Daily Archives: November 24, 2022

Swan song

I have been rejected, told to get ready for my swan song

I am no longer needed here

Is this a trick or is it true

Am I no longer needed by you?

I was told only moment ago

That your thoughts have wavered till finally no…

You don’t want me, so I shall go

Preparing a place to sing my song

Wondering what I have done wrong

I have suffered here in life for you

Suffered so much, you have no clue

But if you don’t need me then I shall leave

There isn’t another like me

These words – do heed

I am one of a kind, made just for you

But if you don’t want me, what can I do?

Once you’ve decided I am no longer a dream

I have to vanish, though it’s extreme

I have to go; there is no place for me here

But if you want me again, you’ll have to wait for years

For I will have to live again

Start anew with different kinsmen

I only hope that life is kind

That you will want me, that’s my bind

But you can’t wish a new life for me

Doing something else away from thee

You have no power over that

I was made for you and that is that!

Do I sing my song and die quite soon?

Or in your heart, is there room?

For a little one like me?

You have such power, don’t you see?

What’s weird is the spirits told me to add 16:16 to this but didn’t know how, so I chose it as the time.

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Filed under poetry

The marketability of projects

For the past three months I have been struggling to write towards my novels because of family issues and other things going on that has taken up my time, such as learning new things, new skills, honing in old skills I have had and going more into my spiritual development.

Not witchcraft, spiritual development.

Along with the failure to add towards my novels these past few months, my Italian and French lessons have also been paused as well as maintaining my Morning Page Journals and daily reading goals.

But Henry and I have learned together how best to get things done, how we can avoid conflicts within the household and how we can both be warmer.  We both now spend time together upstairs in my room, whilst I write towards blog posts or research things.

This keeps Henry out of Paul’s hair whilst he cooks and whilst Paul does whatever Paul does.

It not only means that in the past two days I am less lonely, but it means that Henry is more relaxed and calm and is actually starting to smile more!

Henry is deeply concerned I am not writing my stories anymore, because he was looking forward to seeing the potential movies they could become!  He is more positive about them becoming movies than I am – but that’s the joy of the naiveté of childhood isn’t it?  Extreme optimism and putting ones parent on a pedestal!

So, Henry tersely asked me this question yesterday evening “when are you going to write more on your novel mama”? 

I told him that I didn’t know and he then said “why not tomorrow”?

So here I am six hours later at 3:13am on my laptop thinking about writing, now it’s tomorrow – question is, do I write towards the novel now until 5am and not wake up until 2pm or do I force myself to try and sleep for the next hour or so and write around noon when I wake up?

I am tempted to start writing something right now – I am not setting any goals for myself this time, just write what I write when I write it and hope that it’s more than five hundred words a day this time!

No sooner had I had this thought about writing, my brain has woken up and told me to write towards three of my current projects all at once… my brain still doesn’t understand the workings of a mortal two handed body does it?

My AD project, my lesbian steampunk project or my Easter project which should really be Christmas project first because it’s that time of year now I can play Christmas music without being unreasonable!

Though I suppose some of my author friends out there will think that Christmas music is always unreasonable!

So, here’s me sitting here thinking that I would like to rehash project AD from the beginning again, because an old idea is stale and I believe this new one will work better.  Thankfully the rehash will only affect the first three chapters of the novel, because the event is not mentioned in the other chapters!

But, I am still struggling with something in regards to this story… how to market it when it’s finished, what genre?  For me, I may market it as a children’s dystopian – but it doesn’t feel right. 

What’s in the story?  The world hasn’t fully jumped into a full out and out post-apocalypse; they are still transitioning through it, creatures are still mutating and they are fighting other mutated creatures in order to survive and in order to maintain personal territory.  The story contains various mythological creatures along with this too and some children befriend a group of bounty hunting animals who adopt them because they are orphans. 

It is stylised around being a steampunk world, filled with the innovations for survival with the relics around them – the storyline is set primarily on vengeance and survival of the fittest.

There are comedy elements as well as mild-for-children horror.

It’s an idea that has been frustrating me since Easter 2022 because I just want to write it down quickly, but circumstances have got in my way.

Once I manage to get back into writing regularly, I can see this novel being written rather quickly and what’s more, it’s a series that I had originally intended to be a comic or graphic novel – but as I am not confident in writing in that format just yet – it will have to do as a novelisation instead… perhaps the novel will come later?

But me being me, I have always had a good head for business – I don’t just see this as a novel or a movie or a bunch of comics, I see it for the potential merchandise it could have – toys etc.  The artist in me can see where this could lead and I do this almost for every story idea I have.

I know I shouldn’t, but I always think about the marketability – I do write for pleasure, but if you knew me well enough you’d know that I have always loved work and working things out and making things bigger than average!

Henry has already been helping me since the summer, design toy ideas based on characters I’ve told him about!

Upon reflection, this story is very much on par with the ideas of a superhero genre, which is why my inner business woman struggles to place it. 

Steampunk dark fantasy or children’s horror or superhero or middle grade dystopian… getting this right is vital for its success!

If I am honest I am much swayed to call it a superhero genre as it is very reminiscent of Batman and the league of super pets!  But the characters are so far removed that they have their own unique stance – in fact a friend once thought they sound like a mix of Mad Max meets The Island of Dr Moreau for kids!

Which made me smile as I never saw it until they said it!

Thanks for reading!

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Filed under About my work

What is spring?

Spring is lovely, you still get frost and crystals in the morning at times, the mornings are prettier and you get to see little flowers peeking through snow, if you’ve been lucky enough to have snow that late in the winter that is –it is fun going out on colour watch at those times!

This makes spring my second favourite season of the year and by now you should be able to guess my third!

But there is one pet hate about spring, that is peoples obsession with daffodils, I don’t like them much, not the regular kind!  I am also severely allergic to another late winter/spring plant, hyacinth; by severely allergic I mean that I go temporarily blind if I touch them – so keep them away from me please!

But other than that, I love seeing the spring come in and planning the garden for the summer and autumn!  I love seeing how my late winter seedlings are coming along, it’s fun!

Such a pretty time of year and I love Easter!  I love any holiday or celebration if you haven’t been able to tell just yet!  But I really love Easter because of my obsession with rabbits and Candyland fantasies.

I sometimes imagine having some kind of edible theme park someday, but it will probably be an insurance nightmare!

I love organising things for kids too – outfits and games to play – Easter egg hunts and decorations and loads of cakes and biscuits!

I love making wreaths for Easter too, in fact I like making seasonal wreaths for any season or events no matter what it is!

For me Easter is usually a time I am most likely to go to a circus or a pantomime, I never knew why I do, it’s just something I always did up until five years ago.

It is also a sad time in retrospect because it’s around the time we have to ration the chutney and things we’ve canned from the year before harvest.

This is something I forgot to put in the winter and autumn posts, jam, chutney and pickle making as well as homemade candied fruits and candies and pies etc.

I love watching farmer’s shows on TV and watching lambing season on LIVE CCTV on YouTube as well as other animal channels such as, albatross fledgling watch and that sort of thing!  I’d rather watch a good wildlife or farming CCTV than the actual TV at times!

But mostly Easter is all about baking and arts and crafts, sugar crafting and things!

It is also the best time of year for fashion in my opinion as you get all the exciting predictions at the beginning of the year and you see which ones will actually happen after all!

You also get to move things you don’t like around the garden before everything grows too big, it’s a time of opportunity out there and mid-spring is the perfect temperature to garden outside all day!

It’s also the time I start to do more exercise and diet from the winter glut I tend to do, so I have confidence in the summer.  Before I got sick, I would gain an average of fifteen pounds in the winter and it would usually take me six to eight weeks to get it off again!

I also start wearing tighter fitting clothes as I lose the pounds, I am strange like that – ultra baggy near frump midwinter and it’s like my clothes shrink for the summer, it’s an interesting transition I went through each year!

I don’t do silly things like New Year’s resolutions; I am more likely to accomplish things on Easter resolutions!  Generally, though spring is the time I start thinking about diet – really I tend to see Easter Sunday as the last glut until my birthday or if I am invited to one – a BBQ party!

The only gluts I have between Easter Bank Holiday Monday and my birthday or a BBQ party, is berry fruit salads and watermelon!

Now there’s a glut for you!

Thanks for reading!

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Filed under Defining myself