Are you a mum who plays foosball with your son and it sets off your old carpal tunnel problem again?
You’re lucky, I envy you!
I unfortunately I am such a mum!
I am sulking and I want to play foosball and I want to play it now! Well, maybe not right now as it’s like 3:30am I am writing this and my son is in bed asleep… got to be reasonable don’t I?
Unfortunately the Christmas junk food has rattled my brain and I have no idea what to write for today’s post so I thought of the first thing that came into my head!
Now for the second thing that came into my head – this high protein diet is making my hair and nails grow faster than normal, in literally only six days my nails has grown as much as they would in three weeks! It’s so weird… I am not used to it, I am literally scratching my body to pieces as I am not used to it and typing is becoming fun and slippy…
I have gone through bouts of growing my nails before in the past, but it takes weeks, shocked they are this long and it’s been days!
I hope I don’t have a bout of anxiety, or they will go… though I am biting less and less these days since I have discovered a healthy obsession for solitaire card games and practising tarot.
Henry wants me to start painting them as they are nice and long-ish for me, but I won’t because I don’t like it. I prefer the French manicure look, personally, unfortunately I haven’t a clue whether those cuticles should be left alone or not. I believe they should be, as it is painful to do what my mother always taught me to, pushing them back after a soak in the bath and my skin is so sensitive the skin often splits under the pressure!
I am happy to say that my hair growth is getting better again too, the alopecia is almost growing out, unfortunately it makes me look a bit untamed in one area, but there is no bald patch anymore or fuzz, in fact there is now four inches of growth there – but as the rest of my hair is past shoulder length, it is noticeable a little and can stick up like an aerial or something if I don’t wax it down.
Today I wanted to post a pic of myself on Instagram but I refrained because I forgot how swollen I am because I was gifted chocolate that contained soy as a Christmas present and that means I am a whole dress size bigger with the swelling it causes. I am half thinking about either suffering it till it’s all gone as I love that chocolate, or just be grown up and give it to my son instead, so the swelling goes down again in three days?
My face swells making me look about fifty pounds heavier than I actually am whenever I eat soy or mustard, as well as my spleen and abdomen, it’s weird how it can happen in such a short space of time. There are times I absent-mindedly eat soy and the effects work within ten minutes and by thirty minutes I have to change out of my clothes because it all cuts into me and sometimes actually makes me bleed if I ignore it too long!
It’s like I’ve turned into a hulk woman or something… only less green…. Though saying that, sometimes I physically become sick over it all!
I have strict and painful rules from January, if I know there is soy or mustard in something I am not going to have it anymore, not even as a one off and that’s going to be so hard for me!
I love Heinz salad cream, I love Dijon mustard with sausages, I love Chinese food, I love nutty chocolates like Peanut M+Ms and Ferrero Roche and Nutella, oh my goodness do I have an absolute passion for Nutella!
I want a food scientist to make Dijon mustard without mustard…
I want Nutella without soy and Heinz Salad cream without mustard but taste authentically the same!
I feel a near Verruca Salt type tantrum coming on in fact…
“Don’t care how, I want it now”!
Trying to remind myself it is probably healthier this way, but it’s no comfort!
My idea of comfort is eating roast potatoes with ham, boiled egg and cheddar cheese with a hugely packed salad and doused in a tablespoon of Heinz Salad Cream, that’s comfort.
Or eating ham salad crusty rolls with the salad cream as a favorited lunch!
Comfort is also crispy crepes covered in Nutella and turned into a wrap with more Nutella on the top and a sprinkling of sliced almonds, icing sugar snow and whipped cream on the side.
Or trying to catch peanut M+Ms with your mouth annoying anyone sitting near you with being pelleted by the failures!
I haven’t done that in years…
It is also fudge and donuts too… yes for some weird reason they have soy in them as well!
Did I mention the washing machine broke down a few days before Christmas? We’re having to wash the clothes by hand like old Victorian washer women for about a month, as we can’t get one delivered until around the 17th January and that’s being bought on credit.
Paul confused me the other day, so I spent more than we could afford on non-credited gifts for Henry as he wasn’t clear, which made us slightly overdrawn – Paul doesn’t take responsibility for that, totally blames me, but he was the one who wasn’t clear. He was the one that made it sound like two things were already paid but in fact it was only one! Coincidentally this has meant that for two weeks I have no personal allowance, until the overdraft is paid back – which means my business plan on WordPress is delayed in the next payment and my gym membership has to be delayed by a month too.
Something similar happened once before a few years back, just as I planned to be constructive with our finances… my mother was the same, I am wondering if it’s not at all accidental if you get me?
That’s the thing with me, you talk in numbers I am easily muddled so you have to be clear with me, if you give me several numbers I get confused so it’s easy to mess with my head and make me feel like a fool and give me any old gibberish you like to be in the clear of any faults – it’s easy to take advantage of someone who isn’t very smart!
I think the delay is part of Paul being worried I am trying to knock weight off and find my inner vanity again, because I’d like to start dating around Easter time, maybe sooner if someone asks. Because I was told that I could potentially achieve my weight loss goal a month earlier than I thought with gymophobics if I maintained my protein diet as well.
I am joining the gym because I need support learning how to slim and tone down my upper arms because they are stubborn and I tend to bulk too much there, so I want to know what I am doing wrong! I don’t want 15 inch biceps, you know? No matter how tones they are! Well mine aren’t just saying…
I tried non weighted exercises at home with videos from YouTube, but still I am bulking – I don’t know what’s going on, but I hope I am not genetically made to look like a female boxer! To be honest, though I haven’t exercised since the end of the first week of December because of a chest infection, but I am getting better!
I already have what my grandmother referred to as hockey legs; don’t want boxer arms to go with that!
Though to be fair I’d rather be a muscular healthy woman than a big lardy one like I am now!
Because if I wear my scruffs, a thick woolly sweater and jeans and someone calls me fat in McDonalds I can do what I used to do in my early twenties, take the sweater off and fold it up looking at them in the eye, in my camisole and see them go white with how toned I am. They soon apologise and try to explain themselves usually self detrimentally!
I used to do weight lifting in my early twenties – but as I said, I don’t want to be bulky now. Back then I wanted to be like the pro-wrestler Chyna! She was my pin up idol, amongst Diana Dors, Kathleen Turner, Glen Close and Reggie Bennett… in fact my body is a little like the latter at the moment lol!
Just a little less toned and my waist is actually narrower or as Paul would say, more defined!
Seriously it’s just eight months of hard work that’s all I need for my idea of a perfect body!
Shame about my face and remember, the dentist hasn’t got back to me about those braces I wanted, because I have a tooth missing and there is a half gap, because it was a sticky out tooth that got damaged to its root. The braces will just close the gap after six months and my teeth are pretty much ok then.
I need to professionally dye my hair too as I am going white lol, it’s a trait in my family; we tend to be pure white by fifty!
Or do I embrace the natural change and pretend to be natural platinum eventually? Lol Because it really looks like I am going to be snow white all over, not the horrible grey some people go.
I used to have snow white platinum hair from baby to around six of seven years old, then for some reason I became brunette!
I was nicknamed The Angel of Burnt Oak and won local pageants and things.
I have a bit of a Barbiecore leaning, so perhaps I should wear it with pride? Don’t know!
With what I regard my waist being my best feature as well as my eyes and lips, I think I could eventually tone myself to be a nice Barbie doll, alright forget the age thing… I am sure I could manage it… lol… I am going to try!
Stupid probably… but… I’ll try!
Probably over optimistic, but I won’t know unless I try!
I have green eyes which makes me more special than Barbie as they are rarer!
Thanks for reading!