Tag Archives: crow

I trust wildlife

One of my crows died this morning, Kerr.

I heard a hullabaloo outside and looked out the window to see their offspring mourning on the grass verge and the rest of the murder in the sky trying to dive bomb away the local buzzard which was trying to swoop down to eat the remains.

I liked Kerr, he was quite old.

It’s odd it should happen the day after I was talking to Paul about how I haven’t seen Scruffy for weeks, another crow I like.  A female, her mate is called the Sentinel by me, as he seems to watch the house and me more than the others.

Barbar was really distressed.

I’ve lost two of my crows in a short space of time as well as a magpie, which I believed was killed by his own family.

He was a runt by comparison, I called him Rocky.  He would sit on the window ledge and was so tame I could nearly stroke him when the window was opened.  He had an obsession with a pebble that he carried everywhere with him, he was unusually thin and although he was about a year old – he was still being fed by his family, sometimes forcibly.  I think they killed him as he was a burden, he never grew up and he was quite strange for a magpie.

I miss him too.

I am silly like this, I get attached to the local wildlife and name them and I will try to tame them when they come into my garden and care for them. 

A few years ago Paul wanted to take me to live with him in Canada, but our plans fell through due to my ill-health.  He always said, he could imagine me on the porch surrounded by bears and raccoons and hand feeding them berries, treating them all like pets!

I actually think that would have happened too, if we had gone!

I am rather shamanic and very brave around all animals.

I have nearly touched a real live bear once too – they were passive, I got within two inches of their snout before their keeper stopped me in my tracks.  You see I had found a way through the bars of a zoo cage to touch them.  It was a friendly bear and it sniffed my hand and tilted its head like it was going to let me stroke it.  That zoo made renovations very quickly after this happened.

I had a deep sense of trust it wasn’t going to hurt me, because I could read its energy. 

But that’s just me, a feral creature in her own right with a deep understanding for nature; humans are far more dangerous than any bear!

All I think about is love, I send love to the animal, peace, I don’t have a fleeting feeling of fear at all – I feel happy, content, loving, peaceful and trusting and say over in my head like I am talking to the animal itself – I just want to share my love, I won’t hurt you, let me touch you. 

Thanks for reading!

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Spirit guides & dream time

This post is going to be about my spirit animals or animal spirit guides, since this blog has been showing you a lot about my spiritual side; I thought I’d give you more insight to me as a spiritual person.

One of the very first spirit animals that ever showed themselves to me came to me when I was around 4yrs old in the garden.  I was playing by myself when three lizards came out of the cracks of the crazy paving patio and started to climb all over me.  They were very friendly and playful creatures which became tame with me very quickly.

Nobody in my family believed me when I told them that I have baby dragons in the garden who likes to play with me and that they live down the holes.

Because to me at the age of 4, they were baby dragons, I didn’t know them as lizards at the time!

It was thanks to these baby dragons that I developed a love for dinosaurs and dragon movies and anything connected to that sort of thing.

I avidly watched the movie “One Million Years BC” so much it wore the VHS out by the time I was 8yrs old and dad had to buy a new one!

Lizards didn’t stay in my life for long as a physical presence, because by the time I was 6yrs old we moved house and I never saw a wild lizard since.  But they followed me into my dream time.  Protecting me from things that often chased me, they would jump in front of whatever was chasing me have those epic dino fights whilst I got away.  This was a regular dream for me throughout most of my life in fact, as I got older the lizards got bigger and more ferocious in protecting me in dream time.  By the time I was a 11 those lizards became T-rex then after I had watched Jurassic park, they became a pack of velociraptors.

The lizard usually shows up early in childhood with people who are supposed to be magically or spiritually strong, they come into peoples lives during intense spiritual growth spurts.

It is funny to note that a similar animal “The Wolf” came into my life when I was around 9yrs old, they have a similar meaning to lizard, though they tend to join people who feel they are without a pack or who are victims of some kind of abuse, living under constant threat or for people who could easily lose self-control and generally feel unloved by those around them.

The wolf became my main spirit animal for a long time, it vanished almost completely as a dream time spirit guide by the time I was eighteen.  I even had dreams where I was an arctic wolf, running with the pack, where the leader was double the size of the others, scruffy and black.  In my dream time we occasionally turned back into our human forms, he’d be an almost Italian looking young man, with black scruffy or slightly spiky hair, dark eyes and an orange varsity styled jacket.

What I find weird is, when we weren’t running as a pack through a dense dark woodland on the edge of an army barracks in the dreams, I’d be riding behind this guy on his (for some weird reason) a yellow Yamaha motorbike.

Weirdly enough motorbikes were a big thing in a lot of my dream times growing up and I have never actually ridden one in my life!

When I was around 10yrs old, two new temporary spirit guides came into my life.  Robins and bumblebees, but they come and go in my life a lot.  Though at the time the bumblebee first made an appearance to me, they were a shadow animal, it was only in the past 12yrs that they have become more of a guide than a shadow creature now.

Robins came into my life when my grandad was dying of cancer, a robin would visit the family a lot and my grandad said that there is a family legend that we reincarnate as robins to give messages to each other; “I’ll do that for you cocker when I am gone, I’ll be like a little robin postman coming to give you messages.”

It’s strange how whenever there is a big family event coming up or a death that an unusually large male robin comes to visit the garden wherever I live and will peck at the window until I notice it.

I never ignore robins when I notice them, because their behaviour tells me what is going on – though I won’t know who they indicate, I can tell by what the robin does, what kind of event will be taking place soon.

When the bumblebees first arrived as a spirit guide when I was 10yrs old it was a terrifying experience for me; it came in the form of a nightmare. 

I was playing in an adventure playground and it becomes cloudy and dark, I thought it is just a rain cloud coming over head, but it got darker and darker and I couldn’t see anything anywhere, so I left a little play house to go and see why it suddenly became night time.  When I left the little play house, I looked up to see a giant bumble bee, bigger than a house and it stung me and my whole body blew up big and popped!

It was around the time that my dinosaurs and lizards were getting more and more fiercely protective of me and were even starting to sometimes turn against me in some dreams – it was a scary three years in dream time.

When I was 12yrs old I started to get dreams of sitting on the edge of a cliff, singing out loud to whales and they were responding to me and dancing for me in the sea below.  In many of my new dream times, I started to run off the edge of the cliff to dive into the sea to be with them – but when I get to the sea they were rarely there.  The lizards and dinosaurs used to try and stop me jumping into the sea and would try to block my path by waiting at the cliff edge for me to fiercely make me turn back!

After about a year of doing this in dream time, the lizards became desperate, as I found ways to get into the sea time and time again – so the lizards became alligators and crocodiles and they ended up waiting for me in the sea and used their tails to swish me back to the shores again.

When I was around 14yrs old I realised that the invisible energy I was running away from was actually love.  Someone who intensely loved me was chasing me and I was running away afraid of them because they seemed too enthusiastic.

Up until I was 14, I didn’t know what I was running from.

But I evaded this loving person until I was 17, this loving person had a blurry image, an outline or silhouette, I couldn’t see them properly until I wanted to get to know them properly. 

When I was 14 my dream self-developed wings – I think it was my spirits way in overcoming the blockages from the lizards and dinosaurs – I started to dream that I was a raven.

It is around this time that the local rooks, crows, ravens and magpies became very protective of me.  They still are, they’ve never left me.  The corvids are very loyal to me, both in dream time and out of it.

I dreamt almost every night and remembered most events without fail that I would always start my dream at my bedroom window and I would open the window and jump out into the night and fly away as a raven.  I don’t dream that since living with Paul, because our windows are too high up and my spirit has never felt at home here.  I often spiritually revisit my old house in London.

The guy with the spiky hair in the wolf pack also started to develop wings with me around this time, because he felt dejected that I no longer ran with the pack, but flew above it.

He often tried to get me to consider being a wolf again with him, but I was more interested in being the raven as it was more convenient.

It wasn’t until I was around 17 that I realised this guy was the love I was running from, when I realised he was the silhouette person, I started to see the spiky haired guy a lot.

Once I realised he was the same person, I didn’t have dreams of being chased again, until recently, when I asked my spirits about this – as it was the same feeling as before, they told me, who do I think it is?  When I said, is it the spiky guy again?  The silhouette faded and it was him again, but older and with facial hair that seems to come and go, like his colouring, grey to black to peppery, to black, to grey, to black again.

Nearly forgot that squirrels have been around me a lot since I was around 7yrs old too, they tame around me really easily, particularly the grey or black ones.  Some people who know me can definitely see squirrel qualities in my personality!  Lol

Some squirrels were so tame they’d come and go in the house like pets when my bedroom window was opened.

When I was 15yrs old I learned seals get distressed whenever they see me leaving them – they love me, they stalk me, they screech and panic and get very upset when I leave them.  It’s weird and embarrassing when I am in zoos.

Aged 20 I found that cows like me too much too and to this day, cows can be bothersome with me.  They try to kidnap me, seriously.  I can’t walk past a herd of cows without them following me and circling me and trying to keep me.  Paul can testify that we live near a canal, where across the other side of the canal is a herd of cows, whenever they see me, they enter the canal to get to the other side and have been known to follow me and get lost from their farm, just because they won’t leave me alone.  I can’t go to that particular area of the canal pathway anymore, because of the amount of runaway cows that I seem to cause there!

What is weird is that I have the symbol of Hathor the Egyptian goddess on my hand as part of my palmistry lines.  She was a cow goddess – perhaps they think I am her?  I don’t know it’s blooming weird whatever the case may be!

The cow is one of my strongest spirit guides too; those the raven, grasshoppers and the butterflies are the strongest and longest serving for me.

Butterflies tell me about productive ideas and new births within the family, they told me every time I got pregnant, before I even did a pregnancy test.  I’ve been pregnant three times in my life and every time I have got pregnant, a blue butterfly has flown between my legs or landed on my hand just as the pregnancy was only 2 weeks in gestation.  It’s weird that it is consistent. 

Also butterflies turn up whenever I have new story or art ideas or when Brain Hurricane season is about to set in or if I am about to undergo a huge change in my life or transformation.

The Grasshoppers tell me about travelling to new places or moving home.  They don’t really contact me for anything else and they always do so via physical manifestation, rather than dream time.

Whenever I am without a pet, I notice ginger cats try to adopt me in the street or garden, then they leave as soon as I have any kind of pet in the home again.  It’s like a stop gap pet and it’s always a ginger cat of some description.

Another queer thing about zoo animals is whenever I go to a zoo with cheetahs or snow leopards, they seem to love me and will try to get as close to me as possible.  They seem to love me, whereas they are aloof with everyone else.

Field mice are also attracted to me for some reason as are frogs, toads, bats and herons.

Most recently my dreams are getting lots of flamingos, ibises and peacocks, as well as cockerels, rabbits and puppies.

I also remember around 2003 to 2006 can’t remember exactly when but stags became a huge thing in dream time, and at the time the spiky hair dude was there, but we had a little misunderstanding about things.  The dream was surreal to me, because he started to tell me that he is real and did I know that?  He also told me he wanted me in his life and he is going to find me outside of dream time.  I told him, you have some issues to sort out first though; I won’t like it if you come how you are right now.

He made a vow to change himself.  Around this time he was wearing a lot of stag symbols and even nicknamed himself The Buck.  I don’t know since I woke up, what it was he needed to change, but I do know it is something I wouldn’t have liked about him if we knew each other back then.  But whatever I don’t hold grudges, people change and you got to let them move on – it’s not healthy digging up their pasts if it is behind them.

I do know that he became worried around early 2004 because an ex of mine hurt me so much, that for nearly five years I didn’t want to consider any new healthy relationship with a man again.  I think he thought even if he did find me in reality, I wouldn’t welcome him anymore.  He’d been right until 2008.

Took a lot for me to heal that wound!

I was going through a very unhealthy time as far as other relationships were going too.

It’s weird but dream time to me is like another reality – like a parallel.  Because when I got pregnant with Henry in 2009 it also caused a bit of emotional turmoil for this guy when he found out – he became almost lost until 2013, until he started to try harder to connect with me and over the years since then, he appears to be getting spiritually stronger.

Almost obsessively so in the past two years in particular, to the extent he can tap into my chakras from time to time in the past month now – Paul told me, it sounds like whoever this guy is, must be adept at transcendental meditation.

Even Paul has been getting a spiritual instinct that someone is telling him to “back away from their girl”.  Which coincidentally started around two weeks before Paul met his new woman.

Even Paul keeps telling me, he doesn’t believe this guy is a dream – he truly believe this guy is imminent and will be coming into my life sooner than I think!

I kind of pooh pooh it off, because I think I am nuts to be honest with you.  But Paul is like… if you are nuts, then so am I, because you know me!  I am not spiritual at all – but this is strong enough that even I can feel it and you’ve got to get ready and when he comes, you say yes and you go with him if he tells you to!

I thought woah, OK, that’s a bit much!

But he reckons it’s going to be like that.

It’s too surreal and too weird and I am not sure I am going to fully embrace the speed of it all, if Paul is right.

But if it is real – gosh… the idea makes me cry, because I have wanted that kind of love for too long now, that I am not sure if I can get used to it and I am scared that I would push them away, as I may not be comfortable with how nice they’re going to be, as stupid as that sounds!

All I know is, when they turn up, it’s not going to be conventional… something tells me he is a tricky one – safe… but tricky…

Thanks for reading!

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Life’s Pace

A sharp cold wind hits me in the face

An array of orange, gold, red, brown swirl around me

I hear the clickety clack of the railway track in the distance

Today life has a fast pace

A squirrel runs circles around the big oak tree

A crow cries out loud as it chases it away

The children rush home in their hats and coats to avoid the bitter wind

Life has a fast pace today

I watch in wonder as the grey skies gradually clear for golden shards of light

Then the clouds close again

A dog snuffling with its nose in leaves

Will life slow down again?

A warm rush of air as I reach my home, welcomes me to my hearth

I turn the taps in the bathroom on, a lovely soothing bath

A hot chocolate warms my hands by the fire

I have found the object of my desire

Life is slow here in this place

Life has all sorts of pace

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mocking caws

These are colors of the winter that I am seeing now

Painted with greys and whites the pictures to my tale

A tale of winter harsh and cold, of a time that’s best forgot

Of a time when I discovered, a body that morbidly rots

Along the banks of the canal, a ladies leg I saw

And I was ushered away fiercely, from the ravenous crow like caws

And I remember running, a running from that sound

I had no clue where I was going; I did not know where I was bound

I chose that moment not to tell, or speak of what I saw

And mockingly it followed, the crow with the callous caws

Why I did that I can’t tell, for fear is a funny thing

But to this day I still hear it, the mocking crow still sings

Caw, Caw, it goes all night, Caw, Caw, it goes all day

It will never leave me now, it will always stay

A punishment for cowardice, a punishment for my fear

No matter how hard I run from it, those caws I’ll always hear

I am being sent insane, a chastisement for my dread

And I will never forget this, not until I’m dead

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Caw caw in the night

16941685-raven--corvus-corax

Caw, caw calls the Corvus birds of locale through the wet and windy night

Something has disturbed them, which has sent them into flight

Caw, caw their sounds seem scared

Afraid of what has come to them

Now they are despaired

Their little ones tucked up tightly in their warm and cosy nest

But it doesn’t save them, though the parents did their best

The owls of the night have come tonight

To take their babes away

For little owls need feeding

This is nature’s way

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