Surrendering…

OK today is about surrendering to the fates and accepting whatever is supposed to come into my life and to stop being such a control freak about it – so, what do I do to start accepting that?  Simple, panic and go and read my tarot cards and speak with spirit guides too, with the simple question of…

What was I born to do?  What is my purpose?

You are to be thrusted into the unknown where you will reach the bottom of life and reach high to the top in new self-discoveries.  That explains a lot. 

You will constantly go into a re-training process. This will explain why reality seems indefinable to me, when I think I know something; something happens where I doubt it all over again and learn a new way in processing that information! 

Your goal is to save others in order to save your self and you may be tempted to give up before trying.  This explains something to me – I seem to befriend the lost and the lonely and then see them fly off into the horizon forgetting me once they’ve had their boost of ego from me.  I don’t mind, at least they seem happy now!  I’ve had a few people say I am like a life coach and motivator for them, some have even thanked me because before they found me they said they were going to commit suicide, a couple have outwardly said they owe their lives to me – which I replied thusly “don’t be so dramatic”. 

Depression will come when you ignore your creative talents.  True, but also it comes because I can’t write everything down all at once like my brain wants me to, at the pace of seven ideas at the same time!  The amount of times I have cried in frustration over this! 

You may not always be aware you are hurting others in the process, because your successes will hurt others, either through jealousy or because you are moving on.  Well, I haven’t seen any of that, so yes… I am unaware if I have hurt anyone in the process – sorry if it’s you! 

You can restore your sense of joy in bad times through meditation and astral travel – You will feel there is a huge lack of substance throughout your life.  Yes I do in fact. 

Your creative hobby will consume much of your life because this is a huge part of who you are meant to be, you are a creative spirit.

A man will come into your life and be prominent similar to a knight in shining armour that is vital to your development both emotionally and creatively.  So long as he isn’t a knight in shining armour in the traditional gooey romance novel typicality I am OK! 

You will need time alone for a long while to recuperate from what life throws at you and after this long period of loneliness you will be thrusted into a lot of social commitments you won’t be able to escape from, so enjoy the solitude whilst it lasts.  Oh boy, that’s started my anxious stomach problems!  I am no introvert; in fact I am an ENFJ-T personality type, so go figure! 

A musician will be important to you in your life.  I used to be in a rap/rock band at college – but other than that I don’t know any musicians on a close personal level yet! 

You will lack confidence in both your image and your abilities throughout most of your life; imposter syndrome affects you hugely, this is why there will be people coming into your life to give you that reassurance and to develop you into accepting yourself.  Along with this you will be hesitant to enjoy the good things in life, because you have experienced the bad for a long while beforehand that you are afraid that it won’t last.  This includes a hesitancy to enjoy your upcoming wealth and success to the fullest.  Actually this is why some of my exes are exes, they couldn’t get over the fact I was so hesitant about things – always scared things were about to fall flat on their faces and I found it hard to let my hair down and I had a huge guilt complex about a lot of things!  This is funny, because in other aspects of life, I am considered quite an optimistic person! 

So yeah regarding success and money I always have the attitude of, it’s not going to last – so why get excited about it?  One of my exes forbade me buying anything second hand as it was beneath him and I practically live in thrift/charity stores and car boot/garage sales – so, that’s one reason why he is an ex as I am not a snob! 

You will start a strong relationship quite late in your life, this relationship will be rock-solid and will be the catalyst for your life changing events, everything will be turned on its head for you; your life won’t ever be the same again and loneliness will start to become a challenge for you, because you will be surrounded by lots of people who will become extended family to you.  You will become part of a strong community someday; here you will be charismatic amongst them!  How late is late, because I want more kids?  Also, I hope this is true because I need a loving family!  Oh and I am not going to hide the fact that I am actually desperate for this!  I am not ashamed of wanting this! 

You will eventually master everything that life has got to offer but it will take you awhile to get there!  Everything?  Be real! 

When you are on the cusp of giving everything up, everything will come to you and you will be in childlike awe of how fast it comes into your life, you won’t have time to think and may be in a state of long-term exhaustion until you adjust to it!  Things will come to you that you didn’t ever dream of, it is like a wave of people just waltzes into your life and changes it all for the better and you will be in a state of pure shock!  It is something you won’t ever quite get over and something you will constantly question as being real.  And I am supposed to be excited about the fact I will be in long-term exhaustion? 

These people will make you stand out from the crowd whether you like it or not!  Hey who do they think they are?

You will find these people amongst the Bohemians of society; the person who is the catalyst of all of this is a bit of a friendly rogue that has pulled out all stops to help you in some way.  Who and why?

The more playful you are in your creativity the more you will earn from it, more conventional art forms will not pay as well for you, you are unique, celebrate it – don’t hide from it!  I have a problem with this, because I don’t believe anyone is unique, everything has been done before! 

You will practise a new talent and be restless about it!  This seems to be a theme, restlessness and tiredness – oh my future looks joyous, can’t wait… insert eye roll here* 

You will find a new life partner which will love you and have the deepest sense of spiritual connection you have ever known with anyone before!  This connection is very deep and psychic for the both of you!  This is a soulmate of the deepest kind!  Cool, OK – where are they? 

For a long time in your life you will experience disharmony in your home life and you will be in a constant state of tension and loneliness – you will find it hard to trust anybody or lean on anybody to support you, you can only depend on your self during these phases of your life.  But once this cycle has ended, it has ended for good and everything you’ve experienced in your personal relationships and home life will be turned on its head for the rest of your life!  Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel after all?  Should AI hold my breath about this or think it’s a load of old… you know!

You will eventually break free from all the bad stuff in life because of a cunning roguish person will manipulate you into believing a white lie that will ensnare you into a relationship with them that will change everything for you – but you will realise they had to do it this way because things are complicated for the both of you and you will forgive them!  Especially when you will learn they had risked so much to be with you!  Yikes, I am not all that great you know?  I mean, ew… look at me… no, please don’!

Wow… well, it would be nice to have most of the above anyway – I don’t like losing control socially, I don’t like the idea of permanent exhaustion and I definitely hate being pulled out of my comfort zones… but the rest seems nice.

At least I know one thing about me will never change as I can see if all this is to be true, I will live in a permanent state of anxiety – so I guess some kind of consistency is still available, even if it’s not the consistency I want! 

But the love, harmonious home and friends are much needed!

Long-term exhaustion… can I be anymore exhausted than I already am?  Please don’t take that as a challenge universe… please!

Thanks for reading!

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