I am having minor surgery in the last week of July, so for around three days I may not be quite myself – I don’t do well under anaesthetic, so unless I have scheduled posts for then, I might be quiet at the end of July and beginning of August.
I have breathing problems and being on my back can worsen this, because of my sinus issues and the fact that it is likely to be the hottest time of the year too – meaning, I don’t breathe well in the summer anyway… so I am more than a little worried about even such a minor procedure like what I am having… I don’t want to discuss what I am having done, but it is enough for me to go under general, it is worrying.
But because I have been in a state of apathy for the last eight years about being alive, I kind of have a MEH attitude to whether or not it’s serious or not. In other words, I am not entirely out of the woods for being suicidal, so if I die during it, I don’t care… but I care about the poor doctor who is having me under the knife and I care for my son who will be left behind, because he can’t cope with life at the moment as it is and has been needing a lot of mental health charities himself to get him through the year so far.
So it’s not the matter that I don’t want to die on the table – it’s the matter of, I don’t want people to suffer when I do.
This sets me apart from those people who readily curse others in their lives – it’s not the person you hate that gets the brunt end of that sort of thing – it’s the collateral damage left behind after you succeed with it, with other people in their lives, who you have hurt with your actions!
Think about that…
Karma will balance you out; based on what you do and how many people are affected positively or negatively with what you have done!
It’s not just between you and your victim, you know?
P.S this is just one or two predicted surgeries for the coming year.