I used to look forward to going into dream time because it was a respite from the harsh realities I have to live with; but in recent months, sometimes my dreams are worse than reality.
It seems as though everything in dream time is hyped up into showing me my worst fears or accentuating my deepest worries into something more sinister.
I used to have nightmares like this all the time right up until I was 19, then they faded until only last summer.
Usually the dreams would be symbolic to the problems I was facing in real life, these days, those very problems are very clear and prominent in dream time, and they are no longer hiding in the facades of monsters and giant aggressive animals like when I was a child. They are for what they are, the people I have the problems with and with the exact concerns I have cropping up into my dream time every single night.
There doesn’t seem to be a safety place anymore, it is gone, dream time was my safe place and it’s betrayed me.
Only last night I dreamt that a person I have problems with in real life, was there, we moved house, but a worse neighbour was waiting for me at that new house, so we decided to move back to our old house. So, it seemed in this dream that whenever we tried to go back to the less worse problem we would arrive at a cul-de-sac where worse problems and scenarios were turning up to ruin my plans. Every movement made the whole thing worse at every turn.
Though we are planning to move house when the money to do so comes, we are still keeping the house in a trust for Henry my son. Henry wants to keep this house in the family, because it has been a part of his father’s family for 64yrs and Henry loves his ancestry and is currently doing a big project at home about his family tree to show his school at the end of the year. This project was not prompted by his school; this is just something Henry wants to do.
One thing is clear though, I no longer feel there is privacy or safety within my own home anymore; especially when the neighbour causing problems is leaving ladders out in the front garden overnight and won’t listen to Paul when he suggests that maybe not a safe thing to do?
What makes it a whole lot worse is I had insomnia before he became a problem, now I just fear to sleep at all now, hence why I do nothing anymore, no energy!