Category Archives: Who am I today?

Everyday I change like the wind, who do I feel like today? What would I be wearing if I could?

Blue spooky clown girl

I have a playlist for everything and some of my playlists are downright weird to people who walk in on me listening to them!

I regard my music tastes as more than just a little bit eclectic, I like songs or tunes from every genre, though my main focus is on rock and the 80s – those aren’t weird, those are permissible as relatively normal but my candyland playlist?  My lullaby playlist?  How about my end of the world playlist or the vampire playlist?  Yes, these are playlists I actually have!

Currently I have been stuck between the playlists of lullaby’s and circuses for the past two days, which is dangerous really because it is making me think of my fairground and circus stories, which have been put on the back bench for nearly three years and I really shouldn’t encourage it!

Because I should be concentrating on project AD and the lesbian steampunk more than anything else, which in turn, has their own playlists too!

But I am just in a spooky carnival, haunted circus and creepy fairground mood right now!

Coincidentally, today is a spooky day for me… in fashion I think I would find it hard not to be some kind of weird gothic/emo Pierrot today.  I feel like dressing primarily in white and royal blue and silver, but also feel like wearing a lot of strange make up which kind of turns me into some kind of weird silver blue clown – don’t ask why, I get days like these!

I don’t expect to make any sense!

LOL

But knowing me I’d hold back even if I could do it, because, you know… I find it boring explaining my every waking thought to people time and time again, when they ask me “why”?

People don’t accept it’s just a spooky Pierrot day, is all!

Which is funny really, because I initially woke up thinking it was definitely a white, cream, ivory, caramel or linen day, with an emphasis as always with something fluffy worn, with baggy white trousers or something.  But you know, in America I’d probably get shot for it or something.  Paul mentioned something about Labour Day.

Well anyway, I feel a mix of the two.

I do feel so tempted to go back to the spooky circus story though, it’s kind of connected to a short story I wrote on here a few years back called “Casey’s Crown” – not sure if it is still available on here or not – use the search bar and see! 

Thanks for reading!

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Life of a cold dragon

Today I wished I had the stuff I need to wear cosmetics and dress up real nice – I don’t know why but today I woke up thinking, you know what?  I want to be a glamour queen today!

Instead however, because it’s Sunday and nobody is doing anything, I am just in scruffy lounge wear, wearing baggy pink fluffy cardigans and looking like I have just woke up – cuddling my cardigan to myself and wishing I had a different life!

Eating beef stew and a side of string beans, drinking a chocolate protein shake and wondering if that’s all I am having today?  It seems likely actually – I am not gaining any appetite and it’s been like this for weeks now!

Barely having more than 1200 calories on a good day – not good, not good at all!

However, I am flattening up a lot in the tummy area despite being disappointed by my triceps – I am very self-conscious about those actually… but I am trying my hardest to figure things out!

Still sticking to the two a day green tea with cinnamon and turmeric idea and freezing myself a bit to see if it all works – but it’s tough sitting around in the cold, when I like to be snug and warm and live in the temperature fit for a dragon!

I just need to think in a different dragon kind of way… an ice dragon… lol

I was raised in a household that from November the thermostat is permanently on 30c that’s 86F – since living with Paul our thermostat is set at 21.5c which is 70.7F and to me that’s always made the house too cold for me – but I am getting used to it.  My mum would always have windows opened with the thermostat that high too – totally insane, she was not the worst in the family – my maternal grandma was crazy enough to have the heating on in the height of summer!

So, is there any wonder then that Paul sees me as some kind of pampered fire dragon?

Though to be honest I hate it when it’s hotter than 24c/75f but I definitely hate it when it’s cooler than 21.5c/70.7f too!

All day long I have had this song stuck in my head “catch a falling star” by Perry Como – such a pretty song and I keep getting art ideas for it, but I don’t have supplies to make it and the art table is being used for something else these days which makes just doing art at random a chore, because I need to clear up for twenty minutes before I can do it – that also means move stuff from around the table, just so I can access it!

Going to be quiet from the 30TH November to potentially the 3rd December, because I have to be the one to sort the house out so we can have Christmas decorations up – if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done and there is a chance this house won’t have decorations at Christmas if I don’t!

Every year when I have to do this, I tend to get ill during or after I have finished the decorating because of the amount of dust that gets into the air with the old decorations and moving furniture around – because nobody helps me keep on top of things here!  I have a severe dust allergy and often get chest infections around this time! 

To boot, I have a bruised ankle and it hurts when I walk on it.

Paul puts the decorations away every year, but I have to put them up – this means that no decorations are cleaned before putting away, like they would have been if I had put them away – but sometimes the chest infection is so bad I am off my feet until late January!

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Sleek and grey

Today is a semi-masculine day for me, I feel like having a pixie cut or spiky hair and wearing a grey pinstripe suit, odd for me as I usually hate the colour grey, but I want a really nice sexy silky white top on that’s not a button up shirt, no, instead it has a slit down to the navel showing off cheeky cleavage.

I may feel masculine but I still want to feel sexy.

Though I feel masculine I still want to be glamorous and so I would probably have been wearing lots of make up today if I could have had it, particularly a dark red lipstick with a darker lip liner and Cleopatra eye make-up.

Shame I don’t have either the body, make up, the clothes or the style of hair to be like that today!

May have topped it off with a fedora too!

Happy reading!

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It’s rainbow tardy day!

It’s a rainbow tardy day, I want to be surrounded by prisms and rainbows and I just can’t decide which colours to wear today so it’s almost anything I can find, which isn’t much in my wardrobe unfortunately!

I saw some really cool knee high rainbow stockings on Pinterest today, I so want them!  But they wouldn’t suit me, I have to hide my legs, I have hockey legs, or so gran called them!

I tried making a banner for free today on Canva, spent an hour trying to make it, for it to turn out wrong and I gave up!  Setting up YouTube by January may be another fail, unless I can get to grips with it.

I hope I can.

Happy reading!

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Fake people causing problems

Today I am wearing a green and black floral dress, where I really want to be wearing a lovely pair of corduroy dungarees with a cosy jumper underneath, but never mind!

If my grammar is bad today I apologise, but I am not sleeping well lately.  I have had eighteen hours sleep in three days all told.  Last night was the longest bout of sleep I’ve had in three days, ten hours but I was disturbed four times.

There is a lot I am thinking about and a lot of it is along the lines of “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” but never mind, I’ll learn to cope, I always do!

I always make do, its just me, I am easily adaptable and flexible and I try to make the best of any situation, but certain things are just going on too long now and I have nobody backing my corner, supporting me or cheering me on, it feels.

It’s hard to stay strong when you’re doing everything by yourself with no release to outsiders.

I am a fiery bitch today, because of issues going on. My Mediterranean ancestry is certainly noticeable today because a lot of people have riled me up! Beware as I am a super angry Italian mama today, I am usually very passive and calm as far as the rest of my family is concerned! This is a rarity of mine! But don’t piss me off today, as I am not holding back!

The only person I have patience with right now is my son, who is actually 40% of the problem, but he can’t help it!

Then strangers online have the audacity to put their insecure shit on me because I’m not there for them when they demand it!  They challenge what I say and get bitchy or they become drama llamas, I mean, come on – you don’t actually know me do you?  What gives you the right to add to my problems right now?  Are you ever going to be in my life? 

I very much doubt all of you will be!  There are six individuals this is aimed at and I will block them if they start this crap one more time, because I don’t need any more toxicity in my life thank you very much!  Get off your high horse and take a walk, if that’s how you’re going to treat me, because right now, I have REAL things going in my life I don’t need to take on FAKE problems like you!

I am sorry to say, but you mean nothing to me unless you are in my life or making an effort to be a TRUE friend.

Be realistic guys, are you genuinely in my life?  No, you six individuals have only spoken to me less than five times in your whole life online – yet you think you can get away with trying to get a reaction from me, like a clingy baby?

Grow up!

For those who read my blog a lot, I wholeheartedly apologise for posting this, but I need to get this out there.

Please understand.

Thanks for reading…

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Tumblr & Today

A few of my friends and followers on my main social media platform have reservations about using Twitter now, so I thought I’d look into other social media platforms so I don’t lose contact with anyone if they don’t want to.

I have opened up a Tumblr account called TheTardyCreative I can’t figure out how to create a profile on there, it appears to be a mini blog site.

I have decided that perhaps I should update things on there a couple of times a day too, in fact I might put a lot more of the diet, exercise and fashion posts on there, but not sure yet, we’ll see how I get along with it.

I had a disturbed 4 hours sleep this morning so I am not going to be at my best writing today. I didn’t sleep until 7am and was disturbed several times until 11:20am when I decided to give up and just wake up.

It’s been a hard day emotionally in this house, things are just getting too much. I am exhausted and not eating because of the stress and I am trying to convince Paul that maybe the hospital is best for Henry after all, or at least try to find a way of getting respite care for Henry because I think, I am going to collapse very soon.

Today I am wearing dog tooth trousers, a white t-shirt and a black cardigan because why not?

Thanks for reading.

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Sleepy caterpillar

Today I feel quiet; it’s a solitary and reflective day for me.  I just want the cosiest clothing possible, to be warm and snuggle up with my laptop writing stories, doing tarot readings, playing with my crystals and reading some books.

Though I feel like being kind of social, I just really want a quiet day.

I really miss having a wandering pet in the house like a dog or a cat, because I could do with fur baby snuggles right now too and I really miss my border collie Candy who used to lie on my feet whenever I was reading, because she kept my feet warm in the winter, whilst bill my shih Tzu kept my abdomen or lap warm and his sister Beau to my side.

I often sat in piles of dogs or other fur babies, it was quite normal for me.

As much as I miss her I don’t miss her habits, Turquoise my tortoiseshell cat, she could never get close to me thanks to the dogs, so her only option was to sit behind the back of the sofa I was on and half lie on my head whilst I read.  Kind of itched a bit as she made my head too warm!

I miss the occasional tweet from my budgies too and the sofa suddenly moving like an earthquake because Amy the Irish Wolfhound has decided to hide behind my sofa right now, disturbing the whole pile of animals around me as she blunders her way behind the sofa to hide again, only for her to re-emerge sticking her wet slimy nose into my ear for a tickle almost immediately.

I miss them all.

But today is a cotton and cotton lace kind of day, with fleecy socks and blankets or shawls; light colours for me, like white, pale yellow or cream, maybe a smattering of oatmeal or coffee, but only very small amounts. 

It would be too cold to go out in what I want to wear today, unless I took an oversized oatmeal or banana yellow fleecy shawl or poncho with me.

Today however, is a day where I just want to be home.  I’d like some company, but quiet, tranquil company.  It’s a reflective day after all and a day of words for me.

I have done a lot of writing today, but not towards a novel.  I have done a lot of words towards blog posts and therapy essays I am doing for myself, as I am trying to heal some major emotional wounds.

Spiritual energy is quiet today, it’s like there is a major focus on me, to give me lightness, give me energy, sending healing my way.

I thank whoever it is doing that.

I certainly feel a lot of inner calm today, like someone has given me Valium or something.

My spirits have tried their best to encourage me to sleep a lot over the past few days, but I haven’t been listening, only for me to nap suddenly whenever I get comfortable.  Henry got afraid yesterday as I fell asleep twice and I wasn’t even tired, but I told him it’s OK.

My spirits told me, “you are not a butterfly yet; you are still a caterpillar and it’s time to get your sleep, because your transformation is very near”.

I suppose it explains why I am fat, then, I am a caterpillar.

I am fighting against their advice though; life is too short to be a sleepy head.

But they insist, I should sleep as much as possible until the second week of November, because after that, I won’t have a chance – things will move too quickly in my life and I may not have the energy to keep up with it, and I must keep up with it!

It’s a strange thing.

But there you go.

Thanks for reading…

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Pixies, pores & chores

Yesterday, I missed an old tartan dress I used to have and I kind of wanted to wear tartan clothing for some weird reason, preferably though, a trouser suit.

Today I wanted to wear green velveteen or something similar; today was a sort of extra glamorous day for me where I wanted to make more effort with myself, but I kind of also wanted to be a pixie as strange as that sounds.

Usually I try to weight myself on Thursdays, but I got my days mixed up and did it today to find I have lost another four pounds in weight – that’s made exactly 9 pounds and 4 ounce weight loss in three weeks, despite online saying I’d only lose two pounds a week on average.

The face yoga is doing my face a treat, I can tell you, there is a noticeable difference in my face, and I feel I am getting prettier, but there you go; my eyebrows still have issues, I have a sense I should leave them alone as I feel like whenever I touch them I make them worse!

My new moisturiser burned me a little the other day and it makes me look like I have acne, but it’s not, it’s just little spots that came up with the reaction around my chin, there’s about five, my pores bled!  That’s the thing with me; I have very sensitive skin I have to be cautious with new products.  I am severely allergic to two thirds of all depilatory creams; the reaction is so bad I break out in huge grape sized hives all over my body within a minute that takes two weeks to fade!  So I have to pluck or shave or sugar wax instead.

Shaving isn’t ideal because I get goose bumps easily, whenever I am touched, so I tend to get a lot of nicks.

Before our financial crisis I used to lay back and read a book whilst Henry plucked the hairs out of my legs individually with tweezers, I paid him £3 per leg, he loved the job.  Weird kid!  Though it was oddly relaxing for me and I got a lot of reading done back then!

Henry was so duty oriented when we had the money, he was often getting chores for lots of other things around the house and paid per chore, he was clocking up an average of £8 a week from me alone – that’s without his regular £3.50 from his dad which was just a given!

I tried to instil an excellent work ethic in that boy, but since we’re not paying him anymore, he has become rebellious about most chores!

I suppose you get your money’s worth.

Though when I can afford a little I still say to him “Henry, fancy cleaning the bath for 50p”?  And he is up there like a shot and doing it happily!

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Tattoo & felt

It’s a very autumn day for me; I want to wear thick and warm materials again with all the autumn colours; probably felt skirt and top with leaves applique and shiny mahogany knee high boots and a cute felted beret.

But alas, I don’t have anything like that here, but never mind.  I do however have a nice warm cardigan, but my trousers are too thin as the warmer ones are too big for me now.  Whenever I stand up in the warm trousers and walk across the room, they are down by my knees in seconds.

Nice image for you there, or a nightmare, whatever your persuasion.

I understand that a lot of my fashion ideas would look ridiculous on someone with my body shape and size right now, but I like to visualise the slimmer me.  I am no fool in understanding that certain materials and styles will exasperate my size – therefore, I would not have felt now if I were in the same sized body and could afford it.

Since I was a teenager I have always wanted a tattoo of a raven, but where I want it wouldn’t suit any formal occasions if I were to get back into them again.  I sometimes wonder if I should design it myself and send it to a temporary tattoo place so I can have them as temps – that’s a nice idea if I could.

Why did I mention the tattoo?  Because I am really loving the idea more and more as I am getting older, but I don’t want to be hasty and make it permanent.  Though a YouTuber I love called Jeffree Star showed on a video that tattoos can be covered up by make-up, but I am still unsure if a permanent one is for me or not.

Also ravens are my main spirit animal and have been for a long time. It has a huge spiritual importance to me, especially with the symbolism around the main image.

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That’s all

It’s a blue gingham dress and country girl look today – that’s all folks!

Thanks for reading!

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