Tag Archives: evil

Songs that seem written for me

Ten songs that match my personality or feel like they were written by someone who knows me and below them explanations of why I think this, also a huge insight to me as a person! 

  1. The lady is a tramp especially the Lady Gaga and Tony Bennet version!
  2. Pain by Three days grace
  3. It can’t rain all the time by Jane Siberry
  4. Crush Em by Megadeath
  5. Champion by Three days grace
  6. Smile by Nat King Cole
  7. Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez
  8. Rose Garden by Lynn Anderson
  9. Touch-a-touch-a-touch me from Rocky Horror Picture Show
  10. Cry little sister by Gerard McMahon

The Lady is a tramp;

This song connects well to me because I will eat a couple of hours before a meal out, as I can never guarantee whether or not the meal will be enough… you know nouveau cuisine and all that – if I am hungry, I hate waiting around for food!  So to be polite, I tend to eat a little before I go anywhere! 

I won’t ever wear real fur, I hate the cruelty of it, though it’s pretty I tend to wear faux versions a lot and have a lot of faux blankets around the house.  Though I happen to like pearls, so that part doesn’t connect! 

One thing I can’t stand is gossiping with other women, it’s not my thing, hence why most of my friends tend to be men.

I don’t really like to make myself up too much to impress others if that means I have to be uncomfortable, but I do like to look impressive generally.  Clothing must always be comfortable or else I would rather go naked and being someone who isn’t an exhibitionist, that’s something I won’t do!

I like being fashionable though and I do like showing off a bit, I am a bit of a peacock – I think this is why I love Lady Gaga, I see a lot of me in her!

Pain by three days grace;

There was a time that I became afraid that I would never feel again.  My post-traumatic stress syndrome got so bad I became what they call Non-comprimentos, I don’t know if I spelled that right I tried to google it, but found nothing.  I wouldn’t speak and hardly ate for nearly a year, I became numb to everything.  Conscious, unlike people think I was, but numb.  I didn’t want to react, I didn’t want to speak, I didn’t feel a thing.  It’s a scary place, it’s like I gave up and didn’t die, but I was supposed to, if that makes sense?

It took a long while for me to get out of being such a poker face, so pan faced and unemotional, a very long while.  I wouldn’t smile for nearly four years and when I did smile it was at the irony that people were trying to save my life (due to mastoid infection) and all I really wanted to do was die; but I smiled because of the darkness of it all.

What happened?

I was a huge wrestling fan; in particular I loved The Undertaker.  I was afraid of becoming brain damaged due to the surgery and my mother came into the operating theatre to help settle me down for the injection which would put me to sleep – her comforting words came out without realising what she had said until she saw the horror on the anaesthetists face.  “Don’t worry, just think about The Undertaker” she said, smiling down at me.

I didn’t just smile for the first time in years; I full out laughed and then had to explain to the nurses around me that my mother isn’t mental, it’s my favorite wrestler!

But after that time, I did decide that if things hurt me, I’d rather feel it than be numb.  Strange I know, but if you have been there yourselves, you’d understand the loss and the loneliness of it all.

I soon developed into transferring that to physical pain rather than emotional after a while and entered the dark phases of self-harming, it helped me to cope and though the scars I have are bad, they make me feel like a warrior.

It can’t rain all the time;

That’s kind of my motto nowadays; there is always sunshine through the rain or after it, though the bursts of sunshine in my life are usually short, it’s best not to take them for granted and to recognise them when they are around.  It’s easy to forget the light side of life to the extent it becomes alien at times and you can often miss them!

Crush Em;

At times I feel like life is a war, you have to fight for who you are and what you stand for, because so many people want to change you or destroy you.

I used to submit a lot, but as I grew and suffered so much, I decided that if I am going to suffer, I am going to suffer in order to stay true to myself because living a lie hurts me more than I can bear!

I was suffering either way, really.  So it’s best to suffer to your own painful tune than somebody else’s.

I’ve had so much of other people thinking that other people’s lives are their business, their personality, likes and dislikes have to be critique within an inch of their lives to the extent I’ve had enough! 

I say and do what I want, but I am always ready to roll my sleeves up and start to fight and often times that leads me to gas lighting the other person, because I am not determined to just say my piece, I am determined that they can absolutely be themselves and they can absolutely hate me for being myself – but they absolutely cannot try to change me and I absolutely cannot try to change them, only enlighten them to the fact that all forms of hate is evil! 

My intention when I am in an argument is to shed light on the fact that it is ok to love and hate, as long as you accept each other’s differences and learn to live in peace.  If the other person isn’t being peaceful and won’t leave me alone after I suggest we agree to disagree, then they have to be prepared that I will defend myself anyway possible and that it could lead to problems.

Champion;

I have fought so hard to be where I am and who I am I have been dragged up and beaten up and bruised and battered in so many ways, not just physically – it is hard not to become something formidable after it all.

I have learned that the harshest of words and the hardest of beatings can make you stronger and in doing so, it can make a person become so strong that they develop into something that their haters and abusers can no longer fight – a true champion!

When a person tries to destroy another, it makes them feel strong when in fact they are weak.  Some people allow themselves to be destroyed, others learn to get back up and fight and I am one of the fighters.  Very little can intimidate me these days and I do not shy from throwing myself in front of others weaker than me, to take the hits!

Because I know I can cope and I can see that the world is full of weakness and it needs a champion sometimes!

I have a deep fire in me to teach the world, but also shield the weak from it.

I have even learned not to hide my tears anymore, I am no longer ashamed of them – though people may read that as a sign of a broken weak person, for me, it’s a sign that they’ve hit a nerve and with love I will show them what they’re doing, but carry on, I may feel pressured to fuel my fire.  I never say things lightly and I am a compassionate teacher, who gives other people time to think before I react!

But as they say, you can’t always help the stubborn.

Smile;

It took me a long while to get my emotions back; it took even longer for me to learn to put a mask on my face for the sake of the others who are much weaker or disadvantaged than me. 

I learned that the world definitely needs a champion, it needs compassion and love and tenderness and I leaned that it starts with me, my actions, my love, my care; yes don’t take on other people’s problems for your own, because it won’t help them in the long run, but you can hold their hand and give kind words to make them feel a little stronger in their battles.

It starts with a smile, then listening, then trying to understand and then holding their hands whilst championing them along the way, but never, ever let their battles become your own.  Stand back and let them do it for themselves, whilst quietly nodding and smile, you’ve done it little champ!

When I laugh at some people who try to do me down, it’s not mockery, its irony.  They are trying to be strong by showing the biggest weakness they have.  But I am delicate, I don’t laugh in their face, that’s not compassionate, my laugh is a smile and a small ha, I try to be amicable amongst the discord.

Dollhouse;

I really resonate with this lyrical line “I see things that nobody else sees”, for two reasons, one is that I am clairvoyant and clairsentient, the other is that I have seen the true faces of various people behind closed doors and I know the truth about a lot of things – many things, big, but they will never be exposed.

My life is like the twilight zone at times, but enough of that.

I often felt played like a doll in the past by other people who were always changing my shape and my form and personality to suit them and they isolated me in a little house most of the time.

A particular person in my life played me like a doll so much that it was almost like I was her ventriloquist dummy and her hand was up my arse even controlling what I said.  I didn’t realise until I went to a psychologist in 2012 that she used a lot of NLP against me, with little subtleties that made me behave a certain way – they made references to the Pavlov experiments in how she raised me.   If you are not familiar with these experiments here is a link. https://www.simplypsychology.org/pavlov.html

Like most paradoxes in my life, it is the very thing that hurt me to begin with that is helping me to heal.

Rose Garden;

I could never get over the fact that people want to be in relationships with people who accept their baggage and everything is going to be perfect, when the going gets tough, they leave each other!  I never understood this.

Love needs work and compassion, it’s not a given, you can’t just waltz into someone’s life and expect a picture perfect romance, because things like that may happen to some, but it never really lasts.  Love needs time and work. 

Most of my best relationships happened through friendship first and I know it sounds weird, but a long conversation over two or three picnics about what each other wants from life and each other and then almost like a handshake and business proposal we get together.

You have to lay your entire self on the table in front of them, reveal all; dark and light – then you make a decision on whether you are suited together or not.  Do you have the same life goals?  You see how many compromises you are willing to make with each other and if the BIG things don’t match, don’t go there, don’t choose them and start the process over again with someone else – life is too short to be unhappy with someone you live with!

When someone develops an issue with me it is usually because they were not honest in the conversations leading up to the relationship, because they wanted to tell me what I wanted to hear, rather than stay true to themselves!

You must never do this, because you can’t mould everyone!

So I always remind people, I am sorry but did I promise this to you initially?  It’s hard and I know I sound like a bitch, but I am only trying to save hearts from being broken in the long run, because I have a terrible guilt conscious.

You’d be surprised actually how many people hate people being so open like this.  But I feel it’s essential; you could be spending your life together some day – what have you got to hide?

I sound dominant but I really am not.  This is something that shocks people when they get to know what I want from life, because I seem so assertive off the bat – but that’s the point.  It’s to show each other your boundaries so you can live happily together.  I am not a huge feminist, I do believe women can save themselves and they can do many things, but I am super traditional and submissive in my best relationships that most feminists don’t find someone like me acceptable!

It’s a contrast I know, but as I said – it’s vital to be open with people.

Be strong enough to say “I need this, and I need that” and “don’t engage me with this, or that”, it’s important.

I welcome you to my garden, but I didn’t offer you constant sunshine, a perfect lawn and neat borders, I have brambles in there, some nettles for the playful butterflies and some beautiful thorny roses!

Touch-a-touch-a-touch me;

Self-explanatory really; I have been isolated most of my life that I get thrilled when people want to get close to me, even more so when touched.  I have been touch starved most of my life.  Though I can’t be called a slut as my life experience hasn’t reflected my inner most thoughts and feelings, I have the mind of one though.

I am not ashamed to admit it either.  I love being touched, I crave it, but I only desire it from certain people I feel are worthy!

This is not an invitation for anyone to come and touch me without asking first, but it is an invitation to ask if you could get close to me – I don’t mean to sound threatening but I will deck those who take advantage!

I am also very much proud to be considered a creature of the night, because my life has been filled with darkness and in darkness I found my strength, the light weakened me.  I am dark and to many people I resent to say, I am dirty – though I see it as cheekily playful and clean fun!  Dirty is a bad word when it is pertaining to fun pursuits and I don’t like hearing it!

To me the most sacred thing in life is sex, the meaning of life is sex and we should have more of it in our lives and we should spread the love ashamedly!

Cry little sister;

I have always wanted to spread love around the world and make it more acceptable and available to people I come across; I wish that the world was a more open place, a place where people are not afraid to be who they are and do what makes them happy without judgement.

I’ve always hated the lack of love in this world, particularly the kind where you can be free to touch the hand or a knee of a person in order to comfort them, without all this fear that surround’s physical contact with people.

I’ve never found it a healthy aspect of society, though I do appreciate the fact that it protects people from being touched by people they don’t invite into their lives.  I remember a time where I had to get the police involved because of a stalker who readily kept touching me up and I didn’t invite that.  But generally, when you know someone that is beyond a mere acquaintance, why is it still shunned?

I have seen pained expressions in male friends eyes when they see me crying and you know they want to put their arm around you and comfort you, but they are afraid of so many things if they do that.  Will I misinterpret this as a romantic interest?  Will his girlfriend misinterpret it as having an affair?  Will I take him to court for it?  So many things, so I sit there crying more or less alone, when all I want is the extra courage by having someone hold me tight; I wouldn’t care who it is, if they are nice and won’t take advantage of it further.  But most won’t even try.

A gentle touch can spark a healing energy and break the cycle of loneliness, breaking chains that bound us.

Happy reading all!

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I cry for you

Life is hard for many

It is made worse by some

Everyone wants peace on Earth

Everyone wants some…

Love and understanding

Acceptance, friendship, peace

Everyone wants the judgement of them to cease

Why is it so hard to learn to love others so?

Why can’t you stop your judgements and learn to let them go?

Why is it so important?

To demand that others change?

When it’s not your life at all, not everyone’s the same!

Why is it those who shout the loudest about life and love and light, who are the ones who shout out hatred and brings to others plight?

It’s a weird sort of tragedy that they do not see

The evil that is in them, because they hate you and me

They try to control us with venom about Hell and pain and more

But they don’t realise their evil words leaves us sore and raw

It’s a kind of irony; they don’t practise what they preach

They are spreading love and kindness, yet they beat us when they teach

It’s a sorry world when they rule us, it’s sorrier when they don’t learn

That every time they beat us, God’s stomach sits and churns

What can he do with his children?

Who sit and think this way?

What can he do about the evil, when they think their words are a good relay?

The more that converts to the words of hate and lies

The more God sits back and hear the innocent cries

It must pain God to see who is right and who is wrong

This is a difficult endeavour, to end this rhyme and song

Because no one will listen

No one really cares

Because everyone has a way of thought, a life to which they swear

But hopefully someday

The world will see a change

Where hypocrisy has ended and people start to care

I’m unhappy here

In a world that’s hard to be

A complete individual, a person that’s truly me

I hide behind a mask

Because I am scared of hate

But hate comes hardest from the lovers, the ones who love to hate

I’m sorry if I hurt you

With my tears and cries

But I have never asked you, to go into a corner and die

Because I am bisexual, because I don’t worship Christ

Because you fear I will burn in Hell if I don’t take your advice

You can’t see this is cruel, you can’t hear your evil words

Because you believe you’re right, to me you sound absurd!

We all find God in our own way, who are you to judge?

I believe God loves us all and doesn’t hold a grudge!

Because if he hates me for who I am – then why did he make me so?

It’s a question I have always asked and nobody really knows

But in the bible God has said he knew us before we were born

So doesn’t that say a lot… why are we as a society so torn?

I can’t answer it, but right now I am sad and deeply forlorn

Because you can’t love me, like a sibling would

Because you judge me so

Don’t you consider you are hurting God as well as me, no?

You pray for me, that I don’t go to Hell

I pray for you as well

Because I see you are blind in your hate for me

I cry deeply in this tragedy

Because hate is evil and you don’t see…

I do believe in God

Do you believe me?

I don’t gaslight, I share my love

I share my tears and woe

I truly do cry for you and the things you do, please know

I cry every night, because you really care

But you still don’t see the evil that you share

My life is very lonely

But with God I have a friend

For he doesn’t judge me as I am what he did intend

I can’t say any more than that

But I do love you despite the spat

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Gods ravens

You killed a lookalike

There are 32 more

How many failures to win this war?

Ravens aren’t happy

The eagles should hide

Why kill a raven

Is it for your pride?

The devil looks on and smiles in glee

Because you will never let those ravens go and fly free!

God watches too and he knows what to do

He will send the angels to come and get you!

Eagles are white

Eagles are bad

Eagles make the true god, very, very mad!

Eagles kill his ravens

His ravens aren’t bad

The ravens rescue nature, that is so, so sad!

But eagles they glow white

And the eagles, they fight

They don’t care about the earth’s horrid plight!

Eagles are cruel

Eagles are unkind

They are the ones who will ruin mankind!

God watches close

God knows it all

God is coming soon to rule us all!

The eagles should know that their time is running out

They are the devils most devout

But they think we’re wrong

And they don’t know

That Gods truest people don’t have a white glow!

God’s truest people their glow is so bright

So bright that is blinds you like the darkest night

They know that light burns like a flame

They know its evil, drives people insane!

We know that the eagles are moths to a flame

Because they believe the ultimate shame

So little ravens, who know much better

Don’t seek the eagles, heed this letter

The eagles are bad and we are not

God is coming to stir the pot

Soon all will be seen by bird and man

For God have had enough of the deceiver clans!

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A message to WE that do evil

There are creatures in this world that never let sleeping dogs lie

They won’t let this chameleon change their colours

Why?

Because they won’t change

So they see – that I will always and forever be me

They don’t care if I have learned a lesson

Because to them I need impression

I need to be like them you see

Because they really need me to be

They don’t care if I am better

They don’t care if I am in fetters

They don’t care if my way is pure

They send my way more to endure

Life is hard as it is

Caring for home and raising kids

But to them – you see grudges are deep

They’ve allowed their evil ego to seep

It is rotting away into their soul’s core, what for?

So they can boost their ego more?

So that they can avoid Hell’s door?

But it just puts you closer even more

You don’t see it because you’re blind

Blind to the words you’ve spoke unkind

Blind to the evil you have caused

Please reflect, sit and pause

It’s been more than a decade you declared this war and fed the demons you abhor

You are mangled and twisted deep

Because of the vows you chose to keep

The vows of evil, not of love

The opposite of what you’ve talked of

You are not the cure you are the cause

You are the one who screams the clause

You should know what it is you do

But your mind is muddled, you have no clue

It is scary to think that you don’t know

That when you die, it’s a dark place you’ll go

I was your lesson

I was your test

You failed with me and the rest

You can’t keep doing what you do

Because it will get the better of you

You think you’re safe, wrapped in gods arms

But he saw what you do, all the pain and harm

Though you’ve misinterpreted him as well

You’ve created it yourself, your Hell

Hell doesn’t exist you know, it’s true…

But you won’t believe it, none of you…

Now I am not an atheist, but you won’t agree

This is why your war will never set you free

You believe things I haven’t done

This is why you all are dumb

You’ve made assumptions about my life, because of words I’ve said

Then bought me strife

You thought yourself clever to read between the lines

But in the end the words you read, were not mine

You translated wrong all those things

And like a swarm of hornets you sting and sting

Don’t think you are cleverer than you are

Don’t try to stand up and be a star

For you are wrong and you have cursed me

This is why you won’t be free

You are an evil thing you know

But I am willing to let it go

But I know you wont

You never will

You keep on in this world, doing ill

Until… ?

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The death of a heart

I am turning blue with the death of my heart

Love and tranquillity is soon to depart

Numbness crawls over my soul and my flesh

Pain is the only thing I have left

This song is a song of tears, but in vain

For I have become overcome with pain

Tragedy is the sweet song of success

Of a life lived in evil and chaos and stress

Darkness has always been a friend dear

Envelopes me with kindness as it shields me from fear

I lack a good heart, a mind and a soul

For sin has now taken its toll

My heart is dead, my emotions are gone

I am finding it hard to keep on

There’s no warmth in this place for me

I have forgotten its feeling, forgotten glee

Don’t cry for my heart nor for my soul

I had it coming; sin has taken its toll

I sit in the darkness surrounded by friends

Who all feel the same, who are all near the end

The end of their heart, not in their life

The end of feeling all things including strife

Maybe it is better this way for us all?

To not feel a thing, to become numb to all?

So quickly this can happen, when little things do

So quickly the death of a heart will ensue

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Why is kindness such a hated thing?

Why are people uncomfortable with good and kind words?

If you say you think they’re pretty they think you quite absurd!

It’s not normal to be so honest and open about all things

To have a child’s innocence as an adult and to say and do good things

You are mad say the onlookers

You are strange say them all

Suspicious eyes glare at you

It is not normal!

You are beautiful says the woman to a lady who served coffee

I’m not gay says the woman and moves away uncomfortably

Neither am I, thinks the woman who is confused by the mood

Was stating this fact to the waitress really so weird and so rude?

I can never understand a world where goodness is almost banned

But not by corrupt politicians, by society and its bland!

How can hurt people heal their wounds if no one accepts kind words?

If people only listen that they instead are turds?

Why is kindness so frowned upon, in a world that needs it most?

I am confused by society when kind people live like ghosts

How can anyone see heaven if they keep themselves in Hell?

Just because they can’t bare kindness, they fear the tricksters spell!

It is stupid and it is deranged to me how billions live this way

It is stupid and it is vile that honesty can’t be displayed

Why is such kindness a hated rotten thing?

It beats me every day to know

I can’t speak of truthful things because people just don’t want to know!

They’d rather you ignore them, than praise them for anything

They react so badly, when their praises you sing makes you feel you’ve done something bad to them, that your kind words to them have sting

Why is the world a positive shunner?  Why is negative so normal?

I don’t think I could ever understand a world that wallows in their toils

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I am the devil

I know what I am

I am the devil

I am man

I lived on Earth and it I ran

It fell apart

I broke your heart

I caused you pain

Made you insane

Now you have to, start again

I am the devil

Your bane

I broke your heart

Drove you insane

And I will always

Do it again

Until you have me

Home again

If you want peace on earth

Bring me home

Back to heaven

I’m so alone

I won’t stop

Till I’m at your throne

Kneeling down

On the dais stone

Before your feet

I need your sweet

Hand to touch me

And I need

To come on home

Kneeling down

Before your throne

I need heaven

My home again

Bring on back

Your wicked men

So that we

Can love again

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You can’t judge a person by their face

A person can be many behind their familiar visage

A person of good will or an evil doer at large

No one knows the truth in them, not everything they know

So when someone who is kind to you, to another it isn’t so

A face can have so many forms, depending on who you are

To one they are a devil from the depths of Hell, to you a wondrous star

So when others try to defame the one you love, always remember this

That love isn’t always truth and kindness and ignorance isn’t bliss

But do not put down the truth-sayer when you hear things that may not feel right

Because you don’t know the blamed one in both their darkness and their light

You can’t tell who someone is, not everyone’s a book

You can’t judge a person by their face; there are things you will overlook

People change in the shades of time, people grow old and wise

Some become more stupid, others will surprise

But just because you love someone, do not be blind to truth

Always listen with an opened mind, a good heart try to accept the truth

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Gather here all ye witches 2

Gather here all ye witches

Here your sisters cry

There is somebody that I wish would die

They caused me great pain

Great pain in my youth

This is why I call upon my sisters to spill out the truth

Yes I am in agony, the pain it will not cease

I want the one who did this, to suffer if you please

Gather around me brothers, warlocks powerful and strong

Please ring out the vengeance spell and chant your wicked songs

The pot is ready and boiling over

The ingredients are at the helm

Ready to be stirred with the powers sent from the darkest realms

Here is an eye of evil

A toad foot and some flax

A vile of baby blood and a ruby dressed in wax

Here is some boiled candy to make the vengeance sweet

And with a chunk of lead and graveyard dirt the spell is near complete

I stir the mixture, I stir it well

I stir with all the forces of darkness and of Hell

I add a little tincture of Angelica root

And from the cauldron fire, some ashes and some wood

There completes the vengeance spell

Now chant brothers and sisters, chant for Hell

You have crossed our sister

Who was a mild child

You caused her pain and grief

Until it sent her wild

You turned a good heart bad

With your evil deeds

Now with Hell by her side

You will surely grieve

Father of Hell unite with us your loyal folk

And douse her enemies with viles of poisoned yolk

Drown their soul in agony and despair

Make the vengeance sweet

And make it also fair

We hum an ancient tune

That will gather all our verve

We stir the pot

With the life that you deserve

Feel the power of the darkness

Feel it biting through

For we have had enough of the very likes of you

Here ye dark angels sing

The bell of vengeance ring

Oh ye witches sing

Here comes the wicked king

All ye darkest powers

Grow and grow and grow

Fill this soul with sorrow, fill it with woe

Oh ye ancient powers

Here our calls

Devour this enemy

Help us with their fall

The spell is done

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Gather here all ye witches

Gather here all ye witches

Gather here in the midnight wood

Call upon your greatest powers

For evil not for good

Let your powers go berserk

There are people I want to curse

So gather here tonight, be called with my verse

Bring your familiars and your demons

Bring them all here tonight

Burn with aching desire filled with the devils semen

Raise your kundalini snake, higher and higher

Revenge is my desire

Witches, sisters, brothers, warlocks

Gather here; have my enemy’s soul locked

Locked in hatred, locked in pain

Drive this bastard’s mind insane

When the bell tolls of his death

When he has drawn his last breath

He will not be released from this torment

Not until he has repent – for the time he hurt me

Let it be, let it be, let it be

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