Can I be a butterfly?

The enthusiasm to talk is leaving me

The thrill to communicate is strange to me

When I open my mouth, I am shut down again

Because people kick me down so I can never mend

Joy is an alien world to me

Happiness is something I’ve never seen

Fear is a place that I call my home

Down to the dumps is the place that I roam

I fake positivity at every turn

Trying to change my life, because I yearn

To feel better things, like elation and approval

From this dim place I seek a removal

I thought I found someone who would help with that

But then it turned out they were full of scat

I am no better here than I was there

I am stuck in this situation and nobody cares

I can’t leave this place, I am too sick and I am poor

Can someone show me how to open this door?

I can’t help but feel trapped in this hell called life

I’m sorry to those who I’ve hurt if my words cut like a knife

But you promised me this and then gave me that

Every lie from your mouth pours on me like scat

I can’t keep a life that is poison to me

I am drowning in the grey toxicity

I can’t do this alone

For years I have tried

My spirit is dying… no it has died

I find it hard to feel

I find it hard to speak

I am growing every day more emotionally weak

I can’t see the horizon for all of the clouds

Surrounded by depression, suffocated by the crowds

I am feeling trapped and I need a way out

To positive thoughts I used to be devout

But now I give up

I can no longer see, the sunny situation seems far from me

I am falling fast

Am I about to fail, following the path of a better trail?

I really don’t know what I should do

I am trying to find my tribe, my encouraging crew

But then I go home

And things kick me again

Kick me down every time I think I found my zen

It is like, his only joy

Is to disappoint me, his sullen toy

Keep me alive with vague little promises

But he always forgets what a promise is

I can’t keep living this way anymore

I need to find the key to open this door

I need to get out before I drown in tears

Like Alice lost in Wonderland, only I have lost years

I need to get out and get myself a life

Because I can’t cope in this grey life of strife

It is killing me slowly

My heart is almost gone

I need to spread my wings, instead of singing swan song

This little caterpillar, needs to find her cocoon

To wrap herself up so she can bloom

Into a butterfly that she’s meant to be

Then fly into the world, happy and free

Am I really a butterfly, is that really me?

Can I become a butterfly?

Can I be free?

Clear the clouds away, so that I can see

That happiness is a place, where I can be!