Tag Archives: autoimmunity

Spleen problems

Occasionally I have problems with my spleen; I have an auto-immune condition which is sometimes affected by the spleen.  In the past few days my spleen has been swollen again, this has meant that I have to be very careful about what movements I do and it also means I am in constant pain with it.

This is worrying for me, because I have minor surgery coming up in the end of July – it has nothing to do with the spleen.  But if it is still swollen by then, my surgery may be pushed back.

One of the major reasons why I can’t do much day to day is because of pain, some days are worse than others and sometimes the pain and swelling can mean I can’t move around much at all or even receive cuddles/hugs, because it could rupture the spleen unintentionally.

The swelling affects my posture and I hate poor posture!  It also means I find it hard to be in bed, because I can’t lay on my left side at all and I can’t have my ear drops when my ear infections are playing up (as I also have auto-immune inner ear disease) – it also means when I lay on my right side I can’t have my arm at my side like normal… you can imagine the discomfort I am in!

It has affected my ability to read large books, which is annoying because I was currently reading seven books and four of which are encyclopaedic in size!

It has also affected my appetite yet again, meaning I am eating even less than before, I can’t even manage a whole sandwich now!

On a positive note, it hasn’t yet affected my ability to write.

But it has put a stop to my new exercise regime and any ideas about helping Paul in the garden.

I thought, whilst my appetite was low anyway, I would take advantage of it and do some exercises to help tone myself up so I don’t get the dreaded loose skin problem, as I was quite chubby to begin with!

My spleen started to swell because I got cocky in my exercises and showed off to my house rabbit (of all people) that “look!  Mama can still belly dance after all these years”! And I set my spleen off again and it swelled up over the course of a few hours after its initial bang of pain!

I miss belly dancing, it was really good exercise for the tum and made me feel sexy for a change!

So at the moment my family and I are living in constant fear that my spleen might rupture at any moment.

Thought we’d give you all the heads up!

I will try and keep you posted on my condition.

Thanks for reading!

P.S the post about the minor surgery was written a couple of weeks back and at the moment the surgery is still on. As I said, its nothing to do with the spleen, it is another matter.

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Reflections of consequence

Upon reflecting at my notes for new stories, I realise that around a third of everything I plan to write is vampire based.  So this is a revelation because I thought I wrote vampires more than any other subject, but no, it is second to fantasy.  Horror is actually not within the top three subjects I write about but is actually fourth, behind dystopia. 

The poetry I write is really just a means to fulfil the frustrated composer and song writer in me.  Poetry is a way in keeping me sane from the loss of composing music via Cubase, I no longer have Cubase and there is a void in my heart because of it.  I can’t read and write music properly but I have been trying to learn recently, so I can try and learn to cope without Cubase, as I miss it a lot.  I have no desire whatsoever to be a singer though; I just love making music and writing lyrics.

I think about music as much as I think about my stories, but I have learned to give up music for various reasons.  Occasionally ignoring it can make me go literally insane enough that I have to blurt out poetry just to shut the thoughts up in my mind, but it is starting to get quite loud in my mind lately.  Not sure how long I have before I will give in and sell stuff just to get another type of music software to help me.  I bought a glockenspiel last year hoping to sate my need for music and around once every eighteen months I notice I buy a new instrument just to try and sate the musician in me, but I think my brain is getting wise to these distractions.

I do believe that if you are creative and you have many outlets, to ignore any one of those outlets for too long can both make you go nuts, but also seep into your other creative works and make you resent the attention you give them, because you are ignoring the other.  All creative outlets are both food and poison for the other ones, depends on whether or not they feel neglected or not, a bit like a polygamous lover, you know?

I am an Artist, Gardener, Musician, Writer; I do sing and I used to like acting in drama classes at college, I do voices too.  It is strange that since I totally gave up practising my voices, that I have been getting a lot of illnesses that affect the throat, some spiritual healers tell me they are not surprised, because it is the throat chakras way in responding to this creative neglect.  I suppose too then, that when I don’t write for a while, the migraines I get in my head are to do with the stories having a civil war in my mind too?

I’m very spiritual, so to me, everything happens for a reason and I believe that sickness can be caused because you are neglecting a spiritual or creative part of you.  I think love and freedom has a lot to do with a person’s overall health and I suppose that it is this reason that I am ill.  I don’t have much love and I never had much freedom, I don’t mean to sound whiny but it is true and therefore, it is unsurprising that I have autoimmunity issues.

I am very unsurprised that a vast majority of my illnesses are ear, throat and stomach related.  Because throughout my life I have heard things I do not like to hear, I have never spoken about what has happened to me and I hold back when trying to stand up for myself verbally, I also ate things I never wanted to.  So when you reflect on things like this, you can plainly see how it can all make you ill in those parts of you.

I find myself a lot, saying to people I don’t want to hear this, it is not kind, I don’t want to hear this, it is too negative.  I am such a sensitive person, I don’t like hearing negative things spoken all the time, I don’t like hearing another person’s distress.  I lost my hearing when I was a teenager in my right ear, because I kept hearing things I didn’t like, now I still hear things I don’t like and gradually I am losing hearing in the left ear too.

I either have to become harder and more tolerant to what I hear, or completely isolate myself from society altogether, lol.  If I chose the latter, it will surely affect the health of my heart due to a lack of connection and love?  So I will have to learn to harden up and become tolerant to the negativity around me, I don’t know how I will do that, but it needs to start happening soon, or I won’t be able to hear music anymore, let alone play it.

Anyway, happy reading and I will post again tomorrow, thank you for being here!

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