Tag Archives: butterfly

The butterflies sting

I told you not to touch the butterfly

Lest she falls apart

I told you not to touch her

But you couldn’t help your heart

Now she’s broken into bits

She’s fading fast like snow

Because of broken dreams

You have caused her woe

You couldn’t help but touch her wings

You couldn’t leave her be

Now she’s melted in your hand

But you still don’t see

You are to blame for her little life

Fading and now it’s gone

You couldn’t help but touch her

Though you knew it’s wrong

You were enchanted by her spirit

You were enamoured by her wings

You really thought your touch was light

You didn’t think you’d sting

But I knew the butterfly

And her heart was made of snow

To touch her has killed her

Now you cry with woe

Maybe you are now a butterfly

And now you fly on delicate wings

Maybe someone will hear you cry

Don’t touch me, it will sting!

Poor little butterflies

Unloved and forever alone

Because their heart can’t take it

Their broken hearts unsewn

And people think they fake it

Though they surely do not

But to touch a butterfly wings

Will cause those wings to rot

Do not touch a butterfly

Let them flitter on and pass you by

If they land upon you – great!

But please do not make that mistake!

Do not touch those delicate wings

Do not be the butterflies’ sting

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I am a devil of the night

My life is like a butterfly

Everything I touch crashes burns and dies

When I try to make things better

Things only get wetter, soaked in the tears of the universe

It’s as though I am cursed

I don’t know why things are this way

I hope I will know some day

But now I am scared to reach out

For my touch feels like a clout

Yet it was meant to sooth

This is the truth

I didn’t mean to curse you with my presence

I guess it’s just my essence

Perhaps mother is right

I am a devil of the night 

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Heart torn stray

Sometimes I get moments like these

Moments where I am a butterfly

Don’t touch me or talk to me

Keep well away

Lest I fall apart today

A simple touch, an act of love

Will break me right in two

Because it never lasts as long

As I want it to

Some days I can’t bare the pain

It makes me fall apart

It’s better to leave me well alone

Because you’ll break my heart

Today I am a butterfly

Love stings me like a nettle

Because nobody ever stays with me

Nobody ever settles

So leave me alone today

If you don’t intend to stay

Because I will fall apart

When you leave this heart torn stray

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Kiss the past away

A soft revelation spoke to my heart

An angelic spell put me into repose

Caterpillar you must sleep

Your old self you must dispose

A new dawn waits for you and you are not ready yet

Sleep well my daughter of the dawn

Your new life has been set

Tomorrow you will wake with beautiful wings

And you will fly so high

A new life will make you sing

There is no reason to be shy

So colourful your life will be

You came from shades of grey

So lay down your sleepy head

And kiss the past away

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A habitual creature

I haven’t given up my project AD, but writing it in this environment is increasingly hard for me – there is little respect for my time for doing this and Henry keeps having a lot of time off from school due to sickness.

When Henry is home it is almost impossible to just simply function like normal, because Paul and Henry are constantly sniping and screaming at each other for one reason or another.

I would love to start a YouTube channel very soon, but to be honest, it may have to be in twenty minute snatches of time, because that’s as long as they go between slanging matches with each other. 

My project AD is definitely developing a lot in my head, I just wish I could get it down in writing – it is starting to give me a headache as I can’t do as much as I want to anymore.  There are times, like now, I have only written four short paragraphs and that is enough for me to lose my flow and have to come back an hour or so later to try and add more, because someone has decided to scream at another person 3ft from my ear.

Thankfully though, right now, it’s not so bad – it’s not the usual problem, but it could soon escalate. 

Project AD is developing into a gothic-noir in my opinion, though there are comedy elements in it and it is written for children I am seeing the artwork as quite similar to those found in movies such as The Crow, Batman or Tim Burton style.

I am loving the comedic scenes I am seeing in my head and there will be more humans in the story than I originally planned – normal humans, children specifically, which help the mutated animals come to grips with the post human ruled world, by learning how to adapt to their mutations.

All I need to write just one novel is two hours a day over six weeks for each draft, that’s all and I can’t even do that in this environment.

The irony is, I lived in a violent family where I was constantly stressed in London when I lived with my parents; but it was quiet a lot of the time and I always knew at specific times without a shadow of a doubt that things will definitely be quiet, because my family were creatures of habits and they didn’t like going outside of their routine.  So I always planned my writing around them.

For example, my mother would be out of the house between 10am and 1pm at least 3 days a week without me, which was writing time.  Then I knew she was addicted to her soaps on TV for 4 evenings a week, meaning that between 7pm and 9pm I was free to write again.

If I was lucky she’d want to watch a movie at 9pm till 11pm that I wouldn’t be interested in and that meant more writing could get done.

Which meant for me that I was writing an average of two to eight hours per day when I lived in London, compared to twenty minute snatches of time, now!

There is no routine in this house that is stable and it kind of drives me insane.

No TV schedules for other members of the household, no going out at regular intervals, it is all up in the air and uncertain all of the time! 

The only thing I can guarantee on (if Henry isn’t sick) is that on a Tuesday evening every two weeks Henry will go to a charity for young carers for three hours after school.  Young carers deal with much more than just children who care for their parents, they deal with kids in poverty who have experienced being around a lot of people who are disabled or sick and are helping them to learn how to cope mentally with that.  Henry specifically has experienced a lot of death in the family since he was very small and it is taking its toll on him.

What bothers me is there are so many other new stories I want to write as well and it is driving me bonkers – I just want two hours a day and apparently that is too much to ask for!

My attention span has always been really bad – but since living in this chaos it is nearly unmanageable.  I can write posts for my blog, because if I lose my flow it won’t be as damaging as when I am writing a novel.  If you get me?

This is probably why some of my posts seem to be all over the place and repetitive, because I am interrupted a lot.

My best posts are usually written when people are in bed.

I am getting so emotionally drained by all of this tension that I am not reading as much as I used to, I am falling asleep watching YouTube in bed and all sorts of places.

As my spirits have been trying to tell me, caterpillar you need to sleep as much as you can because soon you are going to transform into a butterfly and you need all the energy you can get to fly!

Anyway, thanks for reading!

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Butterfly secrets

How does the little butterfly fly on dusty wings?

Avoiding drops of rain and the birds that sing?

How did she become the butterfly we love and know so well?

When she came from a fat caterpillar and she grew and grew and swelled

How does the little butterfly flit so easily?

From buttercup to lavender right up to a tree?

How did the butterfly become this way, when she cocooned herself so tight?

Never peaking from her home, hiding from everyone’s sight?

Will we understand the butterfly and her mysterious ways?

Or will she always hold her secrets tight as we happily gaze?

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1st reading part 1

I like to do a once a month tarot and oracle reading on average.  I am not confident of my reading ability, though many people who I have read for in the past have indicated that I am very accurate and spooky.

I have decided to share the monthly readings online, because a spirit told me that someone is interested in the mysticism that’s in my life and wants to see more of it, they also indicated that our cards might be similar…  I wonder who that is?  Let me know if it’s you in the comments below!

My oracle reading for the next four weeks;

1 – Druid animal oracle by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm

EAGLE

This card indicates that I have a huge decision to make this month.

I may also make a powerful alliance with someone.

There will definitely be some kind of detachment from something or someone or rejuvenation because of one or both of the above.

I may have to have courage in whatever this card is indicating, the decision or the person or the situation.

2 – The Lovers Oracle pack

MANIFESTING MIRACLES

My dreams are soon to become a reality.

I have to trust my heart and continue to follow in its guidance.

3 – Chakra wisdom oracle cards by Tori Hartman

VICTIM

This card represents the Heart Chakra – so that chakra could be the most dominant this month particularly with the below meaning behind it;

I am going to be in denial of a situation that will occur to me

I am asked to make a major decision regarding my whole life

I will feel delusional about what is offered, I won’t believe the person, but apparently it’s not a trick as the other cards in this reading will show and indicate…

The offer is about both growth and empowerment, but other cards in the reading indicate it could be a new relationship too, where growth & empowerment will be important throughout that relationship

The card is VICTIM – but this indicates I could be the victim of my own inability to see that I am worthy of this potential offer or relationship!

4 – The Spirit of the Animals Oracle – I was only meant to draw one card from this pack but 3 fell when I had barely shuffled after asking my question and I read them all as I felt an instinct to do so! 

4.1 BEE – COMMUNITY

The bee indicates an increase in communication, community spirit or social matters in my life.

It is also a powerful manifestation card, meaning that something I have wanted a long time is coming to me. 

It is also a card meaning reward, gifts or an offer.

This is another reason why I believe it is a new relationship coming into my life and they are coming with an offer that will change my life.

4.2 GRIZZLY BEAR – POWER

The grizzly bear shows me that there is an increase in my personal power coming soon, or a person coming into my life that has a lot of personal power.

If it is a person coming into my life, this person is strong, powerful, protective and loving towards me. 

4.3 EAGLE – MASTERY

To have two eagles from two different packs indicates an increase in all the eagle energies of the reading, so it is intensified.

But this particular oracle deck suggests that this card for this reading mainly indicates letting go of the past.  This is yet another reading I have had a lot of in the past nine weeks about how my life is going to be turned literally upside down but for the better in every possible area of my life!

All previous readings I have had from the past few weeks indicated to me that November 2022, February 2023, July 2023 and September 2023 are all going to be major months in my life with big upheavals or events.  In a previous reading it indicates in July 2023 there will potentially be immigration, leaving my homeland not just the house but the whole country!  But I have no plans for that – yet… what’s changing?  Well another reading a few days ago showed me that July 30th could be a wedding date, now that’s super-fast, if this is a new relationship that’s happening!

5 – Tea Leaf Fortune Cards by Rae Hepburn

I dropped 2 from the first of two piles.  I read them both.

5.1 DRAGON

Beware of self-delusions.  This is another card which has indicated the above again… I have a hard time accepting when anything good happens to me, I am always expecting a trick behind it, you know?

5.2 CLUB

Someone will make a decision for me or will force me to make a decision or do something – again, a decision to react.

Pile 2 is next as this is a huge deck that needs to be split…

5.3 BUTTERFLY

A change for the better! 

Again over the past three months, I have got a lot of cards about how I am going through a major transformation.

I thought it would be interesting to let you know how these cards were arranged so far…

The bee had the dragon underneath it – which shows that the decision I have to make, I will probably not feel worthy of again, so this is definitely a major message here.

The grizzly bear had the club directly underneath that, which is kind of scary when you see a grizzly bear with a club in its hands!  Lol – but on a serious note, this is about power play, someone wants a decision and they might not be afraid to make it for me if I am too insecure or dithery about it.  Remember this person indicates a loving, strong and protective person.

The eagle has the butterfly underneath it, which shows us that I will be letting go of the past because of a major transformation happening in my life, the transformation is happening because of this major decision and potential alliance/relationship and I am required to have courage and move onto greener pastures.

So that’s what’s going to be happening in the next four weeks according to my oracle cards of the reading. 

The tarot decks will be done in part 2.

Thank you for reading!

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Sleepy caterpillar

Today I feel quiet; it’s a solitary and reflective day for me.  I just want the cosiest clothing possible, to be warm and snuggle up with my laptop writing stories, doing tarot readings, playing with my crystals and reading some books.

Though I feel like being kind of social, I just really want a quiet day.

I really miss having a wandering pet in the house like a dog or a cat, because I could do with fur baby snuggles right now too and I really miss my border collie Candy who used to lie on my feet whenever I was reading, because she kept my feet warm in the winter, whilst bill my shih Tzu kept my abdomen or lap warm and his sister Beau to my side.

I often sat in piles of dogs or other fur babies, it was quite normal for me.

As much as I miss her I don’t miss her habits, Turquoise my tortoiseshell cat, she could never get close to me thanks to the dogs, so her only option was to sit behind the back of the sofa I was on and half lie on my head whilst I read.  Kind of itched a bit as she made my head too warm!

I miss the occasional tweet from my budgies too and the sofa suddenly moving like an earthquake because Amy the Irish Wolfhound has decided to hide behind my sofa right now, disturbing the whole pile of animals around me as she blunders her way behind the sofa to hide again, only for her to re-emerge sticking her wet slimy nose into my ear for a tickle almost immediately.

I miss them all.

But today is a cotton and cotton lace kind of day, with fleecy socks and blankets or shawls; light colours for me, like white, pale yellow or cream, maybe a smattering of oatmeal or coffee, but only very small amounts. 

It would be too cold to go out in what I want to wear today, unless I took an oversized oatmeal or banana yellow fleecy shawl or poncho with me.

Today however, is a day where I just want to be home.  I’d like some company, but quiet, tranquil company.  It’s a reflective day after all and a day of words for me.

I have done a lot of writing today, but not towards a novel.  I have done a lot of words towards blog posts and therapy essays I am doing for myself, as I am trying to heal some major emotional wounds.

Spiritual energy is quiet today, it’s like there is a major focus on me, to give me lightness, give me energy, sending healing my way.

I thank whoever it is doing that.

I certainly feel a lot of inner calm today, like someone has given me Valium or something.

My spirits have tried their best to encourage me to sleep a lot over the past few days, but I haven’t been listening, only for me to nap suddenly whenever I get comfortable.  Henry got afraid yesterday as I fell asleep twice and I wasn’t even tired, but I told him it’s OK.

My spirits told me, “you are not a butterfly yet; you are still a caterpillar and it’s time to get your sleep, because your transformation is very near”.

I suppose it explains why I am fat, then, I am a caterpillar.

I am fighting against their advice though; life is too short to be a sleepy head.

But they insist, I should sleep as much as possible until the second week of November, because after that, I won’t have a chance – things will move too quickly in my life and I may not have the energy to keep up with it, and I must keep up with it!

It’s a strange thing.

But there you go.

Thanks for reading…

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My heart is like a butterfly

My heart is like a butterfly

It falls apart when touched

Kind words and simple gestures

Are just too much

I’m not used to kindness

I’m only used to fear

Friendship is new to me

I know that it sounds queer

Why are you so kind to me?

What is it that you want?

I can’t help feeling there is more to this

My past it still haunts

I cry when you are nice to me

I can’t hold back the tears

Because I am not use to this

Only ridicule and jeers

My heart is like a butterfly

It falls apart when touched

I can’t bear this kindness

Though I like it much

My heart is like a butterfly

Though I wished it wasn’t true

I’d love to know you better

And be a part of you

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Show this butterfly the way

Can I be a butterfly

Flying in the wind

Can I be so colourful with my wings?

Can I find a place where my heart can sing?

Can I find joy, is it a thing?

I am open to a life

Where paradise sings

Show me where it is, so I can spread my wings

I am ready for my flight into the light

I am ready for it all

Let me stand tall

I am dreaming of a place that is better than this

Show me now, where that place is

I hope when I fly I will not fall

That I will find a place where I can grow tall

I need to love and I need to find peace

I need to find someone who doesn’t lie and tease

I need to find a place that I can call my own

A place where I am loved, a place I can call home

I need to find freedom, show me where it is

Because I am ready for a life filled with bliss!

So show me where to fly

Into the grey, pink or blue sky?

Point the way for me

Help to set me free

So I can be

Unadulteratedly me!

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