Tag Archives: dreaming

No dreamtime respite

I used to look forward to going into dream time because it was a respite from the harsh realities I have to live with; but in recent months, sometimes my dreams are worse than reality.

It seems as though everything in dream time is hyped up into showing me my worst fears or accentuating my deepest worries into something more sinister.

I used to have nightmares like this all the time right up until I was 19, then they faded until only last summer.

Usually the dreams would be symbolic to the problems I was facing in real life, these days, those very problems are very clear and prominent in dream time, and they are no longer hiding in the facades of monsters and giant aggressive animals like when I was a child.  They are for what they are, the people I have the problems with and with the exact concerns I have cropping up into my dream time every single night.

There doesn’t seem to be a safety place anymore, it is gone, dream time was my safe place and it’s betrayed me.

Only last night I dreamt that a person I have problems with in real life, was there, we moved house, but a worse neighbour was waiting for me at that new house, so we decided to move back to our old house.  So, it seemed in this dream that whenever we tried to go back to the less worse problem we would arrive at a cul-de-sac where worse problems and scenarios were turning up to ruin my plans.  Every movement made the whole thing worse at every turn.

Though we are planning to move house when the money to do so comes, we are still keeping the house in a trust for Henry my son.  Henry wants to keep this house in the family, because it has been a part of his father’s family for 64yrs and Henry loves his ancestry and is currently doing a big project at home about his family tree to show his school at the end of the year.  This project was not prompted by his school; this is just something Henry wants to do.

One thing is clear though, I no longer feel there is privacy or safety within my own home anymore; especially when the neighbour causing problems is leaving ladders out in the front garden overnight and won’t listen to Paul when he suggests that maybe not a safe thing to do?

What makes it a whole lot worse is I had insomnia before he became a problem, now I just fear to sleep at all now, hence why I do nothing anymore, no energy!

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Filed under Brain Drain

New stuff to come

I had the notion that I didn’t want to put too much non-fiction in my blog and I really didn’t intend for as much poetry that I have either; it was supposed to be focusing on little snippets of practise writing and short stories of a fantasy theme only, well since the blog has started that hasn’t been the case has it?  So, I decided last night that it doesn’t matter what I post on my blog anymore, people love it for what it is and therefore there will be more posts coming in the future; particularly of new and different from current themes.  I have many interests in life other than writing and some of those things include writing, but they are usually personal snippets or parts of my personal diaries, thoughts, hopes and dream journals and that sort of thing.

So the blog may become a more active place that will include themes of positivity, spirituality, dreams, research papers and so forth.  A lot of the research papers will include mythologies from around the world and superstitions, as well as historical research.

Other than writing, my other hobbies include watercolour painting, wildlife photography, and organic/no-dig gardening (on good days), puzzles, word games, hypothetical discussions with people, reading, knitting, cosmic ordering and studying cultures, superstitions, mythologies and personal genealogy.  I also love learning languages and how they developed, the history of certain words and allergen free lifestyles.

So the future of this blog could be random, who knows?  But I have decided to write whatever I fancy and share it, because I want to be a more active writer that actually proves I really am an active writer!

I keep a lot of stuff I write to myself.  Little snippets about a person enjoying an apple, or peacefully sewing fat quarters to make a quilt, or sitting in a meadow watching clouds fly by; to things I have watched on television and have an opinion about, books I have read and how I felt about them and simple little daydreams of things I would love to do, but realistically may never do.  I have often thought about writing a book purely based on my daydreaming adventures and I did call this idea “The wandering in my mind” book.  But I have thought, the wandering in my mind could become blog posts called “The Wandering in my mind adventures part 1” and so on.  This idea is not a new one, I have had it since I was a teenager and it is not wholly new on this blog either.  I just didn’t take it as seriously for online media as much as I do now.

So yes, I think I will start that today.  The wandering in my mind adventures part one will be posted later on this evening.

I must warn you, it is always random and there are thousands of situations and people I imagine most of the time.  Living such an isolated life, sometimes the only way I can feel alive is by deep and long daydreaming sessions.

A sample of what you can expect would be…

Me mingling with vampires at a palace court, usually the same characters as I have built a sort of relationship with them in my mind.

Me wandering through various landscapes and coming across various wonderful plants and animals or situations;

Floating through space and seeing amazing things there.

Arguing with people about certain subjects and giving my side of the argument in full – these are fictional arguments that usually have a real life basis to them, such as climate change, current affairs, certain things going on worldwide, but there will always be a fantasy or horror twist to these daydreams.  For example, a few months ago, I personally demanded that the universe repairs Notre Dame immediately and proclaim a miracle, because it was a place I always wanted to see and the story of the Hunchback of Notre Dame always made me cry; particularly now he is homeless in my mind and all those poor little gargoyles.

I also travel in time arguing with Henry the VIII about various things and personally beating ten bells out of the Emperor Nero for what he did to Poppaea.

In other daydreams I am a whole new character in other writer’s books, where I am the personal pet owner of a Bandersnatch and a tyrannical next door neighbour to the Queen of Hearts, whilst eating jam sandwiches with the Duchess in the veranda of my garden, shouting insults over the rose bushes that divide our lands.

As I said the other day, it is scary in my mind.

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Filed under About my work

dreams are like snow

You can fly away from here

In your dreams you will soar

I can’t speak of the things you’ll learn to know

But all you need to know is it will be wonderful

Like snow, a miracle

A dream comes true

But like snow it will soon fade away

But you’ll dream another day

In some place, in some way

Dreams will come again

And each time they do

You’ll mend

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Filed under poetry

star gate keeper

I am beckoning you to play

Here you are to stay

In my immortal realm

I cannot fear

Those things I’m meant to fear

But I know that it wasn’t always this way

I’m a dreamer of the star gate keeper

Dreaming of a time I’m free

And maybe I will say

I am real

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welcome to my golden palace

I am leaving this sphere, going home to my dreams

I am going back to my reality, where my happiness streams

I have nothing to fear, for everything’s mine

I’m going to a place where the sun always shines

Yeah, I’m free

To roam as I please

Nothing will harm me; fear has no place to go

Everything’s to my expectations, the world’s my chateau

I can deny your entry if you cause me pain

I will not allow anybody to drive me insane

Here I’m free

I’m free, to do as I really want to and please

Serve me now, drink from my chalice

Welcome to my golden palace

This is my world of dreams

Where everything is as I royally deem

Drink my cup and bathe in the light

Why don’t you lay with me and bask in sunlight?

I am watching your world through half opened eyes

And I can’t believe, no can’t believe the pain and the lies

Why do you bask in hate and bask in lust and bask in coldness?

Why do you do nothing and act like you care less?

I believe in something more, than your impetuous plans

Oh come to me, yes come to me, and oh please hold my hand

Come bask in my light boy

Come into my arms and be free from the horrid noise of hate and pain

Come to me, come to me, come to my love again

I will show you peace and love, I’m your dove, please don’t go insane

Touch me, kiss me over again, and let me mend your broken dreams

I need to heal your aching wounds and please always listen to me

And not your horrid inner screams

Just touch me now and I will take you far away, you can be redeemed

I am leaving this sphere, going home to my dreams

I am going back to my reality, where my happiness streams

I have nothing to fear, for everything’s mine

I’m going to a place where the sun always shines

Yeah, I’m free

To roam as I please

Nothing will harm me; fear has no place to go

Everything’s to my expectations, the world’s my chateau

I can deny your entry if you cause me pain

I will not allow anybody to drive me insane

Here I’m free

I’m free, to do as I really want to and please

Serve me now, drink from my chalice

Welcome to my golden palace

This is my world of dreams

The words came into my head faster than I could type, this was literally done in less than five minutes; so I apologize if to some people this song makes no sense. 

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Miniature angels

Fairies are like miniature angels, flying past us every day

Little wings glowing, sweet little fays

 

In the shadows they hide, under and behind rocks

Playing tricks on mortals, making us laughing stocks

 

Fairies are like angels, this much is true

I’ve a feeling you’ve met them, well maybe one or two

 

Sweet angel faces, happy little smiles

Why don’t you sit and meditate, and talk with them awhile?

 

Dreaming, playing, swimming, chasing, as little fairies do

Congregating on the top of a hanging horseshoe

 

Drinking, laughing, always dancing in the steepy glens

Come along and see them, and bring along your friends

 

Fairies are like angels as I have said before

A lot of fun you’ll have with them for they are not a bore

 

Fairies are like angels fluttering low and high

Sometimes when they hide they become midges in the summer sky

 

Angels are full of magic; they’ll take away your woes

For what better place to store them than down some rotten holes?

© Tina Cousins 2013

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