The enthusiasm to talk is leaving me
The thrill to communicate is strange to me
When I open my mouth, I am shut down again
Because people kick me down so I can never mend
Joy is an alien world to me
Happiness is something I’ve never seen
Fear is a place that I call my home
Down to the dumps is the place that I roam
I fake positivity at every turn
Trying to change my life, because I yearn
To feel better things, like elation and approval
From this dim place I seek a removal
I thought I found someone who would help with that
But then it turned out they were full of scat
I am no better here than I was there
I am stuck in this situation and nobody cares
I can’t leave this place, I am too sick and I am poor
Can someone show me how to open this door?
I can’t help but feel trapped in this hell called life
I’m sorry to those who I’ve hurt if my words cut like a knife
But you promised me this and then gave me that
Every lie from your mouth pours on me like scat
I can’t keep a life that is poison to me
I am drowning in the grey toxicity
I can’t do this alone
For years I have tried
My spirit is dying… no it has died
I find it hard to feel
I find it hard to speak
I am growing every day more emotionally weak
I can’t see the horizon for all of the clouds
Surrounded by depression, suffocated by the crowds
I am feeling trapped and I need a way out
To positive thoughts I used to be devout
But now I give up
I can no longer see, the sunny situation seems far from me
I am falling fast
Am I about to fail, following the path of a better trail?
I really don’t know what I should do
I am trying to find my tribe, my encouraging crew
But then I go home
And things kick me again
Kick me down every time I think I found my zen
It is like, his only joy
Is to disappoint me, his sullen toy
Keep me alive with vague little promises
But he always forgets what a promise is
I can’t keep living this way anymore
I need to find the key to open this door
I need to get out before I drown in tears
Like Alice lost in Wonderland, only I have lost years
I need to get out and get myself a life
Because I can’t cope in this grey life of strife
It is killing me slowly
My heart is almost gone
I need to spread my wings, instead of singing swan song
This little caterpillar, needs to find her cocoon
To wrap herself up so she can bloom
Into a butterfly that she’s meant to be
Then fly into the world, happy and free
Am I really a butterfly, is that really me?
Can I become a butterfly?
Can I be free?
Clear the clouds away, so that I can see
That happiness is a place, where I can be!