Tag Archives: art

Do you show yourself up?

I have started my writer’s journal yesterday (6th June 2022) and I was finding it insightful rethinking how my projects developed over the years and how I have grown as a writer.

Because I get so wrapped up in my projects I often forget to post on my blog, so I often do blog posts around two weeks in advance, just to help maintain activity here – because if I don’t, the blog goes quiet for three months at a time and I don’t like to do that!

Anyway, going back to my first paragraph of this post, I discovered that certain projects were bland when I originally started them – but over time, they fleshed out really well and morphed into something completely different, even character names changed to suit the new situations that ensued.

For example, I had a young child protagonist who was originally seven years old, she then became twelve and now the character is going to be fifteen.  Simply because of how the story developed into something much different and my goals are very different today than they were back then!

I also only had around five characters that were friends of the hero and helped her on her journey; this grew to become nine solid friends and a small number of fly by helpful friends.

I decided the villain dies in the end and that so does the heroine too, but this changed, I leave no spoilers as to my current decision or you’d be looking for it in any book that sounds alike, when it gets published.

But what threw me was the fact that the book developed when I developed – I don’t mean creatively developed, I mean, its subjects developed with what was going on in my life at the time of writing…

The heroine was a runaway –then she was not.

I was a runaway at the same time this story originated in my mind, the characters plot of running away changed, when I no longer felt the need to run away in my real life. 

This is a development I didn’t notice until I revisited the writing process to add to my current projects journal – it is interesting.  I used to pooh-pooh the idea about creative people subconsciously putting their lives into print and that people psychoanalysed everything that wasn’t really there, but, you know… I think there is something about all of that!

If you write a certain theme, it’s because you think or feel or have experienced it in the past or at the present and it is coming out in your writing. 

So be careful at what you are writing out there, I know a lot of real life bitches who tend to write a lot of romantic dramas where there are mega bitches and they just think, their work is set apart from themselves… but… hey… what will literary psychoanalysts say about you in the future, what will they see in you through your work?

It does reveal a lot – I have a writer friend who writes a lot of childish roles in her stories that are not entirely based around children and she struggles a lot with her inner child, she is trying to be mature, but she just can’t hack it and she doesn’t mind I am writing this, I asked her!  But she found it amusing about how accurate this seems to be even with her!

I know another writer who always wanted to be a rock star or a Goth, but was always nervous to do so because of societal stigma, particularly within the Jewish community – so, they write those kinds of characters.  Sorry I didn’t ask them about this, but being that they aren’t named… do they really mind?  I hope not!

You don’t know it until you see it!

But you write yourself in everything!

Since learning this, it has kind of made me paranoid about what people will think about me… but then again… I am happy with who I have become and I am happy I am not who I used to be anymore, so I won’t stress too much!

I just don’t want the analysts to harp on about my mental illness all the time and look back on me with pity!  I don’t like that.

The journal has been a revelation.

What is included in the journal is my journey and thought processes about what is happening in the book – any movies or books that influenced those pivotal scenes, are my characters actually a mock-up of say, my favourite movie characters?  Yes, actually, I can see that a lot in my work!  But it is unique enough to not come across as a total rip off!  That’s very important!

I have even included lyrics which also helped me think of scenes, with references to the singer and the song name. 

Why am I doing this?

Because these journals are on a work by work basis, when I get a piece of work published I have this goal that if I sell ten thousand books, I will send out to publish these snippets from my writers journal to show my readers how I got it done and what influenced me, because I don’t know about you – but I am a very nosy reader!  When I read an author’s book, I want to know more about them as a person, what they think and what they like so I can see who influenced them!  Because I love evolution!

Being a creative, whether you are a writer, song writer, musician, artist etc; you are going through an evolution which will influence and inspire other creatives in the future.  This is exciting and I love this sort of thing!  I am obsessed with evolution, particularly the evolution of the mind, culture and society!

At this point in time, there are hundreds of works by other people who have influenced all seventy nine of my nearly finished works, yes, seventy nine!  There have been many things which have influenced me several times over in most of my works and those are;

Nox Arcana music, art and lyrics

Neil Gaiman’s works, particularly his prose and comics

Colleen Doran’s Raphaelite style artworks

Various wrestling shows with their gimmicks and storylines

Aurora Aksnes lyrics and music videos

Anne Rice vampires

Vampire movies in general

Modern gothic art, particularly by Anne Stokes

Tim Burton’s movies and artworks

Ancient myth and legends worldwide

Roald Dahl’s works and movie adaptions

Lady Gaga’s music videos and lyrics

Stephen King’s works and movie adaptions

Brian Froud and the Froud families’ artworks and puppet movies

The Mad Max series and franchise

Mafia movies and history

Max Brooks works and movie adaptions

Children’s classic bedtime fairy-tales

Marilyn Manson music videos

Queen music and music videos and adaptions

The Rocky horror picture show and its adaptions

Suzanne Collins works and adaptions

The Animals of Farthing wood

Watership down and its adaptions

Wind in the willows and its adaptions

Monty Python TV shows and movies

Terry Pratchett’s works and adaptions

Johnny Depp’s characters

Robert Downy Jr’s characters

Gabriel Byrne’s characters

Al Pacino’s characters

Bette Midler characters

Kathleen Turner characters

Pam Ferris characters

James Earl Jones characters

Bon Jovi lyrics

To name but a few, I know it’s really a lot, but its few in the real number of influences I have had over the years!

So you see – you are what you are and you can’t hide it!

Happy reading everybody!

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Cyberpunk, fashion & shiny things

Cyberpunk has influenced me a lot over the years, in entertainment, fashion and art!

A majority of the books I loved the most have been in some form or another associated with cyberpunk themes.  “Arc of a scythe” by Neal Shusterman and 1984 by George Orwell are my favourites so far.

Movies such as Tank Girl, Judge Dread, and Escape from New York have influenced more than just one of my novels over the years.

Though for me I am sure it is the visual and descriptive porn that grips me the most in this genre.  I am one of those weirdos that notices things in the background of a movie, the behind the character settings – looking at all the gadgets and gizmos and the wiring and so forth, trying to figure out how to describe the technology in use and often I am entranced by the neon lightings that is sometimes usual in such movies – I do like my shinies.

As a teenager I likened myself as a Goth, but I liked to be colourful and bohemian and it wasn’t until my late twenties I realised I should have been a cyber Goth.

TV shows such as The Tribe have also massively influenced a group of characters in a novel; I am working on and so have the suicide squad.

Video games seem to be the best influencer for me in this genre and various music videos.  Mostly for me it is visual being translated into a written form and being influenced by the technological styles of a futuristic world and their fashions!  I am not technologically smart and generally I find learning new technologies boring, but if I can find out the basic gist of gadgets and basic jargon I sail through it easily on paper.

Really readers don’t really want to understand the exacting details of how to operate the machinery (or do they?), but they do want to be enthralled about what technology can do and to have innovative ideas in written fictional form to influence massive changes in the world!

For me, cyberpunk is about a world that is relying too much on technology, whilst having a near uniformed but cool fashion sense along with it, but lo and behold it also has a near apocalyptic feel to it, because their world is crumbling down around them, they are so super sapped into technological cyberspace that they have to learn to be primitive again in order to survive – that’s the kind of cyberpunk I love!

Largely I love fashion, so any way at all to get inventive with it in text is a big thing for me, yes I do tend to be a little descriptive of what the characters are wearing, because I have the fashion bug!

I am also a huge cosplay lover, so I love the idea of inventing stuff for my characters in case the stories ever get published and popular!  Because, why not?

Got to have fun right?

Happy reading!

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Filed under What inspired me?

Writer’s journal plans

I have decided to keep a writer’s journal as well as an artist journal, to record my thoughts, feelings and inspirations about the work I do and where those ideas may have stemmed from.  I plan to do this on a daily basis, or at least if I add anything towards my stories or ideas, which is generally done on a daily basis anyway, even if it isn’t towards an actual novel – there are always notes and plans made!

This will be private only to me until certain works are published, because I plan to use some of the things I put into my writers journal as non-fiction bios about where my work came from and who inspired me to do it.

In this writer’s journal, I will explain how I meshed ideas together and the thought processes that went into it.  I will be doing this for every piece of work I do regardless of whether or not it gets published or not, because you never know what the future might bring!

Meanwhile, my blog will start to be updated with my general thought processes anyway about works I have read, things I have researched and programs I have watched and how I feel about them and how I am inspired by them.  I will only be doing this with things that I feel have influenced me in some way, with my own work!

Happy reading!

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Price of ink and financial rants

My situation is such that when I write I will print off as I go along, because I don’t trust clouds and data saving technologies, because they have failed me numerous times before.

Recently my finances have become worse and this has affected my novel writing more than anything, now I am able to get back into novel writing since I had Covid, it has meant that because of the decline in my finances I can no longer print the seventy pages a week I used to, I can only afford to print twenty a week at most and one week in the month, nothing at all.

If it is novel writing, I will print it as I go along, because of two reasons – I do not trust data saving technologies and I find it difficult to read and edit from a screen, whether I create a blue background to read from or not.

It’s frustrating because I want to write towards four ideas immediately and I can’t write by hand anymore because my arthritis is getting bad.  Every time I write more than an A4 page of handwriting, my hand swells up to the extent I can’t properly hold the pen anymore and if I ignore it, the cramps come on.

My arthritis has meant I have had to give up my knitting hobby altogether, because not only does it exasperate the arthritis, but it has also reawakened my carpal tunnel problem too!

I miss knitting, because of the style of gloves I used to make for myself and the scarves – because the style and colours I like can’t be bought cheaply, like it can be made!

I don’t have the money to buy a knitting machine or else I would do that, I also liked making toys for children I knew, but now I have been thinking about learning felt crafts or sewing the toys instead – because for some reason or another sewing doesn’t affect me.

At the moment we have a printer that is breaking down, because it appears not to be getting a hundred pages per cartridge anymore and we can’t afford to replace the printer for at least a year.  The cost of the ink is always £15, cheap in comparison, but for us it’s three days meals.  We’re near the brink of needing food bank help again – and no Lee Anderson, I can actually cook thank you very much, in fact I cook most things from scratch and manage left overs very well so there is never food wasted here!

Amongst my cooking skills are homemade pies, cakes, soups, casseroles and pasta dishes, not to mention the fact that I have been fakeaway cooking at least ten years before it became “fashionable”!  But when your colleagues Mr Anderson insist that because I have a bus stop outside my house which is within the walking distance I can do without an asthma attack they cut my mobility money by £100 a month, which meant that I could no longer afford to manage the finances which included getting medical help to try and get me back on my feet (in order to work), because you took the money I needed to travel to the local hospital 20 miles away in another town, which costs me £20 a time and I need treatment around twice a week quite a lot of the time – which meant I had to decide to become anorexic and get treatment, or just give up fighting to get my life back and make sure my family doesn’t starve to death!  Which one would you choose? 

Because when I had to do the above we had £10 for the week for food and I often had to cancel at last minute the doctors, because I couldn’t afford to get there – because doctors don’t house visit anymore, no matter how poor you are!

Along with this, we’re still not getting a lot of free stuff sending our child to school.  We had to cancel his eleventh birthday last year and all household birthdays and have the crappiest Christmas ever just to save up to get him school uniform for his new secondary school, because you can’t get it free here and there was no way in getting second hand, we checked.  The child gets reprimanded at the school if their uniform is not complete, whether you can prove poverty or not!

We would love to give up the internet in order to get £6 a week more in our pockets to eat better and maybe get some medical attention – but that would mean my son can’t do his homework so losing the internet is not an option for us!  The irony is, they say that they are doing more and more for kids in poverty these days, honestly I don’t see it!  His meals aren’t free at school; it costs him an average of £3.50 a day for a hot meal in winter.

Don’t you dare blame the poor for poor management!

Free schools, meals in schools, the NHS was all originally created for the poorest in the community, but these days the poorest in the community are not reaping the rewards of yesteryear, it basically is slowly turning back to how it used to be.  Everything is slowly privatising again and they think we don’t see it!

I don’t normally turn my posts into political rants, but this Lee Anderson has a lot to learn and remember about the society he is trying to lead!

Funny thing is, despite being bed bound and housebound sick for around twenty weeks of the year, I could work, at the pace I can.  There is some work I could do, but the problem comes with practicality – I’ve tried slogging on looking for a job outside of the house whilst managing my sickness and nobody wants me!  No one wants someone part time three hours three days a week, even on a check out, because I have ailments which embarrass the company!  I have what appears to be a permanent streaming cold!

No one wants to work alongside someone who is sniffling all year around and then needing three weeks off four times a year because she can’t even get to the bathroom she’s so sick!

So I told the benefits OK, there are other things I can do, I can write, I can do art, I can upcycle things to sell, help advise me in how to set up my own business to do that and teach me what I need to know to run a business from home.  They won’t.

But understood only this… you said you can work?  OK we’re taking your ESA away and making you go to job search centres five days a week all year around and if you don’t turn up for three consecutive days because you are sick, we’ll pull your benefits again and it will take six weeks to reapply for benefits again, meanwhile there is no transitioning money…

So, who is going to opt for all their amenities to be switched off and starving your family for six weeks solid?  What sort of incentive is there to actually get your ass off benefits if you are sick?  What kind of incentive do they give the sick to try and work out their own ailments in order not to be a scrounger?

Because seriously, this is how it is here!

So people who call sick people on benefits scroungers, talk to your government about their crackpot schemes, and don’t go attacking us!  It’s not our fault!  Most of us would love to be independent and work and get even £5 extra a week in their pockets, because no one likes going through those humiliating interviews every year!

Paul and I had thought about going to Ireland as they take care of artists and writers on sickness benefits more than they do here in England – but lately we’ve seen the news, there are political issues cropping up – will we be welcomed in Ireland?

I know my great grandfather was Irish (from Roscommon) and I know that genetically I would be accepted with opened arms, but it’s still looking complicated…

I am very frustrated, because there are lots of things I need in order to get myself a job and there is absolutely not help at all and the money is being cut again and again, to the extent, that I haven’t impulse bought a thing since 2017 and I am losing a huge amount of weight, but can’t afford to replace my clothes as the weight falls off and I am looking ridiculous!  I have lost four dress sizes in nearly a year.

Doctor says that they don’t find that a worry because I was so large to begin with.  I was a size 28, I am now nearly a size 20, they won’t worry until I am a size 12 potentially – potentially I might be dead by then, before they investigate why!

They know I have an IBD because of my high markers, but they won’t investigate until I literally start screaming in pain at A&E, seriously, been told that, NHS is so badly stretched financially that they are now only dealing with life threatening conditions as they appear, cancer not one of them, government recently warned the UK that if you get cancer now, you are more or less fucked if you rely on NHS!

Also, I have a new cholesteatoma growing in my left ear, but my ENT specialist said his department is in so much debt right now, he will not deal with it until it is life threatening! I have been through this before when I was a teenager, I really don’t want to go there again, but I have no fucking choice, because he won’t help me! That means, if the worse comes to the worse again, I won’t be able to physically care for myself bathing wise for nearly three years again nor bend down! I will also be 100% deaf!

Anyway, I am going to close this rant up, because people are home now.

Happy reading everyone… if it was that kind of experience, which I doubt. 

P.S sorry for being an Eeyore today!

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Why tardy?

The name of this website is called TardyCreative for many reasons, one being I am renowned for being very tardy about updating social media posts and this blog – but why?

Mostly as you all can guess (or at least those that have followed me for a while now), that one of the main reasons is ill-health, now I am not just talking sniffles and worries here, I am talking full on bedbound and housebound style sickness!  The kind where I get the influenza that knocks you off your feet type of illness, but I get it for twenty weeks of the year on average – yes, that’s my average, not just small sniffles, full blown knock out!  What’s funny about all of this is that by and large I am considered hardier than most with things, definitely hardier regarding pain than most others, to the extent a doctor was concerned that I had a problem with pain receptors, but I don’t.

Another reason for my tardiness is that I am easily distracted, I have what Paul thinks is undiagnosed ADD and ADHD.  I have issues concentrating for prolonged periods and do things in fifteen minute spurts, outside of this and I wander off mentally and can get tired easily.

I can hold many conversations at once, in fact I thrive doing that, but hold me on a subject for too long without a break and I get stressed and sleepy!  Sleepy is funny because normally outside of being forced to concentrate for longer than I can, I actually have problems sleeping because I am generally quite a hypoactive person, health provided.

I am easily distracted by windows and animals, plants, TV, and ideas.  I can be sitting down watching my favourite unmissable TV show when an advert for Warcraft comes up and I am researching the latest of the game or the movies on my phone and the next thing I know is I have missed fifteen minutes of my show!

I write my stories and overhear a conversation between Paul and Henry about ancient Britain and I pause to answer questions or research things we’re unsure about.

I have never been able to focus for long; this is why when I work on my creative pursuits, it is essential I have more than one thing going on.  Because when I get distracted it breaks my roll and when my roll is broken on one thing, it is hard to get back on it the same day!

I often get flustered with too much stimulus, I was settling down to bed last night and watching YoutTube to calm me down, some art tutorials, when an advert gave me the idea for a new story and art project and I ended up writing by hand for an hour longer than I wanted to and didn’t get to finish the art video I wanted to watch! 

I was then distracted halfway in writing my notes because Henry’s gastric flu is still quite bad and he had another bout of sickness at 3:30am when I was trying so hard to wrap things up for me to go to sleep!

When Henry’s little bout finished, I tried to continue my notes, but I put them aside and just as I thought about turning the TV off finally to go to sleep, I started thinking about fairy art projects and picked the note books up again.

The thing is, it isn’t just my creativity I am tardy with, I am like this in all areas of my life and I am often met with aggressive impatience by others, who hate my dithery behaviour!

I am easily lured by anything that sparks an interest in me, which is why shopping is a nightmare for people who are on tight schedules, because I am worse than a child in a candy store if I walk past something that is vaguely anything I like!

The problem is, despite being sick, my mind wanders off so much that I do not realise how much I am actually exhausting my body with my antics, until I literally pass out!  I used to faint a lot, be warned, why don’t I do so as much anymore?  Because Paul is incredibly strict when he sees me wandering or being too physical beyond my bodies capabilities, people who don’t understand my situation can think he is off for how he seemingly dominates and talks to me, but it is necessary, he knows that I will pass out if he doesn’t do or say something harsh!

Why I am like this?  I don’t know!

But it is me in every single sense of the word.

I am just that, I am tardy because I can’t help it; I am tardy because I am too interested in everything and want to do everything at once all of the time!

If I had a magic wand, I would find a spell to split myself up in thousands of different bodies and do everything that distracts me, so I can at least be more dedicated to them, than I currently am!  But then again… would I be?

Thanks for reading, I will try and post again soon!  Stimulus willing!

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Art & life

The update of my art practises and production has become non-existent as you can tell for nearly two years now, if you follow me on my other social media platforms, you would realise that I haven’t updated my art gallery on DeviantArt and similar websites since late 2019; this is purely because of the lack of supplies, not the lack of will to produce art.

I simply cannot replace art supplies as often as I want to in order to produce what I want when I want; I simply do not have the funds to do so.  However, saying that, there is a silver lining to the cloud recently, I have a small increase in my monthly budget for personal use which will be used for art supplies henceforth.  This means that shortly I will start updating my art social media again and I will also be creating a website specifically for my art, so keep a look out on that!

Practising art has had to be purely a pencil thing only, sketching has improved a lot, but it’s the painting, shading and blending I want to practise as I am not at all confident in that area yet!

I will be aiming to produce art to saleable quality by the spring of 2023, I know it’s a long way away, but it is my goal to do that.

This is why I am mentioning it on here, because soon, I will be showing some of my art here and discussing my style development as it goes along and also I will be discussing what kind of artist I am becoming, because I am not really sure yet how to categorise myself, because of the lack of practise and socialising within the art community.

This too, will change, I aim to join a couple of online art clubs soon, to try and learn more about art, but also about myself and my style – there are several clubs on offer out there and I am excited to say that this is on my agenda before the end of this summer!

I will also be making use of my patreon account finally, I have had a patreon account for around two years, but didn’t really know what to do with it, so that will be made use of by the end of the year too, not sure what I will offer on that yet, but I am thinking about that a lot!

Also as Henry is learning more and more about design technology, web building and robotic coding at school at in his after school clubs, I will be more confident in actually setting my YouTube channel up finally, again, it will all be for the end of this year!  So the end of 2022 is potentially all go for me!

I have not been writing anything towards my novels since 2nd February because of tiredness and general home and family commitments, I will be honest with that, but all of this should have blown over and settled down by the end of summer.  The main problem in the house is that our boiler leaked and ruined two of our walls with water damage and mould, which we’re having cleaned up and redecorating, that is the major thing right now.

The boiler is fixed so there will be no further water damage, Frank has been a wonderful help with things recently, and he really is a blessing to us, so glad to be reacquainted with him!

With a confirmation that the bad neighbour is most definitely moving within the next couple of months, I am so excited that it seems that life is going to get better quite soon, it’s all very intoxicating!

So with all that going on, there should be a lot more updates on here for you to read, so that would be nice wouldn’t it?

I have been too quiet recently and I owe you more than that!

Thanks for reading and take care!

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Crazy mind

My mind is above a joke lately.

I am getting so many new ideas for writing and art projects that it is affecting productivity in the past few weeks!

I have no idea what has happened to my brain, but today alone I have written down synopsises of nine new stories and I have too many ideas for artwork too!

But one thing is clear; I am becoming predominantly a science fiction and dark fantasy writer; if there is such a thing as dark science fiction, well I think I am that too!

I have only managed to write plans down in the past few weeks, because of intense pain and medical emergencies – the laboratories seem late in the results, I only hope there isn’t another laboratory accident as that would be the fourth one in the last five years, where I had have to have tests redone!

I have never known a hospital that is so accident prone!

Sitting at a desk is agony and the sofa is not that good either, but it is much better than the dining chair or office swivel chair.

I am trying to force myself to work on my writing and this is scaring Paul, because I am pushing myself a lot and I have been near collapse.

I am sedentary and yet I still can’t cope?  I don’t get it, I don’ know why the pain is getting so bad, but all I know is, it is getting worse every few days!

One of the stories came to me at 3:30am on Tuesday; a Christmas fantasy in Christmas tradition and that took me two hours to write by hand, the next day my hand was swollen.

I wrote three chapters since to that project, but I wouldn’t call it hard work, because the chapters are small for me. 

Usually I’d write 3k words in a day towards an interesting subject, this Christmas story is only around 1k at the moment, Paul reckons it looks like it could be a children’s book the way I am writing it, as it is very child friendly so far.

I love the story, but I am worried about how long it should be if it is deemed to be a children’s book?  I don’t know… I am not known for writing specifically for children!

Paul thinks it could be a slightly larger than average children’s picture book, because he would like to see a lot of pictures in this story – I am uncertain personally.

I know the story has the potential to be very popular, but I am not confident on how to market this.

Anyway, thank you for reading and if I don’t post before then, have a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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Trying to function

My Henry has been sick again, doctors call it a growth spurt, but he is having a lot of time off school because of it.

Today I have started writing again, though I am not as comfortable as I was before my chair started tilting at the new desk; I am getting on with it in spite of having to do it again at the adjustable table, at least I am not in pain with my hip and lower back anymore, but there is a little neck strain going on, because I have to keep turning my head.

This will only be for the next six weeks, because we’ve rearranged the furniture in the living room to make room for the Christmas tree we’ll be setting up on December the first!

After Christmas things will be more comfortable again, until next year, that is providing we are still in the same house – hopefully we won’t be, even though the move will break Henry’s heart, I have never been comfortable in this house, especially since He moved in next door!

It’s unlikely we will move, but I always hope I’d have moved house around this time to year to a new house, since living here! It’s like a New Years resolution that never resolves!

Last night I thought I was going to sleep at 2am, unusually early for me, but then fifteen minutes after lights out, my brain decided to become poetic until 4am again, I wrote five poems by hand in bed – such a nuisance!

My hand is swollen and I should really rest it, but I can’t, I have things in my head that I need to type out!

I have decided tomorrow onwards I am going to force myself to write 3k words per day towards one novel and still write like how I usually do in other ways too!

But I need to get at least twenty books completely out of my head, because I am losing sleep over them!

Whilst writing the poems last night in bed by hand, I also started writing new ideas towards Steampunk 1 project, which was unexpected and I was irritated because I was nearly fainting in tiredness near the end of it!

I very nearly made myself a coffee and come downstairs to type it out faster on the computer, but I didn’t, I forced my brain to behave itself!

I am really struggling to train my brain to work at a reasonable time of day.

I have had long conversational rants at it, but it won’t listen, if anything it rebels all the more!

If I were a vampire, it would be reasonable, but since I am not, it is utterly ridiculous! 

I struggle to work too, when Henry is around, because Henry seems to get upset whenever I read a book or write in his presence, and I don’t do it so often that Henry should feel emotionally neglected, but he does tend to get really hot headed and playful whenever he sees me do anything like this.

Paul is trying to be strict with him about it, but Paul is still ill with the shingles after all this time and doesn’t have the energy to be persistent with him!

I really need to lock myself away in an office just for me, there isn’t much other choice!  For someone who can write with music and television on and even writing in a crowded café from time to time in the past, it’s really something if I can’t write with a whining, demanding, arm pulling eleven year old around me!  I don’t why he reverts when he sees me reading and writing or doing art, I really don’t!

Whenever I do art however he is different, he will sit across the table from me and do art too, but he jerks the table a lot and as sweet as it is, I wished he would sit on another table so I wouldn’t mess my own painting up with his sudden movements!

He gets upset if I don’t paint for as long as he wishes too.  I feel I can’t win!

But I am plodding along today, he went back to school today, but I unfortunately started work late, due to sleeping longer than usual.

I hate sleep, it’s so unproductive and a waste of time!

I have never been one who loves sleep, never been one of these people who proclaim a love for their bed!  I have always resented rest!

It drives Paul mad, he thinks I overdo everything!

Anyway, writing is going to be more consistent, even if I do forget my promises about updating on word counts on Wednesdays!

Happy reading!

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Apologies for poor endorsements

I do not like being used as a tool to promote hate and anger in other people; I do whatever I can to decrease discrimination of all kinds and to promote a safe environment worldwide for future generations;  with that said, I am angry at the behaviour of certain people I have endorsed in the past – I endorse people I feel have talent and who seem to have the same values as I do, but it seems that once someone has a taste of social media success and has gained confidence in their skills, they also seem to have more confidence in showing their true colours and sometimes, unfortunately, those colours are muddy!

If someone endorses your skills on social media, please do them a service and try not to embarrass them in turn!  I am deeply embarrassed that some people recently I have endorsed are actually starting to spread political hate and discomfort in other people I support and the world in general.  This is not just a post about political hate, but also the fact that some of the people I have endorsed have downright copied other followers art and poetry so closely, that it is almost indistinguishable from the originator. 

Please don’t do this, not only are you stealing from other creatives, but you are also shooting yourself in the foot as far as advancing yourself in your career goes.

I want to apologise to my followers right now, for the behaviour of the people I have previously endorsed but then again, it isn’t my fault they decided to say or do the things that they have done.  I understand to a handful of people they have seen a connection with certain people and it has linked back to me and although some of you know that I haven’t copied work nor said any hateful thing, you have noted the association and regarded me with slight caution and rightly so.  Because, they were people I endorsed and therefore must trust in some way.  But I can tell you now, it is making me less inclined to endorse people in the future as I do not like to become embarrassed.

Things like this can affect the mental well-being of people who are highly empathic and I am one of these people, I have had a bad three days regarding my mental health, ever since I found that someone I have recently endorsed is promoting unsafe ideologies and hateful political propaganda.  It has literally churned my stomach, because there has been a significant increase in traffic to their sites since I endorsed them – some of my friends couldn’t believe their ears when they heard the things this woman was saying and thought it reflective of my own views, which I can assure you all now, are not! 

The fact of some followers on social media copying other followers has been a problem for the past two years in particular, but that is something that affects everyone!  It is still hard to tolerate and understand that some of these unoriginal artists are stealing original art and causing so much stress to the ones they steal from – it is embarrassing when someone connects to you only to use you as a tool to steal from your friends. 

It not only damages the reputation of the art thief, but the people that they have connected with as well and that is not fair!

I am not a snob by any means, but I do have high standards of ethics and propriety and I expect the people I help to be the same.

Happy reading everybody!

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Oh to Hell with it…

Even though I have said I am not doing NaNoWriMo this year, I have joined it anyway for the community spirit; I have joined the UK, Leicester region there, let me know if you are in that region and maybe we can say hi to each other?

My personal goal is to finish six novels by 1st November 2022 to be sent for the first time ever to a literary agent – this is a goal and it may very well be unrealistic, but I am hoping it can be achieved!  The writing of six books is very realistic for me, because I tend to always be in writing mode anyway – the writing I have shared with my blog, or at least my word counts are not accurate according to Paul, who realised that I have not been sharing my handwritten notes in those word counts and I write more by hand than by computer!

What I meant about being unrealistic was my idea that an agent would take on all six projects in such short notice!

I understand no literary agent will take six books at once, I am not dense, they will be sent with reasonable gaps between each book!

I am a perfectionist and my own worst enemy regarding my writing – I was often told by tutors in my past that I overwork things and rewrite when it is not necessary, this is something I have never really learned to stop doing!

I do have OCD in many things in my life; this is another difficulty I am trying to overcome.  The OCD with my novel writing has got a lot worse since seven years ago it was suggested to me that I need to redraft some work, a notion that was alien to me at the time and now I redraft each novel at least three times a year and when you think I have over ten near complete works, this is nightmarish to some people – who may even find what I say unbelievable!

Paul has told me this is why it is important to send my work out there, so people know just how manically I do write and how it is part of the fibre of who I am!  I am never not thinking about writing, I am constantly in creative mode!

My brain cannot switch off from work of any creative type! 

When I am not writing, I am thinking about writing.

When I am not doing that I am drawing pictures or painting or planning art projects; then when I am not doing any of those things I am crocheting or knitting!  My mind is constantly creating something – it is not work for me, I don’t regard this as work and Paul finds that irritating, because to me, this is a lifestyle!  I can’t feel pressured doing any of this, because it is a lifestyle for me!  What I do feel pressured about is other people’s expectations of me when they know that I am working on something!

I don’t fear the blank page because of lack of ideas; I fear the blank page because my brain will fill it up with unplanned stuff before I can write down what I wanted to in the first place!

I don’t struggle with ideas for new projects, I am drowning in them!

So with that said,  I am now going to get back to my novel which is a steampunk adventure with an adult female main character – a novel of which has caused me to only have fourteen hours sleep in four days!

Happy reading!

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