Some people know what it’s like to be so multicultural that they call you fake
Call you a wannabe, call you a snake
Some people know what it is like to live in different classes, but mostly being poor
Some people call you a fake and they close their doors to you
Some people know what it is like to be fat then thin, then fat again and thin again
Body changing constantly like the tides of the sea
Some people know what it is like to be me
Some people think I can’t possibly be, all these things, that make me, me
A half gypsy grandma with Greco Italian roots who is a quarter cast to boot
Married a half jew that was raised catholic, a cockney with a Welsh grandmother
Clutching rosaries and cursing the church, what a sight, how absurd?
But that was them my maternal side
I have nothing bad to hide
I love my family and they love me
But still society picks on me
Because I am fake, didn’t you know?
I can’t possibly be all the things I know
Even fake still my paternal side
My grandpa who watched the genocides
Whilst smoking pipes in his wheelchair, writing letters like he didn’t care
Calling himself a Christian and a lord some spit at him and some applaud
Is he German or Austrian? I never knew, but my grandma said he could be the two
But she knew he was Italian too, wearing black shirts and doing poo
She was ashamed of him, I am too
She was different, the opposite, with her Dutch roots and Irish eyes smiling, though her hair was dyed, worshipping Jesus and the saints like a good catholic woman
Swimming in the seas of war saving sailors, now that I applaud and dancing with the majorettes, a descendant of the oldest aristocratic family of Europe, the most loving person I could ever know
Teaching me how to speak and grow
Won’t tell me about grandad you know?
I can’t blame her really, can you?
Not if he wore blackshirts supporting poo
But you call me fake, don’t you?
So you don’t believe a word
Because all this mixture is too absurd
My grandma hid a fact from her husband and it was simply this
Her great grandpa was from Vietnam, I imagine he’d be really pissed!
Fascists think they are pure and true and yet they are very wrong
Everyone is related yet they say it’s wrong
I know what it’s like to not be believed
I get it everyday
This is why I don’t talk that much, because I have nothing else to say
I am who I am and I am a mix
But you call me liar, so I’m in a fix
Because I tell the truth, yet you say I lie
But I do not and it makes me cry
My mother skipped from faith to faith
Trying to find her feet
Kept doing this and that, making things hard for me
I decided long ago that the only faith that’s real
Is the old testament and nothing else
Because the new one was written to steal
Steal God’s people away from him
By other liars true
If you think about it, you will see that what I say is true
Most religions stem from the Jews
Isn’t it a funny thing?
How the Jews are the smallest culture
Yet the liar’s faith grows and sings?
Yes the prophets were all good men
But why pray to them so?
Pray to the source, which is God and all the bad things will go
I feel blessed in my life, since I started to pray to source
But you are angry to hear this, I understand of course
A culture that lasted centuries can get set within their ways
I cry for all the lost children
I cry and pray each day
That you will return to God and see what the deceiver has done
Playing cousin against cousin, watching the chaotic fun!
But that is something off my chest
I needed you to know
Because I love you no matter what
You are lost through all the woe
This poem was not meant to preach
But show you all my life
But things have a funny way to show
Who holds a candle and a knife?
I know what it’s like not to be loved
I know what it’s like to hurt
I know what it’s like to have a mother who pushes you away into the dirt
I know what it’s like to have a father who watches what she does
But sits afraid of losing her and sits with you in the mud
I know what its like to love and lose
I know what its like to be alone and bruised
I am tall but I am not strong
So many people have done me wrong
Yet I still love and care for them
Because I believe in Lord Hashem
He’d want me to look after them and show them another way
I know what it’s like not to be heard
But that’s Ok
I am sorry I got a bit carried away with this poem; this poem was the second task from the book “How to grow your own poem” by Kate Clanchy.
This was supposed to be my own version of “Some People” by Rita Ann Higgins. https://www.lyrikline.org/sl/pesmi/some-people-5711 I must apologise in advance for the swearing that is quite strong in this poem.
But I really do know what it’s like to have such a mix heritage that almost everybody thinks I lie about it to impress them, but I really don’t. It’s really hard not to talk about your family and their ways when your family has literally been your only life.
I really do feel for people who have got lost in lies. But the thing is, I understand that the prophets etc that are included in religious rituals were good people too. I understand that, but religion has deflected away from God so much because they prefer to pray through those prophets and then wonder why things aren’t as blessed as they should be.
I honestly have known Christians who believe that Jesus is God, some of the more educated understand that he isn’t, but still they pray through him, not directly to God? Can you imagine how God feels about that? Especially as the supposed Messiah has not fulfilled their promise told in The Old Testament?
Did you know when the true Messiah comes to Earth no one can doubt him, not even the tiniest bit? That when he comes all will feel he is the genuine one and it will cause instant peace on Earth that lasts forever, then after people have seen the Messiah, God himself will come down from heaven and destroy heaven so that Earth becomes paradise? The Torah says this. It’s something to think about isn’t it?
It was Gods promise that he would do this. Thing is, I am not jewish, my great grandmother was, but I was raised in three types of Christianity whenever my mother wanted the change – Anglican, Jehovah’s Witness and Catholic, I never knew what I was supposed to be growing up, that’s why I went and researched religion so much, to find out what the blazes the truth is!
I chose to be a non-participating Noahide until further notice, because I am confused. A Noahide is what Jews call a righteous gentile, a person who wasn’t raised in the Jewish faith properly and who believes in God and prays to him and sometimes they are converted fully into Judaism, some never are. I participate in private prayer to God, but I have not joined any communities yet.
Why? Because I find my relationship with God is a private one and I understand that this world is rife with hate and violence.
Studying every form of religion that stemmed from Judaism and then Judaism itself made things abundantly clear to me; it’s nonsense all these religious wars because everyone who stemmed from Judaism, should still be Jewish, not killing each other over what version of lies they love the best.
Yes the deceiver is true and real, but I can’t help but think that billions of people can be wrong and duped.
Even the Jews themselves have sort of lost their way a little, when the Sadducees and Pharisees started changing things, making the original seven laws of God into Ten and then all of a sudden six hundred and thirteen! How did that happen?
Most Christians I know have no idea that Jesus was even a rabbi, they believe he was just a carpenter, but that is partly true, but also yes, he was a rabbi!
Honestly I have been there and experienced all this myself and like you, I was astounded at what I found and I was deeply pained in the knowledge that all those who believe in the same God, still fight and kill each other, it’s utterly ludicrous!
A major part of my depression is knowing all of this and crying daily because I see cousin against cousin and for what? For suppositions, that’s all! Just mere suppositions!
I became like my mother in my early adult years, skipping from faith to faith trying to find out why God ignores me and it wasn’t until I decided to connect with my spirit guides and ask them why he ignores me, that they told me one simple thing.
“Have you thought about talking directly to God without going through another entity, not even us, your guides”?
To be perfectly honest – no I didn’t!
Because so often I was told that God is too busy to listen to all of us hence the angels and the prophets; but don’t you think that this disempowers him?
Don’t you believe for one second that God has created all of this and he has the time to care for all of it, that he wouldn’t go beyond his own personal limits that he is limitless and will respond?
Because I believe he doesn’t take on more than he can chew personally. I believe he has the time but the thing is, do you have the heart for it? Do you have the inclination to respect his wishes from you and treat him with respect and talk to him respectfully like you would any monarch upon the earth?
Don’t talk to him like a beggar would, that’s disrespectful, humble yourself, but don’t beg. Be mindful of his power, be mindful of his love and don’t try to abuse him in prayer.
You need to pray in a way where you ask him to teach you, ask him to show you things, so you can help yourself, because if there is one thing I have learned about God are that he despises laziness. He made you in his image remember; would you dare to call God lazy?
He is there to help because he loves you, but he helps you only when you ask him to.
He doesn’t give you things on a plate, you say “Oh I am so poor” give me some money please”. No matter how polite you are, that is lazy prayer with no intention of helping yourself.
Instead say this; “Show me a way that I can raise my income without it being boring and affecting my health negatively”, he answers by dreams or synchronicities – signs.
If you are sick do not complain about it to him just ask him “Am I sick because here is something I haven’t learned yet? Are you preventing something? Are you trying to slow me down because you are worried that I may be reacting too fast I’d get into trouble? Or are you trying to show me something else, please gives me signs why I am sick”. He helps.
I have longstanding problems with my hearing and ear health, when I asked him to show me why this was, apparently in a dream I learned that it was because I was constantly telling people “I don’t want to hear about your problems, I don’t want to hear your criticisms” and I realised God was more or less granting me a wish.
Do you have leg problems or hip problems? Have you ever flippantly said to other people you need to slow down? Or you wished you could relax more?
Think about it.
I didn’t mean for this post to be preachy, but I am a water dog in Chinese astrology and I can’t help but flow to what I feel is right at the time… my apologies.
I better stop there.
Thanks for reading and much love to all of you!