If I die I would have blown it

The world is such a painful place to live in

But I do not welcome death

Though I threat and say I’ll do things

I fight for every breath

Though suicide has occurred to me

I will never do it

Because a fresh start could always happen

If I die I would have blown it

The memories I have are sad, violent, awful and cruel

I don’t like them, but they made me a better person – invincible

I cry for others who hurt me, but really my tears are blood

I wish I could cry a river and drown them in a flood

Though I sigh at my drama and I sigh at the hate

I remind myself of their ignorance and ignorance makes mistakes

Do I care and love them?  Sometimes it’s hard to tell

With these thoughts am I saved or am I doomed to Hell?

I laugh at the wonder, I cry for the unlearned

I wander into darkness and dream of a world upturned

Realities are shifting into worse or better things?

I don’t know this moment, but a new life I am yearning

Though the shadow of death always follows me

I walk away from it in hope of finding glee

I dance on the edge of the shadows of death

Because I keep on fighting to keep my life and breath