramatic as it seems, that’s how I felt!

Sickness, procrastination and doing nothing, is highly inconvenient for me – as is sleep, going to the toilet and travelling in a car, because of the little activities I can do during those times!  Time wasting, can’t stand it!

Yet I’ve done it so much over the past eight years whilst recuperating from ill-health and you have no idea how much guilt I put on myself for it either!

The only time that time wasting is ok for me, is in pleasurable pursuits, then I can waste lots of time doing those things!  I am a hedonist after all! 

But yes, time wasting is my biggest frustration in life and the idea that my health and now insomnia is getting in the way of so much I want to do, life is short as well – is there any wonder why I am often finding myself suicidal?

I wasn’t suicidal before I got sick, in fact I used to be scared of death – but since being ill and lonely, I often crave it now, in fact some days, on bad days, I want to run towards it!

It’s a huge contrast to how I used to be when I lived with my mother, I wanted to be immortal, wanted to become rich enough to invest in discovering the immortal elixir of life and silly ideas like that!

Rich enough to put in research to life extending sciences!

It’s funny now how I don’t think this way anymore, how I just want to fade away because my body insists on being a time wasting shit head, a bum – I don’t like being a bum – don’t respect bums and hate being one, but I am one and you have no idea how much I loathe it and I am fighting against the odds to stop being one!

But the thing is, there is only so much you can do with four hours sleep and a compromised immune system and an NHS system that constantly fails to support you and poverty to boot!

There comes a time when you think about just giving up…

It’s exhausting trying to fight for the little freedoms of everyday life which almost everyone else seems to take for granted!

Those little things other people take for granted, are just mere dreams to me right now.

Thanks for reading!

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Me as cartoon characters

My personality as cartoon characters!

Thought it would be fun to do this one, because, yeah – I am the sort of person who has the kind of friends who sit around hypothesising about others in various realities and yeah, those same friends have thought I am like some cartoon characters!

So which ones according to my friends am I like?

The most common one most people think I have inside of me is Elmira from The Tiny Toon adventures!

When I asked why!  They say it’s because I am like one of these mad cheery camp reps and I am always trying to make people feel at home and I can sometimes be over the top when I care or love someone!  But I don’t just stop there, I am also one of these annoying high pitch pet talkers and I do everything for anyone or anything I care about.

Because, yeah, I am going to love them, squeeze them, take care of them, protect them, and keep them forever!

I think they tried to insult me, but I kind of enjoyed the fact that although they tried hard to make it sound like a bad thing, it made me feel like that it was such a positive thing to describe me as that perhaps I might be a little irritating for them, but it’s because they’ve not had that kind of hospitality before!  LOL!

Second most common cartoon character I have been likened to is Pinky from Pinky and The Brain, because I come out with all this weird surf dudette type language and I make up my own words a lot, because my brain often stops working when I talk at speed to people… so I often say things like Flarb or Doolally and what not!

Also I am always asking people, what are we going to do?  How are we going to do it? What and how do you think about so and so, but usually I come out with such random absurdist crap, that people feel totally lost with me!

I also fidget a lot – I find it hard to behave and keep still, so I am constantly twirling my hair, or pulling at my socks when I am sitting on the sofa or I am crackling my fingers!

I have also been described as rather goofy and no not the cartoon character, like the goofiness of Pinky as sometimes when people try to make me feel stupid, I kind of play along too much and deliberately stick my teeth out at them and talk like I have suddenly got brain damage or something and carry it over.    “Well I don’t know dude, I mean you seem to have it all together, not like me, I am doopid”!

Yes, I have been described by American friends as being such a doofus at times!

So yeah, friends describe me as an overly hospitable, smothering, doofus air-headed dudette.  What a mouthful huh?

Oh gosh, that totally makes me want to share with you what a mouthful can really be like, by throwing out loads of tongue twisters out there or challenging you to a Jaffa cake contest, where you see how many of the things you can shove in your mouth all at once… OK – I will try to behave!

I promise not to pull my lips apart with my fingers and try to say “Two elephants went up a hill and parted” in front of you!

Upon reflection my friends might have a point about me…

Oh and thirdly I am apparently like Hammy from Over the Hedge and yes I can totally belch my ABCs!

Sorry for the image there!

Give me any candy and caffeine and you will see what I mean!

Never grew up and don’t intend to – I am a complete and utter embarrassment once I get confident around new people and you often wonder why you chose to get to know me at all!

I do have restraint, but it can usually only last around three hours before I start getting jittery!

But yay, I can at least hold myself together for a whole three hours… yay me!

Some people can’t even do that!

But on a positive note I can easily be reigned in by people I am around, if they are firm enough or mindful enough to give me the occasional glare or what not if they can sense I am getting a bit jittery!

Thanks for reading! 

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Yes, Miss Hannigan!

Everyone has a favourite type of character when they watch a movie or read a book, don’t they? 

Well today I am going to talk about one of my most favourite female characters and character types ever! 

Miss Hannigan from the musical Annie has always been one of my favourite female characters of all time and I think it’s because she reminds me a lot of several different people I knew growing up!  Loving, usually drunken roguish women who are trying to make amends, literally drowning in kids and poverty!

But the one thing that really stands out about Miss Hannigan is this – she doesn’t let things get her down too much, yes OK she is a drunk with bipolar but she still has her sense of ironic humour and fun, like some women I have known in the past!

Self-deprecating jokes about her situation and the ability to smile, flirt and still take pride in herself makes her a loveable character really and she has inspired a story I want to write in the future – a story that has been in the planning stages for over twenty years – why?  Because I’d like it to be a sequel to the movie and I need to get permission to do it – but don’t know how yet!

This has been a long standing goal of mine since I was a child in fact.

I have always liked misunderstood characters, characters given a bad rap but they generally turn out to be nice people in the end or have taught a valuable lesson to the main protagonist in some way or had turned out to be an anti-heroine and not really a villain at all.

In the 1982 musical Annie, Miss Hannigan actually tries to stop her brother from hurting the little orphan and ends up celebrating with the orphans at the end of the movie, which got my creative juices flowing really well as to why! 

Growing up I thought I would get into amateur theatre groups as a side-line, but it never happened – there was too much control from my mum even in my adult life and when I finally got away from her I never had the time.

But Miss Hannigan was always one role I always wanted to play.  In fact, so much so one of the foreign accents I have deliberately tried to hone a skill in, is a New York accent!  But I think I need more work on it to be honest! 

There will be more character discussions soon as there are a handful of characters I admire a lot and I like sharing why I like them with you.

Thanks for reading!

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Like lollipops & rainbows

Drowning in the fear of change

Will anything be the same?

I was promised things in my dream time

Will you promise me things will be fine?

I hope and pray that you’ll love me

I hope and I pray that you will stay

I dream that things will be lovelier for me

In each and every way

I stop to smell the roses

And hope I’m not pricked by thorns

I am tired of the sadness

I am tired of being forlorn

I try to stay positive, like the burning sun

I try to think in colour

Like the rainbow, it’s fun

I try to be happy

I try each and every day

I try to chase the storm out

I try to cover the grey

And I think I’m getting better

At finding joy in my life

Away from all the sadness

Away from all of the strife

So hear me when I tell you

I am looking for better things

Like lollipops and rainbows

And birds that sing

Though you call me rather silly

You have fallen on deaf ears

Because the light isn’t scary

No I have no more fears

Things are going to be better

Just you wait and you will see

That I will be happy soon

And I will be free!

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Old bucket list

I found one of my old Bucket List Note Books today, some things I have put in there I have completely forgotten about – which is one of the reasons why I put them in there in the first place, because I was afraid I’d forget about them.  In particular places I’ve seen on TV or in magazines that look interesting to go to.

I haven’t dreamt big for a long time, these are things I thought were attainable within 5 to 10yrs, but after our money cutbacks and the UK’s heat or eat crisis, even half of these look like a never thing now.

Over the past 13yrs I’ve seen our weekly budget cut like this £200 a week, £120, £80, £50, £40 we can’t survive another cut, which is predicted by the government in the UK in February 2023.

Such as going to Efteling theme park in Amsterdam in a place called Kaalsheuval – would never have remembered that in a million years!  I haven’t seen it advertised since the program I watched in 2018 showing it!

I may or may not ever do this – get a tattoo of a specific design I have in mind of a raven on my upper left shoulder or shoulder blade.

Grow the meconopsis (Himalayan blue poppy) from seed successfully, they are notoriously hard to grow and I have failed twice so far – but I may not grow it after all.

Go Christmas shopping in New York, that’s been on my bucket list since I was 8yrs old, only when I was 8yrs old I didn’t know what a bucket list was!

Go to New York’s Serendipity 3 and order their famous Opulent Sundae.

Go to Ireland, particular the areas Cork, Leinster and Roscommon, where some of the Irish ancestors came from – for example, one set of my ancestors was a Duke of Leinster (via a 6x great grandmother’s maiden name FitzGerald) and my great grandpa came from Roscommon.

Go to a huge water park, I love water parks – I haven’t been to one since I was 10yrs old, one of my cousins used to take me annually from 4yrs old till I was 10yrs old but then it stopped when she moved too far.  I only like the kind of water parks that let adults on the slides too!  I am a big kid!

Take Henry to the London Dungeons with me, I love that place!

Grow a Japanese acer, they’re so pretty!

Grow a cherry tree from seed to harvest!

Publish a novel.

Get a huge house with 4+ acres of land!  Actually I think the acreage is too small now, I have bigger plans for the garden and making a sustainable food forest type home with some animals like goats etc.  So now my minimal acreage is around 10 acres now.

Make my art project Kabbalah – it’s a woodwork project I have in mind based on the Kabbalah!

Make mosaic planters.

Home make my own garden paving slabs!

Create a large swimming pond, not pool, pond, I want it to be natural… I also want a proper pool too, but there you go.  Hey, I was a kid who loved catching frogs and caring for frog spawn, what do you expect?

Build a rockery/alpine garden.

Go to the Chelsea flower show.

Go to Crufts as a competitor with my dogs… I want to do best of breed but also agility and fly ball at some stage.

Breed a pair of dogs and keep their bloodline for generations, 1 pup from each generation.

Take a cruise on the river Danube.

Have a minimum of 5 children – still wanting that!  I have 1 so far, I need 4 more or I will get grumpy.

Go to the Jurassic coast and look for fossils and amber and generally do some rock pooling or something.

Go to Whipsnade zoo with Henry.

Own some chickens – buff Orpington’s.

Own some goats.

Make an insect hotel.

Go camping with my family.

Go to the Natural History museum with Henry.

Go to the science museum with Henry.

Go to a musical theatre with Henry.

Go to the London aquarium with Henry.

Go on the London Eye.

Go into the tower of London.

Touch a real live, raven.

Have a 6ft aquarium again and decorate it myself.

Build a large hamster city.

Grow Hollyhocks from seed.

Grow and harvest several gourd varieties at once for an excellent autumn photo shoot!

Get a GCSE in math.

Go to a fetish club, never actually been to one, Paul has promised over the years but never got around to it.

Go to a jazz club.

Go to a cocktail bar.

Go to an Italian restaurant that isn’t run by my family!

Go to France and buy macarons.

Go to Hungary and eat proper goulash in a restaurant – I know how to make it, but I want the real stuff!

Make ratatouille for my family.

Home make vegetable soup for Henry – he’s never had it as we could never afford to make it since he was 3yrs old.

Home make onion soup for someone again

Get my ears pierced again as my mother did a bodge job when I was 5!

Go to the day of the dead celebrations.

Go to the Notting Hill carnival.

Go to Mardi Gras.

Grow oyster mushrooms

Make Barbie clothes for a little girl’s doll – preferably a daughter.

Get Cubase back

Compose and sell my own music and lyrics

Make a close circle of Bohemian friends.

Go to Rutland garden centre

Have a jewellery vault like Scrooge McDuck and sit in there like a guarding dragon!  Yes, I know materialism is a bad fantasy, but I’ve always wanted this since I was a kid and I saw Scrooge McDuck and then I saw dragons guarding hoards of treasure and I like magpies and I like shinies…  But knowing me it will all be what my gran calls “a lot of your cheap costume jewellery crap”!  But it makes you feel like you have a big hoard!  They are still shiny, even if they are mostly fake, no?  Another thing about this is, I care for jewellery – so I am hardly going to throw it on the floor of the vault and swim on it.  In any case, they’d be in glass boxes and easily visible in good lighting like a mini jewellery museum, if I had my way!  Weird thing is, other than bangles and finger rings, I don’t like wearing jewellery outside of special occasions.

Become fluent in 5 languages before I am 80yrs old!  

Become fluent in Italian

Become fluent in French

Become fluent in Hebrew

Become fluent in German

Become fluent in Japanese

Learn the tango and the paso doble with a sexy virile man who’d be my husband, because in my best reality I’d have a husband who loves that sort of thing!

Have a hot stone massage

Go for a reiki session

Go to a sauna

Be a regular donator of the shoebox appeal, if I was ever a rich woman I can see me doing hundreds of these boxes at Christmas, I just love kids!  Up until our money got cut badly, I used to do 3 a year.

Have a Indian head massage

Go to the arctic to see wild arctic life, in particular foxes.

Adopt a couple of rescue donkeys

Go to Christmas pantomimes with Henry

Go zorbing

Go on the world’s longest zip wire

Go paintballing

Go to a Centre Parcs holiday

Go on a huge shopping spree offline – I haven’t had one in ages… the last best offline shopping spree I did was £200 for Christmas 2016 and before that it was a £300 clothing only shopping spree in 2010 after I lost 40llbs when Henry was born.  Big contrast to my life before Henry, where £900 a month was a regular treat!  I am way over due for retail therapy.

Buy the latest console with a good set of games!

Go to India with Henry.

Go to Dollyworld with Henry.

Go and swim with the sea turtles with Henry!

Join the women’s institute – used to think I’d like it.

Meeting a huge bunch of celebrities was on my list, too long to mention everyone! 

Take up amateur dramatics again.

Become more active in my party… I’m a member of the labour party and since becoming sick I’ve been inactive – meaning I don’t attend meetings etc. in the village hall anymore and I miss it.

Make sock puppets again

Make puppets for charity

I love Debenham store’s and really wanted to go to one at Christmas with Henry to the biggest one in the UK, but they’ve gone bust as a brand since this list was made!

Go to Hamleys.

Go on the flying Scotsman

Go to a New Year’s Eve party, haven’t been to one since I was 6yrs old!

Go to a Christmas Party, never been to one.

Go to a German Christmas market.

Have an annual un-birthday party – huge fan of Alice in Wonderland, can you tell yet?

Go to the Eden project.

Go to a beach and find fairy glass.

Walk Offas Dike

Walk the entire length of the river Severn as a holiday.

Go to an encounter group

Become proficient in playing the recorder and then moving onto clarinet and saxophone.

Start a YouTube channel

Do a TedTalk, but not sure on what yet lol

Go to the last night of the proms!  BBC proms.

Go shopping in Ross on Wye

Go shopping at Hammersmith again

Go to the Carpathian foothills

Go to Venice for a masquerade and buy lots of Venetian glass and masks!

Go shopping at Covent Garden

Learn to roller-skate!

Learn how to ride a bike!

Go skiing

Go fishing

Holiday on a barge

Party for 3 days on a yacht with a pool!

Go to Styal Woods Wilmslow Cheshire

Go to the Chonqing caves

Go to the Northern Italy black sands caves

Go to Aveline’s Hole – another cave

Go to the Naha suicide tunnels

Go and see the Cheddar Man

Go to Salina Turda Romainia

Go to the Terezia mines in Romainia

Follow the source of the river of Timavo

Go to the Ardia event in Sardinia

Go to a gay pride event

Visit the Karst of canin river and mist forest

Go to the Benin underground city of the Agoji

Go and hear the glaciers sing in Knud Ramussen

Go to Dolly’s desserts in Barnsley

Go to M&M world

Go to China town London

Have cream tea at Fortnum and Mason

Cream tea at the Ritz

Go to American Candyland London

Buy Gucci stuff

Buy Moschino stuff

Buy a Penthouse in London and another in New York or maybe a house in the Hamptons

Go to Duke’s donut shop in Headingley Leeds

Buy Florentine Marble paper

Be on the front cover of Vogue magazine – but I have to get over the fact I am scared of fame first huh?

Start several types of businesses, I have a lot of ideas, but I know it can only be done in baby steps if I want them all to succeed!

Sell merchandise based on my art and stories!

Buy back an ancestral home that’s been turned into a hotel, there’s a handful actually!

Paint with gold leaf

Go to a Holi event – Indian paint throwing

Lose weight and tone up!

Learn to trust and be happy and relaxed!

Thanks for reading!

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Filed under cosmic ordering

Getting older

But I don’t like it; I refuse to go with the grain on this!

Although I love baking cookies and cupcakes and sitting down on cosy autumn days knitting and doing crochet, that’s as old as I get!

I am still a child at heart, mind, soul, behaviour – not so much body, but I am trying to get there again believe me!  Haha!

I have been hearing people talk about getting older these days, a lot of people who are ten years older than me and my own age peers and I sit there and think – “Oh my goodness, they are all turning into a load of boring frumps, no offence”!

“When are you going to cut your hair short”?  They ask me, like it’s a rite of passage! 

“Don’t you think you look odd getting older with waist length hair”?

Erm, no actually, I quite like it!

So it got me thinking about what I want to be as I get older…

Certainly not what society expects!

Slowing down as you get older?  OK, I was diagnosed with arthritis when I was 21yrs old, but I like to think as I get older I speed up… my life gets better, gets more exciting – I have always had the notion that life begins at forty, not slows down! 

If I haven’t learned how to roller-skate and ride a bike by fifty, I have done something wrong!

If I am not rock-climbing and haven’t started to professionalise my writing career by sixty, what the heck did I do with my life between now and then?  I hope I would have changed a lot, unrecognisably so!

To someone more energetic, fit, fun and a little bit reckless!

I am tired of living life in the cautious slow lane, like those old ladies who never do more than 20mph on freeway!

I think the slowest thing I want to do when I am much older, is go to one of those big tantric orgasmic meditation centres or do tai chi, which would be cool!

But ultimately if my legs are causing me problems that I physically slow down I have thought about using a push scooter to get me around faster and attached the leash of a dog to each handle to help me!

But to be perfectly honest with you I am very much inspired by Melissa Neill in a high protein and weight training lifestyle, so I would like to think that I would be like an Elaine Lalanne when I am ninety!

Only I’d dress like a hippy with ten bangles up my arm and be surrounded by a pack of dogs and grandchildren and great grandchildren, lol.

Panicking my kids, like Henry and maybe others I may have in the future if all goes to my plan – because ma is going on the world’s longest zorb ball track again or she’s decided to do dancing on ice, three months after a hip replacement therapy, lol!

You can’t keep a good dog down!

“Aren’t you a little too old to google Care Bear sweaters for your age and size”?  Erm, no – why’d you ask?

No, growing up was never for me – so I didn’t do that and so it’s the same with growing old too…

Sorry to disappoint you, but I refuse to grow up and I refuse to act my age!

Got a problem?

Yes you do… you are afraid to live, I pity you!

Slow down? My ass – no sir!  My life has been virtually non-existent these past eight years because of illness and I am determined to change that drastically and so far in a short space of time I have managed to overcome a lot!

You are going to witness me do some crazy shit in a year or two, just watch me!

Or I eat my words… one or the other!

Watch this space anyhow!

Thanks for reading!

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Poem for a pet rock!

I found you once under my door

I turned my ankle a bit

I looked at you and thought to myself

You little…

You were kicked aside a week or so

I didn’t appreciate you then

But I got bored one winter’s night

And that is when…

I took you in and washed you down

I painted you up real nice

And gave you googly eyes

And sent you to a shelf paradise

Rocco you are my rock

My pillar and my friend

I can’t believe I kicked you once

I sound round the bend…

But never mind what people think

You and I are good

I take care of you anyway I can

Like anyone could

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Top 10 obsessions, hobbies and collections

It’s top 10 time again, today I will be talking about my obsessions, hobbies and collections – things that I don’t just like but really love and love a lot!

Top 10 character/people or story obsessions

Anything pertaining to Alice in Wonderland and its world– this is a huge one for me!

Anything regarding The Wizard of Oz or the world of that!

Anything about the concept of Candyland in any way shape or form, such as Charlie & the chocolate factory, Easter bunny etc;

Anything about vampires and the mythology of them, especially the Karnstein trilogy & Dracula!

Batman stories and villains

The Addams family

Anything pertaining to Peter Pan

Anything regarding muppets and puppets (but not traditional ventriloquist dummies) so anything like The Muppets and Sesame Street I love as well as Fraggle rock, The Froud’s and Jeff Dunham!

Anything to do with Jurassic Park and dinosaurs

The minions!

Top 10 things I love in general

Anything with dogs on it

Anything with any of my favourite characters on it

Zebra print

Anything fluffy

Crystals

Perfumes

Plant life

Anything with dragons on them

Anything with butterflies on them

Anything with peacocks on them

Top 10 lazy hobbies

Painting with watercolours

Ink drawings

Jigsaw puzzles

Tarot reading

Reading

Practising a musical instrument (proficient in nothing)

Writing poetry and songs

Board games

Junk journaling

Online or console gaming

Top 10 energetic hobbies, things I used to do and miss

Training and walking dogs

Swimming

Tae-bo

Netball

Air hockey

Walking including power walking

Belly dance – when I lose weight I’d be more confident doing this again, needs to loosen up a bit

Rowing

Trampolining

Bowling

Top 10 things I collect

Crystals

Dragon ornaments

Books

Tarot cards

Oracle cards

Perfume

Soft toys & cushions

Fairy ornaments

Poster art I keep in files

Hardback notebooks

Upon conclusion… yes I know I am a big kid – get over it lol.

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Spirit & energy

It is vitally important to always make sure you have your own personal space in your home, so you have a chance to heal and a place to make a sanctuary; it is important to fiercely guard this space and for twelve years I had to fight to find mine and it was genuinely a battle.

It has only really been two months now, since this space has been truly mine in every sense of the word; a place that I can decorate and design to my will, a place where I can relax and sleep and even sometimes write on the quiet days.

This house has a lot of negative energy running through it, which is what you can expect when you have a polluted stream running right under your house and this stream is drying up.

I have never been happy in this house, because I felt this house made me sick and it wasn’t until two years into my ill-health that Paul told me about the stream under the house; had I of known before I moved in with him, I wouldn’t have moved in with him, not in this house.

Why?

Because living on water like that is not good for a witch, or so my family has told me as there are some ancestry from Salem, the Howe’s, my ancestors were the ones who got away.  Living on water can do two things to a proper blood born witch; make you sick because it affects your energy at a consistent pace and can affect your spell crafting abilities negatively whilst overloading your instinct for fortune telling and clairvoyance.  That is of course, if you are not a sea or a water based witch, those are different.  Yes my Chinese astrological element is water, but this is not a good place for me to live.  I can live by water, as long as I am not on top of it and as long as it is not constantly flowing beneath me.

This is a shame because I have always liked the idea of long holidays on barges and cruises, I know for a fact I used to love going rowing in the summer with my dad and cousins and I don’t suffer from seasickness.

I am a non-practising witch these days, I only do crystal healing, fortune readings, clairvoyant stuff and I still feed the faeries and the house spirits, hug trees and that sort of thing – but I don’t actively do spells anymore, as I believe it negatively affects the balance of the universe.  I do believe however in cosmic ordering and that the cosmos knows how to balance things better than we do, in my opinion, cosmic ordering or wish-craft is far superior to witchcraft.  It’s gentler, it’s balanced and it is not forcing anything and you build a relationship with the source that is deep and loving and protective and always knows best!

Since gaining my new space and doing my little cleansing rituals and a little bit of Feng Shui (only a little) I have noticed something about my particular space that I have never felt whilst living in this house and that is a lightness, a clean energy, a vibrancy developing here.

The other members of my household, Paul and Henry have noticed this energy too and try to spend more time in my space than their own, but I quickly rush them out after twenty minutes, because this is my space and I can’t lose it again.

I am relying a lot on crystal energy for this space.  I do a cleansing ritual every time someone comes into my space with anything negative; it’s become almost an obsession.  But you have no idea how quickly the energy darkens and becomes depressive if I am not consistently on top of it.

All I do is use my quartz crystal to make a protective star in the room, circle me thrice and if necessary open the window for half an hour.

This is my bedroom and it is not shared by anyone, this is my space and I love it.

My room has become known in the family as the rainbow room, because my crystals make about fifty little prisms all over the walls when they are poked to swing in the window and when those rainbows light up the room, the energy is so soothing and beautiful, I can’t get rid of anyone who comes in until they fade.

My clairvoyance and my instinctive abilities are increasing exponentially, where I am becoming unsurprised by events happening in my life now.  But I am also driven with excitement by something I can sense, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

All I know is my world is about to turn upside down and become completely unrecognisable soon, but I understand that it’s all positive and good and I will be ecstatically happy for a very long time after this event.  What this event might be?  I am unsure really, but it indicates a new person coming into my life that will just drastically change everything and heal me emotionally and help me become strong and vibrant again.

My spirits are sometimes mischievous but never harmful or toxic, whenever I ask who this person is? They laugh at me and told me, I will not be able to speak when I see them, I won’t believe it’s true and I may be tempted to run away from them when they approach me.

They also said that this person will be the best thing to ever happen in my life!

They told me that we will work together in a similar or same career, that together we will be a power couple that people will look at us as Emperor and Empress because our ideas coming together are so spectacular that the world will literally be in awe of us.  Which sounds exciting – I wondered if it is another writer or someone along those lines, Paul guesses I might fall in love with the agent I get.  Who knows?

They said that our creativity will be a huge legacy for literally generations to come!  We will not be forgotten, it’s that kind of big energy.

They also told me that my new prospective partner will be ecstatic because they knew their intuition was right about me, that they are happy that they can change into doing something they’ve been wanting to do a lot for the past few years, but circumstances have meant they had to go in another direction they weren’t as passionate in, but just generally liked a bit.

I was told he will love how playful I am, how changeable I am, how pliable I can be in most situations and ultimately he will see me as a very inspiring person and he will get on my case about not using my abilities to the best that I can.  He will be very pushy about my talents, all of them and I won’t be able to hide any from him or the world, he won’t allow it.

He will push me into the world and have a “have fun” attitude and will stick around waiting to push me back if I try to wander away from what I am supposed to be doing.

He sounds impossible, but supportive, cheeky and fun.

He will challenge me on every level to be the best that I can be for myself, he won’t let me belittle myself or make do, he will always make me strive to take better things.  Apparently there is a couple of things which will frustrate the both of us being together… for him, it is my idea of moderation and accepting less than I really want and my apparent, needless frugality.  He is apparently here to teach me how to grasp abundance, but according to my spirits, he is fighting a losing battle as I am just so naturally happy and grateful for whatever I have and I never overdo things for myself.

I overdo things for others, but it is hard for me to digest and accept doing it for myself.

He will also have a challenging time with my insecurities, but after as little as two years he would have the victory he was vying for regarding that!  This is what the spirits promised, I laughed as two years is too short a time for that!

But they are determined that he knows me more than I do!

As for my reaction to him, apparently he will know how to push all of my buttons for any reaction he desires and this will sometimes scare me, because he will challenge me a lot!  He will not do anything to harm me, or make me feel bad in anyway, but he will scare me by putting me into situations and teaching me how to cope with them and have fun, because in his opinion I have missed out a lot in life and he is determined I won’t miss out on anything else!

My lesson to him apparently is improving spiritual connection and emotional healing as well as filling the void.  Oh and apparently although he is known to be a little eccentric already by people who know him, apparently us being together will make him stand out as being even more outrageous, because we’ll do it as a couple together!  We are apparently two peas in a pod!

The spirits said we are the couple that get the most invites to places, simply because we liven things up with our presence and vibrancy.

To be perfectly honest, it has to be a dream and this can’t really happen for me.  Because in my opinion, I am past it; I am forty years old, I am not very attractive, I can’t see how all of this is going to happen in such a short space of time.  I have got myself into a homebody rut, so how am I going to meet this guy, huh?

Is he going to just turn up on my doorstep?  I don’t think so!

But OK… email me first?

Thanks for reading.

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