I’m lost in pain
Drowned in thoughts
Twisted in knots
My heart churns like a sick stomach
Going insane with the loneliness
Swirling in a spell of bad blood
Spitting poisons and toxins till they flood
Because I had a dream
The dream scared me
Told me I can’t be free of being used
Cast away like an old shoe
Nobody can love someone like me
Because I’m ugly, can’t I see?
I’m stupid, immature and broken
Even worse, I’m stupid because I’ve spoken
About my fears though they might be wrong
But I can’t wait till I belong
With someone who loves me true and through
Someone to swim with me in the blue
Or better yet pick me up in a yacht
And sail off with me like a shot
I try to think of better things
But fears like that just ring and ring
Inside my head day and night
It makes me dribble words when I write
Lots of drivel on my blog
Creating a depressing catalogue
Of all my thoughts, hopes and fears
Things I will regret down the years
But I do try to calm myself
And put my feelings on a shelf
But the burden grows intense with weight
So writing this alleviates
Though it’s hard to stomach I know that
I am sorry for all the inner combat
I haven’t slept last night not much at all
Just sat up and regret the scrawls
But I need to get these things out there
Because those dreams did really scare!
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